Six Minutes
kashkin dabruski November 27, 2007
#4 Posted by Ravi_Kopra on December 19, 2007 11:57:04 am
cHey minit
duniya badal rehi hai, tabhaaee ho rehi hai
paharon k moonh say aag nikal rehi hai
toofaan har ik innsaan ko Urayey jaa rahain hain
har jagah har waqat ye kyamat ho rehi hai
main ye sab dekh raha hoon
dictaor hamara khoon peenay main lagaa hua hai
greed aur power us k sar main bhari paRi hai
har taraf sunsunata sa hai khatary main logon ki jaanay hain
sirf pahar hi hamara rona sun kar ab kuch goonj rahay hain
main be bas hoon, mujhay gussay ki aag lagi huee hai
chay minit main main chup chap hokar bistray main so jaoonga
aur kal subah uth kar aisi shaeri karnay lag jaaonga -
duniya badal rehi hai, tabhaaee ho rehi hai...
duniya badal rehi hai, tabhaaee ho rehi hai
paharon k moonh say aag nikal rehi hai
toofaan har ik innsaan ko Urayey jaa rahain hain
har jagah har waqat ye kyamat ho rehi hai
main ye sab dekh raha hoon
dictaor hamara khoon peenay main lagaa hua hai
greed aur power us k sar main bhari paRi hai
har taraf sunsunata sa hai khatary main logon ki jaanay hain
sirf pahar hi hamara rona sun kar ab kuch goonj rahay hain
main be bas hoon, mujhay gussay ki aag lagi huee hai
chay minit main main chup chap hokar bistray main so jaoonga
aur kal subah uth kar aisi shaeri karnay lag jaaonga -
duniya badal rehi hai, tabhaaee ho rehi hai...
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#3 Posted by Tigram on December 11, 2007 4:42:15 am
sad , and life is sad.poetry comes from extreme sadness or extreme joy.why do so few people read poetry now ?
#2 Posted by Love2love on December 3, 2007 9:00:46 pm
Ditto. Too many "thes." :) But I enjoyed the structure, even if the topic wasn't all that moving. Good attempt, though. Keep it coming.
#1 Posted by guarana on December 2, 2007 6:35:49 am
kashkin,
passionate intense feelings, but perhaps you could chop out some of the usage of the word "the" to make it flow even more than it already is.
Just some constructive criticism.
passionate intense feelings, but perhaps you could chop out some of the usage of the word "the" to make it flow even more than it already is.
Just some constructive criticism.
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