Roll it up

#2 Posted by SuzieLightning on January 20, 2004 1:09:33 pm

This is heartwrenchingly exquisite. You go, gurl.

#3 Posted by learner on January 20, 2004 2:34:10 pm

Good piece of writing. Though cant conjure up taste of choclate and smoke together in my mouth.

Always wonder after the last puff(or last love).. what next - yearning for another cigarette(another love)??

#4 Posted by shandana on January 21, 2004 12:48:11 am

what is it about ciggies? `the last cigarrete` by arif abrar, posted below, seems to walk the same road. enjoyable read.

the last cigarette...

silent footfalls echo on the road,

trains splash in an aquablue sky,

my mind is the colour of lead

and i have smoked my last cigarette.

dreamland, dreamscape, dreamthrum..
.
``hold me tight,`` she cried

so i turned a quizzical eye to the screen.

sulphur burns illuminate our bodies

i like the smell, i like the smell.

is that an oil slick in the corner, brother?

my arm trembles as i touch your hair

knots wrap around my fingers.

we shoot beer bottles in the afternoon sun

practising for when the budweiser blimp arrives

but traffic comes before that.

i duck and twist and weave and turn,

rest the ladder against the mountain,

but this narrow opening cannot squeeze me through.

i need a helping hand

to bellyflop into the shimmering pool,

to slip into this snakeskin tailcoat.

copper runs down the sleeves

but my mind is the colour of lead,

and i have smoked the last cigarette.

#5 Posted by FarzanaVersey on January 21, 2004 2:03:30 am

Maryam:
This is both whiplashing and delicate at the same time...

``Mix you with tobacco and nicotine
Some chocolate and perhaps an eyelash or two
Preferably one drenched in a tear``

Wonderfully captured moments of ecstacy (!) and pain...and done without too much flourish, which is even better.

#6 Posted by zero on January 21, 2004 3:27:42 am

I can only look at it and smile. Love the way it begins.
Now I`ll see a green little face staring up at me everytime I try to `roll`. Brilliant piece.

#7 Posted by sabbas on January 21, 2004 3:27:42 am

hi,
its probably the most intense thing i have read in a few months...kepp it up
cheers to the ones who love like u do. Cheers to the one u love. its a good read
sage
i have something similar posted
if u have time read it
Sharjeel Abbas

#8 Posted by Aisha_Sarwari on January 21, 2004 3:27:42 am

Great imagery, originality and creativity.

Love the end.

Aisha F. Sarwari

#9 Posted by ballukhan on January 21, 2004 5:04:04 am

intense! almost rolled up!

#10 Posted by rozaiba on January 21, 2004 5:04:04 am

these ansaris!

#11 Posted by Ansari on January 21, 2004 7:04:21 am

Very intense. Neat piece of writing!

Khuda bhalla karay aapka aur aapke pyaarey ka. :)

#12 Posted by temporal on January 21, 2004 7:32:06 am

Maryam:

delightful read...so smoky...even if you don`t inhale all that second-hand smoke.....

lve,

t

#13 Posted by Maryam on January 21, 2004 9:03:09 am

teehee =)

Thank you everyone for your appreciation.
the pleasure is all mine in being of some literary entertainment to you folk...

i don`t smoke btw..really..

#14 Posted by Saminasha on January 21, 2004 3:20:41 pm

several excellent moments here!

#15 Posted by SoulKeeper on January 21, 2004 10:51:15 pm

Sometimes, one joint is not enough.

#16 Posted by Maryam on January 22, 2004 1:12:07 am

learner..
there totally are chocolate cigarettes! rather, `mocha` flavoured ciggies
they`re quite interesting.
you can get a pack at cigarette discounters..

uh, yeah.