Immigrant

What is enough capital in your view kauray to go and retire in Punjab?

Every desi talks about how he would return if he had money. Few do return. My uncle did. Living a grand life there.

Most don`t. Most of them get arthritis. The cold weather and Indians with their dal diet don`t go well together.

Most are miserable - especially the older they get.

I would too - if I had enough capital to start a comfortable life there.

I`m an immigrant in India.I have a PIO(Person of Indian origin) card, i live , i work here and absolutely LOVE it.I share some of the experiences that i`ve read here and some in reverse!!.As long as one`s happy it doesn`t matter where one is.Material well being can be fleeting in nature and sometimes causes untold pain too, but happiness is real and non-negotiable.And, that`s the bottom line according to me.

I moved to US to pay my taxes to the government

(warning: am digressing)

ali:

home is in the mind...a person can be productively happy if he listens to his mind while home is just another residence to stretch the weary bones...

some of us have houses and homes
some have houses, others home only
and some have only souls, no homes or houses
(now a twist) what is happiness?
(answer: a state of mind)
and is happiness dependent or independent of a home?
answer: depends on the individual:)
a person can be happy if he wants to be happy
independent of home

more digressions:

miriam #8:

“home is where the heart is”

home? ghar kya hay? four walls and a roof? chalo baat ko aagay baRhatay hain...the four walls and a roof are anchored...this anchoring is based on both tangible and intangibles... land is foremost...no land, no home...other factors that add value and nostalgia to home are neighbours...and the intangibles...culture, aura, smell, ambience...

so it follows that to change a house in to a home we need four walls and a roof, land, neigbhours, culture, smell, aura, ambience... you get the drift?...

is there something not mentioned without which that house would never become a home? yes that is you and me...without our sweat, dreams, desires, whims, doubts a house can never become a home...

and individuals are restless...we move...politics, parents, education, career being some of the catalysts for the move...we`re strange creatures who move...ripping roots...sometimes centuries old and re-root...

what walking, living, breathing dichotomies we are...a speck of dust on the vast shoreline of history...significant (as you alluded to the other day) and insignificant ( as i mentioned earlier) simultaneously...we tear our roots to satisfy the urge to move and then grow newer roots...dichotomy did i say?...in the end...it is a state of mind...it is the mind that emits those electronic impulses that induces happiness...it is the mind that changes a house into either a hell or a home...regardless of locale;) ...

more on wistful longings to return to an(other abandoned) home...and more on us as victims of arrested development another time or another digression:)

lve

t

Very well written!

Although one aspect of the `immigrant`s dilemma` is not explored - that is, if he goes back home, which city is he going to live in? And whether he is from a blue collar profession or a white collar.

For those immigrants who hail from Lahore, Islamabad, Karachi (the big cities) and are into white collar profession, it might not be as hard a decision as those who hail from smaller cities or make a living in West via business, grocery stores, restaurants etc. Settling back in big cities is easier - you get somewhat regular supply of water, utilities, adequately staffed hospitals, paved roads, and other amenities.

I have gone through the same cycles of diemma that author went through. And my `intellectual` argument to this life decision of continuing to live in US is that this is where I find the most utilization of my potential. Would I be happier in Pakistan with all my social circle, if I feel I am not living up to my potential??

Besides, life is all about journey. This earth is God`s vast land. The story of human civilization is all about movement. Gypsies started from Northern India, and now they make a sizable part of population in Romania and Albania. Turks started from Western China, and now they inhabit most of central asia and Turkey. South America has a sizable population from Spanish, Portugese and African stock. We sometime move out of our own free will, and sometimes circumstances make us.

But then, there are times, many many times, when I feel (as author described) as if I am living just for myself. That perhaps there is more to life than just living a safe suburban life in the sterile environment of US. But then at an individual level, its a personal decision. Its all about what makes you happy. Living alone and miserable in a golden palace is not what this short life should be all about.

Ali:

I like what you have to say and the way you say it. I can empathize with people who have a desire to return to their roots but I can also honestly say that I don’t share that desire. Perhaps it’s because none of my formative years were spent in Pakistan, and I don’t really have any substantive memories of the place. However, I do visit on occasion and enjoy it.

I would have to agree with optimum #4, that the yearning for the home country probably depends on how old one was when they immigrated.

I think at the end of the day “home is where the heart is”, and if yours is back home than I’m sure you’ll be happy with your decision .

Very well written article.

Though the decision to immigrate and then return back is an individual decision but there are definitely some common guiding factors like the the primary aim of immigration,the conditions which led to the decision to go abroad,the age at which one went abroad,how many close family members/relatives are left behind, and then there are some confounding variables like the will/support of others in the family, political problems,corruption,beaurocracy,bribery,general living conditions and the personality traits of the individual.

To my mind,the conditions which made the person to take the decision to immigrate and the the closeness/bonding with those left behind are the most crucial factors involved in the decision to return back.

In the U.S. context, it has been said that most immigrants require three generations to fully assimilate.

The first generation will always have an “old country” heart (or what we call a “desi” heart, on this site). The second generation will always have some linguistic/cultural ties to the “old country” but will never understand it like a native. It’s the “in-between” generation.
The third generation (and beyond) would lose most of those ties.

From my observations in the past (not to be confused with any scientifically established facts) most long-term South Asians (of the “first generation” immigrant variety) in U.S. undergo the following four phases:

Phase-I: determined to return (first 4-5 years)

Phase-II: ambivalent about returning (next 5-6 years)

Phase-III: ambivalent about returning in own mind, while it is obvious to the whole world that the guy/gal is only daydreaming (next 5-6 years)

Phase-IV: resigned to not returning, but daydreaming about the “old world” (rest of the natural life)

I could be entirely wrong, but in his actions, the author seems to be hovering somewhere in the middle of Phase-II. (In his mind, he still might be in Phase-I.)

The more recent immigrants (at least from India) appear to be made of a slightly different ilk. Many of them do see a bright future “back home” – they plan accordingly and do return as per plans. Even for those individuals, sometimes “better” potential employment opportunities can lure them in – but then the Phase-I is of lesser duration. Of course, there are individual differences.

Notes:

[Living and working among your own people also seems to provide a visceral satisfaction that is sometimes missing when working in the US.]
In the present day metro areas, one finds more and more South Asians on both sides of the counter – in every profession.

[….even though my journey has been longer than I expected, I will be back home soon, for better or worse.]
Or it could be a very typical “Phase-II” moment.


#1 by ally
Your story mirrors that of countless other “second generation” immigrants.

#4 by optimum
[Dhobi ka kutta...ghar ka na ghaat ka...!!]
A typical “Phase-II” condition – perhaps soon to enter “Phase-III”!

#5 by adityapant
You have (unintentionally) highlighted an important fact. A sense of humor comes VERY handy, no matter where one ends up spending one’s life finally!

Hmm Nice article.

Unlike the rest of the posts, am still in the subcontinent-Mumbai to be precise, though I do plan to go West for higher studies. I was working in the UK for a couple of months as part of an cultural exchange program. Located in Burnley (a lancashire town which has witnessed race riots), there were times when the desire for home could only be pacified by running to the nears Balti takeaway. Unfortunately, the Asians there (generally from Pakistan and Bangladesh) have modified the food to suit the British palate. So when I asked for some extra Masala in my chicken, the idiot put extra Haldi (Turmeric)!!!

At a reception hosted by the mayor, as part of British multiculturalism we were treated to lamb samosas, something i have never seen in India but which i gobbled down. The Mayor`s wife came upto me and whispered that she knew a Indian greeting which she wanted to try out

---

Walekum Salam--(Sorry for my spelling)....trying to control my laughter,I told her that she had got it right but its the response to a greeting and not the other way round............Now i am rambling but i dont think i would like to be stuck out in the west for too long but if i am, i dont want to end up like Amrish Puri in DDLJ (if you know ur bollywood, you will know what i mean)....rather be assimilated that pine for a your home that has changed just as much as you have.

Having said that, wish you luck Mr. Hashmi.

Dhobi ka kutta...ghar ka na ghaat ka...!!

I have been living in US for over 6 years now and during this period have visited pakistan 4 times. Originally came to only get my masters degree in law but as it goes with most of us, we stick around and so did it...I have been, and to stome extent still, going through the same emotional dilemma faced by most of the immigrants from our community. One thing that i fig. out is that it most and rather more intensely happens to those who move out of paistan at a grown up age, like in their mid 20s or so. The younger you are lesser cpnfused you are going to be.

While living abroad, the memories of pakistan`s life comes back in such a flowery version that one feels to take the first flight, but unfortunately, with me at least, even having been lived in pakistan for good 25 years, the country seems as in impossible place to live merely after 2-3 weeks.

Having said that, i would return to the first line of my comments and i guess thats what it makes all or most of us who immigrate in a grown up age.

I have been to US once in some nine years ago and I dindt feel veryn homesick but when I came back nither did I wanted to go back the way you do however somehow I do relate to your emotion in this regard

I enjoyed reading the article. I, myself, moved to the States in 1991 and share the same feeling as u have written.

Nicely written. I hope you do well, when you finally do go back to Pakistan. There are many advantages, and also many disadvantages.

We were all born and brought up in the UK, we often visited, amd i still do as much as possible. But i don`t think i could live there, especially since all of my really close family live here for the most part.

My parents go back and spend a few months of every year, i don`t think even they could live there full time, (maybe mum, casue she doens`t have any of her family here).

But you do get attached to the country you live in also, that sometimes it becomes hard to leave, so i think with those that can afford it, this is why they spend a few months here and a few months there.

However, for those of you who live in America, i feel an extra pity because its so far away from anywhere, it must take you guys days to get to Pakistan, and taht kind of hassle i personally couldn`t deal with... but good luck to you all!