Cursed With Scum

speaking of experience....

you should have experience..the same way i believe that you should not marry the first person you fall in love with, the same way you should have experience...it enriches and makes so much more meaningful the relationships you will have afterwards. i went thru the whole, `only after im married` kick and i must say..what a waste. im glad this is being discussed cuz there are men walking around that think that women want an inexperienced man...i just had this discussion with my boyfriend and darling, as you can see...i was right :))

would be interested to hear from the men about `experienced` women..

rizvi

Hi, Javed.

I think you are capable of much better writing than this. However, even this could come out a much better read if words such as `scum` and `a-hole` were replaced with something tamer. NOT because these words are offensive or anything; they are just too strong for the context; the reaction they represent is way too incongruent with everything that leads up to them. I would say the same if you had said `OH MY GOD!!! WHAT HAVE I DONE??!!!` or some such thing.

Shandana and Bina: It`s really easy to talk about `experienced` men. How do you (and all the Chowkie men out there) feel about such `experience` for our girls/women in this regard?

Re Omar:

``Extra/pre-marital Sex, maybe, if you`re religiously inclined, but kissing!!! Where`s the sin in that! Don`t follow the philosophy that if its pleasurable, it must be sinful. Thats just an excuse for both denial of self-gratification and self-imposed mental torture. Don`t go down that path, or your psychiatric bills in later years could well outweight the spiritual benefits (dubious as they maybe) of abstinence.``

its comments such as those that would infuriate me about you omar...i am in no way defending javed`s piece and in no way saying that what you say is not true..all i want to point out in this post is that by making blanket statements such as this, you are labeling javed (unwittingly perhaps) as a person who follows the philosophy you have outlined up top when he may very well not be that person. just be aware of that since it seems that you are developing his persona based on ONE piece by him and without ever even meeting him.

RE: javed..don`t let the negativism get to you my dear..we all have to go through it. its a chowk hazing process. it will only make you stronger and perhaps develop a thick skin ( i hope not, you seem like a great sensitive kinda guy).

z. rizvi

Its not that I find it sinful, its that i found it stupid, atleast in that circumstance, because i didn`t feel anything for her, emotionally. If that makes sense, Good. Thanks to everyone else for the replies, it made me think.

I think this fine person has crafted a very readable short article, and I do also think that something like this happens to many of us. Very well put across. Please do continue writing, there is a satisfaction in

it (writing) which few other actvities provide. Good show...

hmm....er....well..as gatsby said it was interesting to read something from a younger prespective. on a positive note this was written with a lot of energy, on the negative side perhaps that energy might have been diverted in more constructive ways, like finger painting for example.
re javed: if you think that getting married means you`re definately going to get some, let me shatter this illusion now.
it doesn`t.
second, do get some experience, like bina said,it`s the least we expect.
third, don`t take any of this to heart, it happens,we deal.

shandana

Javed,

I think by the time you`re in your late 20s and married, you`ll be a little more forgiving of yourself and your youthful antics. This might look awful to you now, but trust me, by the time you`re about 28, it will make you laugh.

Am tempted to post an article about my first introduction to sex education, but it might raise a few eyebrows.

The rest of you guys, esepcially FerozK and Omar1974:

Hey! Don`t be so cynical. You guys are just trying to pretend you were never this young and naive. Don`t tell me you guys came out of the womb the cool studs that you are today.

Oh yes, and one more thing, as a desi chick, I would really hate to marry/date an inexperienced man.

Just read your replies to other posts, Javed. Hm...

Well, while i sympathize with you, and realize that it`s probably rather annoying to have people telling you that your age is showing, perhaps you should accept that to a large extent it is. That`s not necessarily a bad thing. You`re in high school, writing about a high school experience - that`s perfectly valid - and while i`m sure that right now you feel adamant about some things, don`t assume what you will feel the same way in years to come.

First you say that ``even if you were in college`` you`d feel the same way about your relationship. I know you think you know that, but you don`t know that, no more than i know...:) If you get what i mean. People`s views evolve constantly - notice i don`t say `change,` because it`s possible you may still regret this relationship when you`re older. But do give yourself more credit for being a person who can grow, if in no other way than to look back at yourself and not call yourself `scum` and `disgusting` for a perfectly normal incident.

Also, don`t try to inflate your sentiments by asking how people would react to your article if you were ``in your late 20s and married.`` You`re not in your late 20s, and you`re not married, and whether you accept it or not, it shows.

refreshing to read a piece from a younger perspective. the tone is of a youthful, inexperienced and horny hanif kureishi (hmmm...horny hanif kureishi...is that redundant?)

i`d add that it`s not just pakis who play truth or dare to cop a feel.

Omar, bad form stud, true players never kiss and tell.

Javed : A VIRTUOUS Young milksop ...

Javed (Cont`d)

A very chaste (virginal), unsullied, untouched, modest young milksop ... (a young wench)...:)

Re : Post #6

Javed,

Your 2 posts thus far, and the article itself (expressing regrets over nothing), leave me with the irresistable visualization of YOU as a young milk maid carrying a pail to the pasture, on her way to milk the cows, having been ravished against her will along the way, and having enjoyed it though she put up a token resistence of course, and now at confession repenting her sins to the local pastor on a Sunday after a moving service.

HALLELUJUH!!!! PRAISE BE UNTO THE LORD!!! I have sinned and am now redeemed.

AMEEN!!!

Javed

I found your article really interesting, and funny. And I am really disappointed that all that the ``grown-ups`` on Chowk have to say is ``go out and get it``. Hope you won`t let such immature responces get to you. Keep writing.

Sadaf

Javed -

Don`t beat yourself up so much. I think once you`re a little older you`ll realize that experience is a good thing. Your future wife will no doubt thank her stars and agree.

Javed/Hijabman:

Re:YOUR REASONS (Reply #3)! And just what might they be? Did you by any chance contract some version of a Herpes Simplex cold sore? :)

Sorry man, but you crack me up. Kissing well is a high form of art to me, and while kissing someone for whom you posess both love and affection is great, its almost just as nice/good when all you possess is LUST as well. And, its shall we say, even EXPECTED by a fair number of desi chicks that you`ll be experienced in a few depts BEFORE you get married (cause getting experience with other girls/womyn after marriage would be cheating:). It just didn`t occur to me that there is anything wrong with kissing someone if you both enjoy it. Extra/pre-marital Sex, maybe, if you`re religiously inclined, but kissing!!! Where`s the sin in that! Don`t follow the philosophy that if its pleasurable, it must be sinful. Thats just an excuse for both denial of self-gratification and self-imposed mental torture. Don`t go down that path, or your psychiatric bills in later years could well outweight the spiritual benefits (dubious as they maybe) of abstinence.

It`s difficult to write about such topics. But I admit, I really enjoyed reading this article. Brought back some memories.

Great peace of work!