Asoka

generally, i think for a poem, it is pretty loose, and needs some work. but i liked it nonetheless! : ) reminds me of `dard di raunaq`!

-bilal

first of all,
thank you all for reading. from the number of time this has been read and interacted on lends me to believe that i should only write about sex. good to know.
also, i have been laughing so hard from the interacts that i am peeing in my pants over here in Sri Lanka. Im on dialup so i get to things a little bit slower...

i wrote this poem about 2 years ago...in paris. really dont need to go into more details...it`s a fabulous city.
i like the way temporal put it...men come and men go..and it`s not so much a sex poem as more an exploration of self (i hate talking in such high faluted ways but internet time is money here so you get the first words i can think of)...

i am enjoying the comments on the line ``So it’s not me but what they want to see that is beautiful.``

unfortuanately, i almost never break down my writing...i will however love to talk about te issues the piece may raise.
don`t you ever feel that in realtionships that is what happens....we look for things in people that we want them to have? it works for as long as you can see that and one day you can decide, nope, wasnt there...

thanks to whoever called it a crappy love poem...

besos y abrazos from SL....big ups to shore sahib, nadiz zehra and atif...atif, you know im going to go back and re-read that when i get to a dsl connection...really needed to just let loose and laugh ttoday....thanks.

z.rizvi.

Hawt

echoboom, want more?

Thehro lagai aoon,
Nainon mein kajraa,
Choti mein goond aaoon,
Phoolon ka gajraaa,

Mein to ker aoon sola singhaar ray...........

What is this smell? Has somebody put a pile of roses in the room?

a bedroom saga!

#22:malikjahanzeb

yaara kyaa yaad dilaa diyaa. Ubb sunnaa paRRay gaa

``Savaan beetaa jaaey
Haey raam, saavan beetaa jaey

Aj naheeN aaey baa`aaalmaaa
Saavan beetaa jaaey.``

Re: # 23

Can`t you see, she has a thing for horney ayatullahs.

#12 by atif2

LOL!! That was funny indeed.

It’s only the back ache which is penetrating in the senses. The whole weight of the poem crush to the fulcrum: “I want it to hurt. ”.

The above intercourse is a relational beauty assessment , doesn’t look original, as exquisiteness is a trademark of
-temples
-Model of Rodin
-warrior

Thats what the writer has conveyed:

``So it’s not me but what they want to see that is beautiful. ``

Or this line has some other meaning...a bit confused!

Cheers,

I can`t believe it. We have the whole Jihad psychopath crew discussing a Krappy love poem like a bunch of twelve year old girls. `So beautiful.....so sensual`....Shaddap!

I always knew you were a bunch of f@gz

#4: Beauty lies in the eyes of beholder.

Chand ki berwa ghar wo lagaye,
Aur bhi mera jee lalchaye,

Yaar haseen gale lag jaye,
Meri umer gujerti jaye....

Feels like the heater is on for a long time.

---

Main dussdaan eh bibi kee kehndi ay.

Ik janaanary banday naal sex keeta tay dubara karna chhandi ey.

Re: # 19
Perhaps you should Vomit! It`ll make you feel better.

God forbid that Shaeri should lean towards homosexuality. Such a inhuman thing. Those Shaers should be flogged for writing poetry with homosexual undertones.

Atif Mian,
Beyhoodgi Shaer ki Shaeri mein nahi,
Shairi Padhney waley ki soch mein hai!

echo sahib - Did you say ``bayhooda``??? Let me tell you what is beyhooda. The poetry that I had to explain in my 11th and 12th class was not just beyhooda, it was leaning towards homosexuality. I had to bite my tongue everytime I had to explain about ``shaair ka mehboob``. In the begining I tolerated it thinking that perhaps he was referring to God. But then that stretch of imagination became too stretched.

urstruly - Somehow I knew I would confuse you. Sounds like I will have to invest a little bit more time with you through chowk to bring you up to the par.

Shoresahib - Nope, I was just curious. Nothing else. As long as you have a smile on your face, it really doesn`t matter whether you got it through a guy or a girl (I feel like vomiting now).

Re: # 17
I had thought uptill now that Mr Urstruly and Echoboom were prudes, but Allah Ki panah, Hai Ram!
You guys are killing me with laughter.

Re: # 16 echo

yaar yeh sufi bhi baray tharki hotay haiN. sab mazay loot liyay baad maiN keh diya, ``aji woh to ishq-e-haqiqi tha, sharam nahin ati aap ko``.

atif2:

Bahee aap yahaaN mUssay kaa bhainsaa kyooN bana raheiN haiN. Poem hai koee `confession` tO nahee hai naa.

Aur yeh aap kee raal kyooN tUpaka rahee hai uss m`asoom pUr.

Taey-abaa ghoom rahay haiN , shrm karo. baihooda!

Yaaro:
Yeh pohnchee huee nzm hai. Sufi khayalaat sey bharpoor. Yeh porno nahee hai. This is about
having ``arrived``. FOB sey tarraqui kr kay SOB honay kaa adventure hai [ FOB--Fresh off the boat; SOB; Stale off the boat]

Shoresahib Quiblaa ghalibUN WWF kaa zikr kr rahay haiN jahaaN unhaiN koi chit naheeN kr skaa--abhee tUk.

Re: # 12
``Shoresahib, you write ``The men I have been with have yet to hurt my back``. I am hating myself for asking this, but how many men have you been with? And what do you look for in a man before you decide to be ``with`` him. Thanks.``

Atif Sahib,
What purpose would it serve for me to divulge the number of men I have been ``with``, but I must say that they number between `` too many`` and `` not enough``. :-)

I am thoroughly impressed with your knowledge of sexual positions etc, and I must ask you the reason you asked for my criteria in picking the men that I choose to be ``with``.

Re: # 12 atif

I am confused even more. So you are saying that they were in fact doing yoga?

zeh`r:

when i read this first it reminded me of the florence diary...and as i read this again that thought returns reinforced...and another poetic line from a past great surfaces from the subconscious...men may come and men may go... the context is different...so chalk this as out of context;)

you have retained the touch...good imagery and breaks...

lve

t

Ok guys, sounds like I have my work cut out for me.

Its really heart-breaking for me to see that grown folks here don`t have a their fundamentals in order about sex. And then they have the nerve to go on and explain a poem! Ms. Zehra would be turning in her bed just seeing these weird explanations of her fine piece of poetry.

So guys, when you are looking for real estate, whats the most important thing? Repeat after me: Location, Location, Location.

When you are having sex, whats the most important thing? Repeat after me: Position, Position, Position.

Now that we have got that out of the way, let me explain the relevant pieces of this poem to you. And Ms. Zehra, please jump in if I say something you didn`t mean.

Basically, the poet was having a marathon sex session. And when she says ``The floor was cutting into my back``, she is giving you a hint that sexual position that was assumed at the moment was anything but missionary. I would venture to say that only her shoulders were on the ground and her back was raised and arched. He was probably in a sitting position.

But then the poet complicates the picture a little bit when she talks about his ``hard tongue``. While she leaves it to reader`s imagination as to where the tongue was used, but within the context of desi culture, one can safely say that any tongue lashing that did occur, took place prior to the assumption of this ``arched back`` position.

I hope I have done a good job in explaining.

Shoresahib, you write ``The men I have been with have yet to hurt my back``. I am hating myself for asking this, but how many men have you been with? And what do you look for in a man before you decide to be ``with`` him. Thanks.

Re: # 10
Good One!!!

Re: # 6 Malik

Oh I thought she fell down from the bed.

Re: # 6
Smiles!
Thank you Malik Sahib for that interesting explanation. I probably havent reached puberty yet or silly me would have gotten the sexual inneundo. Although since I am not a girl, I wouldnt know that being made mad passionate love to would hurt the back, perhaps straight men ravage their mates literally. The men I have been with have yet to hurt my back, hurt other body parts, yes! but Back, No!

#7 echo sahib - i have just recently re-lived the horror of my school`s corporal punishment on another board. may i request that i be excused this time?

here i am whinning about my corporal punishment of long ago. and then there is Urstruly bragging about how corporal punishment helped him become the Chief Proctor and the eye-candy of girls.

who said life is fair!

malik99:

What blasphemy!
Never never explain poetry, Lateefa, aur sharia to anyone--within the others earshot.

Please be a murghaa for 10 seconds--I trust you!

#4 - shore sahib asks ``I dont understand what you mean by wanting your back to hurt in the last line.``

oh come on, shoresahib. sounds like you haven`t reached puberty yet. ok, lets see, how can I explain this to you. ummmm....ok, let me put it in very simple terms. Line # 4 and 5 give the hint. basically, she and ``him`` were making maddening love at a back breaking pace on the floor a while ago.

she might have complained then. but now that she sits alone, she is longing for that back ache again.

hope you get it this time. or I will have to ask Atif2 to explain it to you. which is NOT a good thing :)

I want it to hurt.
mabrook!

``Vo pehlay ishque kee raa`na-aee-yaaN, array tauba!
uthhaa jo drD, toa dil ney kahaa: mubarak ho!``

A good poem,but wherever ``gurez`` ( departure) occurs needed a fresh line..I think.

You seem to have ``urdu-poetry`` background, and you use it well in your english. There is promise that you might pull it off some day without resorting to the gaudy-glittery psycho-babble called `modern` poetry.

Perhaps it is my intellect that is lacking, but certain parts of this poem do not make sense to me. I dont understand what you mean by wanting your back to hurt in the last line.

and...
What do you mean by the following,
``So it’s not me but what they want to see that is beautiful.``

``arrest for civil disobedience, the only `good` useful thing to be able to do with my American citizenship besides ofcourse marrying a lonely horny Shia male on an H-1 visa``

That was from your profile.

I too believe that when I was on my H-1 visa, I had a higher level of testosterones than I do now - and I am not even Shia!!

In any case, it was a very sensuous poem. Got me going...

Love it.

Your sensuality is amazing. Very Parveen Shakirish.