Living Abroad

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vanguard #7:

Please don`t let go the opportunity to study abroad just because someone else`s experience wasn`t too great.You need to challenge yourself and try to think out of the box. Even if you find it hard to live abroad the experience that you will undoubtedly gain will prove very beneficial in your life later in Pakistan.
I too want to work in Pakistan after graduation, but not because I hate the west, infact I love it!!!!, but for other (more kinda patriotic somewhat stupid and childish) reasons.

Afterall, the biggest risk in life is not taking one.

Reconsider.

best,
Taimur.

-----------
``Say what you want. Say what you mean.
Question yourself: are you really what you seem?
Say who you are. Say what you mean.
Question yourself: are you really what you dream?``

Ms. Zermin,

Lot of respect for you. Wish you all the luck in Pakistan. Many of friends graduated in US , went back to India and are working for IBM, Oracle. Some of them are sent here to US by IBM India temporarily for migration project to India and quite frankly I am envy of them. They have so much fun there at work place, late hours, dinner, movie even on week day. I hope you will also enjoy in Pakistan...

Indian

Zermin Azhar, welcome to CHOWK.

This piece of writing came straight from the heart.

Male or female, we have all been there. You made your choice and we

here in the US have made ours. And who knows about the future?

I now love both countries even though I never hesitate on being critical

of either.

I wish you luck. And you on the other hand can wish the same for us.

We are BOTH going to need luck in the near future.

No matter how big a fan of Cricket, I will never be able to pass that on

to my daughter who thinks that the Sacramento Kings Basketball team

is what sorts is ALL about.


Ras

Zermin:
thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. It is unfortunate that you did not leave amreeka with a better impression, but I do want to let you know that this is not a country `where emotions and human feelings` come last for everyone. Many americans including some of us are immigrants here..some were forced in, or forced out, but for quite a number of us emotions and feelings do not come last. :-)
I could identify with you on a certain level in terms of the loneliness, and the cut off feeling that you had. I was fortunate in that I came here with my family, and had somewhat of a support system. I have lived here practically all of my life, and am forever lost amidst any crowd, be they goray log, or desis, or anyone else. I was just as lost in Pakistan as well. And while Pakistan is where my roots are, and what I`ll always be attached to, I don`t think I could ever return there to live, because as long as my elderly mother is here, I am rooted much more to her than to a land, or a feeling of well-being that I had there. We all develop support systems in order to live here, and again it`s unfortunate that you didn`t find one.
Pakistan is beloved even to those of us who are away...but Pakistan, like any other country is not perfect...i know from personal experience that there are many `back home` for whom feelings and emotions come last...as well as any sense of decency, or love for family. You might think about that in your future criticisms of amreeka. :-)

hamidm...may i just say that I grow more and more impressed with the punches you are so adept at delivering?! :-D

.......... amreeka, is a great place to live if you are young, have a job and want a better job, have a car and want a better car, still think that what you do really matters to mankind and, most importantly, are still hoping to make it with a blonde one of these days ............

........once you have a three car garage and three cars to put in it and have given up on blondes (and brunettes, and redheads ........and sex in general), you look around at all the people sipping their three dollar lattes and reading yesterday`s news, and wonder, ``is this it?``.......... ``have i made it and, if so, where am i?`` ............ and so, as you make up your millionth powerpoint slide with the infamous two by two, you ask yourself if it really matters where you place those silly little circles .......... you have done it so many times and, inspite of your valiant efforts to get the circles just right, enron collapsed and aol-timewarner is on the verge of collapsing .......... so you randomly put in the circles without thinking, knowing that nobody will notice ........ it doesn`t matter and it all pays the same .............

.......... now, what do you do? .......... play golf and drink dry gin martinis? ......... but your knee gives out on the third hole and you tend to fall asleep after the first drink ..........most of your white friends are suffering from alzheimer`s and your paki friends are too busy praying for salvation to worry about mundane things like living their lives ............... the kids are busy running around in their minivans to soccer practice and pta meetings ............. what the heck do you do? ..........and you start thinking about being stuck in a nursing home with little old white ladies and grouchy old white men and their noisy breathing machines .......... and those sinister orderlies with their silent enema machines ............

.............. brr! ........ i am beginning to scare myself! ..........the other day my ten year old threatened to put me in a nursing home if i didn`t stop being ``mean`` to her .......... i don`t even know what ``being mean`` means , because if i did i certainly wouldn`t run the risk .........so i bought her off with one of those bose wave thingees .......... after a while, everything is a ``thingee``- things, that you can buy with an appropriate amount of money................but every time i drive by a shady acres assisted living place i have the urge to pull in and check it out just in case she decides to go through with her threat ...........


P.S. .....and don`t think pakistan is any better - i have seen plenty of old men live out their last years dying horrible deaths without breathing machines and enemas.......... they lie there, miserable and hopeless, as their sons and daughters loudly squabble over who is going to take care of the old man and who is going to inherit the house in the village ..........so what`s the answer ? ......... let me have another drink and think about it .........

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Mohar,

Right, the small town desi restaurant symbolises the will to create a home even in the most homogenized spaces. How did the restaurant do?

Temporal,

Let me clarify that I did not mean my ``peace of mind`` post to relate to Ms. Azhar; she has perfectly valid claims in prefering Pakistan. In fact, given the relatively short time of her stay here, I`m not surprised that she or anyone else who has stayed here for 3 years gathers the impressions she has.

My comments were directed at what Romair addressed in post 25, Sameer`s post and Slink`s. Perhaps I tend to bristle at the ABCD generalisations and the comments made by interactors who feel that their identity systems are superior than the rest of ours. On Chowk, there seems to be a lot of that, and I`m trying to come to the discussion in as honest a manner I can. In my opinion, most people with fixed identity ideations are not prepared nor are they equipped to deal with the diverse reference points that people outside of Pakistan live with and negotiate and are informed by. For example, sure, I long for Pakistan in that I am Pakistani and at a basic level belong to a Pakistani community but this identity is only one. The messages I received from elder and rigidly traditional folk is that one identity was always superior than the next and whats more, was always in conflict with the others. To some extent, this message is still transmitted by those who are not able to think these negotiations through, or are willing to make them. While I respect that, and remind them that they are able to be who they are in this country-more than in Pakistan in some cases, I dont think they are in any position to tell the rest of us about identity-esp. when the racial, cultural, ethnic, social and religious identities of South Asians have been in flux for centuries. Wake up and smell the chai! :)

The nature of migration has forced us to think about what is really identity and what are socially constructed notions of identity.

Hey Guys
This is Zermin. Thanks for the replies. I just wrote it as it came to me and it has been really great knowing the views of other ppl. I realize that I maybe wrong at some point, but hell I am so glad to be back in Pakistan. :)

I never understood this ``culture shock`` thing. My experiences after I landed in America was exactly what I expected before I boarded that flight in Chennai. Actually it was even better. I didn`t expect people to be this friendly - I thought, like all rich people, americans must snobbish too. I was very pleasantly surprised. Everything was as grande and opulent and exciting as I imagined.

TO be sure there were some intial hiccups. My consulting company wasn`t exactly paragon of cooperation/professionalism. But within weeks I found a client, shipped myself to a small town down south, found an apartment, rode taxi-cabs to my office and everywhere else(e.g. to buy groceries) for so long that the cabbies knew me by first name. Finally I saved enough money to buy a car - after that the dream really came true.

I mean I really took it like a duck to the water. So were many of my desi friends and colleagues.

The only ``shock`` to me was when I found out that there is a desi restaurant even in such a small town in some forgotten corner of America.

Please make sure you are making a practical decision and not an emotional one. People`s experiences and priorities change as the, get older and move through life.

I have lived in every boondock corner of Punjab and NWFP, from Lahore to Peshawar to Islamabad to the borders of the tribal areas to the feudal parts of central Pakistan. During my whole stay in Pakistan, as far as I can remember, I was never satisfied.

Then I ended up in the USA by coincidence, and everything fell into place. I have no close relatives here, hang around completely with Americans, haven`t really celebrated an Eid for years, yet have been very happy. I can now finally objectively evaluate what is good in Pakistan and what is good in the USA (as you seem to be doing). But now I am moving on from here also, but due to different reasons than yours.

One should go where one feels comfortable. If someone doesn`t feel comfortable in Pakistan or USA (or anywhere else) due to social, political, religious, cultural, homesickness etc. reasons, there is absolutely nothing wrong with moving on. There are better places than the USA and there are worse. Its different from person to person.

The only aim should be to take the best from wherever you have been, and give it your best while you are there. The US college education is the best thing the USA has to offer, and you have received that. So you are definitely not leaving empty-handed.

I think once people adopt a country, they should give it their whole, in terms of loyalty, fitting into the society, etc. Specially when their kids comes into the picture. Too many Pakistanis attempt to bring up their kids in a half and half fashion - half Americans, half Pakistanis. In a sense, they pass on their own selfish interests to the kids. The kids have no interest in Pakistan, yet the parents want to pass on their own desires and interests to the kids, regarding a country their kids have never lived in. This results in a lot of confusion amongst the kids. This is different from Europeans who migrate to the USA, whose kids are raised as completely Americans.

My wife and I decided to raise our (future) kids as purely American Muslims, knowing that their parents came from Pakistan, however not being raised as Pakistani-Americans- while my wife and I would remain Pakistanis who have migrated out of Pakistan. However, we came to the conclusion that in the coming years, the, ``Muslim`` part of our kids could become a handicap to them in the USA (not to mention to us, also). While Pakistani-American is a confusing concept, so is Muslim-American (nowdays). We were also quite upset with the US war-mongering.

So, we have looked for a better place, and found one in Canada. Our kids will now be Canadian-Muslims. In the process, I will be making 15% less money, be leaving a place which I am familiar with for a new one, but I am convinced we will have 100% more peace of mind, in the long run.

Similarly, if you are going back to Pakistan, for more peace of mind, then I would encourage you to enthusiastically pursue it. Don`t listen to what anyone says to you, otherwise. There is absolutely nothing more important than family (parents, wife, husband, siblings, kids - if one has some) and peace of mind. Whatever your reasons are, as long as it leads to more peace of mind, that is all that counts.

However, just make sure, you have thought through all the options. I have seen far too many people who go back to Pakistan, grow up a bit, get into more practicalities of life, and then spend their next years trying to get back to the USA.

Other than that, wherever you go, whomever you meet, take the best from them, give them your best, and leave the rest to God. The most successful people I have met have always been the ones, who have gone against the grain......

psssst, hamidm...i think jay is ignoring you :)...

Zermin:

this appears straight from the heart…(well written except for the Freudian slip) …wish you success and luck in all your endeavors…

Sammy:

… have this feeling there is more to this story than she has shared…there is something important that is missing from here…a Pakistani born and bred gal…out here for three years…crying twice…yearning to go back…and I do understand this yearning…have two friends who did exactly that and are modestly successful in their endeavors…are they happy? perhaps…for me happiness is a state of mind…so it is not relevant while discussing anyone…and like zermin they had their reasons to return…but in this case feel there is more to her story than is readable here…

lve,

t

JAY #2
Your reply is very very disappointing. Too much hatred reflects the evil in you.

I don`t get it. Amreeka has so much to offer to newly arrived desis.... like unrestricted access to porn, alcohol, peep shows etc. etc.... And of course the chance to get laid. Whats this cribbing about, hanh?

ahmadzai #11

[Other than that, America the land and its people are truly the greatest place and people in the world.]

Right on brother. Now can you tell this great American who lives next door that his `55 chevy on blocks is an eyesore and that fumes from his meth lab have given whooping cough to my dog Nehru!