Welcome to the 21st Century

ausman:

This article only discussed the American side of things. I know a lot of stuff that goes on here goes on there too. I wouldn`t say the problem is spreading at a larger scale back home, probably at about the same scale or maybe on a smaller scale.

Sameena

I dont agree with you here Kaura such

Parents who want their kids to be ``Amreekan`` would never at the same time want them to appear desis. Infact what i think is that the first generationsetteld abroad (parents) doesnt not generally want their kids to be totally westernized. They do want to see some basic values in their kids that can help their kids have a strong character and withstand the cultural shock or difference. And i guess this doent make them hypocrites. What i really believe in is that yes parents do play an importnat role in the brought up of their kids and can influence their children`s personalities but that is only to a certain extent. Kids these days learn from outside more than what they learn at home or may be they want to learn more from the outside.

ANd Sameena I am of the opinion that kids who get spoilt here would have the same even if they were raised back home. Dont you see teens in Pakistan who are more westernized than their peer desis who live abroad. And yes I have seen such parents back home who encourage their children to appear rather become americanized coz for them its a matter of pride. In their opinion this is what make them superior than othrs.

And FYI drugs, dating, sex etc are also becoming common to a dangerous extent even back home.

So i guess we cant blame just the desis who are settled abroad because the same problem is spreading on an even larger scale back home.

veeresh,

I agree with your comment on not going back to the homeland with a patronizing attitude. Perhaps it`s a legacy of living the idea of the ``American Dream`` where an immigrant arrives with pennies in his/her pocket, works hard moving up on the socio-economic ladder... eventually landing the status of having ``made it big`` in America... White Picket fence, 2 story home with a large lush green manicured lawn nice gas guzzing car and the 2 children nuclear family with all the material comforts afforded only to those of the elite classes back home.

Now living like the elites in their home country, they expect to be treated like them upon their return visits. Thus, the endless complaints on the dirt/dust, food, chaos, and throngs of people that overwhelm the westernized desi in their visit. The native language sounds so harsh compared to the language-English...No amount of accomodating by the relatives hosting them can help. All that the nouveau riche visitors and their suffering children can do is grit their teeth, bear the pain-finding relief 14 days later in the form of the return flight back to civilization.

Perhaps desis need to rise beyond their obsessions with status and class...

Simon
Frequent trips to the ancestral lands certainly are a great way to enable a child to relate to the culture of their birth. Would recommend that these trips be longer than 2 weeks. I infact experienced this throughout my childhood and teens with trips to Pakistan every 3 years with stays upto 3-4 months at a time.

Unfortunately, this is not an option for every family due to financial constraints. Thus a solution has to be found by which a child is introduced to the positive aspects of culture of their parents balancing this with the positive aspects of western culture with the possibility that they never have the opportunity to go back to the land of their forefathers during the impressionable childhood/teen years.

In my opinion, rather than forcing the kids to wear the clothes etc, a greater emphasis on speaking the language at home and positive stories/anecdotes about India/Pakistan would go a long way to help. It would pique the child`s curiosity about this far away land that is connected to him/her by virtue of their roots.

Fozia

I agree with the concept of cultural revolution. I`m not saying I don`t. Each culture evolves as times change, just like everything else evolves in the world. This article was really just some ideas I was spewing after observing one of my friends, who also happens to be desi. I realize the articel is very uncohesive, the flow of thought is not fluid. Thank you for the criticism, believe me I`ll remember it the next time I write.

One`s definition of negative or positive when related to cultural evolution determines if the society is evolving effectively or ineffectively. I`m not saying remain stagnant. I`m trying to express the fact that SOME of the conflicts between first generation parents with second generation children may not exactly be leading to an effective evolution of the Pakistani American culture. This statement is made from pure observation, I`m not just pulling thoughts out of my a**. I think that I happen to leave in a very desi populated area. When I go to the annual desi celebrations. I see the what I`ve described in my article. The typical first generation-second generation desi family unit. It`s really sad. Spoiled brats who have no clear future, along with their struggling parents. I am strictly discussing only the first-second generation families.

#1
I still think some of my ideas are valid. I still stand by my generalization of the first-second generation desi family here in the US. By the way there is no such thing has a 100% certainty. Any concept or idea is essentially a generalization.

#3

Thanks...Like I said I agree with you change is inevitable. There is good change and then there is bad change. I don`t think there will ever be a cultural equilibrium though (your analogy of energy) because culture is always evolving. I guess I can`t help but be a little bit sad that the Pakistani American culture change is such a messy situation (where the elders want to enforce old values and the youth wants to except change)...

#7

A parent can only provide so much cultural nurturing when they work two jobs (some first-second generation families). I`ve noticaed that as well, Indian first generation immigrants easily adapt to the US.

#9

I didn`t name it ``Welcome to the 21st Century,`` the chowk editors did.

#10

Fozia, Beta...Listen to your Aunty Sameena then :)

The comments on Khameez Shalwar was not meant to enforce the fact that we must all wear desi clothes all the time. I was trying to show the prejudiced nature some 2nd and 3rd generation teens tend to show to their roots. I myself don`t go prancing to work in my kurta. Now that would make me a huge hipocrit. However, I do wear them on weekends because the melting pot nature of the US is welcoming enough to except different cultures as well. If I didn`t feel comfortable wearing them then I wouldn`t.

I agree with the idea of a different strain of Islam coming about in the US. I believe it already exists today. Many of my friends feel more comfortable wearing the abaya and hijab in the US then they do back home in their countries. In some Islamic/Arab countries clothing has become quite liberal. One feels a bit of peer pressure slipping into an abaya when their friends and family who are also muslim and from the country don`t wear it. It may sound kind of shallow, but it`s true.

#12

That`s true aaria. I`m not saying that the US is all bad, and change is bad. I`m just highlighting the negative changes the first-second generation family goes through when they begin the process of assimilation.

#13

Very well said. I personally do realize the importance of combining the old with the new. Good solution, it already does take place quite a bit. By the way my parents gave me squat about culture, religion, etc...I`m the way I am because of a few lengthy visits to Pakistan.

Lastly, this article was written horribly I know...trust me I`m workin on it...but I think it presents some valid ideas.

By the way check out ratedesi.com and you`ll see a lot of negative adaptation to this culture and some positive too.

Thanks for the feedback!

Samina :)

garam_chai/14, I too read everything I can get my hands on, and don`t agree with many things I read. That`s absolutely fine, so I do appreciate the fact that even if you don`t agree with me, you read my posts.

Idea is to learn. Agreeing or not agreeing is not the big ticket.

Simon/13, yes visit the ancestral roots is great, but along the way, see the rest of the world too (not just Heathrow or Changi or Narita or CDG or Dubai duty free shops . . .) and most of all, do not place the ancestral roots in a patronising frame. A large number of emigres from our part of the world tend to replace their children`s Daily Prayer with another one that tells them to be Thankful that they were not born in

---

. (place your home town

---

here)

I dont see any response from our writer. It be nice if she could interact more on the subject. Chowk is a platefom where we debate and dialogue with each other, and reach a synthesis.

Jawahara
It is nice to see your post. I used to read your articles a while back. There was one about the TREE, which i really liked.

Veeresh
I try to read your post manytimes, although i dont agree manytimes as well.

Regards.

It is encouraging to note two things. Firstly, that Ms. Sameena`s parents have successfully
cultivated the importance of her (religious, cultural, etc) roots in her and secondly, and
more importantly, that she has not just accepted them at face value but has taken the time
to reflect and work through these things herself. That, it is still happening augurs well for
our community abroad.

My antidote for this imminent cultural cleansing is for the parents to arrange for their kids
to visit their ancestral home on vacations. Surely, the kids will hate the lack of amenities,
miss starbucks and their friends. But undoubtedly, in time, they will learn to appreciate the
value of this exercise.

They will in-time, be able to look past the oily hair, the black trousers and white joggers on
a FOB --the way a regular shallow, arrogant and ignorant american does...and appreciate
the dedication, the hard-work, rava dari and simplicity that define him.

I totally understand where you`re coming from. However, I think within this generation, there are also many of us who actually want to perserve it and therefore bring up the issue at hand, pretty soon we will have the Coalition of Pakistani-Americans, scholorships for Pakistanis, and our full assilimation will continue. The US is a melting pot in order to assimilate, and we won`t lose sight of our culture, we`ll just create a sub-culture-Pakistani-Americans.. PAPs-Pakistani American Princesses, You get the picture... Green and White Pride! Kiss me I`m Punjabi shirts... the list goes on.. and on..

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This article is full of the usual Despair of the loss of desi culture while living in the West theme-discuseed all too often at any first generation desi get togethers. The cultural doomsday scenario while enjoying the economic benefits of living in this `decadant` society is hypocritical and pointless.

Yes the desi cultural aspect is reducing in the second generation-which is to be expected as they are not living in Pakistan/India anymore. By the third or fourth generation it`s very likely that our descendants will be western in culture completely due to nominal or zero contact with family members from India/Pakistan. Plus intermarrying with other races will further blur the lines.

Culture like others have already stated is an evolving characteristic-shaped by external and internal influences.

One of the big problem for desis is that they fear loss of culture equates to loss of moral/religious values. That being of a western culture is inherently decadent. That I disagree with. In our current generation and the next, we are going through an upheaval with our religous establishments having a strong cultural element from India/Pakistan. In future generations, I`m sure that a westernized Islam will emerge along with a westernizied version of Hinduism, Sikhism etc and it already is to a certain extent. All the horror talk of the easy access to drugs, alcohol and sex fail to acknowledge that there are already young muslims here in the west who practice a much more conservative version of Islam than their parents. Not trying to say that`s necessarily a good thing. Just that aspect of society is emerging in the `immoral` west as well.

Lack of respect is not cultural, it`s due to family upbringing. I see more respect in non-desi European descendant kids than our desi children. Parents need to alter the way they teach children values such as respect.

So relax ``Aunty`` Sameena, and look for ways to positively integrate into this society rather than constantly bashing it and accomplishing nothing aside from some hand wringing and quick fix solutions (Force our kids to wear shalwar kameez!) to the problems.

Fozia

In this article, I didnt find any sign of welcoming 21st century by any measure rather spaghetti of ordinary ideas which a common person can adequately persume living in any desi-land of South Asia.

Welcome to 21st century doesnt mean seeing the sun of a west nation`s developed horizons and our incompatibilities with it but thriving for our morning in our dark.

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Now I’m not some sort of bigot saying that girls and boys should never have any fun, but what I see happening is dissolution of the South Asian cultural identity. It’s not being transferred to further generations. Wearing Pakistani clothes is considered embarrassing to some desi teens. Striving for an education is superfluous, what’s the point when you’re having so much fun blowing your parents’hard earned money? And of course what is the value of family? It doesn’t have one anymore.
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It`s up to the parents (and community) to provide some exposure to their language and culture so that the kids can feel learn and feel positive about their heritage while adopting American values as well. Somehow I get the impression that this is less of a problem with the Indian expats ? Perhaps the parents themselves are not terribly comfortable with their own background and culture and they convey this implicitly to the kids ? I dont see why wanting a car or a delayed curfew or having fun has to necessarily conflict with appreciation for one`s roots. Once you get past the surface aspects, people arent that different. globalization is spawning new subcultures.

I too fail to see the point of this article. Is it that chowk will change and become indistinguishable from other north american publications or that Pakistani culture is disappearing from those living in north america.

Either way, isn`t change the essence of life anyway? Culture is not some dead thing. It`s a dynamic, evolving, changing force. So, Pakistani (or Indian or whatever) culture will disappear as we know it, from the diaspora. So what? The disaporic culture will become what it is meant to become. For that matter, culture in Pakistan and India is also changing as is the culture in Canada and the US. It`s not stagnant. Why should people from there live in a time warped version of `back home?`

If chowk or any other publication keeps spewing the same thing over and over again through the years without acknowledging changing tastes and realities, what`s the point? Any up to date publication needs to be in step, in touch and keep changing, trying to keep pace with the changing culture in which it exists.

An interesting MSN group on Pakistan Popular Culture History:

http://groups.msn.com/PakistanPopularCultureHistory