Kahan Se Aap Zamaney Ke Bad Aye Hain

I liked this story a lot. Are you the Ijaz Gul of TFT?

Ijaz:

The footnote was not needed. The story spoke for itself. Such true and honest sentiments can only be expressed by those who`ve experienced the said passion.

Some eons ago, I saw a young man(a cousin) shedding tears on saying goodbye to his past love. I was literally taken aback to see what I saw. At that time, I could not even believe that guys can be that emotional. I do not have any dearth of emotional men in my immediate family, but I still cannot take that scene out of my mind. It`s coincidental that my cousin is happily married(not to the same person) and has a little baby girl. By the way, in some ancient mythologies, it`s said that 90% - 95% of the times emotional and sensitive guys are blessed with baby daughters as their first child.

Thank you for sharing a sweet chapter of your life.

Thank you so much Ijaz for sharing with us this wonderful but in a way a sad story. I can see how your heart must have ached. Good piece of writing.

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Ijaz sahib, this is simply beautiful, and sad too. The other side never realizes what a man might be going through and he finds everything to be hurting and killing him... that`s how it goes. I hope you feel a lot better after writing this up and sharing with us.

You climb mountains, a daring man you are. How does it feel to be up there away from everyone and everything, standing at the cold airless zenith fighting against the forces of nature... doesn`t it give you strength and courage? Don`t you feel indestructable and powerful deep inside you, momentarily? Integrate those positive feelings with the feelings of loss, sadness and nostalgia that bother you... and I`m sure that with that kind of courage no mountain would seem a difficult challenge for you... be it inside your heart or a cold merciless sierra.

:-)

Ijaz Gul

Touching & told very well. The testosterons play wonders with emotions, thoughts & dreams.

I have lived through a fantasy for few a decades - but that is another story.

Beautiful story Ijaz. I guess many of us can relate to this story. We all have gone through something like this in our lives. Too young at that time to be considered seriously by the girls parents. Only if they had the oppturinity to see us now and see the difference!!!!!

Thank you God for everything.

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...... good story.......... but now stop moping around and get on with your life .........i have friends who, after a few drinks, still get all teary eyed when they talk about girls from thirty years ago ............ you had your chance and you blew it .... tough!

Ijaz:

...a pleasure to read... and welcome to chowk...here is Mirza for you:

Kkhtay haiN jub rahi na mujhay ta`qat-e-sukhan
janooN kis kay dil ki maiN kyun ker kahay baghair

rgds

t

Ijaz, beautiful and extremely poignant.

#7: I am sorry testosterones do not intervene here at all. Ok! Please get down from the high horse of macho-ness. You may not have intended that but that`s how you came across. You make it sound as if it`s inherent in a young man to adopt that route. The way Ijaz has written his feelings make it sound and seem very different. The sentiments have sweetness, purity and respect for the said person vs. being driven by male macho-ness(a despicable tendency) to get what he wants regardless of the feelings of the other side.

The romance never landed where it needed to, but on the flip side the mother in the picture could have been a nuisance. Some women can be very vicious. Thank God he is in safe hands. He should be very thankful to God. Something else that must be appreciated here is the fact that he did not imply anywhere that his childhood sweetheart was playing hard to get (another despicable male tendency!)

The writer has all my respects for the inherent goodness that is self evident from this article.

This is the sweetest and cutest article ever written by any sane and well put together male on Chowk!

It`s the beginning/end of fall at different parts of the world. And, it`s quite natural to get into that mode where you start thinking about all the people who have touched your life in someway or the other....

Happy Fall to all the readers!

Very beautifully written Ijaz! Destiny - very unusual element in our life, something we regret to believe in, but we end up looking at it, and to our disbelief it makes us realize what we were, and how we come to this juncture to what we now have become!

Truly emotional and touching! Something that amazes me is that, I always thought a woman has many stories to tell, but I have been mistaken too long! A man too has many stories of the heart to narrate!

p.s what is a chokraboy?

very well written indeed.

But what I dont understand is that you are happily married to a wonderful woman and have a sweetest little daughter and you are crying for a love....in your teenage years which was mostly one sided and where you probably didn`t even have a chance to say 20 words to the girl.

I just found it strange that you compared these emotions to the loss of your mother. I dont think there is any comparison.

Everyone of us goes through puppy loves and even serious long term relationships which somehow dont work out in the end due to zalim samajh but paapi wuqt is a big time healer. I think only writers or poets or sensitive guys can still feel the same emotions 30 years later and still cry.....

Raka ` insenstive? ` Posh !

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** Skip my post below which is the same as this but with some confusing typos **

sorry to spoil the nostalgia, but you seem more preoccupied with yourself than with patricia. i get the sense you are almost satisfied at seeing she is still single because that nasty mom of hers who called you chokraboy was too choosy, while you are a hundred feet tall with a great wife and kid and career and athletic stuff and everything.

you say you thank patricia for making you what you are. however, what i hear you saying (putting on my dr. phil hat) is this: ``that`ll teach you, patricia`s mom - and you too patricia - for refusing to dance with me even though i told you we would be the smartest couple on the dance floor``. Patricia is better off being single than living her life with a self-centered man like you.

having said that, your story also reminds me of dante and beatrice: he saw her just once i think, when she was eight or nine, and spent the rest of his life writing all sorts of poetry inspired by this image he had in his mind. beatrice meanwhile grew up to be a plump, matronly woman who would no doubt have never imagined the affect she had on our hero. only difference of course is that dante was not wrapped up in his own self as you are, and sublimated this unfulfilled desire for beatrice to produce great literature.

sorry to spoil the nostalgia, but you seem more preoccupied with yourself than with patricia. i get the sense you are almost satisfied at seeing she is still single because that nasty mom of his who called you chokraboy was too choosy, while you are a hundred feet tall with a great wife and kid and career and athletic stuff and everything.

you say you thank patricia for making you what you are. however, what i hear you saying (putting on my dr. phil hat) is this: ``that`ll teach you, patricia`s mom - and you too patricia - for refusing to dance with me even though i told you we would be the smartest couple on the dance floor is what I hear you saying. Patricia is better off being single than living her life with a self-centered man like you.

having said that, your story also reminds me of dante and beatrice: he saw her just once i think, when she was eight or nine, and spent the rest of his life writing all sorts of poetry inspired by this image he had in his mind. beatrice meanwhile grew up to be a plump, matronly woman who would no doubt have never imagined the affect she had on our hero. only difference of course is that dante was not wrapped up in his own self as you are, and sublimated this unfulfilled desire for beatrice to produce great literature.

Ijaz,

Gripping stuff.

All of us men (and women too I suspect) have a list of the `one that got away`.
As prophet hamidm has stated, this list is often revealed in weak moments (say after imbibing a couple or when trying to comfort a heartbroken friend).

There is one simple and effective cure.

Look at your spouse. I mean really, really look at him/her. Rest assured that your spouse appears on someone`s list somewhere.

...if that thought doesn`t cure you...rest assured nothing will!

``that`ll teach you, patricia`s mom - and you too patricia - for refusing to dance with me even though i told you we would be the smartest couple on the dance floor is what I hear you saying. Patricia is better off being single than living her life with a self-centered man like you.

---

ab aaisee bhi koi baat nahi hai tahmad 32 saab.

I mostly noticed sadness, nostalgia, maybe self pity for not getting Patricia at the right time and struggle to be someone and to excel in this article....
and not what you mentioned.

I felt bad for Patricia though....
yeh kehaN sai kehaN puhunch gayay
vo vaheenCh kharee hai...

that was incredibly touching....
best part is u have someone special in your life..

ZaraJ # 15

(I am sorry testosterones do not intervene here at all. Ok!)

I am not a clinical psychiatrist and could be wrong.

But aren`t testosterons and estrogens, quietly residing below the many velvet covers of love, that actually trigger the emotion of love.

Once again, I could be wrong.

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Meri wafa bhi fasana, Teri jaffa bhi fasson
yahan har eik ki majboorian hain ghonah ghoon.
Yeh ehtram e tamana yeh ehtiat e janoon
Kay theri bat karoon aur there nam na loon

I wish to register the comments of all friends who read my article, both for appreciation and criticism. Good words are encouraging while the criticism is objective for the better. I accept I am not a story writer and this was my first attempt. A sad story in nazarhayatkhan`s web page put my thoughts into motion and I typed the story in one go. So all the feelings were the first thoughts and there were no revisions. There may be good and bad in it and being human I am apt to err and accept it. I realise that writing on a public forum I make myself vulnerable to critics and do so willingly.

I am particularly thankful to stuka, zahraj, ironman and fosa for coming out in my defence. Frankly, when the article wasn`t posted for three days, I thought it was rejected.

Chokraboys are equivalents of street kids. I was a mercy boarder educated by the missionaries. Entitled to their own views, some anglo people did look down upon us and called us street children. The episode was a catalyst that urged a ruffian to get serious in life and move on.

I believe that there is a loner in all of us. I also believe that the best motivation to perform comes when others look down upon you, the man in you reacts substantively. The resopnse cannot be collective.

As for the tears, yes they were for the twists destiny takes. I did feel for her as I feel that the destiny played cruel to her. Mention of my mother does not make it an equivalent. Its only to emphasise an occasion.

As for self centered and self pity attitude, my ignorance of what Patricia thought left no options. How could I read her emotions. The story is only about how I felt.

Azure, I have begun writing my experiences on Gashebrum I, the Hidden Peak. You will read them soon with some photos.

#22 by nazarhayatkhan on October 26, 2003 4:16am PT

[I am not a clinical psychiatrist and could be wrong.]

I am glad your clarified that for the curious minds :)

[But aren`t testosterons and estrogens, quietly residing below the many velvet covers of love, that actually trigger the emotion of love.]

Any supporting research to validate that ? It will be educational for all.

Ijaz

Its not easy to go to those corners of our hearts which we were most earnest to close. But thanks for revisiting, A very good effort indeed.

Syed Ali

written well. two thumbs up!

Rakaposh #19 and Ijaz Gul: While not wishing to give Mr. Ijaz Gul a hard time and insist that he is being self centered in all this, but...

...when ijaz gul #25 says that he wrote only about his own feelings because of his ignorance of Patricia thoughts begs the question: how can a man be crazy for a woman without knowing she thinks? the logical answer of course is: because he is crazy for something other than what she thinks. And that something other has to be physical attraction and/or some image in his mind. For all he knows, her mind may have been a devil`s workshop; or a mind of mother teresa; or perhaps there was nothing between those two wonderful ears other than complete vacuum.

As I said, I dont want to give Ijaz sahib a hard time on this: after all, ``men were deceivers ever`` (as janaab shakespeare sahib put it correctly as usual)(and as self must admit was the case in self`s younger days). But at least lets not feel sorry for these chappies who have this fancy for women as love objects, not as real people with real thoughts.

Ijaz:

you sound very vulnerable by the end of it all. its amazing how seemingly the most incosequential of events can momentarily break a person. i like the way you`ve written without any frivolties attached. it really does come across as a first draft...just the way its supposed to be.

though what surprised me was the fact that you being a `male` reminesced and ended up in tears...i have yet to come across a man who would do that heh! they all seem the sort to get up and move on with their lives without ever looking back...but anyway...

waiting for more articles from you

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bas itni si hay meri mohabbat ki dastan
ik shakhs tha jo dard-e-judai day gaya

A beautiful story - sensitive and poignant. It is amazing how you turned the mother`s putdown as a motivator to succeed in life. I also like the way you showed empathy for your old love without gloating over her unhappy situation. Do write some more!

Based on what I read in this story, I do not think it`s fair to assume that the writer was no where in his life and became something out of the blue just because of the hurting remark of Patricia`s mother. It may have created a spark, but I am not willing to believe that was the only instigator. It`s very normal to aspire to do well in life for your own self-esteem and well being.

There is a gap in the sequence of events. It`s not that the writer went back to Patricia as soon as he reached stage xyz of his life. He was already married and fathered a baby girl when someone mentioned Patricia and he went back to revive his old memories.

Just my five cents!

Tahmed: I think you have some other motive here with the kind of posts you are posting. Probably, it won`t hurt to avoid bracketing people in one bucket in the current context.

Dost Mittar:

Aap Kya Suggest Kur Rahae Haenh?
Are you asking the writer to continue with this story or are you requesting him to write another one with a moving theme ? Please such such bataen.

Thank You.

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Yeah me to can qoute lots of poetry but I dont want to do it in Roman urdu.
#35
Thanx once again. You are proving a guardian angle.
For everybody else.
Come on get off it. I was just in mid teens. So dont expect me to have deliberated my actions the way you analyse them. Those who thought of me as a chokhra boy expected worse.
Certainly this single incident to motivate me to find my way. It certainly was a precursor.

Zahra:
``Are you asking the writer to continue with this story or are you requesting him to write another one with a moving theme ?``
The latter!

Zahraj #35 If you have anything specific I have written that you disagree with or consider offensive, I will be glad to discuss that. But just ascribing dark motives and references to the ``kind of posts`` i am writing is, I think, equivalent to not saying anything.

Tahmed:

By saying ``other motive`` I don`t imply ``dark motives.``

Why be so negative? By the way, did you see some darkness in your own motives that you felt like stating that ?

If not, then let`s not take it further.

If yes, then welcome to the process of awareness.

Take it easy...

ZahraJ #40 chowk discussions - including my ranting on chowk - are not going to bring peace on earth; nor find a cure for cancer; nor further man`s frontier`s of knowledge; nor ensure that no child goes to bed hungry. Better people than me are doing that right now. to me, the chowk break is a bit like coffee break i think, no more and no less. where some people write articles, others cheer or jeer the articles and each other.

my motive in critiquing of Mr. ijaz is thus no more than that. it is neither dark nor high-minded, neither pecuniary nor benevolent nor ulterior (to use some common species of ``motive``).

you take care too. :-)

hi fosa,
thank u so much for the Estsanatlehi`s info...Estsanatlehi means woman of change...in plain simple words..:)
regards
Kiran

Dear TAhmed:

True to a certain extent. But some of us have very little time on our hands to indulge in coffee break discussions. And, probably, I do have a tendency to look into certain things more seriously than needed to; still, I do not see the need to be apologetic for that. That`s how I am. Lately, Chowk has published good reading material and it will be sinful to not appreciate where appreciation is due. It`s just a personal value thing.

I do not want to come across as inflating the writer`s ego despite his kind remarks. I simply could not resist appreciating something that stood out and needed to be appreciated.

And, to your point, the factor of physical attraction is pretty evident here. The writer didn`t mention about anything else that captivated him. Interestingly, he has married a beautiful woman. Now, this tem ``beautiful`` can mean many things, but it most probably refers to someone who is as attractive as Patricia was or probably is better than Patricia. That`s why he completely lost track of his childhood love and never went back after establishing himself :) Now, must make him feel guilty :) Let`s grind him on that :) Just kidding! Please do not do that!

On the flip side, probably Patricia was not attracted towards him. Probably, she was not ready at that stage of her life to associate with someone in a romantic way. Whatever. Point is that men get attracted towards women without even talking to them. Silent Admiration! Men are indeed cut out differently. I have seen couples where the package is fairly attractive on the surface but as soon as you talk to them and get to know them you wonder what was/is the binding factor. It`s completely mind boggling.
...

Take Care...

ZahraJ #43 You obviously think broadly, and as such while finding his article an interesting read you also accept my criticism of the article. This ability to see more than one side of the picture puts you, imho, in the ``Dost Mittar League`` in chowk. (this is meant to be a compliment, btw). :-)

ZahraJ, your post says it all. You have accurately read everything through and through.
God Bless

Tahmed:

I do not want to argue for the heck of it; but this ain`t an article per se. This is a memoir. And, the rules of engagement are different for a memoir vs. an article....:)

End of Discussion!

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Fosa please be more precise.
Bye

What has moved me the most is the quality of comments that have come on this story. This is the scrutiny that we expose ourselves to, once we wish to share a part or a momment of our lives. It also reiterates my belief, that every momment of the life that we spend, has lessons for us and others, specially if it is put to pen. This highlights the role of writers in our society and the service they do to make us more humane.

i am going to watch ``choti si love sotry`` again tonight. btw some1 here knows abt Sylvia (22 number) tench area rwp.

``I got the best wife one can dream of and then a sweet little daughter. ``


I didn`t like this sentence. He talks about his wife as some kind of property...it`s like he is proving to himself that he can get the best of everything

:(

Di.

I would love to mention that this has been the best story i have ever read yet. Keep up the good work buddy !

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YRgEHIwx9Mo