Such Anais Journey!

Dear Farzana:

This article seems to have accomplished a minor miracle because it looks like it has the Chowkees stumped (which, at least until now, one would have thought of as a contradiction in terms).

For what it is worth:

1) Child abuse is a very serious issue. The lady who is the subject of this article (and admittedly, my knowledge/understanding of her is very shallow) was an abused child, perhaps in more ways than one. The initial perpetrator was her father. The times in which she lived, such issues were not openly talked about or even acknowledged, what to say of possible treatments. Obviously, the mother seems to have been of little help (only moving away to US after her husband dumped her). In the present times, her father would have been in jail for doing what he did (and perhaps also the mother for complicity through silence), she under the care of foster parents and hopefully receiving some serious counseling.

2) Even to a layman it appears obvious that at a very vulnerable time in her life, her abuse by the father damaged her permanently and left her a warped personality, never really growing out of trying to identify with her father (as all little girls do), even sleeping with him when she was 30 just to make some (weird) point. Yes, there are a lot of quotations she left behind which make people pause and reflect, but as has been said (okay, by me) “all words are hot air, it is only the deeds which define what a person really is”. Although it is to her credit that she still made SOMETHING out of her life, who knows how far she could have got had she not been saddled with such a heavy burden so early in life.

3) I can understand poetic license, but obviously some artists very liberally extend that concept to include “do whatever pleases your fancy”, and her father seems to have been one such fruitcake (actually a cowardly predator). As the recent trials and tribulations of Michael Jackson appear to indicate, it still happens (though, thankfully, it no more gets pushed under the rug).

By the way, most of the situations that you mention in your article’s second paragraph can happen to men as well (except perhaps baring the raw flesh part, although I can not be absolutely sure of that either).

Bye for now.

BeeJay (yes, still on sabbatical)

Farzana,

A splendid tribute!

Moving, complex and seductive. Happy Woman`s Day.

HN

What brings our better in a women-a mother than Rabbi`s song Tere Bin.

farzana,

have always wanted to read the anais nin diaries. . . i remember a friend and i reading ``delta of venus`` in a bus, with our eyes popping out at anais` words and descriptions. it seemed so antiquated to us twentysomethings, but yet alive.

i liked this.

happy womens` day
--ana (who loves being a woman too)

Anais Nin is one of my favourite writers; read Henry and June..she also introduced me via her books to Henry Miller...her lover/friend...

A disturbed woman though...but a great writer of erotica...

farzana - i have my problems with anais and i`ve never been able to erase another woman`s memory of her from my mind but i have never forgotten that it was Anais who introduced me to my mother as someone/thing more than `mom`.

great read.

what i like about this. . . is how it shows the complexity of anais, and her vision. it would be easy to reduce her to a child who was abused and the owner of a ``warped`` mind, but it really is not that simple. . .

more thoughts to follow, perhaps. . .

Farzana,

Uh...I couldnt get past the first para....what are you talking about? Most understanding, celebration and participation in International Working Women`s Day is NOT about victimhood. Where do you get this notion from?

Please dont set up straw men and women arguments.

-Samina

farzana:

i`ve read this a few times now, especially the first two paragraphs, and by way of introduction to a tribute to anais. . . i`m not seeing how you`ve expressed international women`s day being about victimhood here. i understand the word victimhood in the first paragraph to suggest that that is one of the things discussed. . . how to go beyond it.

farzana, a woman loving herself and respecting herself is also what is behind international women`s day. i know i`m stating the obvious as i`m wont to do, but yes, while the goals are in place for achieving the most and best of all possible worlds (i`m afraid i couldn`t escape the voltairian reference) for women, there are still those who we don`t talk about, because we don`t know. there are so many women that don`t even know what women`s day is, or how this day relates to their lives. that by no means devalues march 8th. . . it reminds us that this day means different things to different women.

it has been a long time since i read the book ``women writing for their lives: the modernist women.`` which talks about the life and art of writers such as HD, gertrude stein, djuna barnes and more names which escape me right now, but reading about anais somehow reminded me of that. some of these women were also fabricating a world they could live in, living on their terms.

i don`t know too much about anais to comment on her life, but for this to appear as a tribute on women`s day was nice, in terms of the complexities, the many colors, and realities of women.

keep being better
--ana

Farzana

I have not read your article. But Anais is great - my favourite writer. I have most of her books.

nhk

I have managed to sign in only a while ago, therefore a belated Happy Women’s Day. There have been a few articles in the Indian press about the irrelevance of celebrating such an event. Kalpana lajmi, film director of women-based movies like ‘Ek Pal’, ‘Darmiyaan’, ‘Daman’, felt that having such a day gives women the minority status. My point is, even if it is not commemorated women will continue to struggle.

In fact, on one TV show some women on Marine Drive were interviewed. One lady said that there should be such a day because women have to struggle more. In her naïve, but very genuine fashion, she mentioned the struggle of being answerable to the father, then the husband, then her sons – that was her reality. On this one day in the urban landscape she felt she was free from that struggle and it made a point. The anchor asked her in jest, “So you count dealing with your husband a struggle?” She laughed and said, “Yes.”

I have got an email with me regarding this article, which says, “Can’t say I share the feeling of love being a woman, specially when I spend most days wondering if I am really cut out to be the wife and mother roles I play!”

I replied: “...you know one can love being a woman DESPITE not performing certain roles adequately. Besides, I have noticed that people tend to have a poor self-perception of how they are doing whereas they may be quite wonderful really, even if somewhat unconventional.”

On another note, Rape, dowry deaths, female infanticide, women forced into brothels are victims. When one talks about empowering one surely has to discuss victimhood. It does not make much sense to empower those who already have power.
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#1 by BeeJay:

1) Anais was more than an abused child. Writing as catharsis was her counselling.

2) There is no doubt that the abuse by her father “damaged” her, but sleeping with him later in life was not to prove a “weird” point. People who carry heavy baggage do not set out to prove anything; they travel where their bags take them. Yes, it is possible she may have reached higher, but her life was her canvas. I am also of the belief that so=-called ‘structured’ families and not necessarily not dysfunctional. Sexual politics is not relegated to ‘disturbed’ environments; people can lead unspeakably shallow lives beneath the tree called family values or put up with rubbish to retain ‘dignity’.

[“All words are hot air, it is only the deeds which define what a person really is”.]

You say this of writers whose words you have access to. Often deds is what a person writes about. If you appreciate what a person has said or written, do you try and find out whether they have ‘done’ something of what you deem some worth? I would be interested in knowing.

3) Cowardly predators not only exist, but it is still pushed under the carpet, everywhere in the world. One Michael Jackson case coming to light does not reveal that society is now ‘outing predators.

[By the way, most of the situations that you mention in your article’s second paragraph can happen to men as well (except perhaps baring the raw flesh part, although I can not be absolutely sure of that either).]

I do accept that men do have their moments of internal turmoil too, but regarding the instances I have mentioned, they get called mavericks, anarchists, rebels; you called Anais’ father a “fruitcake” and “cowardly predator”. You did not talk about his “warped” mind!

[This article seems to have accomplished a minor miracle because it looks like it has the Chowkees stumped (which, at least until now, one would have thought of as a contradiction in terms).]

???
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#2 by HN:

Harish, thank you…and thank you!
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#3 by ijaz_gul:

[What brings our better in a women-a mother than Rabbi`s song Tere Bin.}

It is interesting how so many women too talk about their mothers. I think the power of creation whether through birth or words surpasses a lot…
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#5 by Naqshbandi:

[A disturbed woman though...but a great writer of erotica...]

Writing about the body and sensuality does not always qualify as erotica. I do not think Anais was titillating; a disturbed woman pouring her heart out honestly, unafraid to show her own warts…that’s how I see her.
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#6 by amrita:

I do know that Anais is not someone one can identify with easily but it is fragments that one can relate to. I think her inner space, those very private demons, resonate with emotions we sometimes might not like to face or that we just disagree with because they are outside of our immediate realm.
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#8 by Saminasha:

Thanks for interacting on the first para…
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#10 by nazarhayatkhan
[I have not read your article. But Anais is great - my favourite writer. I have most of her books.]

Woh subah kabhi tau aayegi jab hum ‘good’ tak pohunchenge (‘great’ness tau door ki baat hai) jab aap hamarey lafzoun ko bhi padh lenge :-)
- - -
ana:

I do not like being presumptuous, but I did think you would understand what was being conveyed here even before I read your posts.

As I wrote in the beginning, there is no standard, formatted reality. A woman like Lajmi who has power finds no use for such a day; a woman in the street whose life is about dealing with a patriarchal structure of some kind wants to celebrate the occasion.

It is possible that I chose Anais for this occasion because one is in a certain frame of mind, but to me she represents all that I set out to say in the introduction to the piece. I am glad you could identity with the complexities of both Anais and several other women…you are right about it being so easy to reduce her to a “warped” mind. What I find strange is that men are dignified by “that fine madness”.

And if we are to get into warped minds, we will find that several women in the forefront of the movement have made startling comments, changed their stances, and lived private lives quite different from their public positions. Relevance of something is always a matter of perspective.

Regards to all…and a little happiness in everyone’s jholi

Farzana. I discovered Anais Nin in my mid-20`s and was fascinated by her writing and her life as well. Good to read this here. She is someone I think that most people (women?) if they are honest with themselves can identify with... or perhaps she did things that many f us would want to do, damn the consequences. She was inconsistent, lived an unconventional life in a conventional time, challenged herself, dealt with her demons in creative ways, etc. You brought that out quite well.

I do, however, disagree with your comment #11 (part #5) where you say she was not necessarily a writer of erotica but was simply writing honestly. Nin did not see erotica as a bad word and played with the genre most effectively. More importantly she did write many of her stories, especially all of those in Delta of Venus and Little Birds to be titillating. She wrote them for a dollar a page for an old gentleman, Roy Melisander Johnson of Ardmore, Oklahoma, who had all the printed erotica in English but found that each story excited and titillated him only once. Therefore, he needed new stories all the time. Anais, and her friend and one-time lover Gershon Legman and even Henry Miller supplied Mr. Johnson with stories every week and I think were paid a couple of hundred dollars for them each time. Anais wrote stories for Mr. Johnson for about 2 years until his death. Of course, even though the stories were graphic they were so well written that the gentleman complained that he was ``not paying for literature.``

Of course, she was not just a writer of erotica but it was something she felt comfortable with and she used it to frame her stories. It is widely assumed that House of Incest, for instance was a fictionalized account of her own weirdly dysfunctional relationship with her father.

Enjoyed reading this, Farzana.

Farzana, Ana,

Lets look at this para closely:

``I love being a woman.``

A declarative opening sentence. A position taken by the narrator.

``I am saying this today because on March 8 they celebrate womanhood in seminar rooms, in flag-holding ceremonies, in the streets, sometimes in the villages.``

Why is the narrator saying this ``today`` as opposed to any other day? Is it because of the ideas Intl. Working Women`s Day symbolizes? When the narrative uses these specific sites of where these ideas are being discussed-academia, ngo ceremonies-the subtext is that Intl Working Women`s Day is a construct celebrated in certain ideological spaces-progressive. When these two spheres are juxtaposed with ``the streets`` and ``villages``, one would hope for the same kind of specific ring of ``flag holding ceremonies``. In example, several labor unions and their membership comprised of women and men workers, also celebrate this day-and organize educational, cultural, political and community programs. I should know-my husband and I attended one last night. The holiday is properly known as ``Intl Working Women`s Day``-which attests to both private and public labor. And yes, writing, scholarship, creativity, advocacy is labor.

`` They talk of reservation quotas, empowerment, education, hygiene, victimhood. All this is absolutely essential. But they don’t ask a woman whether she loves being a woman.``

Here`s where I get confused. Who are ``they``? Could they be defined? Also, isnt it pretty obvious that a celebration of the innumerable kinds of labor that women perform is a celebration of women itself? That working towards improving our lives further is a celebration of women and their capacities? Does anyone ask African Americans if they love be Black during Black History month? I gather the answer would be, ``yes and no``...no being based on discrimination and inequal status, not because one is ``black`` or a ``woman``...

I dont know- this particular idea- seems a bit ill conceived. Sorry Farzana, but I have to register my response to this.

-S

Anais appears to be one sick puppy, thru this article.

In general I am quite skeptical of the notion of victimhood of women. To me the matter is simple - as long as women keep thinking themselves as just another mean of production in a capital society (especially in those society where there ain`t no capital but want to live like they have) they will keep victimizing themselves. The truth of the matter is that we may keep saying that man and woman are equal and keep feeling better about ourselves while ignoring the fact that man and woman may be equal but they are not identical. The common sense suggests that when two things are not identical then any effort in trying to equate them is a useless effort. An apple cannot be equal to an orange. Such comparison always end up in frustration and nothing else. And common sense also suggests that when all avenues to equality fail then one must opt for equity - the just equity. The victimhood of women is thus self inflicted. It is a necessary baggage that comes as side effect of what echoboom calls as Westoxicated education system. We are trying to implement a social system upon us that has proven failed. Lets admit that what frustrates woman is her own sacrifice of her previliges in the name of equality. Women loses on both fronts and considers herself a victim. But I, the man, do not buy that. I refuse

Ladies and Saminashah

Please do submit for the following writers call:

+++++

Yoni Ki Baat -- submission deadline extended to April 30
Vagina Talks, presented by
South Asian Sisters

I wasn`t able to be in San Francisco for it, but I sent in an excerpt from ``Silence and the Word`` for their last iteration of ``Yoni ki Baat.`` A bit too harried with novel revisions to send them anything this time around, so I hope lots of other folk send them great stuff. From their call:

That`s right -- ``Yoni ki Baat`` is back for its third yoni-riffic year! We have confirmed that South Asian women are ready speak out about their bodies, their sexualities, and, yes, their yonis (yoni= vagina in Sanskrit)! This is an open call for our sisters to get creative and share any stories about their yonis, including topics such as, but not limited to:

* motherhood
* birth
* culture
* abuse
* menstruation
* smell
* hair
* genital mutilation
* orgasm
* pleasure
* masturbation
* sexual orientation
* rewriting stories
* reclaiming language (c**t, b**ch, etc.)

Or, if you`re stuck on what to write about, we`ve got some questions for you:

* What does your yoni enjoy most about being a south asian woman?
* How do you relate to women in our community?
* What is the most frustrating issue in south asian culture facing women today?
* Which Bollywood heroine/ hero does your yoni pine for or aspire to be?
* What language does your yoni speak?
* What Bollywood film would your yoni star in?
* What Bollywood song would your yoni sing?
* What is your yoni`s bio-data/ matrimonial?
* What name does your yoni prefer to be called by?
* What is the immigration status of your yoni?
* What is your yoni`s weapon?
* What does your yoni smell like?
* If your yoni could run for president, what would be the first item
on her agenda?
* If your yoni could say two words, what would they be?

Submissions will remain anonymous upon request and may be incorporated
into our upcoming ``Yoni Ki Baat`` show in the Bay Area.

Please send any ideas, answers, poems, essays, stories, or musings --
we can`t do the show unless we have your contributions! Your
contributions create the mood and experience of the show, please share
your voices with us!

Be on the lookout for more information about ``Yoni Ki Baat`` in the coming
weeks.

Please send your submissions by April 30, 2005, to:

Email: ykb@sasisters.org

Post:
South Asian Sisters
1642 Fell Street
San Francisco, CA 94117

Nice title!
Anais Nin was like a female Larry Flynt. Not a particularly great writer but she got mileage from shocking the readers.