Cursed With Scum

Re : mashae (reply# 37)

I noticed that your response upon reading the article and the comments is hahahahahaha. Do you mean ha hah aha or hah aha hah. Or should it actually be read hahahaha. I think we should be told.

Re: Hijab-boy

I don`t what got people so riled up. Christ, we`re getting STD and pregnancy warnings here. Listen to me, its for your own good. There is nothing wrong with getting some before marriage (I`m not talking of sex only).

Sometimes a kiss is just a kiss, and you need to learn that before you go get married.

Javed;
On a more serious note; your essay is smart, funny, well-written and rings extremely genuine. Its content is brave and provocative, okay? The content in tself, outside of your capabilities as a writer will provoke people to respond. People have all kinds of notions about anything to do with sexuality -it is one of our hot buttons, and maybe you pushed it by exposing some of us fuddy-duddies and some of us bigots to a flash of the adolescent world - as we may or may not know it ...

There is so much condescension in some of the replies, which i attribute to people`s knowledge of your age. So I will stop writing soon, in case my reply falls prey to the same.

What I liked about your piece:
- your internalization of the male as ``ass-hole`` stereotype - very funny!
- your depiction of the girl - ``not pretty until she liked me`` - such an accurate observation.
- your ending - classic - a return to your main theme.

keep writing
AA

Re: Bina et al (post # 17)

For the record, I never was a ``cool stud`` nor have I considered myself as such. During high school, even though I dated, I was shy around girls and needed time to create a ``comfort zone`` before I could be intimate with my Xs. Most of the girls who were interested in me and went out with me was because of my being and acting like a dork. One of ex-girlfrieds told me that the reason she liked me was because I was myself and I did not pretend or play ``cool`` mind games to impress her. Also, by being a dork, I am not afraid to make a fool of myself and that reduces a huge amount of angst and stress during ``first dates``.

As to my being cynical, well that comes with age and experinces associated with growing up. I have had my share of relationships and because of each one, I have a more matured perspective on how to deal with future relationships. Based on personal experiences, I favor ``seeing`` different people before settling down and I like the idea of ``kicking the tires and taking a test drive`` before I finally decide on my choice of wife or a significant other. This does not mean that I am discounting love at first glance.

As an interacter suggested, to me the idea of a ``second hand`` spouse is immaterial. If I like her and she likes me, I do not care about her past history or the norms of society and all that matters, to me, is our commitment to each other.

In this case, the creed should be in choosing the significant other: to each is own!

Re: Zehra post 19

its comments such as those that would infuriate me about you omar...i am in no way defending javed`s piece and in no way saying that what you say is not true..all i want to point out in this post is that by making blanket statements such as this, you are labeling javed (unwittingly perhaps) as a person who follows the philosophy you have outlined up top when he may very well not be that person. just be aware of that since it seems that you are developing his persona based on ONE piece by him and without ever even meeting him.

Dear Zehra, nice to hear from you! :) It seems i have an annoying habbit that really gets your goat, much as i try NOT to aggravate you. In this instance you are right, i am perhaps unwittingly putting Javed into this category as people who follow this philosophy, although as you carefully noted i never said that he actually was. I only surmised that he MIGHT be and thus discussing and refuting this philosophy must be relevant in the context of a discussion of this piece. He can easily refute my idea, although its not directed at him specifically. As to knowing someone on the basis of a single piece, well we can never really KNOW anyone really, perhaps not even ourselves. Mind reading is not my speciality, nor am i telepathic. One can only hazard a guess as to how others think, thats all at best. I wish you wouldn`t read that much into my comments as might suggest that they specifically apply to Javed, when i speak out in general against a particular philosophy relevant to the piece w/o explicitly pointing a finger at our young milk maid/author here!

To sum it up, i confess i don`t know what she is carrying in that pail, i can only guess, even as to whether it is (the pail) even empty or full since i haven`t seen it with my own eyes.

re AA:

Thanks i needed that, back to writing!

Javed

oh mygod....oh dear, i cant stop laughing.....ha hah hahahahahaha. i cant possibly even pretend to pass some sort of semi serious/ mildly intelligent comment on this. im sooooo sorry, but thats hystierical. im falling around in fits. so the editors of chowk have a sense of humour. a cruel one, but hahahahahah.....:)

Increased experience especially sexual can lead to increased risk of contracting STDs and unwanted pregnancies too.

Once it`s established that basic personalities and outlooks are compatible, the love,common emotional bonds and sexual experience will blossom in the committed relationship of marriage.

Regards,

Fozia

Re: slink/bina,

Its interesting to learn that some Pakistani women prefer experienced men. A question though, does it matter how that experience is obtained ? (from call-girls etc. or obtained without having to pay for it)

Just curious.

Peace.

You are so incredibly cute and funny, Javed!

Re: tqs

never said there was anything wrong with experimenting together, learning together and growing together, i think thats what relationships (fathers, sisters, significant others included) are about. thing is that you can do all that (and more) with a `second hand` spouse as well and it is from experience that i tell you this..its much better the second, third fourth time round...you are more sure of who you are, of what you like, of what`s important to you. the same way you have a growing and maturing relationship with your family, the same way you have one with relationships (im not solely talking about sex here)...but who am i to even attmept to say anything to you..who cares how wonderful some woman/man will be..if s/he is second hand, sell her/him off at landa bazaar.

rizvi

Tqs, I must thank you, i was afraid all of these people felt like they had to be ``experienced`` Learning together and growing together; That is my ideal.

re: javed

yes we all say we will do better next time..do what shandana has done..come to chowk, see what people are saying about your piece and DONT respond. it just takes ALL the fun out of chowk bashings but keeps your ego somewhat intact.

ciao

z. `who`s toes can i step on next?` rizvi

Well I understand what u were saying in this article and we all have done it and are still doing it. Here is what I think about this and then u guys can trash me.

See in these times males get married when they are in their late 20s. Now how can anyone expect a 23-24 year old guy to walk around virgin. I mean I know some ppl who do it but we all are not heroes. I know I am not. That thing worked when ppl got married when they were in teens. In this time and age it is not possible. Atleast not for me

I will redeem myself with the next writing. Oh yes, Indeed I will.

I agree, it`s not even close to being compard to ``that jelly bean kinda feelin`` actually i sent this in before i sent that one in, it was an experiment. Re: guy who said that he is forced to read this ``drivel`` who forced you to read it? Are you not capable of closing the window? hitting the back button? etc?