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The Virgin Bride

Nafisa Haji August 4, 2001

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#67 Posted by Bijli on August 8, 2001 10:12:48 pm
#: 67

saminashah

Bijli

Please provide the text to support your statement that I referred to or wrote about the topics you detailed in one of your first responses to this article.

Do you know how many Samina & Samia are ? Many .

Besides its not you .You never wrote a Chowk article that was published as you stated in one of your posts before.You are Saminashah ,AFIK,& not Samina for my reference .

If you go through the last 6-8 months articles you will find such articles one too many for me to even reember .Probably they are puropswely putto generate cheap increased traffic on chowk.

What else do you need to declaim a libel suit against me !

P.S. You & Zafar will make good team.Mutual admiration one



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#66 Posted by saminashah on August 8, 2001 8:41:15 pm
Bijli

Please provide the text to support your statement that I referred to or wrote about the topics you detailed in one of your first responses to this article.

Nasah

Thanks for the article that you posted (``Obsession``). I thought it made some interesting points. I was particularly struck by the author`s observations that women who work at low skilled or domestic labor were not ``objectified/eroticised`` by one of the subjects in the article.

Hobbyty

Its good to read your posts. Whats your response to the ``obsession`` piece? You too, Nasah

Aeisha

Yipes!



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#65 Posted by Bapu on August 8, 2001 8:41:15 pm
#60

NEPTUNE

You are not from earth & indeed different gallaxy !

3) Why should anybody be bothered if his/her spouse had physical affairs before marriage? As long as the spouses are faithful to each other AFTER marriage, there should not be any reason for complaint. (I assume there are no inconveniences like secret children and/or STDs involved here)```]

In ideal world ,rationally,logically,pragmatically,equitably,justifiably ,it shouldn`t ,but why the food suddenly becomes `not so deliscious & remarkable that it was a leftover from another plate`



4) Morals shmorals. For each such Majid I know of at least ten others (men and women) who have $crewed around for years before finally settling down with their 17th boyfriend/girlfriend and proceeding to grow fat, buy minivans and generally live happily ever after (well.... so far).``]

Serves them right ,if everyone in your company are screwing around from 13 (girls) &i5 (boys).We call them American stastics of 50% non virgins in junior high of schools here .Above 50% of mothers are raising kids as single parents too.

I am sure you never meant happy ever after with the SAME man or woman.Practically 90% of American divorce by the end of 2o yrs of marriage most 50% do within 2 years of lavish fairy tale marriages .



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#63 Posted by nasah on August 8, 2001 3:05:58 pm
Here is a column from Dawn pertinent to the subject matter -- ie interaction between men and women -- spanning the two extremes.

Obsession-2

By Hafizur Rahman

SOME six months ago I wrote a piece in this space under the title of ``Obsession.`` It was about the social and mental fixations from which we suffer in respect of our attitude towards women. I had left the piece incomplete by saying ``More to follow.`` So, here is the next instalment.

A prominent religious personality of Murree Hills, a pir sahib, has described the aims and objects of Women`s Action Forum (WAF) as ``a rebellion against divine prescription about the Muslim woman`s true place in society.`` Thankfully he refrained from laying down the punishment for members of WAF for this rebellion and left that to the Almighty.

Despite the pir sahib`s harangue, more and more women in Pakistan are becoming conscious of their rights and wondering about their true place in society in a modern, enlightened milieu. Rather than looking at the perceptions of our educated women in this behalf, I thought I`d ruminate over some aspects of the masculine attitude towards them, especially of men like this pir sahib, who, I`m sure, must be a keen votary of honour killing of wayward women.

Loosely translated, the word akhlaqiyaat would mean morality and ethics. The dictionary meaning of both the English words is ``concerned with character and disposition, distinction between right and wrong, treating of moral questions.`` But why is it that among us Pakistani Muslims akhlaqiyaat is invariably linked with sex? When we say about a young man that his akhlaaq is bad, we imply that he tends to be promiscuous. And when a woman is branded as bad-akhlaaq it means she is sexually depraved. Why do we equate morality with sex morals only? Is it that we are obsessed with sex - and women?

It is a fact of life that we don`t trust ourselves with women. The present regime in Iran is a government of clerics. But their concept of purdah is different from ours. They maintain that real purdah means the absence of allurements in a woman and not mere hiding of the face. But when we see a feminine face we fear for our senses and scream, ``Cover it up, for God`s sake, or something will happen to me! Then I won`t be responsible for what I do.``

There are among us some hallowed traditions. Actually more hollow than hallowed. When young we were told that a brother and sister should not be physically close to one another. At that innocent age when a boy is willing to lay down his life for his sister`s honour, it is instilled into his psyche that proximity may provoke sex even in that sacred relationship. Thoughts that would never cross youthful minds are consciously generated. If this is not obsession with sex what is it?

A woman may not touch a man, nor shake hands with him. And yet in the entire Arab world, and closer home in the Frontier and Sindh, men and women who know each other shake hands, and without disastrous results. I can never forget that at the end of a cultural function in Lahore, the then Governor (General Ghulam Jilani Khan) was shaking hands with the artistes on the stage. When he came to the women performers he just salaamed.

However, the famous Pushto singer from Bannu, Mashooq Sultana, put forward her hand, and the Governor, a proud Pathan himself (though of Punjabi vintage) had to shake it. And Pathans of the Frontier are the most conservative in the whole of Pakistan in religious matters and in showing extra respect to women. I am sure Governor Jilani`s morals were not adversely affected by this physical contact with that lady.

During Ms Benazir Bhutto`s two terms as prime minister, foreign visitors were briefed beforehand that they are not to shake hands with her in public. The poor chaps must be wondering what they had done to be classed among untouchables. They must also be worried if anything remiss had happened to Mrs Gandhi or Mrs Bandaranaike when they had shaken hands with these Asian prime ministers in the past. Some time ago some newspaper readers protested in letters to the editor that (the late) Nazia Hasan and Zohaib Hasan, brother and sister, made ``dance movements together`` when they sang on television.

But do my eyes deceive me, or is it a mirage, when at every wedding mehndi I see boys and girls of apparently respectable Muslim families, and their fathers and mothers, and even grandmothers, dancing together? Should I indignantly ask what is the world coming to? And where will this insensate aping of the Hindu (and Jewish?) culture lead us? I suppose that is why the truly pious among us are leaving the country in hordes and migrating to the West in a bid to save their souls.

I once asked a maulvi friend who was bewailing the lack of purdah among modern urban women what he thought of sweeper women, domestic women servants, and the thousands of poor females who work on building construction, and the millions who toil in the fields where the agricultural economy would be shattered if they didn`t share the labours with their men. ``Aren`t they worth saving by throwing a veil over their faces and making them sit at home?`` I asked. He thought for a moment and then said, ``I don`t see them as symbols of female sex.`` What he probably meant by this was that they were hardly women worth taking notice of.

I once took two European women on a walking tour inside Lahore`s walled city. At one point a young man came close to the prettier of the two, just rubbed his shoulder with her shoulder - no pushing or jostling mind you - and went back to where he had been sitting with some friends, triumphantly fondling the place that had come in contact with the gori mem. Obsession, or just being playful?

Our dreams and fantasies are full of obsession with women. Unlawful sex may be both a crime and a sin, but we all want to be caught in the act because it feeds our macho image. In all this business the Islamic ideal of respect for women is left far behind. Anyway, who wants to be reminded of it? Certainly not the pir sahib from Murree Hills who was railing at WAF.



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#62 Posted by tahmed321 on August 8, 2001 3:05:58 pm
qalandar #52

``angraijee mein yeh subb achha

Punjabee mein chhheee chheee gundaa``

Long live qalandar!! The Poet of the East and West and North and South!!



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#61 Posted by hobbyty on August 8, 2001 3:05:58 pm


Pakistanis , Have you lost your minds? have you lost your sense of compassion? Your sense of irony, your sense of tragedy? Will you turn away from the pain of others and will you suppress your own pain and questioning minds by seeking to judge individuals, instead of the attitudes, and circumstances they seek to negotiate - as best as they can -

Why is your sense of shame only for attitudes about women and sex? Why do you not express shame for the oppression of your sisters and mothers - are you blind to their pain, their circumspection? Why do you feel no shame for holding attitudes that make of your sisters, your mothers, your girl friends, objects to be acted upon, to make decisions on behalf of -

Pakistani women, where are you? when will you realize that only can change things for yourselves - that you must accept the pain the changing of attitudes entails?

Shame, before pain? Never! - not the Islamic thing to do, not the human thing to do, not the

Pakistani thing to do!

Poor Majid!

Poor all the women Majid could not respond to emotionally!

Poor Raheem!

poor ``Western whores``

Poor Mubeena!

Poor nameless wife!

Poor nameless wife`s lover!

Poor all of us!



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#60 Posted by hobbyty on August 8, 2001 3:05:58 pm


Pakistanis , Have you lost your minds? have you lost your sense of compassion? Your sense of irony, your sense of tragedy? Will you turn away from the pain of others and will you suppress your own pain and questioning minds by seeking to judge individuals, instead of the attitudes, and circumstances they seek to negotiate - as best as they can -

Why is your sense of shame only for attitudes about women and sex? Why do you not express shame for the oppression of your sisters and mothers - are you blind to their pain, their circumspection? Why do you feel no shame for holding attitudes that make of your sisters, your mothers, your girl friends, objects to be acted upon, to make decisions on behalf of -

Pakistani women, where are you? when will you realize that only can change things for yourselves - that you must accept the pain the changing of attitudes entails?

Shame, before pain? Never! - not the Islamic thing to do, not the human thing to do, not the

Pakistani thing to do!

Poor Majid!

Poor all the women Majid could not respond to emotionally!

Poor Raheem!

poor ``Western whores``

Poor Mubeena!

Poor nameless wife!

Poor nameless wife`s lover!

Poor all of us!



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#59 Posted by hobbyty on August 8, 2001 3:05:58 pm


Pakistanis , Have you lost your minds? have you lost your sense of compassion? Your sense of irony, your sense of tragedy? Will you turn away from the pain of others and will you suppress your own pain and questioning minds by seeking to judge individuals, instead of the attitudes, and circumstances they seek to negotiate - as best as they can -

Why is your sense of shame only for attitudes about women and sex? Why do you not express shame for the oppression of your sisters and mothers - are you blind to their pain, their circumspection? Why do you feel no shame for holding attitudes that make of your sisters, your mothers, your girl friends, objects to be acted upon, to make decisions on behalf of -

Pakistani women, where are you? when will you realize that only can change things for yourselves - that you must accept the pain the changing of attitudes entails?

Shame, before pain? Never! - not the Islamic thing to do, not the human thing to do, not the

Pakistani thing to do!

Poor Majid!

Poor all the women Majid could not respond to emotionally!

Poor Raheem!

poor ``Western whores``

Poor Mubeena!

Poor nameless wife!

Poor nameless wife`s lover!

Poor all of us!



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#58 Posted by saminashah on August 8, 2001 3:05:58 pm
Dear Bijli,

I have never introduced, referred to or written about the topics you have said I did in your post-I find these topics to be completely inappropriate. If you have confused me with another writer, please indicate so. Othewise, please provide the CHowk post text to support your statements. You will find that your statements are in error. Thank you.



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#57 Posted by Neptune on August 8, 2001 3:05:58 pm


What is the big deal here with people going into paroxysms of indignation and other self-righteous claptrap?

1) The issue here is not of morals at all. The central theme of the story is a comparison between two contrasting lifestyles - where they intersect, what attracts people to them and what compromises one has to make in either.

2) Even if Majid had lived the life of an ascetic and spent his 37 years researching cures for cancer (and praying five times a day), the ending of the story could have been IDENTICAL! While sub-consciously we might feel happy at him getting a divine come-uppance, it is nothing but a coincidence and nothing to do with how he had spent his life.

3) Why should anybody be bothered if his/her spouse had physical affairs before marriage? As long as the spouses are faithful to each other AFTER marriage, there should not be any reason for complaint. (I assume there are no inconveniences like secret children and/or STDs involved here)

4) Morals shmorals. For each such Majid I know of at least ten others (men and women) who have $crewed around for years before finally settling down with their 17th boyfriend/girlfriend and proceeding to grow fat, buy minivans and generally live happily ever after (well.... so far).



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#56 Posted by Layman on August 8, 2001 3:05:58 pm
Whew! Extremely well written Nafisa. This is the first time I`m reading a Pak/Muslim story that touched me.



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#55 Posted by dullabhatti on August 8, 2001 1:53:29 am
Qalandar #52:

[Kumur sey oopur miraa eemaan

Kumur sey neechay

kumur sey neechay?

kumur sey neechay??

Naa mein hindu---naa musulmaan.

Kumur sey oopur junnat meri

kumur sey oopur swarg hai mera

]

That was a master piece sir jee:-)



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#54 Posted by ZafarA on August 8, 2001 1:14:24 am
Reply Stuka 342

Be strong, yaar, persevere.



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#53 Posted by Bijli on August 8, 2001 1:14:24 am
Reply #: 49

princes

``It`s such a shame that guys and girls like this exist...they short-change themselves in the long-term, for the short-term.``

Knowing the world ,just helps you to be ware ,prepared & choosy.Even the worse statistics show 50% high school girls in America to be virgin.Its not like there arent good charactered unlike Mubeenas ,are in minority .

I hate girls who lose there virginity just to make a statement against boys who are flirteceous.God does not punish them with conception,god has not saddled them with breast that starts lactating & law doesnt require them to nurse the result of such indescrition.If you want to fight against nature be my guest.

..``Unfortunately, where does that leave a person like me? I`m ``scared`` to chose a muslim wife, because i`d be crushed to find out she was unfaithful although I was. And here I was saving myself for a muslimah, when there are many non-Muslims with more discipline/ religiousity/ commonsense who I`ve bypassed! In that sense, the latter are far more ``muslim``...

I`m not really shocked though...Allah rewards everyone fairly in the end. But I can see the tragedy unfolding..``

No need to panic.We are still talking about ,you couldnt just pick blindly any muslim girl & expect her to be muslimah.The virtuous one are still in majority ,if you follow your religous directive .No dowry,be fair & just .Carry your responsibility accirding to sunnah & as you said dont follow the ``western``` broken system of family life .



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#52 Posted by Shah on August 8, 2001 1:14:24 am
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#51 Posted by qalander on August 8, 2001 1:14:24 am
``dummm musst qalander dharrrr rrragrrraaa

Chowk pey angraijee kanjar hain

Chowk pey angraijee rundee hai

Chowk pey angraijee bharvaa hai

Upney chowk pey subb kuchh hey piyaray

Yeh university avenue hai

ABCD subb Ainvaeen yaan hai

Leafy glade kay inn ko dekho

subb ko nangaa dinn ko dekho

Civic center kay shareefay laylo

Hindu-muslim kameenay dey do

Upney chowk pey subb kuchh hai pyaaray

Gymkhana key junkee yaan hain

Gulberg key Gulmurg yahan hain

Chaat house key chaalbaaz yahan hain

Market street kay murghbaaz yahan hain

upney chowk mein subb kuchh hai pyaaray

Chowk yeh upnaa amreekun hai

aam yahaan subb nangaa pun hai

beech bazaar mein maan ko lao

beti ko chowk pey nangaa lao

behn ko goray sey karvao

angraijee mein yeh subb achha

Punjabee mein chhheee chheee gundaa

Kumur sey oopur miraa eemaan

Kumur sey neechay

kumur sey neechay?

kumur sey neechay??

Naa mein hindu---naa musulmaan.

Kumur sey oopur junnat meri

kumur sey oopur swarg hai mera

kumur sey neechay key hissay ko

bhaij do dozakh

bhaij do nirk mein(yaa phir sey nayee kumaryaa dey do,bhaijaa bhee kuchh hi-tech vaala aur kafee bay-eemaan)

Dil kaa kyaa hai

Humm to hain dil phaink

Dummm mmmussst qalander dharrrr rrragrrraaa



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