Diary of an ABCD

#40 by AmericanExpress on September 30, 2002 8:33pm PT

`Godot is busy with Samina (Tidbits)getting hitched looking like Tom Roy or some comic character like his pic .which is now changed.Check Chowk Unplugged thses two have a whole thread to themselves like a corner in the coffee house . `

LOOOOOL...actually i wish, so does he and i think so do u! :)

but as they say...baat nikli hai tu door talak jaye gi ;)

rgds,

samina

Aaria, Ia mlike this VERY much. Ushld writring for Zenana Magazinew hich is my fave!

Iam lookforw ared to more. Ia mromance, tau Iam hope more abt love intrest.

Best wushes,

Lajwanti

Kahmkhwa

“what is the masculine gender of churail?”

Behain, masculine genders of churail is choo

…godot…interesting story…but, because it was a literal translation, it didn’t really gel in some places…

Aaria,

Appreciated your comments. My apologies if my comments seemed to miss the point of your piece. I do appreciate that this is not a feminist piece-although, I`m not quite sure what that means...I think that Anissa is a compelling enough character. Would really like to read how she develops in your hands. A short story that I really like is ``Life`` by South African writer Bessie Head...perhaps if you are inclined, you might give it a read...

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Okay I thought the article was great................it shows the CONFUSED side of the ABCD girls pretty well. Atleast their is one who shows it like it is................Bravo Aaria..............By the way I like your name.
Can I ask you out ........If Ali hasn`t done that already!

First and foremost, I appreciate all forms of criticism. Thank you for your both your kind, and unkind words.

Comparing this to Bridget Jones Diary- wow thanks! But this was most definitely not based on that. I was trying to portray the lifestyle of SOME, not ALL ABCD woman. This wasn`t a feminist piece, more just a train of thoughts portrayed in an informal format.

Anyhow aside from that, on some level I think its safe to say that some of Anisa`s fears may be inherent in many ABCD woman. The men in this piece are all based on true life characters, so if you guys think they are completely and totally out of this world, they aren`t.

Anyhow thanks again for your comments, they are much appreciated and I hope to read some of your stuff soon.

Aaria: you have potential...tons of it...its just that this particular thing...very generic...as someone mentioned it smacks of bridgette jones diary which by the way was rather annoying...been there done that wali baat hai...
hope to see more of your work...
rgds,

samina

Khamkhwa,

Pax

this is so stereotypical that it could easily come in the friday times -- and im not exactly sure if thats a compliment --

Okay, last post on this piece, keeping in mind Noor, Aicha, and Sameer`s comments.

First para: Narr. plays around with trope of Spring; worries about her hair, clothing, and indicates she is pencil waisted thin (signifying she is unhealthily thin due to alcohol and ecstacy consumption, or buys in to prevailing body ideals in mainstream US and in Pakistan- last time I was in Pakistan, the ideal was thin, tall and fair-is it still that?) Under pressure from parents to make plans ``for the rest of her life`` and would like to physically escape (we understand drinking, drugging to be a form of escape) but has phobias and anxieties (animals) so she settles on fashion shoes which indicate a fear of uncontrollable/ nature/land and comfort in the constructed world of appearance. Lots of red flags, but also, a respect for her parents. This is the kind of complexity that works for me.

Para 2: A bit unclear about what she wants to do academically. Its great that she has the leeway to choose because she is bright enough. Her political science BA seems to have been exciting for her because she is able to argue with a prof. and provide another perspective, however she chooses to avoid it. Encounters sexism with another prof. (Btw, no male prof is stupid enough to make the 4B`s comment. He`d be fired by the next morning) She chooses philosophy but doesn`t tell us why. Why does philosophy appeal to her? Perhaps the author can follow up on this theme somehow thru this piece in a subtle manner. But in essence, the most imp. decision of her life is settled in the matter of a few sentences? Is this supposed to signify the unhappiness of her current mindstate? And therefore she eases her feelings of anxiety by buying designer shoes (Jeez Louise, I have to settle for Jane magazine or bar of nice supermarket soap). Okay, get it, material gratification.

Third para: Arre toba toba! She`s going to party with either Americans or Indians? Is this to indicate that she`s got no sense of seedi saadaness? Bhangra is corny but she likes it, is it comforting for her? Narrator settles issue by getting a pedicure and shirt-more appearance solutions. So, writer, is the effect that she is a compulsive shopper?

Fourth para: The morning after. Reader, Anisa drinks! She smokes! Her clothes are ripped! Are you shocked? Writer, how can you give us a funny line or sentence that makes her choice more compelling, understandable? We are so removed from her emotionally.
Rivalry with girlfriend who has good news-who are this narrators good friends? Where are her supports?
Why does she make a date with her alcoholic ex? Writer indicates that narrator is aware that her ex drinks too much. Besides her jealousy that her friend is engaged, is there anything attractive about ex? Why not?

Para 5: Narrator gets and considers ex`s proposal despite the fact that she disapproves of his alcoholism and a previous girlfriend in Karachi. (Why is she termed a ``whore``? What happened?) Narrator is a snob; witness ``fob``, she`s becoming more unsympathetic by the minute.
Heres the hard part about writing-your job is to make your main character three dimensional, complex, compelling even if she/he is the obnoxious person on earth. If the writer`s passing judgement on his/her characters, readers don`t care too much, are not conflicted and thus forced to think about the complexity of the characters lives- and quite franky, it doesn`t mirror real people, real life and all their lovable and self destructive tendencies. Were not all Tolstoy, or Mistry you say? Reach for it; why can`t we be great writers?
Para 6: Why is Anissa following this guy around? Is she that dense? Can you make her more endearing rather than bitchy and clueless? Do men go around saying things like ``used``? What I like about this good looking character is that he is interesting because he triggers something in Anissa. He`s good looking, rejecting, a hypocrite and yet Anissa is fascinated with him. THIS works. He represents something to Anissa about herself-and actually he himself is not that important; what he symbolizes to Anissa in terms of her feelings towards herself, is.
Para 7 Anissa runs a fever; she is down and out. Good; we and she get a break from the manicness of her life. Her friend comes, but then goes, a bit sad. She has to take care of herself and not let her parents know that she is having a crisis. She sleeps like a baby-everything is okay after all? I dont know...
Para 8 is the best para. Great short phrases, great action, great social criticism. A lot is going on here....I wish I could read more of this party. Good twist in the end, excellent use of silence and mumbling. And so when the narrator calls Ali the next morning, we are aware that something has happened inside the narrator, but we are not quite sure what it is. She`s made a bad decision-hopefully she`ll come into her own intelligence even if she gets married to Ali; but it`ll probably be very painful thruout.
I hope to read more....

Saminasha - 26

Peace ??

Definitely NO fetishes.
Regards.

loved the pace and enjoyed this much.

I actually liked the article because of the topic it deals with. Being an ABCD, real or fictional, she brings to attention the identity crisis. She has a desi upbringing and looks for a partner within same identity. She mentions Omar, Usman and Ali but no second thought about Bob, Joe or Dick. With Ali, her inherited identity will remain intact into another generation. Being independent and free to choose, she opts for all desi men. Her parents deserve credit, irrespective of this being good or bad.
Good luck Aaria, if it is not fiction. You can always change, improve and tackle your weaknesses till the last day of your life.

Khamkhwa,

I don`t criticise without reason- my comments, as the comments of the other interactors are meant to let the writer know how she/he can improve her work. Isn`t credibility a factor in good fiction? If I find the narrator inauthentic or even a fantasy figure, why should that bother you?

And by all means, critique my posts, and if I submit articles to Chowk have a partay ripping it shreds....

But, for the record, not all the men in my family are as unfortunate as some of the men in my family....and the smart ones are married to the women in my family. And, in case you need clarification, my Ummi topped her university class despite being three years younger than her classmates and got her doctorate on scholarships....just so you know....
am I proud of my women folk? Damn right I am....

But since youre are into fetishes let me not disrupt that little fantasy you`ve got going with Anisa....say hi to Mr. Rourke and Tattoo for me!