The Gun
Jawahara Saidullah December 9, 2004
#21 Posted by Spemmireddy on January 26, 2005 2:43:05 pm
HI Jawahara,
Your articles definitely bring back nostalgic memories Allahabad !!! Reminds you of all the Army and Airforce kids we had in school. The cantonments, the chic areas of town and so much more........................
Your articles definitely bring back nostalgic memories Allahabad !!! Reminds you of all the Army and Airforce kids we had in school. The cantonments, the chic areas of town and so much more........................
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#20 Posted by madpolkadot on December 27, 2004 9:53:12 pm
Excellent. I really enjoyed the visual imagery and the character development was interesting, entailing the development of their marital relationship in a resonant manner.
#19 Posted by rahulmal on December 14, 2004 9:43:30 pm
Jawahara,
I never knew Civil Lines, Ashok Nagar and other chic addresses of Allahabad house retired generals :-)
The story was a good read, but I didn`t like the ending. The MCP in me hoped that Savitri would `rush in and shoo the buyer away`. Alas! You didn`t indulge people of my ilk and brought the story to the most realistic end possible, a dinner with daal and chapatis, woman`s loss squared by her husband`s loss.
I never knew Civil Lines, Ashok Nagar and other chic addresses of Allahabad house retired generals :-)
The story was a good read, but I didn`t like the ending. The MCP in me hoped that Savitri would `rush in and shoo the buyer away`. Alas! You didn`t indulge people of my ilk and brought the story to the most realistic end possible, a dinner with daal and chapatis, woman`s loss squared by her husband`s loss.
#18 Posted by Saminasha on December 14, 2004 12:55:46 pm
This is quite good at points. I`d pare it down a bit more.
#17 Posted by jawahara on December 13, 2004 6:49:21 pm
Thanks Anil. I`m glad you enjoyed the story. I am not sure if there will ever be a book (novel or short stories) with my name on it but I am trying :-).
#16 Posted by anil on December 13, 2004 1:29:21 pm
Jawahara:
This story reminds that precious moments are non-temporal, different generations, different people feel them and will continue to experience them. You have so naturally captured such moments for the lives of the general and savitri.
Would we ever see a book of short stories by Jawahara?
Anil
This story reminds that precious moments are non-temporal, different generations, different people feel them and will continue to experience them. You have so naturally captured such moments for the lives of the general and savitri.
Would we ever see a book of short stories by Jawahara?
Anil
#15 Posted by syke on December 13, 2004 6:45:24 am
Wat a great Article!!....
`` But too much time had passed and she had forgotten how to breach her own defenses. Their interactions were too set, like rusty machinery that would break if it was made to work in a different way``
I think alot of people have left like this...............u depicted it so well!!
I enjoyed it so much..and like Frazana i alos could picture the General siting there cleanig out his gun!
`` But too much time had passed and she had forgotten how to breach her own defenses. Their interactions were too set, like rusty machinery that would break if it was made to work in a different way``
I think alot of people have left like this...............u depicted it so well!!
I enjoyed it so much..and like Frazana i alos could picture the General siting there cleanig out his gun!
#14 Posted by jawahara on December 13, 2004 5:57:06 am
Thanks Temporal, for the complimentary and for the even more important and useful gotchas. :-)
#13 Posted by temporal on December 12, 2004 11:46:45 am
jawahara;
…easy…floating…smooth…right blend…showing more... telling minimal
…now the deflation…heheh…cannot be your friend…nor be true meself if I skip this…
* * *
Disregarding his schedule the next day, he sat down to write down his advertisement right after breakfast.
Gun for sale by high-ranking, AVSM, PVSM, retired army officer. Side by side, double barrel Holland and Holland in mint condition…
What should he put as the price? When he had bought the gun, second hand, in 1945 it had been about a (sic) three hundred rupees. Now, with prices being what they are, and the antique and valuable qualities of his firearm…
He continued with the ad.
Will sell for one lakh rupees. Please contact, in person, between 4 and 6 PM. General Harsh Vardhan. 55/54 Civil Lines Road, Allahabad.
The ad ran the next morning in the newspaper, each letter thick black, staring at him in mute accusation. He did not even notice the typo. The newspaper had spelled thousand as thoasand.
* * *
lve,
t
…easy…floating…smooth…right blend…showing more... telling minimal
…now the deflation…heheh…cannot be your friend…nor be true meself if I skip this…
* * *
Disregarding his schedule the next day, he sat down to write down his advertisement right after breakfast.
Gun for sale by high-ranking, AVSM, PVSM, retired army officer. Side by side, double barrel Holland and Holland in mint condition…
What should he put as the price? When he had bought the gun, second hand, in 1945 it had been about a (sic) three hundred rupees. Now, with prices being what they are, and the antique and valuable qualities of his firearm…
He continued with the ad.
Will sell for one lakh rupees. Please contact, in person, between 4 and 6 PM. General Harsh Vardhan. 55/54 Civil Lines Road, Allahabad.
The ad ran the next morning in the newspaper, each letter thick black, staring at him in mute accusation. He did not even notice the typo. The newspaper had spelled thousand as thoasand.
* * *
lve,
t
#11 Posted by jawahara on December 11, 2004 2:52:37 pm
Thanks everyone. I appreciate all the comments.
Subroto, I actually knew of one officer who insisted on using his PVSM, AVSM for everything, including his daughter`s wedding invitation. He was understandably proud of them, I guess :-).
Urstruly, I actually thought of the unintended meaning of the ``butt`` in that sentence but then left it alone ;-).
HN, no, I don`t have an MFA. Why? I`ve looked at full and low residency programs on and off but have not done anything about it. I am at once attracted and repelled by them. Don`t know why.
Subroto, I actually knew of one officer who insisted on using his PVSM, AVSM for everything, including his daughter`s wedding invitation. He was understandably proud of them, I guess :-).
Urstruly, I actually thought of the unintended meaning of the ``butt`` in that sentence but then left it alone ;-).
HN, no, I don`t have an MFA. Why? I`ve looked at full and low residency programs on and off but have not done anything about it. I am at once attracted and repelled by them. Don`t know why.
#10 Posted by HN on December 11, 2004 7:29:30 am
Jawahara,
I like your descriptions. Evocative and concrete. Very good piece this, hope there are more in store.
Just tangentially, do you have a MFA?
HN
I like your descriptions. Evocative and concrete. Very good piece this, hope there are more in store.
Just tangentially, do you have a MFA?
HN
#8 Posted by dost_mittar on December 10, 2004 1:18:42 pm
Enjoyed reading the story!
Last year, I visited a close relative, the wife of a brigadier. She wants to come to Canada. I asked her why in the world would they want to move from their luxury living to a life where they would have to do their own cooking, cleaning, washing and gardening? Her reply: ``these sewadaars, meat rations, army club, golf and other thaat baat are there only as long as he is a serving officer. When he retires in two years, our standard of living will go down several notches.``
...I think Indians could treat their ex-army officers somewhat better!
Last year, I visited a close relative, the wife of a brigadier. She wants to come to Canada. I asked her why in the world would they want to move from their luxury living to a life where they would have to do their own cooking, cleaning, washing and gardening? Her reply: ``these sewadaars, meat rations, army club, golf and other thaat baat are there only as long as he is a serving officer. When he retires in two years, our standard of living will go down several notches.``
...I think Indians could treat their ex-army officers somewhat better!
#7 Posted by nikki7777 on December 10, 2004 1:17:25 pm
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#6 Posted by Urstruly on December 10, 2004 11:23:21 am
If gun is taken to be the symbolic expression of man`s last emblem of pride and his possession then it makes a brilliant piece with a masterful writting style.
Some of the brilliant strokes:
``His fingers danced over the butt, tracing the delicate carvings. ``
(was inadvertant I guess)
``So she would lie under him, eyes closed, lips puckered, trying not to writhe, hearing her own mother`s voice ring in her ears, ``You won`t like it but you will get used to it. Girls from good families never enjoy it.``
(Quite a downer, I hope its not true)
``She never told him she lived in a fever of lust every day, waiting for him to make his move. Her face remained frozen, expressionless, a sleepwalker`s dead stare even as inside she died and was re-born into a thousand points of ecstasy. ``
(the best depiction of our `underworld`)
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