Club X
Rahul Asthana July 7, 2004
#1 Posted by FarzanaVersey on July 7, 2004 11:37:29 am
Hi Rahul:
You know your stuff...and the second para encapsulates everything rather well. Also liked the use of Bacon and Egg. But the beginning? You seem to want to let things flow, give the inanimate objects life (transposed against the protagonist`s laziness?), but it comes across as a bit self-conscious. Would love to know more about how clothes can lie in various sexual positions! Were you trying to convey Ashish`s state of mind through them?
Even so...it was a ``Club X`` kind of read, no inflexible rules. (Though you might have watched out for a few punctuations and use of articles.)
Write more.
You know your stuff...and the second para encapsulates everything rather well. Also liked the use of Bacon and Egg. But the beginning? You seem to want to let things flow, give the inanimate objects life (transposed against the protagonist`s laziness?), but it comes across as a bit self-conscious. Would love to know more about how clothes can lie in various sexual positions! Were you trying to convey Ashish`s state of mind through them?
Even so...it was a ``Club X`` kind of read, no inflexible rules. (Though you might have watched out for a few punctuations and use of articles.)
Write more.
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#2 Posted by AmericanFOB on July 7, 2004 12:09:23 pm
eh...I like the imagery...but the plot kind of reminds me of the teletubbies on drugs. An interesting idea to ponder upon but then it`s just the teletubbies on drugs. If missing some important metaphors or analogies please clue me in. Cuz all I got so far is teletubbies on drugs.
#3 Posted by Saminasha on July 7, 2004 3:41:49 pm
This is pretty funny in a tongue in cheek way...marks for creativity...at least I havent seen this done...
#4 Posted by nikki7777 on July 7, 2004 5:27:15 pm
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#5 Posted by samankhan on July 7, 2004 11:51:02 pm
This is so refreshing!
And to think rigor mortis had begun to set in!
Clothes in sexual positions, a blanket ready to commit suicide, a half fallen rug not in a mood to get up...........
Thanks Rahul, for saving us from the usual annui...
And believe me, Nikki four sevens is actually praising your craft here!
And to think rigor mortis had begun to set in!
Clothes in sexual positions, a blanket ready to commit suicide, a half fallen rug not in a mood to get up...........
Thanks Rahul, for saving us from the usual annui...
And believe me, Nikki four sevens is actually praising your craft here!
#6 Posted by temporal on July 8, 2004 3:51:25 am
Rahul:
welcome!
Ashish, the guy with the perma-smirk, was feeling happier with his life than he had right to be. Lately, he had been haunted by the fear of becoming engulfed into The Sea of Mediocrity. He had tried several diversions like paid sex to kinky sex to paid and kinky sex....hehehe...a natural progression of above would be ..erotic love...you know the difference between kinky and erotic is simple the bird or the feather;)
...keep working hard(er)...
rgds,
t
welcome!
Ashish, the guy with the perma-smirk, was feeling happier with his life than he had right to be. Lately, he had been haunted by the fear of becoming engulfed into The Sea of Mediocrity. He had tried several diversions like paid sex to kinky sex to paid and kinky sex....hehehe...a natural progression of above would be ..erotic love...you know the difference between kinky and erotic is simple the bird or the feather;)
...keep working hard(er)...
rgds,
t
#7 Posted by AmericanFOB on July 8, 2004 6:40:52 am
Haha Nikki, I`d like to introduce you to the metrosexual desi male of today. jk...
but I must say the imagery and the use of language is quite nice...too bad it didn`t lead to any interesting themes or ideas that pertain to chowkies, or humans for that matter.
Samina
but I must say the imagery and the use of language is quite nice...too bad it didn`t lead to any interesting themes or ideas that pertain to chowkies, or humans for that matter.
Samina
#8 Posted by Urstruly on July 8, 2004 7:25:08 am
Great imagery, nice choice of words. Excellent work Rahul. Looking forward to more of your endeavors - seriously.
#9 Posted by scott on July 8, 2004 7:55:39 am
I am guessing that you have read a lot of PG Wodehouse. And the use of ``All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal or fattening.`` - Alexander Woollcott.
The starting was actually quite good.
The starting was actually quite good.
#10 Posted by warpster on July 8, 2004 12:23:38 pm
I presume this is stream of consciousness writing.. enjoyed it.
#11 Posted by drbadmash on July 8, 2004 12:54:34 pm
Absolutely dreadful. Apparently the author also has no reservations about drinking alone.
Chin up. Not everybody`s meant to write.
Chin up. Not everybody`s meant to write.
#12 Posted by nikki7777 on July 8, 2004 4:29:05 pm
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#13 Posted by rahul_capri on July 8, 2004 9:52:28 pm
scott #9
``I am guessing that you have read a lot of PG Wodehouse``
Right on buddy.And a lot of Douglas Adams and Richard Burton too.Though this was not consciously on my mind,i realize my sense of humour was Wodehousian.Though I like to believe I am more messed up, so I had a certain serious spin to the story too :-)
#10 by warpster
``I presume this is stream of consciousness writing..``
You think so?I did not intend it to be.
``I am guessing that you have read a lot of PG Wodehouse``
Right on buddy.And a lot of Douglas Adams and Richard Burton too.Though this was not consciously on my mind,i realize my sense of humour was Wodehousian.Though I like to believe I am more messed up, so I had a certain serious spin to the story too :-)
#10 by warpster
``I presume this is stream of consciousness writing..``
You think so?I did not intend it to be.
#14 Posted by rahul_capri on July 8, 2004 9:52:29 pm
americanFOB #7
``too bad it didn`t lead to any interesting themes or ideas that pertain to chowkies, or humans for that matter``
Sometimes the characters take the story into their own hands.It may seem pretentious and maybe cliched too,but sometimes how a story progresses is governed
by how the characters develop.And the author is not as much in control as one might think.There was one serious theme that I was trying to touch.The circularity of time has always fascinated me as against its linearity.The ending again leaves at the beginning,though the control has shifted from the author to a character.The protagonist has moved linearly,the observer might experience a certain circularity.I may build this theme further,when Ashish writes his story(if I write that story),or may not.
ps- did u think all that I just said is BS? It probably is.:-)
``too bad it didn`t lead to any interesting themes or ideas that pertain to chowkies, or humans for that matter``
Sometimes the characters take the story into their own hands.It may seem pretentious and maybe cliched too,but sometimes how a story progresses is governed
by how the characters develop.And the author is not as much in control as one might think.There was one serious theme that I was trying to touch.The circularity of time has always fascinated me as against its linearity.The ending again leaves at the beginning,though the control has shifted from the author to a character.The protagonist has moved linearly,the observer might experience a certain circularity.I may build this theme further,when Ashish writes his story(if I write that story),or may not.
ps- did u think all that I just said is BS? It probably is.:-)
#15 Posted by rahul_capri on July 8, 2004 9:52:29 pm
temporal #6
``...keep working hard(er)... ``
Only in this context its ``party harder`` for me,because I dont consider this as work..:-)
``...keep working hard(er)... ``
Only in this context its ``party harder`` for me,because I dont consider this as work..:-)
#16 Posted by rahul_capri on July 8, 2004 9:52:29 pm
Sorry for replying late.Have been kinda busy-
FarzanaVersey,Saminasha,samankhan,temporal,americanFOB,Urstruly,scott,warpster
Thank you for your appreciation and encouragement.Means a lot.
FarzanaVersey #1
``But the beginning? You seem to want to let things flow, give the inanimate objects life (transposed against the protagonist`s laziness?),``
It was more his loneliness than laziness.
``but it comes across as a bit self-conscious.``
Since I have been precluded of judging this article objectively,I can only hazard a guess.I was trying to build up atmosphere,before letting my pen flow with abandon.
Since I was consciously trying to do something,hence may have appeared self conscious.
``Would love to know more about how clothes can lie in various sexual positions!``
Damn these horny clothes..they are always up to some mischief..
``Were you trying to convey Ashish`s state of mind through them?``
Yep.Again,his loneliness. I did not want to make it too obvious though.
``Though you might have watched out for a few punctuations and use of articles``
Damn Mr. Microsoft Word.Its all his fault.:-)
FarzanaVersey,Saminasha,samankhan,temporal,americanFOB,Urstruly,scott,warpster
Thank you for your appreciation and encouragement.Means a lot.
FarzanaVersey #1
``But the beginning? You seem to want to let things flow, give the inanimate objects life (transposed against the protagonist`s laziness?),``
It was more his loneliness than laziness.
``but it comes across as a bit self-conscious.``
Since I have been precluded of judging this article objectively,I can only hazard a guess.I was trying to build up atmosphere,before letting my pen flow with abandon.
Since I was consciously trying to do something,hence may have appeared self conscious.
``Would love to know more about how clothes can lie in various sexual positions!``
Damn these horny clothes..they are always up to some mischief..
``Were you trying to convey Ashish`s state of mind through them?``
Yep.Again,his loneliness. I did not want to make it too obvious though.
``Though you might have watched out for a few punctuations and use of articles``
Damn Mr. Microsoft Word.Its all his fault.:-)
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