Amnesia

Wow! that`s good writing, very powerful. Bringing many threads, dores together. What is consciousness, how much of it is memory, how much of it is borrowed from something told, overheard, even perhaps misunderstood?
This is a story soaked in disillusion, but perhaps a more real way to be.
Revathy Gopal

khatam shud

yes, I see what you mean :0)

good piece, very well written. I like the message you convey.

Re: Khatam-shud:
Thanks. I didnt know you wrote so well and FROM the heart. :) ( KIDDING !!! actually i meant that in a good sense.). Well this was an excellent article and i do look forward to seeing more stuff from you. As for the rain scene.......it was wonderful........somehow i felt i had experienced something like that myself as well. I guess there is something in rain which seems to bring out the good or perhaps in some cases the worst of us. Plus the fact that Jennfier Garner is absolutley stunning didnt help matters either. Though i am sure the reason you liked that scene had nothing to do with Jennifer Garner...or did it.!!! :P :)....

cheers
raza



How beautiful is the rain!
After the dust and the heat,
In the broad and fiery street,
In the narrow lane,
How beautiful is the rain!

:)

temporal: yes there is another way.....formula writing on which all bestsellers are based.

k:

when i questioned sad it was on your comment that perhaps hinted that the only thing i found worth lauding was the self discovery of a new word…not so!…also mentioned:

--a reflective original piece
--multi layered and multi-dimensional

you say: when i write it always comes from the heart... is there any other way?…

..pls. ignore the other comments...must do something about my rustic sense of humour…

..t

razz: of course i know you.....about the sky...oh well! what can i say? i take comfort in the fact there is much more sky out there that remains unfathomable...how many reaches of galaxies and what-nots there must be that have simply escaped us? other than that....the joke is still on us...good to see u on chowk...and glad u enjoyed daredevil...i loved the fight in the playground and the part where he ``sees`` jennifer garner in the rain....

saminasha: i wish u`d comment...im still struggling with words and expression...i`d like to hear what u have to say....

temporal: sad because it seemed that i couldnt get you to relate and because when i write it always comes from the heart...so if i only get you for vocab expansion my job as a writer fails me
and i didnt get what you meant when u said ``…do you know how to reach me?…just want to make sure no innocents by-standers die in the line of fire…``
business like response :) is probably from studying too much comm skills..........

for all who enjoyed the piece: i hope i can keep churning them out in increasingly better, more meaningful ways.......(nadeemakr and ansari...thank u for ur kind comments)

Re Khadija/khatam-shud :
Now that you mention it your name does sound a bit familiar. I was in bsc 2002. If i am correct in my guess then i think we met the other day at naveed and sabeen`s dinner at chicago grill. (By the way I later on watched daredevil and it was quite amazing. Nothing like a tragic super hero fighting his inner demons.)

Coming back to the issue at hand....i totally agree with your view about the history bit. ofcourse the fact that it has always been scarred by the person in control does not justify the re invention of events one bit. Though i am sure that we can try and set some precedents for the future.

As for the sky...i would disagree with you on that on some points. The sky and its freedom has already been taken away from the common citizen, be it the air waves, the liberty of breathing pure air or the shout of a disgruntled protestor falling on deaf ears.
Yet it can always serve as an inspiration for brighter things to come.

I guess this describes the situation quite well.
+++
Undefined legacies,
Too much,yet too little,
Unpretentious, unadorned,
For all,yet for some,
Ambiguous reverie
To few,yet to many
Faux charade
+++

Great article again.

cheers
raza

k:

thanks for your business-like response...without knowing you saved the day for me...

...sad?

Brilliant...straight from the heart...not much of a critic really, but enjoyed reading the article..

razzz: thank you. im glad u could relate to something in the piece. i might know u if u were at lums. what year?
im aware that scarred histories have always existed...that doesnt make them ok.
i like to think that demarcation of skies is not that simple...the sky is not limited like the land, at least...unless i am displaying sheer ignorance...

rozaiba: thank you. i wish u`d share ur thoughts on the conclusion...otherwise how is chowk different from a newspaper?

Bina Shah: thank you. i like the ambiguity and the loose threads tied together in a frazzled knot of a short piece...i feel that in itself makes a statement, however obscure. my way of showing how fragmented things can be and usually are...

temporal: hi. i didnt anticipate the response that the v-m`s would generate. dont expect the same for this piece. this is older and much more personal...im sad that the only laurel u bestow is the one word vocab expansion.

godot: thank you. i appreciate it. hope u keep reading my pieces...

Khadija; some exquisite sentences there.

``The anonymity of kite-fights and the remoteness of battlefields create a distance so complete that truth becomes elusive. A distance that can only be compared to the inscrutable space between past and present. A space that is only negotiable through memory.``

Wow.

This reads like a very good indie film! Excellent visuals and silence- one of your strengths is in your spare dialogue and immersed narrator`s voice. Will comment more later.

Khadija -

I really liked the way you linked the end back to the beginning. Brilliantly done. When you began, quite violently I must admit, we don`t know where you are heading towards till we reach the end...and we then say to ourselves: oh, yes. You have powerful imagination and can take the reader for a ride, if the reader is willing to put up with your dizzyingly constant, and seemingly unrelated, twists and turns, that is. It all came together in the end. Thanks for an excellent read.

PS: As a kid growing up in Nazimabad, I flew a lot of kites from the rooftop...was really good at kite-fighting, too...could relate to your discussion of patang real well...brought back a lot of memories for me...

Khadija:

(fasten your seat belt)

be-warned: this encore performance will not garner the same interact levels as the v-m…even though there are allusions and subtle hints to past…this does not have the required trigger words/phrases for chowkies to start brawls and frays…

(ah! if only life were simpler i could have said binooo said it all…and go back to knitting the sweater…after i learn how to knit…or whatever am supposed to do now…or whatever fate has ordained…but…life is never simple;))

…so…since i do not have that how-to-knit-in-2- hours-or-less book handy…mind if i try the darts/laurel approach?…so will begin with laurels…

laurels

--taught me a new word: originary originary
O*rig``i*na*ry , a. [L. originarius: cf. F. originaire.]
1. Causing existence; productive. [R.]
2. Primitive; primary; original. [R.]
--a reflective original piece
--multi layered and multi-dimensional
--(will add more later as they occur...trust me!...nah, on second thoughts, forget it!;)

darts

--break the flow some way other than sub-headings…found them distracting and jarring
--not once but five times you used dore…i understand you are not referring to the french artist best known for his imaginative drawings and lithographs in editions of Balzac`s Droll Stories (1856) and Cervantes`s Don Quixote (1863)….and since string, thread, vein, cord, rope, cable, strand, twine will not do to describe the crushed glass mixed/glued concoction that goes in the preparation of patang dOr…dore would be acceptable either in italics or with a footnote…(yes i go on and on sometimes but no am not rubbing it in…see some potential in you deah:))
--you may look into italicizing all desi words
--here We are lead to believe that we can fly by the very voices who have clipped our wings and here We are lead to believe that we can fly by the very voices who have clipped our wings. should have been fixed before you would have said khatum-shud:)

…do you know how to reach me?…just want to make sure no innocents by-standers die in the line of fire…

lve,

t

Some beautiful writing in this piece. However I will confess that I found it hard to follow the train of thought, especially at the end when you have to pull all the threads of your narrative together. There were a lot of changes of tone and subject which are slightly complicated for a small piece. You could consider expanding this... and there are definitely themes for a novel, or at least some sort of larger work, in this.