Here Are the Muslim Feminist Voices, Mr. Rushdie!

Fawzia,
Feminist to feminist, scholar to scholar, woman to woman, I want to thank you for pointing out that Muslim women are not the disadvantaged, weak group that the west would like to think we are. Though we face a set of very distinct challenges, we are no more subjected than any group of women, regardless of class, race or relgion.

Binifer #520 ``Saxena

(shrinker #516

who cares about your supposed evolution on chowk?)

I do, oinker.``

Double that! :-)

Ref shrunken-dick #: 522

[Any of you guys like a banana?--I got it e-special from Pakistan--beats the hell out of a keralite banana.]

When I said, ``offer the shrink a banana and what him revert``, I meant you would revert to being the monkey that you are.

You with your filthy mind, on the other hand, read various sexual imagery into it.

Is that because of your own realization of your inadequacy in that department?

Anyway, what is it with calling us Hindians? You have decided to kiss a few other a$$es on the Chowk, it seems.

Binifer,

Thanks honey!:) BTW, Congratulations! Back from the honeymoon ?!

Now its back to business..

Its bad enough that we have to put up with catamites like Jay & Harimou.

Now Saxena is poking his nose in this fight--like a fly whose attracted to sh *t. But thats what he lives for; isn`t it, oinker?:) er..my friend:)...

Now that youre out of that rathole you scurried into; after whatshername blew her stack..welcome to the Hindian gutter. I`m just here for a visit...harimou made me a pimp for him & Jay. Sigh...I never did like being a janitorial shrink anyways.

Any of you guys like a banana?--I got it e-special from Pakistan--beats the hell out of a keralite banana.

Now; if the editors are er..``broad minded`` enough to let this post go through, harimou, say anything; but please please dont whine....

Ref RSaxena #: 518

[who cares about your supposed evolution on chowk?]

All it would take is one banana for the headshrinker to revert!

Saxena

(shrinker #516

who cares about your supposed evolution on chowk?)

I do, oinker.

re: Saminashah # 517

No matter how much we may want to hate the United States, comparing this country - in which many of us choose to live - to Afghanistan under the Taliban (and other states following similar ideologies) is absurd, and defeats the very purpose of criticism.

Regards.

re: shrinker #516

who cares about your supposed evolution on chowk?

Sigalph,

Whether Pollitt was a hippie seems a bit irrelevant. One point she brings up is that there is a considerably large faction of the Republican Party that is extremely conservative and controlling, and that to deceive ourselves that these American conservative elements don`t manifest themselves throughout the world, is folly.

regards

Jay,

{{Pakistan is a country where the highly educated find it so easy to duty bound to dive into gutters at the first opportunity, and shankar, you share this with the pakistanis. For a peroxide yank, the choices may be very limited in profession, what ever be the schooling.}}

Heheh, those Pakistani gutters are far far better than the gutters you & your fellow catamite, harimou reside in.

Ok, seriously, get this into your thick head:

1) Chowk is NOT a popularity contest. I`m not running for any goddamned election here. If you think I`m soliciting ``approval`` from Pakistanis-its your idiotic hang up, not mine. Its kinda like the Pakistani bigots telling Zafar or Faruk that they are trying to score brownie points with Hindians for not slamming India.

2) I speak my mind. Sure, I am vulgar. I`m not apologising for it--EXCEPT if my vulgarity hurts those who I respect on Chowk. Coincidentally, that happens to be quite a few Pakistanis on Chowk--whose views I may not 100% agree with; but whose decency I have come to respect & admire.

Two of them, in particular, tahmed & scout, I know, disapprove of my language. But they are large hearted enough to agree to disagree with me & still accept me as a friend (& brother).

OTOH, I have NO problems calling you & your fellow bigot, harimou, every frikking vulgar name in the book. You see, I HATE the two of you much more than the idiot bigots on the other side. Its because I had the misfortune of being born on the same side of the fence as the two of you & I`m PROUD of the fact that I hate you. What I do LOVE is that the two of you hate me as much as I hate you (hopefully, more than I hate you). Kinda makes me know that I`m always thinking in the way I think is the right way.

3) Y`see, before I came to Chowk, I was very comfortable in my bigotry that Pakistanis were nothing but a bunch of hindu hating losers. (Ok Saxena, I am/was corny & naieve--so sue me).

I credit Chowk for making my bigotry crash & burn. What REALLY opened my eyes is that the BIGGEST m-fers in this subcontinental diaspora on Chowk are hindus like you & harimou.

ANY idiot can criticise & editorialise the problems of the other side. If you have any BALLS, have the courage to criticise what is wrong with India (start with kerala) or about things you dont or didnt like about yourself.

Show some cajones & submit an article to Chowk. (Heck, any idiot can write a better article than I did!). Lets see whether you or harimou have the guts to stand the scrutiny of all, by authoring an article.

Until then, both of you belong in OBL`s harem. And I`ll be PROUD to be your pimp.

Time to bleach my hair....

Ref RanaRansher #: 512

[Wow I just thought Muslims were terrorists, but Hai Allah they also have these weird sexual traits....]

Ali1, for sure. He actually trolls Chowk looking for gay partners, having been turned down in all the gay bars that he frequents. But please don`t generalize. Tahmed321 was right to warn you though.

Quoting from Fitzroy Maclean`s book ``To The Back of Beyond``, ``In the summer of 1920, after nearly three years of uneasy co-existence with his Bolshevik neighbours, the last Emir of Bokhara, Abdul Said Mir Alim Khan, had at length been dethroned and had fled headlong to the mountains, dropping favourite dancing-boy after favourite dancing-boy in his wake, in the hope of thus delaying the Red Cavalry, to whom, rightly or wrongly, he attributed his own deplorable tastes.`` (page 93)

re saminshah 497

Apparently Katha Pollit hasn`t learnt much since she wrote the `deconstruction` of the welfare queen.

Only a hippie-come-to-the-`90s will compare the brutalization meted by the Taleban with the policy supported by a vast majority of Americans NOT to give a penny of our tax dollars to kill innocent, unborn, kids. Not a penny, not now, not ever.

This must make me look like a loser but I was up all night and didnt get anything done (u know who left a half bottle of u know what in the u know where). Thankfully i was able to sit next to some very studious young men and bla, bla, I think I did okay.

One more killer exam on friday, must memorize 200 questions, very boring...

Peace to u all... And anNy, off the top, don`t ask anyone remotely resembling a pious Muslim for help. Scholars in Islam are ``as important as the clothes on a stripper`` (from Bukhari`s ``Book of the Importance of the clothes on a stripper,`` authentic hadis heard by the brother of the mother of a person who heard muhammed`s great granduncle murmer something in his sleep, Afghani edition, Osama Printing Press).

Imams will feed you all sorts of bullsh1t. The Quran forbids intoxication, not moderate drinking. (religion w/o reason is slavery). Intoxication is forbiden BECAUSE of Y and Z. (making a fool outta yaself, and all the societal ills which come from reckless behavior).

Don`t do Y and Z and youll be safe.

1. Get high at home and

2. Even if its in public, a joint will not make you lose control, though ordinary people will appear beautiful to you, as will rabbits (...dont ask).

(Cant understand why you`re dying to get your hands on 72 female virgins (Insert, your own lesbian joke, cant come up with one right now). I suppose u wouldnt be able to tell the difference after consuming a river of wine, but thats still no excuse...

And samina: Im assuming you all have eachothers mails... Its not earth shattering, though u prolly will not believe it at first. Our styles are so different, you see.

Him: ``you are somewhat mistaken in your assessment, I wish you`d reconsider. Asalamaliakum``

Me: ``You are an idiot, I wish you`d die. Fukoffaliakum.``

Zafar: please, let me handle the 12 headed one. Opereration infinate stupidity will be a long battle. The goal is to root out these sons of b`s wherever they may be. Only I posses a vocabulary vulgar enough to do that.

re: tahmed321
Hey By ``MoronPhile`` do you mean Muslim. Wow I just thought Muslims were terrorists, but Hai Allah they also have these weird sexual traits....
Allah O Akbar
Death to the Infidel

Zafar,

All of the above...what brilliant plot twists...I want to contribute to some of the dialogue. Also we need a few Indian Hindu and Muslim characters,(to be developed), at least, and some mullahwannabes.Throw in some Cockney OI! boys, get in some dissections of American surburbia (unfortunately, I can tell you about that), some South Asian urbane city men, and Pinky has some radical friends who run the gamut from Annoying PC Person, the International Gang of College Lefties, Witty and Soulful Gay Best Friend and his crew, and Peace Girl Pal Who Has (gasp!) Married Outside the Race...plus how can we get some of the luvely chowkies in this? Or is all that too much? But, yes, we must wait til Drumz Sahib finishes his exams...and actually I have two research papers due next week...this is beginning to sound like a Zadie Smith novel...

regards

re: tahmed321
#506
Allah O Akbar
Are you ``disbelieving me ?`` How blasphemous ?
Death to the Infidel.....

So how do you like my taliban talk...aap ko to achchaa samajh aa rahaa hogaa ? ;-)

DRUMZ:

``I told my parent when i did it first and they were cool with it (LOL)``

my parents take the cake for uncoolness..i tell my dad i want to smoke weed and he asks me to write a paper on it...5000 words max 4775 minimum..like, im 20 now...but no...MLA it is....this is like taking 4 months to teach me to fix punctures on everything between a cycle and land cruiser and make me take bloody notes on the `internal workings` of a car till im dreaming carbraters and air pipes...incase im ever to be stranded alone on some lonely road...them notes will certainly come in handy...

seriously, your post gave me a very new perspective...yahan par drugs dont have a negative connotation coz of american anything but its more of a loserlike thing to do..no moderation here...u either dont do it or then u turn into a charsi...like see, when we were in school..the last year..everyone went wild..from weed to heroine to these pills someone brought in from islamabad, everything was on...break time was like this orgy with everyone crammed in one bathroom..i always had a problem with this as i do with everything else that makes one loose control (nice people squatting on bathroom floors together and smoking is just that if u ask me) be it this or losing it while dancing, excessive partaking of alcohol, or even a personal high on oneself...its kindoff pathetic when one loses sense of oneself and dignity and all that goes flying out the window...and to add to that, in college one traumatic night i was exposed to some very nice people giggling swaying and never mind what else after having maroed like a whole bucket of subtsance from their respective father`s cupboards..we sane people danced to eeeeeenameeenadeaeka while these people drank themselves silly and missed the most important mid term of all our lives the next morning coz theyd forgotten how to walk and all that stuff..sad bit is they were back to it in less than a day and today most of them are still at it...tau the attitude was always a very `what losers` wala... very selfrighteous and snotty on my part..now about drugs, theyve had like this major come back in my city i.e. karachi some 7 to 8 years back..weeds available EVERYWHERE..from the paan kee dukaan to a man outside kfc to abdullah sha ghazi`s mazaar (infact on a trip there just to see the shrine we managed to bump into 14 people we were acquainted with which was for some reason tummyhurtinghilarious) so now some people im terribly found of and a few people who i respect immensely and some who i happen to think are incredibly talented and write,paint etc better than most- are all druggies..iv been thinking about how my condemning everybody in to this kind off stuff is a little uncomfortable...i mean i like these people....iv been trying to understand why such people would want to do sthg so stupid...and then after a particularly painful experience of seeing an old friend turned into a charsi when i met her after like 8 years, the need to understand...intensified?...so what u said makes sense..if its like what u say it is, it sounds great..im jumping into a hotbox tomorrow :) seriously, i want to find out first what the religious point of view on this is..im not talking sufi`s and all..basically what the quran might have to say about this kind of an experience and i also want to look into that fact that im really not going to take leave of my senses......and that damned paper...thanku sweetie...the post really helped

duas for your exam..mine are over and yours arent :-P

Chowkies (except for Drumz who is s`pposed to be studying)

What Secret? Huh? Please tellmetellmetellme!I wanna hang out with the cool kids!

regards

Umer Murtuza #499,

Omarphoneix was a cooler name :).

will email you soon.

RanaRansher #493 Perhaps you should consider wearing a burqa yourself - so you may not attract the unsavory attentions of the dreaded Moronphiles of Kabul...yes...you read that right...The Moronphiles!! Yes my friend...these are sexual deviants who get aroused not by women, not even by sheep, but by Morons...and unless you are in a burqa you will be a prime candidate for this dreaded monsters. Your Chief Hindutva Moron, Mr. Thakeray, I understand dares not step out of doors any more...he has the windows painted black to avoid the chance of being spotted by a passing Moronphile on the street.

So put on your burqa, and pray like hell that your virtue is protected...

Ha! Ha!

Reply Rana #493

That was very funny.

Zafar

PS Oh, and to return the favour: Jay Ram G Ki

Reply DRUMZ # 477 etc

“(MAYBE our very own NANCY REAGAN can help too-SADNA)...”

That’s harsh. If anything, Sadna would be more like Raisa Gorbachev (2 PhDs, etc.) Anyway – she’s right about the hanging on chowk/studying for exams dichotomy.

“Now, once you`re high, all you`re faculties of reason are there.”

But don’t drive or operate heavy machinery (hair dryers and cuisinarts are a big no no). Try also to avoid large purchases, hair cuts, giving out your phone number, etc. On the other hand the Mysteries of the Universe do, of course, become (albeit momentarily) clear. MOTU are also, btw, over-rated.

“As always, the white man is responsible.”

Bilkul sahi. And don’t let that agent of the PC Mafia (that’s right Saminashah, I have documentary evidence that you’re a NOW sleeper on Chowk…and see what you did to that whiskey discussion, proof na?) change your mind. Oh btw, Drumz, I’d love to get your line on Falashas.

Zafar

PS You’re not alone, man. Urstruly won’t reply to me either…and I’ve never even called him a mufu or king boofoo or whatever…so unfair…oh I did ask him to prove his statements once, did you do that ever? that might be it…

Reply Saminashah # 489

Saminaji!

“...with our novel we can RULE THE WORLD. HA HAH HA HA HAH HAH!”

Or at least organise unlimited chai and macaroons only (and this is because we are EVIL GENIUSES) we will never get fat! Brilliant or what? Frankly if I had to chose between ruling the world and unlimited chai and macaroons without getting fat, ruling the world looks decidedly unattractive. (Plus then one would have to be polite to pope shope etc. kya fayeda? I would be talking when I could be eating…)

“Perhaps the arch nemesis can be Agent Pinkyfeld, a be-YEW-ti-ful Mossad spy who know how deliver a roundhouse kick, bake damn good kugel AND make reservations for a facial at the Bliss spa...make her from Park Slope Brooklyn, that`ll give her some boho and make her a little more multidimensional. In her past, she once loved a Muslim Pakistani boy...uh oh, faster than you can say ``Brenda``, here come the fatwa...”

If you really really really really really REALLY want a fatwa (and in an attempt to try and get with the program that the Young People seem to be pursuing on this board) here are some options:

1 Pinky was in love with Fatimah. That love was returned but doomed to failure because of respective allergies (brought on by Fatimah’s father the Imam’s bad juju and the sacrifice of a small bunny rabbit outside a discount halal meatshop at midnight). Both Pinky and Fatimah have been driven mad by this Great Tragedy, and therein the story lies…

2 Pinky used to be Pinko. Pre-op he wooed and won Fatimah and they started a family together. Being Godless Atheists at the time they named their children without regard to religious tradition (Deepika, Bijli, Fawzia, Amir, Bhardwaj, Lajwanti, Shah, etc.). They both got religion and split up, Pinky got her peach (you will pardon this vulgarity in the cause of stylistic versimilitude I hope). Fatimah did a Ma Baker number, and they now…

3 Similar to above, except Fatimah used to be Fatso. Possible title: ``Pinko aur Fatso Ki Amar Kahani`` (why does my inner voice want to set this in Ludhiana?)…in this case Deepika etc. will have to be dogs, cats and goldfish instead of children, but you get the idea. I think we could work in an interesting subplot involving Big Al’s Resort for Pets and a turf dispute with…oh, let’s say a pretzel shop. (There is a merchandising opportunity here which should yield sponsor $$s, or at least free pretzels.) The lame burqas would come into their own here.

4 ?? Aur kya?? Dammit, where is Prof. Emerit. Subroto when one needs him?

That’s it. I’m off to barricade myself indoors and wait for the Evil Hordes.

Zafar

PS NB Drumz – production will take place POST exams. Now go study. Sadna is right. (heeheeheehee! I love this bit.)

In case someone missed this NewYork times article.Fantastic!



Islam Attracts Converts by the Thousands, Drawn Before and After Attacks

By Jodi Wilgoren, The New York Times, October 22 2001 CE

ALLWIN, Mo., Oct. 20 — Since she became a Muslim six months ago, Angela Davis has given up many things. She stopped listening to music, started sleeping on the floor, put away her 100 Disney videos and traded her porcelain doll collection for velvet posters with verses from the Koran.

Now, in the aftermath of the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks, Ms. Davis may have to give up her children.

After her photograph, in full veil, appeared in the local newspaper on Sept. 30, Ms. Davis`s soon-to-be-ex-husband refused to return their children, 5 and 2, from a weekend visit. She has not seen them since.

``It`s a test that is given to me from Allah to see if my faith is.....

(Read the rest of it here)

Source: http://www.nytimes.com/2001/10/22/national/22CONV.html?ex=1004414400&en=ae7a47a9%2010427a10&ei=5040&partner=MOREOVER

Re:Reply #: 478

sarwar,

Mushy boy has thus far survived, not because India`s journalists could not report from Pakistan but simply because his co-operation was necessary to fight this war against terrorism and USA has deemed it necessary that he be in charge. If i am not mistaken, the next avenue after Afghanistan would be Pak. Its madrasaas are closed/closing already. USA will also keep a close tab on Mushy`s activities regarding encouraging Taliban or fundamentalists in Kashmir as well on the nuclear assets of Pakistan. Even while all these things are going on, US is forging a new defense tie with India. At least i see the signals clearly. Pakistan`s dictator is a necessary evil for now but US has realised that its long term interests are with India. Though both India and US want Musharraf to survive and reign in the taliban elements, India may not take kindly to Mushy if he continues with his Kashmir policy as before.

So, really whatever he does with Indian journalists (or journalists of Indian descent) is immaterial. Events are moving so fast that Mushy has no control.

Sridhar

Look people, sadna is right, Ima concentrate on exams, have to learn 10 chapters by tommorow morning, havent started etc...

(And can someone let saminah in on our little secret).

Also in the future I hope to address my vulgar language. You guyz are all Desi so I KNOW i make you cringe when I say Fukk, Sh1t, etc etc... Desi`s take great bride in knowing 30 synonyms for every common word. Its a sickening colonial legacy, (as always, whitey is to blame).

Simplification is the key... Instead of using verbs, I use sh1t. Sh1t can be used to describe any verb. ``Wheres that sh1t, who took my sh1t etc`` Should be a learning experience for everyone. Then We`ll get into adverbs, which require 2 other words to describe the sh1t. See, u cant say, ``this sh1t is sh1T`` That would be uncouth. You must use two adverbs, ``this sh1t is crazy as fukk.`` Its the ``Keep is Simple, sh1t`` philospohy. If you all follow my lead we can begin to limit our vernaculars to 100 odd words. This will eliminate grades 1-7, giving us more time to do important things like smoking weed.

One more thing...

Nasah: I will try to be as polite as possible, no promises...

``STEP IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION -- AND A MISSION FOR RAWA TO GET BUSY``

1. Anyone who doesnt support everything upto (and including) mass castration, fails to underdtand what the Taliban did.

2. Since when did it become PC to think of RAWA as b1tches??? Im a dead man for saying this, but Temporal tells me a b1tch is ``a slut who hasnt slept with you yet...`` LOL!!!!! Using his insight, how can anyone insinuate RAWA is made up of b1tches???

Seriously, these are women who have risked everything to expose barbarism. HOW ARE THEY WHINING???? I suppose u think a woman who complains when being raped is also whining?! Please... RAWA`s membership should be given the nobel prize. These queens are HEROES, period.

3. WHY, WHY, WHY, do people think the taliban are better then the NA? ``because they have some limits`` they say. Bullsh1t. Mark Twain said theres nothing more annoying then a good example.

The taliban are like pigs, only more so...

Salam, death to Amerikkka and all that good sh1t...

Scout 486,

Yeah, well sista (I`m clicking and swinging my hand like one of the black mamas now), you gotsta live with it. Ha ha. It`s my real name.

Dude, so now you know my name. When will I know yours. You have my e-mail addy...I think. Reply reply reply.

Happy Ramadhan to you and to everyone else too. (I know I`m a bit late)

Umer Murtaza

Ref lowlife-headshrinker #: 424

In my post # 472, I wrote

[Since Malayalees are more common in Bombay than Tamils, you actually might be one. So, why don`t YOU become the boy-toy of OBL? You are more used to having your a$$ reamed here on the Chowk anyway.]

If on the other hand you happen to be a Tamil, then Ali1 is looking for a sideways-headshaking Southie. You would fit the bill perfectly and Ali1 is probably hitting on guys in gay bars not realizing that you would be available.

Chowkies,

Interesting article by a feminist who deconstructed the Republican stereotype of the ``Welfare Queen`` about 7 years ago

by Katha Pollitt

After the Taliban



What if Hillary Clinton, not Laura Bush, had taken to the airwaves during her husband`s first year in office and become the first First Lady to deliver the entire weekly presidential radio address--about women`s rights, no less? Dragon lady! Castrating feminist man-hating b$tch! All together now: Who Elected Her? The Republicans would have started impeachment proceedings that very day. In fact, the down-to-earth and nonthreatening Laura Bush spoke so eloquently in support of Afghan women`s rights I actually found myself not wanting to believe the Democratic Party accusation that this was a cynical attempt to appeal to women and narrow the eleven-point gender gap that bedeviled Bush in the 2000 election--not that a shortage of votes turned out to matter, but that`s another story. Perhaps Mrs. Bush--and Cherie Blair, who gave a similar speech on November 19--was sending a message to the sorry collection of warlords and criminals, power-grabbers and back-stabbers vying for power in the new Afghanistan: This time around, women must have a seat at the table. As I write, Afghan women are swinging into action, with a major conference planned for early December in Brussels to insist on equality and political power in their post-Taliban nation.

Wouldn`t it be wonderful if the defeat of the Taliban also marked the end of the cultural-relativist pooh-poohing of women`s rights? Only a few weeks ago, a Bush Administration spokesperson was refusing to promise that women would play a role in a new Afghan government: ``We have to be careful not to look like we are imposing our values on them.`` A week before it began, no women had been mentioned as participants in the UN-sponsored Bonn conference to plan for a postwar Afghanistan. As it turned out, there are three among the twenty-eight delegates: two in the delegation of the former King and one in that of the Northern Alliance, plus at least two more attending as advisers. Whether it means anything, who knows--of the four factions gathered in Bonn, only the Northern Alliance controls any actual territory, and its record with regard to women`s rights and dignity is nothing to cheer about. While some alliance leaders speak encouragingly of girls` education and women`s right to work, early signs are mixed: In Kabul, women can once more freely walk the streets, but the newly reopened movie theater is off-limits and a women`s rights march was halted by authorities; in late November, according to the Los Angeles Times, women were banned from voting for mayor in Herat, whose de facto ruler, Ismail Khan, has presented himself as sympathetic to women`s rights.



Still, whatever government takes shape in Afghanistan will probably be better for women than the Taliban--how could it be worse?--as long as the country does not degenerate into civil war, as happened the last time the Northern Alliance was in power. But let`s not kid ourselves: This war is not about freeing women from government-mandated burqas, or teaching girls to read, or improving Afghan women`s ghastly maternal mortality rate of 17 in 1,000 births--the second highest in the world. Those things may happen as a byproduct of realpolitik, or they may not. But if women`s rights and well-being were aims of US Afghan policy, the Carter, Reagan and Bush administrations would never have financed the mujahedeen, whose neanderthal treatment of women, including throwing acid at unveiled women, was well documented from the start; the Clinton Administration would not have initially accepted the Taliban even after they closed the girls` schools in Herat; and the current Bush Administration would have inundated the millions of Afghan women and girls in Pakistan`s refugee camps with teachers, nurses, doctors and food.

As other commentators have pointed out, if Laura Bush wants to make women`s rights a US foreign policy goal, she`s got her work cut out for her. Saudi Arabia, our best friend, is positively Talibanesque: Women are rigidly segregated by law, cannot drive, cannot travel without written permission from a male relative; top-to-toe veiling is mandated by law and enforced by a brutal religious police force. In a particularly insulting twist, US women soldiers stationed there are compelled to wear the veil and refrain from driving when off base; so far the Bush Administration has refused to act on soldiers` objections to these conditions.

One can go on and on about the situation of women in Muslim countries--unable to vote in Kuwait; genitally mutilated in Egypt and Sudan; flogged, jailed, murdered with impunity and even stoned to death for sexual infractions in a number of countries--and Muslim women everywhere are fighting back (for a serious, nonsensationalist approach, check out the website of Women Living Under Muslim Laws, www.wluml.org). But the Islamic world is hardly the only place where women are denied their human rights: How would you like to have to get a divorce in an Israeli rabbinical court or need an abortion in Chile, where it`s illegal even to save your life? The United States makes no bones about using its economic and political might against illegal drugs--in fact, the Administration rewarded the Taliban for banning opium production by making a $43 million donation to the World Food Program and humanitarian NGOs (not, as is usually reported, to the Taliban proper). If it cared to do so, the United States could back the global women`s movement with the same zeal.



Instead, it does the opposite. In order to curry favor with conservative Catholics at home, Laura Bush`s husband has shown callous disregard for women`s rights and health abroad: He reinstated the Mexico City policy, which bars family-planning groups receiving US funds from discussing abortion; he sent anti-choice delegations to wreck the consensus at international conferences on children`s rights and public health; he tried to nominate John Klink, former adviser to the Holy See, to head the State Department`s Bureau of Population, Refugees and Migration, which would have thrown the United States behind the Pope`s call to deny emergency contraception to raped women in refugee camps.

That the Taliban are gone is cause for joy. A world that cared about women`s rights would never have let them come to power in the first place

From the Nation

DRUMZ (#445,464):

First, let us ‘weed’ out some snuff…er…stuff…

[Can I share a little secret with you? The RP may seem like an idealistic poet, but he does work part time as a pathalogical liar (ie. whatever he`s told u about Ali should be taken with a grain of that white salty-like substance).]

I think we have got the order of the words wrong. You mean pathological idealist and lying poet, dontcha? As in horizontal verses and vertical ideas that hit the roof…(aside: if I am to disbelieve all that was said to me then visions of a smart young man, kewl and full of mystic dreams go down the drain….but that’s what you want, so that’s what you’ll get.)

[And yes he did mention meeting you. We were on msn one day and he dropped the names of some people. Stupid me! I thought he was talking about real live actual people who exist and I`ve met in real life, really...]

Now this is something that has not been fully comprehended before you did it. I can only speak for myself, so I am in no way a real person or an actual person who exists. It is like when we are on MSN….and it goes like this:

RP: Ferzeeeeeee….guess what… I asked for tea and I got it in a clay pot…

FV: That is a kulhad and you are not supposed to preserve it, there will be ants crawling. So have you got a pair of trousers? And how is the trip?

RP: Hey, you know anything about X…. any dope?

FV: Yessss…he is gay

RP: Anything that is known about him?

FV: That he is not gay….

RP: Heheh….never mind

FV: So did you eat the paan?

RP: No, I am scared

FV: Wash it with your bottled water, don’t eat the grated coconut and put your own supari…

RP: Should I risk it?

FV: Never mind, have it here with me…haan btw, I have made contact with drumz

RP: Is he treating you ok? I think he is cool, though he is overdoing that keema bit…

FV: He also did a number on you

RP: Saw that, am not amused…

FV: I too did it…

RP: What???? Hello, you there??

FV: Noooooo….

And you think I did that biz about “…..” to annoy you? I thought you were getting ‘home alone’ sick.

About the hair, he thinks he will get the Guinness authorities to see whose is longer… and we are talking about waist-length here. Now what do I say?? Hey, and that red turban thing…who wore the green pugree??

About ‘rash conclusions’….keep them coming and the profanities are excused…. You said something about Rod Stewert saying something about under his seat….now I wanna know about that….

PS: cyber gods usually steer clear of… er…poets and their satanic verses….

PPS: [Its like this BIIIG secret we`re all trying to hide from the evil chowkies. And what if they find out? Ohmigowd, the internet people know...! Whats gonna happen? epileptic seizures, massive heart attacks, suicide rampages...]

You know what the bigger secret is supposed to be? That I don’t know him. Really!!

Maybe the kanjar class(feminists)of India & Pakistan might learn something from this.The westernised Malenists( male heejraas) can also benefit.



From spirit of America:

Bad military taste: To the highest ranking female fighter pilot representing the USA in Saudi.

Get real: When in Rome do as the Romans do or transfer out. DON`T YOU THINK AMERICA HAS ENOUGH TO DO RIGHT NOW BESIDES DEFEND YOUR

RIGHT TO SCANDALIZE A MEDIEVAL SOCIETY . SO WHY SUE THE DEFENSE DEPARTMENT? WHAT ARE YOU SOME SORT OF NUT?



WHETHER WE AGREE OR NOT IT`S THEIR COUNTRY, THEIR RULES.IF YOU DON`T LIKE IT TRANSFER OUT OR STAY ON BASE.

YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW SAUDI MEN AND WOMEN. THINK.

DISPLAYING AN AMERICAN WOMAN WITHOUT AN ABAYA IN A LANDWHERE ALL WOMEN WEAR IT, IS THE SAME TO THEM AS MADONNA WEARING A CRUCIFIX DURING AN ORGY IS TO US.

BEAUCOUP OFFENSIVE. I HAVE SEEN BEAUTIFUL BLONDE AMERICAN GIRLS IN KUWAIT DRESSED IN JEANS AND AN OPEN BLOUSE AND ARAB MEN STANDING AROUND STARING AT THEIR CROTCH WAITING FOR IT TO START TALKING.

IT IS AS DANGEROUS AS GIVING WHISKEY TO INDIANS.

THIS IS NOT THE TIME OR PLACE TO CAMPAIGN FOR WOMEN`S RIGHTS.

IF YOU WANTED TO PICK A FIGHT WITH THE DEFENSE

DEPARTMENT USING THE SAUDI- ISSUE.YOU SHOULD HAVE CHOSEN TO FIGHT FOR DISPLAYING THE AMERICAN FLAG OVER THE AIR BASE AT AL KHOBAR WHICH IS BANNED.

JUST LIKE IT IS BANNED IN PS 93 IN NEW YORK.I RESPECTFULLY REQUEST M`AAM THAT WHEN SHOPPING IN

DOWNTOWN RIYADH THAT YOU WEAR THE REQUIRED ABAYA.

NO ONE SAID IT HAS TO BE BLACK.

Zafar #484

: ) kya karein being fickle of mind need to jump from one calling to another constantly.

btw i agree with your post on another board - humanity is just the pits !!

aicha

Allah O Akbar
Death to the Infidel

Woman in Burqa Condemns Woman in chador

GHAZNI, AFGHANISTAN—Outraged by the recent loosening of dress codes in her country, burqa wearer Uliya Salah condemned fellow Afghani Raheela Asaad Monday for appearing in public wearing an upper-face-revealing chador.


Above: The burqa-wearing Salah, who is outraged by Asaad`s (far right) immodest dress.
``Just look how she dresses, the bridge of her nose visible for all the world to see,`` said Salah, watching Asaad walk past her in downtown Ghazni. ``Has she no shame?``

Not wanting to risk the chance that a stranger might be forced to hear a woman`s voice, Salah whispered her indignant remarks through the small mesh square in her garment.

``Perhaps one could wear that sort of thing in the deepest recesses of one`s home, where even male family members are not allowed,`` Salah said. ``But doing so in public like that is outrageous. The harlot may as well strip off her veil and reveal her hair to the world.``

As a strict follower of Pashtun traditions, Salah said she finds it laughable that Asaad considers herself to be a devout Muslim.

``[Asaad] is clearly pursuing her darkest passions,`` Salah said. ``Now that the Taliban is no longer here to protect their virtue, many of the women in the city have begun to walk around in shockingly immodest garb, shamelessly wearing next to nothing on their hands.``

Asaad`s garment was not only too revealing, Salah said, but it also bore numerous decorative touches—a mark of the sin of vanity.

``Did you see that small line of embroidery at the border of her veil?`` Salah asked. ``What is next? A series of stripes at the hem of the garment near the ankles? I pray to Allah that I never see the day.``

Salah has been in a near-constant state of outrage since Nov. 13, when the Taliban was ousted from her village. On that day, emboldened by the Northern Alliance victory, hundreds of women threw off their conservative burqas in favor of skimpy, low-cut chadors that exposed portions of their faces.

``It is sinful for a woman to tempt a man by revealing the color of her eyes to him,`` Salah said. ``But the women around here leave nothing to the imagination. The pupil, the iris, the cornea... It`s all right out there in the open for men to ogle.``

Now that dressing less conservatively no longer carries the risk of public whipping, Asaad said she may wear jewelry or Western fashions beneath her chador.

``It is an important part of both my religion and my culture to observe full hajib,`` said Asaad, who has worn traditional garb since she was 13. ``I keep my body covered when in the presence of men. In the mosque, I am careful to keep my eyes lowered at all times. But it would be nice to wear something different once in a while, like a shoe with an attractive but respectful heel.``

Salah was outraged by the notion.

``Only whores of Babylon wear heels!`` Salah said. ``Under the Taliban, it was illegal to wear high heels or any other shoe that produces a sound when walking, because a man must not hear a woman`s footsteps. What is this world coming to?``

Asaad said she is eager to return to her old life, before she was confined to her house and only allowed outside when escorted by a male relative.

``Of course, there are many things women should not do, like watch television or go to dances or read Western fashion magazines,`` Asaad said. ``But I did miss being able to leave the house.``

Asaad said she also hopes to return to school-teaching, which was her occupation before the Taliban forbade women from working.

``I taught math and reading and other subjects to young girls,`` Asaad said. ``I taught them how to read the words of the prophet Mohammed and how to be a devoted follower of Islam.``

Salah questioned Asaad`s claims of devotion to Islam, citing a scandal in which she was involved last year. In May 2000, despite restrictions against women being examined by men, Asaad was caught attempting to see a male physician for treatment of kidney stones. It was only through a large bribe to Taliban officials and a three-month period of seclusion in a neighboring village that she escaped execution.

``It makes me sick to look at women like Raheela Asaad,`` Salah said. ``She deserved no less a punishment than death for her blasphemy.``

Despite the scandal and her liberal interpretation of Islamic law, Asaad said she is not ashamed of her actions.

``I am proud to be a modern woman,`` Asaad said. ``I believe that women should be allowed to attend the university, so long as the school provides a separate area for women to sit in and they do not speak to the instructor before being spoken to. I even think it is acceptable for a young woman to ride a bicycle, provided she is out in the country where no man can view it. This is the 21st century, after all.``

DRUMZ #477
`` (MAYBE our very own NANCY REAGAN can help too-SADNA)..``

Not quite an accurate description. So far I was not preaching but practising by myself `Just say no to posts to DRUMZ till his exams are over`.

You are wonderfully full of valor and wit, and your disposition is a credit to you-know-who, but we will all be here later too, squabbling exactly in the same way, trust me, meanwhile..

(Bet Nancy Reagan despite being MANY DECADES older, cannot be as pedantic)

Dear DRUMZ:

From 5 years of ``House Arrest`` of Afghani woman -- to ``one of the 5 Vice Presidentship -- and a Deputy Prime Ministership -- is certainly -- ``no better`` -- for Sahar Saba -- for most of the world -- consiering the ground realities the misogynous Afghani and Pakistani societies -- it`s INDEED -- a ``small`` STEP IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION -- AND A MISSION FOR RAWA TO GET BUSY --INSTEAD of going around WHINING -- ``No better`` --``No better``.

Dear Sigalph

I hope NOT -- that somewhere in these -- curiously FRANTIC -- post liberation -- public appearances of RAWA`s Sahar Saba -- with ``no better`` no better`` wailings -- all over the subcontinent -- her ISI slip begins to show.

I wish the governments of India, Pakistan, AND Afghanistan will be taken over -- by their MAJORITY shareholders -- the WOMEN of India, Pakistan and Afghanistan -- then we may have some ``PEACE`` and ``QUIET`` -- till then -- NOT bad what is happening in Afghanistan.

Drumz philosophy: ``As always, the white man is responsible.``

So AnNy, if u become a Pthead, Blame America

If you do crack ``Blame America``

If your life is a mess, ``Blame America``

Reminds me of the song in South Park: ``Blame Canada``

Drumz

Interesting, your last posts...I get my kicks from a run, or dancing all night and yes, the world is rosier afterwards. You definately set a charming precedent in terms of the buddha boys and girls I have crossed paths with.(although, they tend to be so relaxed:)) And yes, I appreciate your mention of various tobacco and herbal combinations in religious, ceremonial and medicinal and artistic cultural contexts. One of the reasons why Sufi poets and musicians will have a special place in my heart...

As for the Ali/Frasier match....lemme guess...a no-show? You`ve been floating like a butterfly, stinging like a bee, and your opponent isn`t even sending an rsvp? Perhaps the names should be changed; LL Cool and Fool Moe Dee(ooh, did that rhyme? actor`s note: RHYMING)What can I say? 12 head only heckles women and doctors...he runs when another male calls him on his b.s; are you surprised?

Is Temporal around? He`s a pretty cool interactor, perhaps he`s not interacting lately...

Zafar

Thank you for including me in your unholy trinity...with our novel we can RULE THE WORLD. HA HAH HA HA HAH HAH! (I`ve always wanted to do that.) Perhaps the arch nemesis can be Agent Pinkyfeld, a be-YEW-ti-ful Mossad spy who know how deliver a roundhouse kick, bake damn good kugel AND make reservations for a facial at the Bliss spa...make her from Park Slope Brooklyn, that`ll give her some boho and make her a little more multidimensional. In her past, she once loved a Muslim Pakistani boy...uh oh, faster than you can say ``Brenda``, here come the fatwa...

regards

INDO PAK FRIENDSHIP

Shanker is one of the most respected and admired indians on the chowk by the pakistanis. I always wondered, if the basis of this respect could be deciphered, it could form the basis of a more widespread understanding among the two warring nations.

``Word on the street is that OBL is getting very lonely in the caves. He let his wives escape. But he`s craving for a malayalee boy-toy. Intrested``

The above is a quote from a post addressed to me by shankar, 424. It is said that prostitution is the oldest profession, shanker is in the second oldest profession.

There is also another common theme. The learned jidges of the lahore high court found honour killing to be consistant with a 1973 pak constitution. The duly elected memebers of the pak parliment, 90 percent of them found that honour killing doesnot deserve condemnation. Pakistan is a country where the highly educated find it so easy to duty bound to dive into gutters at the first opportunity, and shankar, you share this with the pakistanis. For a peroxide yank, the choices may be very limited in profession, what ever be the schooling.

re nasah 474

I think a lot of the criticism of the United Front aka Northern Alliance was due to many Pakistanis disliking it. The NA is no liberal outfit but not in any comparison to Taliban. What annoys many Pakistanis is the fact that their ISI sponsored the Talibs and the NA ended up on the top. WHile most Pakistanis have little liking for the ISI, I think it becomes a patriotism issue for many ( similar to the J & K thing with many Indians),

Neptune #473 ``Why, her belly keeps dancing long after SHE has stopped.``

Ha! Ha! Good one, Neptune sahib (or motrima, as the case may be).

Umer Murtaza #450 ``Give me a few days/weeks…all shall be explained...it was in fact one of your posts (believe it or not) which led to this.`` Very intriguing. Which post would that be? And I shall hold my breath as I wait for the explanation you mention.

Umer Murtaza #470,

Omarphoenix buddy boy, sorry i didn`t recognize you with the new name (i don`t like it).

Welcome back, missed your logical rantings....... I hope you stay longer this time :)

Neptune #473,

i don`t want to hear one more word against Lollywood`s queen. i`m very protective of her.

Reply Aicha # 475

“Crank calls? they were the best thing before the internet - i`d say!!”

Uff! Now you want to be Minister for Telecommunications also?

Reply Drumz # 460 etc

Drumz, my friend – eye iz a bloke, u iz a bloke, Prem iz also a bloke – SO! why iz we blokelog now studying saphosistas? question-mark nga! (the butcha tha betta, btw). Keep in mind: the observer is (oops, I mean iz) observed. And wouldn’t they rather just get a gift voucher to Amazon.com anyway, if we iz trying to be sugarandspice?

I take this opp to THANK you for linguistic enrichment – possuf is now filed away for ready reference. In return, have you considered pookum (or pookums, depending on context)? Also, shall look up more marsupials and let you know the outcome.

“You may be the reason for Muhammeds pesky date-fetish. Ill elaborate on this, the conspiracy of conspiracies, later...”

Oh dear, busted again… *sigh *…anything else you’d like to lay at my door? The flood? The Plague? Polyester pants in dayglo colours?

“Pink leather? I was thinking along the lines of transparent dupattas cleverly placed so as only the eyes are not visible (ironically, this was to be the new fad after the ``all black burqa.`` Its unfortunate demise is contained in yet another one of my conspiracy theories).”

Here my hands are tied…must consult with Rsax (fashion King) and Samina (she’s been doing some ovarian work with gold lamé)…allow me to get back to you on that one. Your idea has a LOT of promise, however, and I think we could all get rich off this if played right.

“Now for the hashisheen. The most brilliant muslims (next to averoes and malcolm X) credit hashish for their success (coincidence?). See when Muslims were using hashish, everything was kosher (the jewish connection...) Then came Kalvinstien, seduced the men away from their natural high`s and attracted them to posters of white jewish women named Pinkyfeld.”

Hmmm….I put it down to your natural nobility that you try and give credit to Female Agent Pinkyfeld in the…vaisai, as far as I can tell, you had Kalvinstien’s evil plan pretty well sussed until that point. I mean where do you think this male brotherhood thing came from anyway? That’s right, I blame Kalvinstien and all those vulgar ads at bus stops…

“This is the very reason why the ottomons collapsed and ties neatly into the assassination (Notice the wordplay) of Muhammed, umar, Ali and others. Lastly, pay close attention to the word ``assassin.`` The anal connection should be obvious...”

I’m at a loss for words…your deconstruction is very deep. The reference to improper use of flimsy furniture and handcuffs is particularly subtle. We all have a lot to learn from this. May I ask which nation you refer to here, since I am bad at cryptic crosswords? (My age, you see…)

“PS: How bout we co-author a book under the alias DRUMZar Al Talib? Whattya say? A facinating look into the life of Muhammed`s blunt smoking disciple. Free with Arabian style zig zags and Afghani Heroin!”

What an honour! My great ambition is to write trashy detective novels (eg “The Murderous Malice of Mullah Meataxe”), but I’m sure that we could work something out. The Mullah, the Muezzin, his Wife and her Tailor is too openly derivative, but maybe something along those lines? Again, must check with Saminashah.

(((Yes Ill do anything to get outta studying for exams...)))

Hai, first anNy and now you. The youth of today….

Zafar

PS If you want to tangle with the duppyman use smaller words, simpler sentences and less logic. Otherwise I think there will be a no show.

“Scout and SPM

Don`t underestimate Reema. She is the most accomplished belly dancer I have ever seen. Why, her belly keeps dancing long after SHE has stopped.”

…lol….the CELLulite that just keeps going, and going, and going…..

Zafar, anNy and Drumz,

I am soooo appreciating the humor coming from y`all. Another grueling day at work, and I have been giggling for the last five minutes at this board!

kisses!

Prem: ``Lesbians of the world unite. You have nothing to lose but men, and may be not even that.``

And, any man who doesn`t like lesbians is a homosexual in his own right. Brahma is clever like that.

Aicha: Glad u understand. Another stereotype down the gutter.

Nasah: ``In the new Afghan government one of the 5 vice presidents will a Afghan woman plus the deputy prime minister of new Afghanistan will be another Afghan woman!!``

Are you INSANE??? The representation of SIXTY percent of their population is a vice president? I guess RAWA should just break up now...

Studebaker: Speaking of Insane, ``I told you i dont harass females ,my mother & sister ...are females.ask them.``

Tell me you`re joking and please TRY HARDER. That was quite weak. I must say, i expected more from the legendary 12 headed monster. Lemme help you out. Go through all my posts and pick out the stupid things I say. Highlight them and report back, mufukka.

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Anny: The ``modern`` desi female is in a sad state. I hate upper class dressing people. Whats so wrong with blue jeans, a pure Playaz T and a backwards hat?

Anyways this will be our first serious conversation so Im not sure in what context i should be saying this. religion obviously...

(MAYBE our very own NANCY REAGAN can help too-SADNA)...

Now then, for some strange reason, weed has taken on negative connotations. (this is so cuz America needs an excuse to lock up coloured folk to grow their prison industrial complex. America also profited a great deal by selling crack to the hood-Iran Contra).

Oh before I begin, Im no expert, just started this year and Im 21. And I gotta caution you to leave the stronger sh1t alone (heroin, extacy etc). Also, we must consider that weed has a historical relvance to most religions. Yogi`s in India would get their followers high and then ask them to induce the experience on their own. Native Americans used Peyote to induce spiritual experineces, Sufi`s used hashish and everyone knows about Rasta`s... There are no noticable reactions to smokin weed once a month (much safer then Cancer sticks-cigs-and drinking-which is a waste of time)...

Once u get it, roll it up in some zig zags and smoke away. Nothing much happened my first time, other then I started laughing, which is what i always to. Oh yeah, i only do it at home, no need to make a fool outta yourself outside-thats much more fun when your not high. I told my parent when i did it first and they were cool with it (LOL). I must caution that ALL THINGS are cool in moderation. Its excessive use that flukks people up.

To get a real high, I ``HOT BOX.`` This involves going 2 a small bathroom and putting the hot water on, closing the doors etc. The steam induces the high like a mutha...

Now, once you`re high, all you`re faculties of reason are there. You can still think and everything (unlike being drunk). What u notice is that there is no time (which doesnt exist anyways-MAYA). Everything is more focused on the present, u dont worry about past, future, and time goes much more slowly. You can see the correlation between this and Allah-timelessness.

thats it, you just sit there or like me, go on chowk or chill with friends. Like I said, do it at home and youll be cool. It lasts for 4 hours or so (get it BC weed or Arizona weed for u americans). After which u get a craving for food. I had 5 eggs and 2 keema-cheese sandwiches in 4 hours...

And thats it! Its cuz of fear mongering and criminalization that people are not educated to know what drugs really do. As always, the white man is responsible.

DRUMZ - ``I dont really work well with people named aisha``

: ( : (

``apparently they ``dont want to see me ever again`` and ``I make them sick.`` Crank calls are not everyone`s thing I guess...``

Crank calls? they were the best thing before the internet - i`d say!! Say talking of crank calls - this used to give me endless ct`s - i`d call some random # and ask them how is your refrigerator running? And when they answered ``it is running well`` - i would go - ``well then why dont you run along with it`` and crack up. juvenile but then life was pretty uncomplicated!!

aicha

In the new Afghan government one of the 5 vice presidents will a Afghan woman plus the deputy prime minister of new Afghanistan will be another Afghan woman!!

Now r u happy now, Sahar Saba of RAWA? -- or are the Northern Alliance still, curiously -- ``no better`` -- than the pious Talibans?

Scout and SPM

Don`t underestimate Reema. She is the most accomplished belly dancer I have ever seen. Why, her belly keeps dancing long after SHE has stopped.

Ref lowlife-headshrinker #: 424

[Word on the street is that OBL is getting very lonely in the caves. He let his wives escape. But he`s craving for a malayalee boy-toy. Intrested?!]

Why have you started pimping for Osama bin Laden? Nobody is paying you for your psychiatric advice anymore?

Since Malayalees are more common in Bombay than Tamils, you actually might be one. So, why don`t YOU become the boy-toy of OBL? You are more used to having your a$$ reamed here on the Chowk anyway.

Doc, do you know what is the first symptom of AIDS?

Answer: A pounding sensation in the a$$

That aside was a joke, for those who are humor-impaired, or self-righteous, or bootlickers.

drumzy sweetie..theres nothing wrong with banana republic bags..they look might pretty with matching chapleez...smartass

keeping in view your great skills, i have a request to make (seriously)..u talk about being high which is something thats been making me very very curious these past few months...bout a few weeks back i was going to give it a try but then i figured keh considering the fact that the last time i had an experiece with uh..narcotics was in grade 7 when the benson and hedges i marroed off my dad made me cough so my brain threatened to pop outta my throat, pure stuff straight from abdullah shah ghaziz mazaar was not such a great idea...id have started stripping or singing the national anthem had i smoked all that funny smelling stuff..so tell me...how does it feeel to be high? iv asked quite a few people that but most come up with real shitty `its orgasmic` (and im supposed to know what THATS like) u `feel lighheaded` bakwaas..well so, i feel lightheaded every time i know i look real nice too....u know what im saying? ofcourse u do...id appreciate an indepth detail of one of your journeys into the other side...and as an incentive, ill even send you a nose ring just like mine with the concerned people (where the hell are they? havent heard in almost a week)

anNy

Dear Anny,

As the Burger King folks say...`you got it.` Howz your leg?

Problems with OmarPhoenix...damn thing stopped coming up. UmerMPhoenix suffered the same fate. Umer Murtaza (Okay so I`m out in full now) will probably go for another few weeks, then go down the dump. I have the following nicks reserved just in case this one kicks the bucket as well.

Umer/Umar/Omar/Omer/Homer/Umert/Omert/Oh Bert/ Umertaza/Omurtaza/ Murtazar zar Gabor :-)

`Speak` to you soon Take care matey.

UM

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Scout: Sorry, I did mean the OTHER type. Though the license thing was quite nice and stuff like that. Um, Put some swear words in before ``short`` and ``drivers.`` Then you`d have a winner. But youd have to say it very fast and over emphasize the word ``SO.`` Have you tried saying that in Punjabi? Arabic? It would definately be funnier in arabic.

Aicha: I wouldnt touch that with a 50 foot minerat. I dont really work well with people named aisha, apparently they ``dont want to see me ever again`` and ``I make them sick.`` Crank calls are not everyone`s thing I guess...

PS: Agreed, though I think someone`s still convinced him he`s thirsty. See if you aint thirsty and/or dont believe you`re thirsty, you wouldnt be drinking any water. And you`re talking about white people there with the electronics and stuff. I agree, they are definately a wierd bunch.

Studebaker: This is NOT funny... Stop avoiding me, Ill be nice I promise. :) No Im lying, but still, stop avoiding me.

Zafar: Please no personal descriptions from here on in. Im still picturing you as a companion of Muhammed`s... Perhaps even a close disciple. You may be the reason for Muhammeds pesky date-fetish. Ill elaborate on this, the conspiracy of conspiracies, later...

Now then, I plead ignorance. I had never heard of reticulation prior to your post, just looked it up. You sir are a God. This ranks up there with hamid`s ``beat me with a stick and call me brenda!`` Please ignore all my marsupial comments, though you are encouraged to consider ``Possuf`` for future discourse...

Pink leather? I was thinking along the lines of transparent dupattas cleverly placed so as only the eyes are not visible (ironically, this was to be the new fad after the ``all black burqa.`` Its unfortunate demise is contained in yet another one of my conspiracy theories). And I apologise for your dislike of the ``anal assassin`` remark. I too plead my age as a mitigating factor here.

Now for the hashisheen. The most brilliant muslims (next to averoes and malcolm X) credit hashish for their success (coincidence?). See when Muslims were using hashish, everything was kosher (the jewish connection...) Then came Kalvinstien, seduced the men away from their natural high`s and attracted them to posters of white jewish women named Pinkyfeld. This is the very reason why the ottomons collapsed and ties neatly into the assassination (Notice the wordplay) of Muhammed, umar, Ali and others. Lastly, pay close attention to the word ``assassin.`` The anal connection should be obvious...

PS: How bout we co-author a book under the alias DRUMZar Al Talib? Whattya say? A facinating look into the life of Muhammed`s blunt smoking disciple. Free with Arabian style zig zags and Afghani Heroin!

(((Yes Ill do anything to get outta studying for exams...)))

Drumz,

Bro, I am with you on the fine art of lesbianism. One good thing is good, two good things are much better.

Lesbians of the world unite. You have nothing to lose but men, and may be not even that.

Scout,

Those moma jokes are my favorites. Unfortunately, many real momas don`t appreciate the wit and wisdom behind these jokes as much as they should. Their loss.

DRUMZ #447

``See u can lead a horse to water and u can make his azz drink too (u just gotta convince him he`s thirsty...)``

rrrrright!! Excuse me but what are your views on men&their-weird-fascination-with-electronics or say purchasing-plane-tickets.

See u can lead a horse to water and u can make his azz drink too (u dont need to convince

him he`s thirsty...) agreed?? : )

aicha

Farzana:

``being aware of the delicate workings of the vacuum left, I had with nary an inkling of the consequences referred to most innocently to the co-kheema pillager and the destination to which I was informed you would not mind dispatching him… the remark was veiled…``

I finally got this. My brother, (whom I call a jew because he`s so damn stingy) should go back to his mother land.

What`s wrong with you poets? Everything has to be soooooo complicated. Why don`t you just send a homing pigeon, morse code.... Hell, binary would make more sense.

``Drumz, being aware of 0000111010101010101 co kheema pilager 010100111 the 0010101 was 10101010010.``

How have you managed to evade my Cyber God (Hamidm)? He`s like Ganesh, Santa Claus, and Allah combined!

Scuse me, I was just watching ``jammin in New York.`` George Carlin of course...

He did a bit about airline stewerts (I must confess, I dont know how to spell it, we usually take trains...) ``Please check around your immediate seating area for any valuables you may have brought.`` Carlin was like, ``Its a fukkin seat! Check under your seat! And what is a valuable you may have brought? You either brought it or u didn`t.``

As always I apologise for the profanities...

scout

”hey now, no bad words about reema. she may have more cellulite than the average South Asian actress, but doesn`t she have a pretty face?”

…NO COMMENT…:)

“and those dances, mamma mia! ;)”

….alright, i’ll give her that…the lady sure can shake that…um…cellulite….

Reply DRUMZ # 447 plus some other posts not addressed to me

Drumz

“Zafar: See that was just not right. Did I say anything about you when u called whatshisface a ``soggy bottomed bat nosed Wallaby with a reticulated bowel.`` That was clearly against the rules. You`ve never heard of an ``eye for an eye?``

It’s the Kingdom of the Blind here…but OK. You’re right…I plead my age as a mitigating factor, I’m bitter about my lost youth, hair and teeth…

“He just called you a kangroo. Thats not even a word, man. You`re reply should have contained an intentional misspelling of any one member of the marsupial kingdom. Thats it! But to go on and on about their bottoms, their noses and bowels.”

RETICULATED bowels, Drumz. The reticulation is key.

And anyway, what other marsupial mis-spells so well? The Koola? The Platepuss? The Whambat? No, I’m sorry – once he’d used kangroo I was out of juicy options. Balance in invective had to give way to style considerations. I don’t think you are properly appreciative of all the constraints I’m dealing with here, and I’m not talking about handcuffs either. Truly, I had expected a little more sympathy.

“This takes me to my second point. Mr Shah is actively recruiting for some sort of ``male brotherhood`` thing he`s got planned. Yes you guessed it! Male brotherhood is a covert name for men having sex with other men! Tell me Im lying?”

I wouldn’t dare…It involves lace chuddees, doesn’t it? Or something criminally vulgar in pink (?) leather. In any case, now that you’ve outed the Commander of the Faithful (I’m leaving out the name as per usual MO) watch this space for j. (No, not Mary, holy.)

“3. Possibly an anal assassin.”

Heavens! I was all set to be flattered and was mentally modifying my standard it’s-not-you-it’s-me response, but now I think I’ll just be washing my hair…er…my scalp, whatever. (I will admit that I’d expected the Angel of Death to be a little more dignified.)

Must stop now before I pass out from sheer terror.

Zafar

PS I am second to none in my appreciation of conspiracy theories, so could you please expand on the hashisheen subplot? Who, why, where, etc? Was Pinky involved? (I hear that she’s jewish, btw.) What about Mullah Sandwich? (He’s jewish too.) Do you think that those Calvin Klein advertisements were the trigger? Please also highlight the primary responsibility of the whiteman in this matter as in all other ills of this mortal coil.

Prem: Just to let ya know, Im an avid student of the art of Lesbianism. Much like Islam, its the ((butchy)) vocal minority which has given all the fine lesbians out there a bad name.

We need more young desi lesbians to stand up and fight for their lesbianism-ness. Sadly, like all freedom fighters, there just arent enough of them...

PS: As always, Zafar shares my opinion on this one. We repesent the voice of all moderate Musalmans! Inshallah we shall overcome...

Studebaker/Shah/Fatima: What`s a mufukka got to do to get harrassed around here??? Gimmie ya best shot!!

DRUMZ #447, `` The whole point of the mama joke is to make fun of the dude, not his mama. Unfortunately this timeless form of expression has taken on negative connotations. Yes I do blame

the white man for this too.``

Oh you mean THOSE `mama` jokes? those ``yo momma so short you can see her feet on her driver`s license`` type of jokes?

See I thought you meant THOSE OTHER kind of mama jokes. The bad ones that most men here are accustomed to.

Reply Shankar # 432

To Poonawala: ”Which leads to another point---your own statements have given ammunition to the bigots on the other side of the fence to say ; ``see, he`s just a hindu posing as a pro-Indian muslim``.

HEY!!!! Urstruly told me that I was working this side of the street…

Reply Shah etc. # 438

“1 What are you recruiting me to?

brotherhood of MEN”

Deepika, Bijli, Lajwanti, Fatimah, Shabana, Fawzia (?), Deepika etc. cannot invite anybody to the brotherhood of man. Sort that out first. I’m sorry if I left any of you out.

Zafar

Reply Sigalph # 440

“It would be like you saying im bangladeshi because i can read write & talk bengali better than many bangladeshi .Does that make me bangladeshi ??”

Clearly bhadra lok. I blame you Sigalphda…also Neptune and Subroto…

re studebreaker

``I know the usage of the term Catholocity or catholic in the English language which akin to term momin ,muslim in urdu .``

The actual definition is as follows from the Advanced Oxford Dictionary:

catholic, adj. including many or most things; general; universal.

There is no relation here with muslim or momin in urdu or English for that matter.

``Samjhe babu .I can speak your language can you mine ??``

Most likely I can speak `your` language better than you can.

``rekhtaa ke tumhii.n ustaad nahii.n ho ``Ghalib``

kahate hai.n agale zamaane me.n ko_ii `miir` bhii thaa ``

By the way, the word `rekhta` here refers to Urdu.

Neither in `your` language nor in `mine`, do I need lessons from you. You may need a lesson in being gracious from the rest of us here.

Harpreet,

Check this out on ``asians`` in the UK:

http://www.hinduonnet.com/thehindu/2001/07/01/stories/13010611.htm

Zafar Al Talib - ``Shhh. Don’t tell them until it’s too late.``

mums the word (from now on)

re: studebaker

``If the lady wants to be treated equally ,she should pick her own garbage.

``No man is ever taken advantage of unless a woman,spy ,3rd womanseducer or betryal by another woman.``

``defence against exploitation by women``

``If women forum of south asian women can be ONLY FOR WOMEN,why not men have exclusive anything?``

...hehe, that`s some wicked $hit...i dare you to go to Wellesley College with all that written on a posterboard and scream it out by the student union building...

hallo omar..im presuming ure omarphoenix? clarify? :)

Dear Shankar,

Mate, I was here way before you and no, I`m not the thirteenth head... I promise. But yes, though I have read your posts, I have personally never communicated with you…until now anyway.

PS, after going through the whole 12 headed palava, I would hope that my English was tad bit better than those chap/s. And yes, I can see why I would be associated as the ‘unlucky’ head.

Tahmed321,

Yes. Give me a few days/weeks…all shall be explained…it was in fact one of your posts (believe it or not) which led to this.

Take care.

Umer Murtaza

What is wrong with being a lesbian? All of us want good things in life. So if women do the same, can we blame them?

:)

shankar bhai #434,

``Youre beginning to worry me, sis.``

u`re a little too late.

``Now, if my mind was in the gutter, I would have accused you of being a..a..le...gee, I`m so scared that I can`t even utter that word..``

that`s the first time you`ve been scared of uttering any word on Chowk. how do you feel? :)

and why does your mind have to be in the gutter to even fathom a woman loving another woman? you`re so narrow minded ;)

(i`m really gonna get it now, aren`t i?)

Sadna: ``diamond prices are controlled by a cartel.``

Exactly. Debeers` monopoly is responsible for the decapitation of thousands in S. africa, Angola, Sierra Leone... All done so that women can wear diamonds (like what the hell is so wrong with silver???) Copper and lead are more rare then diamonds, debeers just controls supply. Not to mention it brainwashes women into thinking ``daimonds are forever.``

See u can lead a horse to water and u can make his azz drink too (u just gotta convince hi