Tiny Trickles

very nice..
and a combination of innocent emotions..
i read it and feel very sweet ..

u must writing there..

Welcome to CHOWK Nilofer Sultana,
If I may, too much emphasis on rhyme here.
It felt like poetry subordinate to its structure.
Had its moments. Hope to see more of your work
here since you are more serious about writing
then most of us.

Ras

aNny #10:

Well-said, if only they knew about that moronic gene, won`t life be, a bed of roses!

aNny #10:

Well-said, if only they knew about that moronic gene, won`t life be, a bed of roses!

ok i sent this in like yesterday but apparently the cyber bully`s got quite an appetite ...hopefully it`ll go thru this time :)

anNy Reply # 10

``Sweetie, u forgot to mention the `moron male gene` that activates it :P``

agreed. but sometimes it gets triggered off on its own...kinda like a test run you see... :)...peace...

rgds,

Charmed

Charmed # 9

((``Is any woman happy in this world?``

highly doubtful. the `morbid gene` kicks in every now and then :p))

sweetie, u forgot to mention the `moron male gene` that activates it :P

Reply #: 3 SaadPAslam

``Is any woman happy in this world?``

highly doubtful. the `morbid gene` kicks in every now and then :p

rgds,

Charmed

SaadPAslam #3:

Sure, they would be happy, if only men would LEARN to make them happy! But too bad, male

shortcomings in this department are endless!

SaadPAslam #3:

Sure, they would be happy, if only men would LEARN to make them happy! But too bad, male

shortcomings in this department are endless!

Reply #: 3

SaadPAslam

((Is any woman happy in this world?))

:0(

SaadPAslam

Good question!! Women by and large are a happy lot - it is only when they make love/romance/ok ok MEN - the focus does the sadness start. I dont think they ever recover fully from taht point : ) But couldnt tell if this was the case here.

`` I yearn to glide on the rainbow and reach a dingle, a dale,``

what`s a ``dingle`` and a ``dale?``

Is any woman happy in this world?

Welcome to Chowk Nilofar,

Your introduction is charming, and depicts you as a prolific writer/poet; which is why I`m sure this is not one of your stronger pieces.

Criticism can help Nilofar and I hope the following lines do help:

The poem reads like an eighth-grader reaching out for the first trite metaphor that can sketch her melancholy. Of course she doesn`t understand that her first crush is not her one and only true love; she won`t get that for another couple of years (sigh: hum larkiyon ki masoom khush-fehmiyaaN)

Your choice of words is not impressive and/or puissant either. You tend to put much stress on rhyming; Remember a good poem, doesn`t have to rhyme. A concise idea and powerful imagery, usually does the trick. At times, that is better than a hundred rhymes. In addition, I think similies are more often than not childish, we should bid them farewell after the 11th grade.

Then again, that`s just me, you don`t have to agree. Wish you well, keep writing; hope to see more of your work.

Regards,

Kiran

Welcome to Chowk Nilofar,

Your introduction is charming, and depicts you as a prolific writer/poet; which is why I`m sure this is not one of your stronger pieces.

Criticism can help Nilofar and I hope the following lines do help:

The poem reads like an eighth-grader reaching out for the first trite metaphor that can sketch her melancholy. Of course she doesn`t understand that her first crush is not her one and only true love; she won`t get that for another couple of years (sigh: hum larkiyon ki masoom khush-fehmiyaaN)

Your choice of words is not impressive and/or puissant either. You tend to put much stress on rhyming; Remember a good poem, doesn`t have to rhyme. A concise idea and powerful imagery, usually does the trick. At times, that is better than a hundred rhymes. In addition, I think similies are more often than not childish, we should bid them farewell after the 11th grade.

Then again, that`s just me, you don`t have to agree. Wish you well, keep writing; hope to see more of your work.

Regards,

Kiran

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