Men's Liberation...Better Late Than Never

Re: # 11
dear parthaab...i think we need to separate
personal discrimination
from
systemic discrimination
i see some men in my practice who are abused by their wives and need help but when it coms to systemic discrimination most systems//legal...religious...cultural made by men are still patriarchal. we need systems and traditions that provide justice, equal rights and privileges to all human beings and do not discriminate based on gender, class, religion, sexual orientation, langiage and nationality...sincerely sohail

Re: #15

"when monogamy becomes monotony". All i can say is that those couples last longer and happier who:
1)....maintain friendships outside marriage
2)...keep their marriage romantic by regular dates
3)...do not succumb to the institution of marriage and family....but it is possible if both parties want it"

Vow! I can't wait to read this in full! I hope I'm wrong about you (I seldom am, by the way). Have you tried all of the above on yourslef doctor sahib now that you're bent upon unleashing the virus on the sleepy CHOWKies?

My advice (free of charge, by the way): DON'T DO THIS....

Now if you'd excuse me, I must hurry and take a solo vacation to do my own THANG, like they do there to 'get away from one another'.

Peace on the rocks.

PS: I hope I'm wrong about you...(but then again, I seldom am)

Re: # 16
What a wonderful surprise doctor sahib! Just when I'd sent off #18, I saw your #16. Life can be like that...

CHOWK is just the right place for patients, but there's a snag: they'll pay you not in Canadian Dollars but with unkind cuts at--well, never mind their choice of bodily locations.

Until a saner day, it is good-bye....

Re: # 19
dear tahir...we are all work in progress...living and learning and growing every day...sohail

Excuse me Dr it seems to be just a piece of self-promotion by a professional psycho... He could not make a difference between the woman as such and her various relationships in the family or society at large. The woman as such or the liberated one is found only in the Hira Mandi where the men become just pimps and clients, called 'saaoo'. There is no place for the men to feel liberated anywhere from the machinations of the woman as such.

I may tell you that what you claim to have done by your psychotherapy one of my aunts could do better with her 'Tahviz, Ganda' at no or a nominal cost.

Here is the interact which I had recorded on another article.

"Both Quran (See verse 34 of Sura 4) and Manu Samriti (An important Hindu Scripture) are unanimous in that the women, especially those given in your charge as wives, need to be beaten (punished physically) even if you only fear them to be rebellious. This being in compliance of a clear order (Nas) in Quran it cannot be termed as ‘violence’. My question is what should one (If he is a husband and not a pimp) do if his wife behaves disobediently to him but is enjoyable to others so as to turn one’s house into a free brothel?"

This not a religious edict but a Qurani 'hikmat'. Marriage is an institution which can be controlled by the husband only and so some coercive powers are allowed to him to avoid the rebellious woman's case being referred to the village panchayat where she may be punished by 'karo-kari'.

Re: # 17

Dear Dr sahib,

As a psychologist, I have read your articles and found many of them readable. I would wish you would stick to the subject of your specialisation, since your opinions there would be weighty. Unfortunately, your subject is one of specialisation and cannot be generalised to society. That would be intruding into the sphere of a sociologist.

There are many 'male feminists' who think that theirs is the duty to defend extremist feminism. This, however, is unfortunate. Males have always been known for their pampering of females. Witness our very own Taj Mahal. There are, in fact, males who are actually feminists full time, thinking they are morally superior since it is their job to protect the 'weaker' of the species.

In America, men are forced to pay around 40% of their income to ex-wives, regardless of wrongdoing on the woman's parts (often called "no-fault" alimony). She could commit adultery and beat her husband or kids, and none of it will influence the court's decision.

More shockingly still, a woman can simply accuse her husband of sexual or physical abuse (or simply express a fear of it) and instantly win a restraining order forcing him away from his home and children, without so much as a hearing. In fact, most divorce lawyers will advise a woman to do this, and those who do not can be sued for legal malpractice.

And once she has the kids, the family court will be loath to enforce visitation rights for the father.

More than 50% of all marriages in the U.S. result in divorce -- men's rights are being increasingly overlooked to the benefit of women. Consider this: statistically, the first person to file for divorce usually wins. While 70% of all divorces are initiated by women, 85 to 90% of custody awards go to the women.

While hard-core feminism has grown by leaps and bounds, 'masculinism' is pretty much unheard off. Feminist magazines, gyms, even buses! To understand why Feminism has developed 'naturally' while 'Masculinism' has not, one needs to understand early society. While the females grouped with other females and cooked and looked after the kids together, the men went out to hunt, competing for food, and learning to mistrust other males.

Why is it women are more eager to break out of the marriage? Is it because of the opportunity it gives her to repair her 'ego'? Or the ample opportunities for 'maintainence' and the usage of law to break her spouse financially? Or simply because in our society, the male does the competitive courting and all she has to do is to lie back and wait for the next one to come along?

dr. sohail,

kithaan? Thinkingstorm at your service!

Very valuable article. Unfortunately the message got lost in Ben and Wanda's story. I couldn't stop thinking what a tool that guy was. I mean, how come this woman stayed with him? This is Canada after all. Maybe she came from an abusive family too.

Anyhow, today was a very emotionally charged day as you can see from this thread I started

here is the thread. Chowk doesn't let me embed urls in comments :(

http://chowk.com/unplugged/t/50342

Re: # 25
dear hurricane...i did not fully understand when you talked about half truth.
i liked when you talked about brotherhood and sisterhood between people from different religions and cultures. i call human beings children of mother earth. why do you think there were never any female prophets?
welcome back...sohail

dear dr. sohail,

damn chowk ate my post.

I wrote a treatise on the power struggle between men and women and the dethroning of women from leadership to subjugation as humans moved from hunter gatherer societies and into agricultural and land owning societies. It was my aim to educate Neembu on these important topics.

But chowk had other thoughts and ate my post :(

So to comment on your comment: you would be surprised how much ridicule one has to go through to promote peace and love. Oh wait, actually you go through the same thing when you post your articles. :)

So why were there no female prophets?

There were female prophets, but they were silenced by the male dominated societies. However, if you look at the sufi tradition, one of the most revered teachers was Rabia.

Re: # 22

Some translations say 'beat them (very lightly)', while some say this is symbolic!

What it does not mean is beating the hell out of a woman. But then, it all depends on what limits she has crossed.

#27 Posted by hurricane,

hurricane, there indeed was a female prophetess in Abu Bakr's time. The good Dr doesn't remember his own prophetess :)

Her name was Sajja and she had plenty of following! (recommended reference: google.com)

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Re: # 27,

hurricane

It is highly suggestive and ridiculous to say that it is only feminists who are promoting 'peace'. Why do you think all other points of view are not worthy?

This attitude has a lot in common with suppression, and inability to understand, anti-religious views.

Re: # 27

Actually, it might serve your own clearly considerable educational background (*) to learn about the Catal Huyuk settlements. Pray tell google them and report back to us their significance in the Near East, thanks!