Jinnah’s Ustaadi

Re: Zafar

{{Breachcandy-Malabar Hill!, thank you v v much!}}

you delhiwallahs have a serious case of bombay envy...you guys are sneaking in everywhere...today it`s malabar hill, then it will be nariman point, then cuffe parade, then even juhu beach...what`s wrong with that connaught place or whatever it`s called?...

ENJOY!

__________________________________________________

A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs.

She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It`s hard to believe these were actually done by first graders! There are some good ones, and their insights may surprise you.



1. Better to be safe than ....punch a 5th grader

2. Strike while the............... bug is close

3. It`s always darkest before .. Daylight Savings Time.

4. Never underestimate the power of ....termites.

5. You can lead a horse to water but........how?

6. Don`t bite the hand that......looks dirty

7. No news is ................ impossible.

8. A miss is as good as a ...........Mr.

9. You can`t teach an old dog new.................math

10.If you lie down with dogs,you`ll........stink

in the morning

11. Love all, trust...........................me

12. The pen is mightier than the............pigs

13. An idle mind is..............the best way to relax

14. Where there`s smoke there`.........pollution

15. Happy the bride who.....gets all the presents

16. A penny saved is....................not much

17. Two`s company, three`s......the Musketeers

18. Don`t put off till tomorrow what............

you put on to go to bed

19. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and...... you have to blow your nose

20. There are none so blind as............Stevie

Wonder

21. Children should be seen and not......spanked

or grounded

22. If at first you don`t succeed.......

get new batteries

23. You get out of something only what you......

see in the picture on the box

24. When the blind leadeth the blind.....

get out of the way

25. And the favorite : Better late than........

_______________________________________________________________

subroto:



I know what ure saying :)

dhU(thora jhatka)KKan!

ylh,

by rehan ansari types, i take it you all mean writers/poets/artists/film makers etc etc who have problems with the notions of borders and nationalism and prefer to challenge through questions rather than brute force. this is interesting coming from someone who so obviously wants a more progressive pakistan. do you think we should just put all those silly people whose opinions are not yours in a little box six feet under the ground? i`d like to clarify i`m not attacking you, i`m glad you have belief and passion, and people like you are as neccesary for moving forward as anybody else, i`m just commenting on your rabid distrust of someone whose weapon of choice is a pen, and the ease with which you group him with fundo`s and lunatics. are you equating his criticism (merely in a line or two on a website) of your faith in the ideals of jinnah with real violence and opression?

Reply #43 Zafar-bhai/Harish

I guess the beauty of this language is in the way it has evolved and acquired so many sub-accents while retaining an essential honesty and refreshing directness that can`t be found say in unctous Dillispeke (``Kaisee hai auntyjee?``) or stilted-sounding Bangalorese (``No buggerrrr``).

Having said that, I tend to agree with Zafar`s placement of Shankar further South of Wadala... Harish, he`s already said on some other board that he isn`t a Tambrahm but a Konkani-speaking Saraswat so my guess is Talmakiwadi, Tardeo. Close enuff to Malabar Hill by walk, if not by bank balance :)))

Mohd. Ali Road ka lingo actually jyaada suna nahin hai.... but Zafar`s samplings make it sound positively hyderabadi....kya baataa kartaa.... humko naukri honaa.... types. Barobar?

But by far the funniest is the ghaati version from around Girgaum or Shivaji Park.... this guy originally from Poona used to come up and say things like ``Abhi akraa baj gayaa...... baara ko jevan karenge, theek hai?``....tooooo much :)))

re hamzad 41

Dude, Yasser or Aisha need neither your sympathy nor your best wishes. In a way you`re too late. Their Pakistan has little use for either Indian bravado or fundamentalist nonsense that you regularly espouse. Unless you are willing to reform yourself, don`t expect the new Pakistan to be too kind to your kind. I think, actually I am fairly confident, that Jinnah-ites like YLH and Aisha Sarwari can handle the problems of Pakistan without much help from the entrenched mullah/apologist class. So, in the immortal words of that famous movie, `sell your crazy somewhere else, they`re all stocked up there`.

Keep to your prayers and an occasional statement of support for Qazi Husain Ahmad or Maulana FAzlur Rahman. Yasser and Aisha are a bit above your league.

Prem;

What`s this?! Do my eyes deceive me or is that a Carol-Ann Duffy here?! Wow. Thanks thanks for posting her poem (i`m sure there`s many more where that came from).

And happy walentine`s to you too.

Aamir

Reply HN # 29

“…we are entering micro-bombaiyya where dialects clash...Shanakar`s is more Matunga-Wadala...”

Breachcandy-Malabar Hill!, thank you v v much!

“yours is more...Bandra-Sandra-Makapau”

Makapau?…mannnnnnnnn, like naiph in haaaart (tchhhhsssshk!)I swear...

“…and wee bit touch of Bollywood...”

Hum there ko liquid oxygen men dubayenga, HN kahin ka…

“let`s hear some Mohammed Ali Road...”

Mummudalirod? Mian, thum kya kahtha sooo? Thum kaisa aadmi hai? kebab kai?

“Farzana is a must here...I just loved her chutnification of the language that she used in a response to Trillion`s article...:)”

Kya chutnification lagayela hai? Ikade aa ke bol, chaaploos!! Farzanabai thhik heej bolti, samjhe? >

Aisha Sarwari,

When I was in High School, I remember seeing a caricature or a cartoon of Napoleon III walking on a tight rope at an elevated angle. At the end of the tight rope was the statue of Napoleon one. The caption was Napoleon III`s aspirations.

These days I feel quite the same like I am walking on a tight rope.. Only the statue is of the Quaid e Azam, and I am not alone. Pervez Musharraf and the Pakistan`s silent Majority are walking with me. But to make matters worse we are being attacked by bowling balls from all three sides, left right and back. Behind us are the Indians, on our right are the fundoos, and on our left are the rehan ansari types. Though considerable disparate in their theories and ideologies or lack there of, these three groups are allied in their hatred for me or us or however may you have it.

All three are scared of me and many like me. For they cannot beat us fair and square, since we are intellectually, morally and logically on a much higher ground even if its a tight rope (hence their obsession with us). The fundoos face a grave threat to very existence for we have shown an Islam which is better and more tolerant and more progressive than their half baked theologies and they risk being dethroned from their self appointed clergy status. The rehan ansari types are scared for we offer an alternative way to feel that goody goody tingly feeling they crave ... Our way unlike theirs is not replete with self loathing and monologues of self hate... not does our way require a constant volley of self abuse which is their hallmark. Indians ofcourse have little to be proud off and our success means that we will deprive them of what little they have. The y are hurling the bowling bowls at us from the behind.

YLH & Ayeshaa Fayyazi Sarwari:

Please forgive these characters.A remnant from the hippie days & still trying to find where they fit in.Their smart leaders saw the light right when they entered the tunnel & took the subway to the corporate towers.

These guys are still reassuring themselves that they are advanced & intellectual because they still enjoy the weed(NEVER CALL ME CHURSEE,YOU PAKI MULLAH) and can pay for The New Yorker by skipping a lunch or two.

These cultural hobos have nothing to offer anyone----not even to themselves.They try to compensate for their lack of brains by pretending to be an Indian to be an Englishman(the east ender ones) & to be a Phorrener to the Pakistanis.

These cursed Flying Dutchmen(women) have been condemned to create their own no man`s(womans) land....Wish them more of it.

And move on!

DAMN US! We the Pakistanis are so devoid of Public service. I suppose Edhi, Imran Khan, Fatmid foundation, the Citizens foundation, etc are all Indian after all. By the way, a true philanthrophist is rarely concerned with Politics. In the 1990s Imran tried to put pressure on Edhi to form a political pressure group. Edhi`s resounding reply was `NO` unlike many Mahatmas of our subcontinent. By the way does it matter that Jinnah left his entire fortune to Aligarh University, Anglo-Arabic College Dehli, Islamia College Peshawar, the famous High School Sindh Medressa tul Islam, and Bombay University. His legacy is none of these fine `public` service institutions (not that any of these come close to the fine public school institutions like Jamia Millia Islamia in New Dehli). His legacy is KGS, Aitchison, and god knows what else. Why? Because the great intellectual Rehan Ansari said so. <

Re anNy #27

``subroto, soundmiester:

dhakan is pure karachi lingo..dont you dare lay claims to it

dhakan kaheen kae``

I don`t know about that anNy it could come to either side by the migrants. I do know there is a distinctive way of speaking it unfortunately can`t attach a .wav file here.

soundmiester #26

``thanks to the fundoo expressway. Bechara Ramakant vadapav ka maabehn ek ho gaya..``

Don`t know about that, for when I travelled by the expressway in Nov`01 I noticed that dear old Ramakant had positioned Vans just near the toll booth and they were doing good business. How he managed to do that is anyone`s guess.

Harish

Thank you. Have you read Rushdie`s ``Ground Beneath Her Feet``? The Bombay material is brilliantly rendered in it. I can`t remember the name of the character in it (the one who is loosely based on Laloo Yadav), though from Bombay his accent is such a perfect take on a Marathi accent that I can actually hear him speaking when I read the book.

-

Subroto

Re Zafar #25: ``Hainjee? Eye yam conphyooosedd. Oita jee kee?``

Sorry prajee ek typo ho gaya si, I will naver aver do it again. To ae lo the carrect daffynition

Z : Zoo, what Delhi occasionally resembles.

And for somemore daffynitions we have

B - Butter chicken, consumed in copious quantities by the Dilliwalla. The dish to order with Chinese food, e.g. ``Ak butter chicken aur naan haga``.

M - Myself, e.g. ``Myself Chaman Bagga, your goodself?``

S - Skoog as in ``skoog me plis``, also for Surprise, when a Dilli thulla (see T) says ``Skooge me plis sir...``

U - Unkal jee, expression of respect to anyone who is 5 years older than you. Also what shopkeepers in Delhi are know as, e.g. ``unkal jee iss talephone may aSTD hai?``

On To More Important Things...

Valentine

Not a red rose or a satin heart.

I give you an onion.

It is a moon wrapped in brown paper.

It promises light

like the careful undressing of love.

Here.

It will blind you with tears

like a lover.

It will make your reflection

a wobbling photo of grief.

I am trying to be truthful.

Not a cute card or kissogram.

I give you an onion.

Its fierce kiss will stay on your lips,

possessive and faithful

as we are,

for as long as we are.

Take it.

Its platinum loops shrink to a wedding ring,

if you like.

Lethal.

Its scent will cling to your fingers,

cling to your knife.

-- Carol Ann Duffy

From ``Mean time`` Anvil books, 1993.

In response to Rehan`s comments in #23

Ahhhh...(the lightbulb finally lights up in wasted brain)...achcha, so that`s what happens when things are taken so literally!!! One misses the spirit of the piece.

Good point about the quest.

And you can quote from Benjamin as much as you want to, as long as you never quote from Derrida!!! But then again: `you are free to quote from your Benjamins, your Derridas, your Saids etcetera etcetera etcetera.` Peace!

MORE of Jinnah`s Foxy USTADIS :(

http://www.dawn.com/weekly/cowas/20011223.htm

``Admittedly, as Sir Harcourt Butler, one opponent to the bill, had stated, India could not be compared to other countries of the world as in certain respects its conditions differed radically. But its people belonged to the same species, human beings and in that respect they resembled all other nations of the world. Conditions may well have been different and that is where the statesmen and the politicians came into play. It was up to them to meet those special conditions and provide the necessary safeguards.

Elementary education had nothing to do with the fact that India had many castes, many creeds and many languages, but provision had to be made for them. There was much force in the argument that there were not sufficient school buildings, nor sufficient teachers, but if the money was there schools could be built, and teachers trained and paid. The opponents who insisted that the money was not there were merely repeating the very, very old story. Jinnah`s answer to them: ``All I can say is this, find money! Find money!! Find money !!! I appeal to the president, not as president but as the finance minister. I say, find money. If you say you have not got enough money, discover and tap new sources.....``

The people were already taxed, yes, he admitted. And if the government imposed further taxes to fund the purpose and provisions of the bill, the government would be faced with a good deal of unpopularity. But so what? What they would be doing is benefiting the masses of the country to whom the government owed a greater duty than to anybody else. He appealed to the British to remove the reproach justly levelled against their rule - the neglect of elementary education. ``It is the duty of every civilized government to educate the masses, and if you have to face unpopularity, if you have to face a certain amount of danger, face it boldly in the name of duty ..... You will have the whole educated public with you in the struggle on the battlefield.``

Having dealt with the issue of the voluntary system versus compulsion, he moved on to the dangers cited - the political danger and the social danger. Others, Nawab Majid and Muhammad Shafi amongst them, had opposed the bill on the ground that were the people to be given education, it would breed socialism and agitators who would organize strikes. Ridiculous, said Jinnah, to equate education with sedition. Frank and independent criticism of the government was the duty of every member of the state and fair, free and independent criticisms of the acts of government could in no way constitute sedition. Was it in any way logical to say that a boy who could read and write would automatically become a political agitator?

Jinnah reminded the council members that it was they who knew the blessings of education which the British government had given them - for the British were the first to open the eyes of the Indians to the importance of education. It was the British government which had brought them up to the level where they were able to stand and deliberate upon the affairs of the nation and the country. He asked them, where would they all be but for education?

As for another fear of the feudals - that the people would become `too big for their boots`, that they would not follow the occupations of their parents, that they would demand more rights, that they would agitate, that they would become socialists, was it the intention to keep millions and millions of people downtrodden merely out of fear that they may demand more rights? Were they to be kept in darkness and ignorance for all ages to come in case they stand up, after realizing that they do have certain rights, and ask for those rights? It was only those who were influenced by selfish reasons who were urging that universal elementary education was a mistake.

Jinnah was firm - there was neither a social nor a political danger. In fact, those in government would have more friends, and more intelligent friends, who would understand them better so that their work would be made easier. They would have fewer unscrupulous people to deal with - those who were then in a position to impose upon the ignorant and provoke them. Compulsory universal elementary education was not only in the greater interests of the country, he told his fellow members, it was imperative.

Now, let us think. Does Gokhale`s bill and Jinnah`s support still hold good today, particularly in the context of illiteracy in Pakistan? The answer: a glaring `yes`. But how does one tackle the problem?``