Agent Pinkyfeld

Ras,

re: ``Humorous content aided by puposely bad writing. ``

We aim to please!

or is it ``tease``?

:)

Chappal bhi maro joota bhi maro,
Duniya main jeena hain to line bhi maro``
The lines flickered across the lcd screen on Pinkyfield`s powder compact. Instinct told her this was an ominous message but what could it mean?
``Looks like I`ll have to do it``, she thought, ``Only ZaT can help me with this one``.
Agent ZaT or StyleBhai as he was affectionately know by his colleagues. No one remembered as to how he got this name but according to the department`s lore it was probably that needling ISI agent xSar who was responsible. Pinky reached inside a purse and took out a lipstick. Quickly opening it she started to turn and twist the lower half till the frequency code for communicating with ZaT was complete. Pressing down on the strawberry coloured tip activated the communication device. Inside the lipstick was a computing device with an ultra fast modem, which was now connecting to the agency mainframe. Using the communication sequence inputted by Pinky it was now connecting with one of the satellites used to track the agents. Using an advanced Ultralogixs GPSS system it would home into the agent`s communication device. Staring at her powder compact Pinky was relieved to see ZaT had been located, unfortunately a video link could not be initiated but a voice chat could be done.
``ZaT``
``Pinky, how`s it going mate``, the Gurgavan/Oz accent was instantly recognisable.
``Too much stress StyleBhai, got a message from O for you to decode``, Pinky came to the point straight away.
``No worries, can you upload it?``
``Right away`` said Pinky as she selected the option to forward the message.
The few minutes of silence made Pinky uncomfortable.
``Darn, I wish the video link was working. Stylebhai?``
``In a minute bachhi...umm..ok..actually its quite simple, I would have thought you could have figured this yourself``
``Not in your league StyleBhai, what is it?``
``Ok. Read the first line again `Chappal bhi maro joota bhi maro`. Two things stand out immediately - `maro` and `chappal/joota`. Violence and shoes - now you tell me don`t you see the connection?``
``The shoe bomber!!``, Pinky gasped.
``Exactly kiddo. Now the second is a little cryptic but in the context not so. So lets see `Duniya main jeena hain to line bhi maro` - the `maro` reference is clear, but who in the world? And that’s it `Duniya main Jeena hai` - the obvious reference to Jeena who is nothing but Gina...``
``Not Gina?`` Pinky shouted
``Well `line bhi maro` makes it clear doesn’t it``
``Thanks StyleBhai, good on ya mate``
``Pinky I am flattered, you been learning my lingo``
``Well go to go`` said Pinky ``thanks again``
As Pinky was putting her equipment back into the purse she heard an unmistakeble voice......

Somewhere in the inhospitable Roach Mountains, Roachistan 0330 hrs yesterday
One by one the trucks struggled up the steep roads in the pre-dawn lights of Kuacaroacha. None of the drivers in the six trucks convoy could afford to relax. To allow your foot to slip from a brake or press an accelerator beyond a certain point would invite death; as the locals knew the deep ravines next to the narrow roads as Maut Ka Ghat.
It was darkness and no headlights were turned on, for this was a mission of great secrecy sanctioned by no less a personage than the Great Roach himself. In the lead truck, the young bearded navigator put his hand on his beard just under his left ear, gripping it firmly with his right hand and then with a single action peeled it open. He rolled it and placed it in the well behind the high backed seat, shoving it down between odd items of canvas and cloth. He had no more use for it now.
``Damn``, thought Imtiaz, ``Trust Pinky to send me off to Roachistan. Had it not been for Pankaj`s suggestion, I would still be at Manhattan. I wonder what she is up to now?

Humorous content aided by puposely bad writing.

Ras

“Mullah Mendacity was standing, posing as a transvestite entertainer working the 87th birthday party crowd in the corner.”

Urstoolybai!!!!

You are p romise mey ou woulD STOPPIUNG!!!! I amtust you , and now? Hain????

“Mendacity began a lap dancing routine with the geriatric birthday group. The music slithered sinuously across the room.”

Hai taubah! Aur yeh bhee! Having you no honourable? And drunking an dall.

“Artem”

WHOOOOOOOOOO?

“Artem, the young man from Uzbekistan. A face like the kiss of China and Europe. Blue, slanted eyes, cheekbones like the Himalayas.``

Fist Deepka, and now you! Uiam very disappointy, Ustooly, I amvury vury disappointy. Thusi s not whatyou talling me.

No Salaam for you. Be shame! Nastyness!

Saminabehain, Iam thank you for tell turth, butI amv sadness now.

Will someone write something about Roachistan? Looks like all roachistanis are in a deep coma. Zafar, you listening ?

Saminashah: Agent Pnkyfield received a package of TNT from `gandi nehr and jinn, Inc.` by overnight Airbornne Express from no-man`s-land, sent by ylh. Agent Pinkyfield quickly passed it on to chowk and they throw it right away on the helpless chowkies. Peace finally returned to chowk when the last surviving chowkies breathed his last and, therefore, Agent Pinkyfield has been nominated for the Nobel Peace prize for 2003.

Ok I managed to read the first paragraph......is it possible for some good smaritan to summarise the rest of it in 4 lines or just write a simple sentence `` ur not missing anyhing`` - even better.

Thank you

Samina,

Thanks for the offer but I`ll have to skip it. The fear of failure/not comnig to the mark coupled with a busy schedule (even though I`m on Chowk every second nowadays) will hinder my efforts.

Umer M.

This is great fun.

Scout, we must find your stuff, it may be buried in your replies? If you know the dates around which you wrote, it might be easier to wade through the replies.

Subroto, great impromptu writing, wonder how you will decode that message!!

Hmm, wonder if I can scrape through the few dollars I have and put together a film production team....

Jostling her way through the crowds Agent Pinkyfield heard her powder compact ringing.
``Darn``, she thought, ``only O uses the pwder compact to communicate``.
Yes `O` the boss person of the agency, a person so secretive that even the code messages were coded. Not even Q & M knew who O was, whether a man or woman or.....
``Got to read the message``, thought Pinky, ``but where?``
Suddenly she realise she was outside the Daring Dawaat, the expensive Indian restaurant so popular with the chic set, the only place which served daring fusion cusine in town.
``mmm Crocodile Jalfrazi`` thought Pinky as she decided to go inside. The place was packed with diners waiting to go inside, it was rumoured the even Clintin was made to wait his turn whenever he went there (which was quite often I must say). It was a larger crowd than usual which was not surprising that Tom and Penelope were double dating with Nicole and Toby and everyone wanted to be seen.
``Hakeem`` shouted Pinky as she waved to the large Afro American bouncer at the door.
``Miss Pinky`` said Hakeem, his eyes twinkling. ``What a pleasure. Let me get you inside``.
``But what about the people waiting?``
``They can stay outside, Jaques Singh will never forgive me if he knows I let you wait outside``.
Then delicately steering her shoulder with his giant hand Hakeem guided Pinky inside, leaving a lot of people gaping in surprise.
``I will inform Jaques that you are here today`` said Hakeem.
``Sure, just need to go to the ladies room first``, said Pinky as she made her way towards the delicately carved marble enterance to the ladies room. Once inside she quickly went inside the nearest loo and opened her purse. The powder compact was still buzzing, opening it she read the message displaying across its flat lcd screen
``Chappal bhi maro joota bhi maro,
Duniya main jeena hain to line bhi maro``

`` Damn O and these coded messages. Looks like I`ll have to get in touch with ZaT....``

Very Droll, I must say.

re: emailed installations

Hmmm...

Email them to me at Saminasha@aol.com. And if I get any emails from badmaashes, be assured that they will pay...

Tahmed,
If you`d like to keep it funny, aap ka murzi...we need some action over in Pakistan, btw...

Ansari,
Oof...go back and read the story...Imtiaz is the sensitive hunk of the story...geez louise (rolling eyes) thats all you need to know-make up the rest...I mean you ARE a writer, hain na? :)

Umer,
Glad you liked. We need some work on South Asianess in the UK...interested?

Samina Shah,

Sure! Just let me know where I come in.
Btw, who`s Imtiaz? :)

Cheers,

Aamir

Ansari,

Feel like writing Imtiaz`s installation?

saminash #3 Glad to learn I can still hop on board the Agent Pinkyfield Express, and am so flattered I think I may even take you up on it. Where do I send in my literary masterpiece again? And I assume there are no rules to each episode except it should be represent a serious attempt at being funny. btw, where is Zafar al Talib?? Has he flown the Chowk Coop??
I think the Mullah Mendacity character shows promise. And Agent Pinkyfield is clearly destined to become the Mata Hari of Chowk. Except, as the final act in her career, we dont want to have her taken out with a blindfold to the prison courtyard to face, under grey skies, a firing squad. As was done to the real life Mata Hari. I hope you will make sure of that.