Pink Flowers
Revathy Gopal June 14, 2004
#5 Posted by storyteller on June 15, 2004 7:33:19 am
loved the simplicity and honesty with which you have relayed a complex reality. i want more too.
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#4 Posted by suchetapotnis on June 15, 2004 3:32:17 am
Revathy,
Nice story, well told.
Tiny details - bottle with pink flowers, small smile on button mouth..
Keep it up
and wish that the world has more Didis than the Fat ones.
Thanks
Nice story, well told.
Tiny details - bottle with pink flowers, small smile on button mouth..
Keep it up
and wish that the world has more Didis than the Fat ones.
Thanks
#3 Posted by reva315 on June 15, 2004 3:32:16 am
Hi Bina and Saminasha,
Feel thrilled that you liked the story. It`s one of those that got stuck in the middle and I couldn`t move forward until the writers` group I work with offered some really useful advice!
Saminasha, would like you to give me some more feedback... where did you feel the naivete? Was it in the fact that she doesn`t realise why she has this `lucky` break until the end? I wanted to get inside her mind, the novelty of her new position and how it affects everyone around her.
Our societies are so layered... how would someone who hasn`t even had two square meals a day, react to the comfort and seeming security of a middle-class existence?
Look forward to hearing morefrom you!
Revathy
Feel thrilled that you liked the story. It`s one of those that got stuck in the middle and I couldn`t move forward until the writers` group I work with offered some really useful advice!
Saminasha, would like you to give me some more feedback... where did you feel the naivete? Was it in the fact that she doesn`t realise why she has this `lucky` break until the end? I wanted to get inside her mind, the novelty of her new position and how it affects everyone around her.
Our societies are so layered... how would someone who hasn`t even had two square meals a day, react to the comfort and seeming security of a middle-class existence?
Look forward to hearing morefrom you!
Revathy
#1 Posted by Saminasha on June 14, 2004 7:26:47 pm
Pretty good! Lively tone and the end builds up nicely. Don`t know if the narrator`s voice is not a wee bit too naive? I know the device, but Revathy, you might want to experiment with this main character and what she knows.
Loved her relationship with Didi and The Fat One! Well done!
Loved her relationship with Didi and The Fat One! Well done!
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