When a Knock at the Door is Not Enough

#121 by zeemax

Why didn't she leave him?

Anecdotal evidence counts for nothing and you know that.

That said, the reason is that contrary to the general belief here, women in the west are women too and not sluts as most people (especially in the subcontinent) would like to believe. Once in a relationship, it is tougher for women to walk out of it than it is for men.

#120 Posted by harish_hyd,

No that's not the case at all.

Re the question, I know a British girl whose Pakistani BF used to hit her and she used to come crying to me, but she never left him and now they've been married ten years.

Why didn't she leave him?

#119 by zeemax

The difference is it is harder for a woman to leave an abusive husband than leaving an abusive boyfriend. But some of them still DON'T.

If you read Romair's post carefully, you will notice how he gloats at how bad women have it in the west, while Paki women are basking in the shadows of their benign husbands. If you honestly think that's not the case, I will try to reply to your question.

#117 Posted by harish_hyd,

Being beaten by a family member or a boyfriend, what difference does it make to the woman at the receiving end? Is one better than the other?

Harish Bhai I think you're being quite a dunce here. Attacking bulleya for no reason. Can't you see what he is trying to say? The difference is it is harder for a woman to leave an abusive husband than leaving an abusive boyfriend. But some of them still DON'T.

Now you tell me why not?

harish,

i know. we are on the same page here. it makes no difference where, and by whom.

What good does it do to be absolutely mad at Romair though? When asked aqal baRi ke bhains, it matters not, aqal loses out most of the time. To say every time would be too cruel.

#113 by ana

I hope that you were just pointing out to Romair what an idiot he is, and this is not about who is better (even if it is relatively). . . .

Ana, this is NOT about who is better. I'm absolutely mad at how Romair uses an isolated (or maybe a few) incident(s) to prove how men in Pakistan are better. I've used the same stereotype of men in Pakistan as he was using of men and abused women in the west. I hope by using his anecdote, I would be able to get to him. Being beaten by a family member or a boyfriend, what difference does it make to the woman at the receiving end? Is one better than the other?

This defensiveness on the part of some of you men here is somewhat typical.

Thanks! The usage of the word "some" makes it so much better than it would have been otherwise.

It is it praisworthy of writer to tactfully arrest the momentum of violence without going in other peoples business. Now most people are not bad but are not corageous to go and try to atlest stop battering. This is good way suggesting. I will do such thing next time. Our problem is we say these are not our problems and little things and we do not intervane if he is trying to kill woman as that is too big to do any thing. So we do not do nothing. Now there is some time practical problems how to help woman.Some men are very violent specially young people. Once I was standing to catch bus and bus came and Ghundas just rushed and all other weak civilised people shouted come out. But Man just asked people to dare to take out and asked " Ladhana hay kya ?. You can not do nothing just feel humilated. Its hard to deal with muscular men with profane tongue.

Re: # 95
"...A country where according to their own statistics of FBI a woman is raped every 20 seconds, I think they should better put their own house in order first than point fingers at others... The same can and should be said for us."

Our agencies are unable to collect figures with such precison!

Since 1776, how many rapes have they counted in the States?

That's 4320 rapes per day! And they tell us to take care of issues they are unable to tackle themsleves?

Re: # 112
Chal chor na yaar. I think we have already straightened it out.

harish:

I hope that you were just pointing out to Romair what an idiot he is, and this is not about who is better (even if it is relatively). . . .

And yeah, there are a lot of decent Pakistani husbands who never hit their wives. I grew up around some of them. And some of them are my friends. That does not mitigate the violence that still occurs.

This defensiveness on the part of some of you men here is somewhat typical.

#111 Posted by Urstruly,

I'ld be grateful for you to re-write those lines. I thought the questions identified point to a very significant answer.

Re: # 108 zeemax
If you wrote # 101, then the last three sentences were not phrased very well; and lead to unintended implications.

#109 by bulleya

......having heard all such stories.....i still think pakistani men - at least the ones who have had some exposure - are still relatively good husbands.......

Whenever I went to a certain part of Canada where a certain Paki airforce ex-employee landed after being kicked out by his employers, I used to stay with him. He used to be so badly bashed up by his wife that it was difficult to believe that in this day and age, men can be so meek and submissive. If it had happened in Pakistan, it wouldn't be so hard for me to believe. So what if this guy had to bend over backwards at home? At least outside it, he could pretend that he was a real macho man and since Pakistan is such a male-dominated society, no one would even suspect the horror that was going on inside the four walls of his home, kinda like Josef Fritzl led a normal life even though he had confined his daughter to a dungeon in his basement.

After I saw this incident, I think Indian men are lucky, so what if they're nagged incessantly by their wives/girlfriends? At least they don't get beaten up like my friend used to.

....whenever we go to a certain part of canada, we are invited by my wife's ex-college roommates to stay with them, in a house where two, out of the three, of them still live.....

they are about as, "independent" as one could assume any woman to be......intimidatingly independent......multiple boyfriends, living alone since 18......jobs.....no money needed from anywhere......educated.....politically active....excellent knowledge of laws.....

i always felt out of place.......the two of us.. innocently, communicating with two women who seen everything.......

.....one day i was discussing this with my wife, and she told me that these two roommates had told her that they used to have the crap beat out of them by their boyfriends......

wife-abuse is one thing.....one is in a family, which is difficult to leave........but being beaten by boyfriends is something that is in another league.....and that in a country where one would think women had all the rights.....

......having heard all such stories.....i still think pakistani men - at least the ones who have had some exposure - are still relatively good husbands.......

if you don't believe me, ask all the married ladies, on chowk, about their husbands......

#103 Posted by Urstruly,

I'm sure this post is the result of some mis-reading of my #101.

Good grief Charlie Brown! Har aik baat ko India vs. Pakistan or Islam vs. the rest of the world karnay se kabhi aap log tang nahiN aatay?

Aisha wrote an article more specific to where she is right now. There's no need to prove via statistics, articles or our holy books, that violence exists against women. It happens everywhere. Women in the US still march every year to "take back the night". You mard log take this opportunity again to abuse one another, and reduce the topic to your own bakwaas.

Vah!