Diwali...Then

Apologies from my side. I got Diwali mixed up with Holi. Holi is the one with the good looking girls in spandex. Although I have been told that spandex is only limited to the Indian movies (like Mohabbatein). So I guess no spandex in real life in India. Remind me to cancel my ticket to India. If there is no spandex, then I might as well go to Pakistan.

Romair #12, `` When did the term Ramadan Mubarak come into effect, in Pakistan? I missed that phase. First of all, when did Ramzan turn into Ramadan (even I use the later term now)? And when did people start phrasing it with, ``Mubarak?`` I remember Eid Mubarak, and Ramzan Ka Mahina; but not Ramadan Mubarak.``

The culprits are probably the same people who changed ``Khuda Hafiz`` to ``Allah Hafiz.``

I`m still sticking to the former as well as RamZaan.

veeresh---14

The ribbing was about his solicitor wife & two children vis a vis Shekhar Kapoor.

What is so great aboutbeing a Lyer?Who are these guys?Are they the low-class westernised types(Bollywood Bhangies) or the learned,noble,aristocratic brahmins of yore.

Romair:I believe Shubh Divaali is the appropriate greeting.The `modern`types are ashamed to say it lest someone mistakes them for the truly educated(but poor)ones.

Ramazaan became Ramadhaan when our workforce in Gulf exchanged the Zaad for Daad.It doesn`t seem proper to say Zollars either.

Ramzaan-ul-mubarak is The most blessed month in itself.Offering mubarak for Ramadhaan has no meaning.One is wished Eid Mubarak for having persevered and passed the Ramadhaan test.

Muharram-ul-Haraam(sacred month)

Sufarr-ul-muzzaffar(the Victor)

Rabi-ul-avval(the first)

Rabi-ussaani(the second)

Jamaadi-ul-Avval

Jamaadi-us-Saani

Rajab-ul-mujjarrab(the tested month)

Shabaan-ul-muazzam(the great month)

Ramazaan-ul-Mubarak

Eid-ul-Fitr(the egalitariazing one)

Zeequaad-ul-Muazzam(the elevated/ing one)

Zilhajj-ul-Mukkarram(the caring one)

The month of Ramazaan(meaning hot month) always occured in summer in Arabia before the re-introduction of 100%lunar calendar after the death prophet(saw) .This is also evident from the names of Rabii month which always occured in spring time(our fasl of Rabii & Kharifs) before & during the prophets` time.

You will find this better explained in Syed Amir Ali`s ``The spirit of Islam``---a very sought after book by all muslims.Printed several editions since early 1900s.

Delightful piece of work. Thank you for bringing it to us. It seems to me that tailors, like hospital food, are just as deplorable everywhere; I have to go to mine in a while (it`s ten in the night) to collect my trousers (no pleats, straight cuffs). Here`s keeping our fingers crossed. . .

Warmest wishes for your season,

Aamir

I think Shekhar Kapur got married to some really dazzling teen aged Iyer kind of babe so thus the reference from Venkat.

Romair, even I was wondering about the coversion from Ramzan to Ramadan but did not want to bring it up. Id has become Eid, and I think it all began when Pakistan converted pind Rawalpindi into Islamabad. I mean, for those from Delhi, can you imagine going to Pandara Market and eating at ``Islamabadi`s`` instead of ``Pindi`s``?

As for the spandex chics throwing colours, you missed it by a pappee-jhappee, Diwali is when you get to kiss your neighbour`s wife under the mistletoe.

Happy Onam, Romair . . .

Romair #12

``Is there any truth to the movies that show good-looking girls in spandex, throwing paint?``

Throwing Paint!?! That`s on Holi, not on Diwali.

Actually, it is generally the other way round. The bad-looking guys throwing paints (gulal) at good-looking girls, trying to save themselves from the torture.

And yes! it is Happy Diwali and Diwali Mubarak. Haven`t heard of Merry Diwali.

Mona

Happy Diwali to everyone. Or is it Merry Diwali? Or Diwali Mubarak? Is there any truth to the movies that show good-looking girls in spandex, throwing paint?

A question: When did the term Ramadan Mubarak come into effect, in Pakistan? I missed that phase. First of all, when did Ramzan turn into Ramadan (even I use the later term now)? And when did people start phrasing it with, ``Mubarak?`` I remember Eid Mubarak, and Ramzan Ka Mahina; but not Ramadan Mubarak.

P.Venkatraman:

Good nostalgia,good humour.

Welcome!

{``Fresh clothes (Kunjuppu style) were worn; crackers in two pockets; agarbathi in hand and we were out: kicking the resident rooster for sleeping on the job and chiding him for being late that critical day.``}

PS:Why one eye on Shekhar Kapoor?Which profession did he got married to & how many cases did he file?;)

Ali quote

``The articles at chowk give one an impression that Diwali is the most important thing happening these days.]``

You can say that Again

In india its 1 week past (14thnov.)but Nri havent had enough of it that coming week end is still deevali .Guess when you have the Green `Bucks` 50+ times the grey ,torn,stained with rickshawpullers stain RUPPEES,you can have Deevali everyday .

AS the Indian philosophy goes

``sab se BARA Ruppiyah`` or am i wrong

Chronology According To Hindu Fundamentalists

by (c) Ramesh Mahadevan on November 24, 2001 at 4:27:49 AM

Warning: This post is intended to be a satire.

March, 3452 BC: Shri Ram is born in Ayodhya, at the very spot where a mosque would be built later to cause much controversy.

Circa 3000 BC: Several fools start writing vedas and upanishads and try to give a philosophical basis to the Hindu religion. These morons should have realized that when eventually Hinduism becomes an organized religion and a social institution, it has a force of its own and very few would care for such philosophical basis.

Circa 2920 BC: A very learned Guru gets frustrated while teaching a moron of a student and invents zero while grading his test.

A few years later: Hindu scientists formulate the General Theory of Relativity and the Unified Field Theory. Much of these theories are hidden in complex sanskrit slokas and a good part of it was smuggled out of the country by the Germans and the British and lost forever.

0 AD: Christianity, an offshoot of Hinduism, is born.

N + 1000 BC to N BC: A hindu golden age, known as Ramrajya, is established over the entire subcontinent. There are temples everywhere. Everyone observes the caste protocols. The cows are happy. Ghee is available in plenty. All computer programs work without any problems.

Breakaway cults: Some non-conformists form cults called Jainism and Buddhism. Rational people put these iconoclasts to shame, so much so, the Buddhists are driven out of India. Understandably many Jain and Buddhist literature and culture had to be destroyed by peaceloving Hindus.

Chandragupta Vikramaditya`s period: Another great `Golden Age` according to most historians. Manusmriti was the law of the land and women were rightfully treated as `untouchables`. In his next birth, Vikramaditya Chaudhuri joins Oracle Systems and writes on SCI.

Sometime before 10 th century: Islam, another offshoot of Hinduism is born.

The only known episode of hindu atrocity: A Jain was slapped in the wrist by a Hindu in Nalanda University when they were fighting over a girl. The Jain later apologized to the Hindu for provoking him.

Babar`s rule: Enormous atrocities are heaped on peace loving Hindus. Even granting that war and stuff like that generally make people irrational, Babar went too far and to top it, he demolished Ram Mandir at the Jhanmabhoomi to make it the pinnacle of his career. He also left about fifteen hundred pieces of irrefutable evidence about his act of demolishing the temple.

Akbar`s rule: Commits Hindu atrocity by marrying a Hindu woman and by formulating his own brand of religion called `Teen Elahi`. Secret service agents suddenly discover that Akbar had failed to renew his visa and that he is actually a citizen of China - he retained his Chinese citizenship because of his Chengiz Khan lineage. The Muslims impose their inferior culture on the hapless Hindu citizens. And a thousand years later they won`t even apologize to the Hindus for what their ancestors did many hundred years ago.

Sometime during the Moghul period: Some Hindus start calling themselves Sikhs.

Discovery of Krishna Jhanmabhoomi and other bhoomis : Krishna Jhanmabhoomi was discovered - to be at the exact same spot as the present day Taj Mahal. Shiv Jhanmabhoomi is discovered to be the same as Jamma Masjid and so forth. Hindus rightfully fight for these temples.

1947-48: A fool of a hindu-basher, Mahatma Gandhi, actually organizes fasts to promote amity between the Hindus and Muslims, instead of asking all the Muslims to pack up and go to Pakistan.

Modern India: Muslims start countless, unprovoked riots in India and every time many, many more innocent Hindus die than Muslims. This is despite the Muslims becoming so dominant in every aspect of the society such as in education, civil services and politics - all these gains obtained by systematic exploitation of passive and nice Hindus and the special treatment given to the minorities in general. Hindus sacrifice a lot to the point of self-destruction.

1958: Rekha, a Hindu goddess of love is born.

RSS and VHP emerge as major schools of human thought: Guru Golmalkar emerges as one of the greatest stinkers, I mean, thinkers of the twentieth century. A whole nation follows his footsteps and organizes his thoughts into action. In fact, the RSS philosophy completely replaces ancient outmoded philos such as the Vedas and the Upanishads as the mainstream Hindu school.

VHP grows in strength and status: Vishwa Hindu Parishad becomes a premier secular organization in India and has a number of projects for Muslims as well, including helping out one poor Muslim family in Poona. Muslims, impressed by the compassion VHP has for them, join VHP in millions and even those parochial Muslims who don`t join this secular, peaceloving institution, support it unconditionally. Only some idiots on SCI write anti-VHP stuff.

http://www.aunet.org/ramesh/ramesh15.html

….like umair said, a really fun read…

re: tailor

….this breed also exists in pakistan….eid and tailors is probably the most exasperating combo ever…

Dear Mr. Venkatramin,

Witty, enjoyable work! Hope to read another one soon!

regards

Very nice. The stories remain the same be it Bombay/Karachi/NY or any place in between - only the characters change.

aicha

cute piece

Way to go, amongst the funniest I have read in a while. True life is usually full of funnies. We just never get around to watching it.

We get too serious about ourselves.

I now want to see how anybody brings Kashmir or Hindu-Muslim into this.

A prize awaits.

This was a really fun read.

Thanks Veeresh for directing Mr. Venkatraman to Chowk.

Cheers

Umair