Living Abroad

arjun_m #32

[If you live in NY/NJ maybe....ever been to northern virginia...? no porn stores...booze shops owned and run by the state(overwhelmingly GOP state)..no strip bars here.you`ll have to go to maryland for that..]

I am a happy and proud resident of the beautiful, enchanting, sunny and sinous People`s Republic of California. We have full access to porn, strip bars, alcohol and ``medicinal`` marijuana.... who cares what the cousin-humping, bible-thumping, republican-voting rednex in n. virginia are doing???

rsaxena #40

[Everything was as grande and opulent...bro which country and city did you land in?...land in nyc and you will find an uglyass]

He was comparing it with the rathole aka Chennai.

Talking about opulence and grande, come visit SF, Seatle, Lake Tahoe, Vegas, SD, Orange County etc....... on second thoughts....... stick with your Chennai and Gandaphattam.

``finally something you and i agree upon : ``with running water, functioning toilets, and air-conditioning (the three essentials of life)``......
hamidm/romair

four -- essentials of life -- don`t forget -- the hot water -- gentlemen --

shukre adaa kur uncle Sam ka bhaiyaa -- jisne humeiN gurm paanee dilwaiyaa..

suktey ki maazrut ke saath

I totally agree with the author. I had an experience of living abroad and then left a very good job to come back. Although life in pakistan is not a bed of roses but its much better than the soul-less life of the west

hamidm #47: `` finally something you and i agree upon : ``with running water, functioning toilets, and air-conditioning (the three essentials of life)``......``

I thought you and I agreed on everythigng, except on Musharraf :-)

woh tu kuch aur hee bantay gaye unjaan Adm........
hum to samjhay thay keh pehchan huwi jaati hai

``last july, after my lovely three day vacation at lower topa, complete with black label and chicken tikka (courtesy of your former employer),``

You know something, my friends and I, after spending extremely hot summers in the s//itholes of Ranjanpur and DI Khan, fixing radars and digging ditches, where the only entertainment is hunting, Indian movies and soft porn movies (I wasn`t into the first and third, so I stuck to Indian movies - hence my close friendship with Shahrukh and Madhuri - those two Indians have gotten me through a lot of boring days in the boondocks), used to go to Murree for long weekends. We didn`t have enough money to stay at the fancy places in Murree, so we would opt for the rooms in Lowertopa military stations - which were built for officers, llike us, who had been through the hell of central Punjab (or through war - I don`t know which is worse) and wanted to get their brains back in place.

I was never, never once in my life, able to get a room there. They were always occupied by the civilian neices and nephews of Generals (I could even tolerate civilian kids of Generals, but neices and nephews, gimme a break). These yuppies, with their fancy Nikes (we could only afford Servis and Bata) would be on their pleasure trips from the USA or from distant places such as Islamabad, and would always hog up the rooms that were built for us poor folk.

And then they would complain about the rooms, while we lived in the tent village (there is one near Murree), and pitched in money together so we could pay the parking bill for the Bhurban PC parking lot, where we would drive in my friends` beat up Suzuki 800, and enjoy the only thing we could afford - a piece of pastry and a glass of coke.

Since then, I have always found the double standards (not talking about you here :-)) quite interesting. People talk about high military budgets, but jump at the chance to get into their General Uncle`s rooms in Kalabagh, Chitral and Skardu, on their vacations.

Thats` when I decided, I was being an idiot serving my country. Who the hell wants to do that? You live in tents even on vacation, you cannot afford even Reeboks what to talk of Nikes, rich feudal Pakistani off-springs in Defence socieities and richer expatriates physicists in New England consider you the cause of all their problems. And you have to sit on the border with Korean War vintage fighter planes and rifles, fighting Indians in a 5 ot 1 ratio who have fancy French Mirage 2000s (courtesy of Indian industrialists and software programmers and NRIs who actually do their jobs and pay taxes so their guys can get the slick rifles, as opposed to ours who just complain and don`t pay taxes) while, ``revolutionary`` Pakistani expatriates make brownie points by stating that the money spent on the only thing you have to protect yourself from being killed by a, ``horrible Hindu`` soldier (a thirty year old gun manufactured in Wah) would have been better spent on a hospital bed.

(Even now, something I sit back and laugh at my naivety and stupidity of those days. Now, as an expatraite, I go back and make fun of my old military friends lifestyles as they sit quietly in Siachen and Multan, and accuse them of robbing the exchequer of Pakistan. Believe me, its great to be an expatriate - it beats being a General, hands down)

Realizing it was going to take way the hell too long to become a General (one has to remain alive through Indo-Pak wars, live without air-conditioning for too long, and pass too many useless but difficult tests), I opted for a short cut. The only way to get into these rooms in Lowertopa was to end up in the USA, spend a few years washing dishes, build some software, and then come back and sell it to the Army higher-ups, in return for a room in Lowertopa (with or without electricity).

So, now you know, why I get very defensive when anyone criticizes the military as a whole (sepoys and Captains included) and not just Generals. It`s one thing to hog up their rooms in Lowertopa, but then to criticize the people whose rooms have been hogged up........... :-)

``air-conditioning - that`s what makes america so great ......... everyone has air-conditoning``

True. And showers that throw out hot water with pressure.

Anyways, you seem to have the system of Pakistan figured out far better than the rest of us. I always knew civilians were more intelligent than simple soldiers. I have, courtesy of my employer, now lived in the Grand Hyatts and the Beach Sheratons and the Crown Plazas, but my heart still longs for the room in Lowertopa that I could never get. Can you tell me what it looks like from the inside? :-)

Re: Zermin Azhar

America is what you make of it. America is about individualism. You have to assimilate and accept its ethos. America will respect your identity, but you also have to make an effort to assimilate; find your own niche and create a space for yourself in the American quilt.

America is a nightmare for those with the wrong dreams. Dreams come true in America, but there is a price associated it. The price can assume many shapes and reasons, but it has to be paid in order to live the dream. American spirit is about independence and it teaches self confidence. The American experience is a personal renassiance and journey to self discovery. The end of the journey depends on you and your experience will always be unique and dissimilar from others. Above all, it is a leap of faith based on a chance and a willingness to take a risk - risk a chance in order to improve yourself, to change and become better.

You have to take a risk and if you do, the rewards are many and if you ply the safe roads, the tedium of life`s daily existence will wear you down. Life is a chance that has to be taken; life has to be dared and despite all the loss and the set backs, the challenege must never to foresaken! Remember, there is no shame in losing, but there is no honor either in not trying. Those who do not risk a defeat or a seek a victory know neither and to such people, America has no soul. It has no soul, because America mirrors you and reflects you. Do not blame the mirror for what it shows you!

Ciao

Now here is what the parents feel.

Myself and wife took Zafar to drop him at Tri-State University Indiana. It was my flight to New York. One night at Frankfurt and next day we flew to JFK. From there to Chicago to Fort Wayne where a Singaporean student had come to pick us up.

My plan was to stay there for four days. But I got the message that the program was changed and I had to fly from JFK the next night.

I remeber, we left the University early in the morning when it was still dark. I clearly remember my son standing there alone in that new strange world all by himself and we were leaving to let him fend for himself. I am a non-emotional person and I rarely cry. But I cried the whole way back to NY. I felt that I had ruthlessly dumped a part of me there. I cursed my country which did not provide quality institutions for the students.

Next night we took off from NY for Paris. We had to stay two days in Paris. The momemt I checked into the Hotel, I called my son and told him that he is completely free to come back to Pakistan if he does not like the place. But I told him to stay there for one month or so purely as a vacation. He did not come back and lived through those sad moments of loneleness.

I still get those creeps of sadness when I recollect the moment I left my son there alone.

I guess theses are the sacrfices that the parents make for the future of their children.

romair

..... finally something you and i agree upon : ``with running water, functioning toilets, and air-conditioning (the three essentials of life)``......

....... last july, after my lovely three day vacation at lower topa, complete with black label and chicken tikka (courtesy of your former employer), i was horrified to find myself without air-condiitoning in the middle of the night ........ load-shedding, that`s what the natives call it ......... now, we all know that life, liberty and the pursuit of air-conditioning are the inalienable rights of all free men (and some women) ............. so i got on the phone with the wapda sub-division to lodge my complaint with the sdo who i had gone to see earlier in the week to make sure that my american-born kids were not deprived of their right to controlled temperature ......... lo and behold, the phone was busy, or engaged, as they call it in the local parlance ............... how dare they be engaged in the middle of the night !...... rumor had it that they take the phone off the hook and go back to sleep ............my father tells me that this would never have happened if we had any ``serving`` generals living on the street ........ alas, all we have are two retired generals and their sons - a retired brigadier and a major who went off to amreeka ........a serving general on the street is the difference between air-condiitoning and pure hell .................

.............. but, no fear! ....... the buggers won`t pick up the phone - i`ll show them! ........... nothing will stand between my american kids and their god-given right to air-conditioning .............. so i took off my sweat soaked t-shirt and marched down the family to the driveway at two in the morning ...........the wife and kids protested at having to look at my hairy back and the little roll that spills over onto the waisttband of my nike shorts ............. ``never mind, stop laughing and get in the car !`` ............. so i turned on the car, pushed back the seats, turned on the air-conditioning and we slept soundly till the mullahs started wailing ............. nothing stands between us and air-conditioning!...............

.............. but just to be on the safe side i went back to the sub-station in the morning, found the lineman in charge of our street, gave him five thousand rupees and told him to take care of things ............. needless to say, we had air conditioning for the rest of our vacation ........... heck with the sdo - i should have gone to the lineman in the first place ............

............ air-conditioning - that`s what makes america so great ......... everyone has air-conditoning ... even if they don`t have a serving general for a neighbor ........... but the strange thing is that i can still remember when we were easily able to sleep through the night on a baan charpoy draped in a bed sheet soaked in water and the fan turned on full speed ............ and if, in the middle of the night, wapda decided to cut off the electricity we still manage to sleep till the mullahs started wailing ...............

#40 by rsaxena

Oh come on Saxena - NY city aint that bad!!

Hi!
Well I have been a student for the past three years over here as well. I don`t know, but my experiences have been different. First of all, the American people I have met were all very willing to know about Pakistan and my culture. They have been better and starightforward friends than any of my desi friends. We have to realize that we are in their country. We have to take intiative. We have to go and mingle amongst them. What they think about us is that we are the kind of people who just hang out with only our kind of people (desis), and don`t mingle with them and don`t like them. We have to undermine this. We to have to go and make frinds. Once they are your friends, they are going to be the best friends you will ever have. Even when I used to live alone, I was never alone. Because the first thing I did was make friends and once they were my friends, there was never a time when I was alone. They always look out for me and so do I. I am actually a member of a Fraternity which consists of only white poeple. If they are what you say they are they would have never accepted me and I am the only Pakistani guy in there, and they look after me as they would after a white guy. I know alot of families living here. None of them has such problems as you described. On the contrary, I have never seen a Pakistani girl, who behaves the way your cousin does. Almost all of them respect their familes, and respect their customs. All I can say is that here you just don`t make friends like that. You have to take the intiative. But once you have done that you wil learn that these people are not as bad as you have experienced. And secondly, there is very little oppurtunity for housewives in America. You will not be as lonely as your auntie, if you work and keep yourself occupied.
But this is what I think, and I am sorry for anything that I have written, with which you might not agree.

i think its all come to where you want to be at end of the day.....some desprately want to go back but financial obstacles are in their way, many are sacrificing for their loved ones back home, they still talk about going back one day, although inside they know its not going to happen as there always something to stop them.

Many are happy living in USA as they have experianced diffrence in life, they are happy coz for them life is all about to interact with diffrent cultural, langastiuic people...and they gaveup on Paksitan coz of problems like loadshading, dust, traffic etc. So now its easy for them to sit in USA and criticise on Pakistani system without becoming part of it and doing any individual effort to change it.

However, wherever you live you should have a reason for that, many people i know came back to Paksitan after their education, not because they were feeling lonely but they thought all their US experiance is much needed in Pakistan rather then USA itself. They sacrificed their good USA living and made an effort to improve the system. We cant say they have changed the whole system but some of them did improve their sorroundings. For them happiness is not living in free world but to try make Pakistan a free world. Its always important to be there where you required most.

you probably come from a wealthy Pakistani family, lived in the lap of luxury in Pakistan, spoiled rotten amidst the servants and family......got daddy to pay for your education `abroad` (unless you got a full financial scholarship which i doubt), wanted to have your cake and eat it too....came to America thinking it will add some feathers in your upper class cap.....realized that there`s more to the US than Hollywood glamour and useless sentimentality.....faced with living independently without the social and servant support of Pakistan, you became scared, disillusioned, walled yourself off, and now are going back with nothing to show except a degree.....it really doesn`t matter whether you live in Pakistan or the US, as long as you make the most of it.....but you obviously didn`t make the most of your stay......i suggest you grow up immediately and think about your outlook on life

Dear Saminasha,

Relating #15, I am a great fan of the goal oriented approach to life that you talked about, but long term and short term goals most of which ``automatically`` develop in you are not always material objectives that you could achieve by just having an 8 hour job. Some of them are about being close to or caring about one or many persons, and/or about having one or many people care about you. These affection oriented goals have been referred to as ``feelings and emotions`` by the writer when she says, ``I am going to leave behind this country where emotions and human feelings come last, much later then anything else.``


I`m really really interested to know how you`d comment on that. It seems to me as if materialistic and affectionate goals oppose each other. Where do you think is the balance? This is the question that I have thought for months now and find myself extremely confused about life.

re: mohar11

{Everything was as grande and opulent and exciting as I imagined. }

...bro which country and city did you land in?...land in nyc and you will find an uglyass, utilatarian airport with a long line to hail a filthy cab driven by a rude desi on pothole-filled roads...and while you sit in traffic moving at 11 miles an hour, you will ask yourself if this really is the first world...

...if you want something grande, try central europe...you pay 60% income tax but have nice white mercedes taxis and airports that were built to impress...

hamid:

this is the most blahingly blah post from you...you ok?...cheer up friend...blahing happiness is a blah-state of mind...

...to decipher blah you have to go to unplugged and check out some of the blah posts...you will feel better;)

..t

life in pak is wonderful until we have a strong supportive group of ppl around us....parents...family...extended family...friends....once you are on your own...or should i say living life in the real world... life in pak aint all that comfortable...personally, socially or politically...but i guess one could continue to live in a pampered cucoon...and turn insensitive to what is happening around in our society..in our cities...in our villages.....as they say...`ignorance is bliss!`

hamidm #31: So true.....

One rarely thinks about, ``the meaning of life`` when one is struggling to make ends meet, buy a car, etc. When one is in a village in Punjab, one wants to move to Chakwal. After making it to Chakwal, the desire is to move to Lahore. After Lahore, it is to move to a posh neighborhood in Lahore or to Islamabad. After that, it is to make it to UAE. Then to the rural US Midwest, where Americans don`t want to go. Then it is to make it to a big Midwest city like Denver. Then to the big cities on the coast like Boston, New York or San Fran. Then to the Palo Alto, Manhattan or Sausalito neighborhoods of these cities.

After that, the only place left to go is to the moon. Then the meaning of life starts to hit. And slowly one starts the journey backwards to the small village in Punjab/Kashmir/NWFP/Sind/Baluchistan etc.

My grandfather spent his whole life, against huge odds, to get his family out of the small village, where they had lived for generations. He got his kids to the equivalent of his Chakwal, one generation ahead of his brothers, sisters, cousins and friends.

My parents got their families to Lahore and Islamabad and Dubai from my father`s Chakwal. My generation made it to the US Midwest and onwards to San Francisco. What will my kids do? All their struggle have been taken care of. They won`t have to walk through the overflowing village rivers like my grandpa, or live in tiny homes with intermittent water and electricity like my parents, or stand worthlessly at immigration counters like me.

So instead of ending up in an old home, I have decided to start the journey backwards. USA, Canada, then to UAE, then to Islamabad, in my lifetime. By the time my kids are grown up, they may decide to jump on this bandwagon also, and voluntarily move on from their Chakwals towards ancestoral villages.

Who knows, and hopefully, by that time Pakistan will have made enough progress where no one will need to leave the country. And living in a lush green Punjab village, or a flowery Kashmir village will be as trendy as living in the small villages of Switzerland or Germany.

Here`s to spending the last years of life in a chalet in the outskirts of Chakwal, Muzzafarabad, Kohat, Gwadar, and Larkana, with running water, functioning toilets, and air-conditioning (the three essentials of life) and not in an old home in Palo Alto with the same facilities.........