Faraz

``us galii ne ye sun ke sabr kiyaa
jaane vaale yahaa.N ke the hii nahii.n``

I knew Faraz as young handsome man in late 50`s and early 60`s when he was in Radio Pakistan at Peshawar and I lived at Capital Cinema flats at Arbab Road of that very city. What I am reading now made me dumbfound. Is he really no more?

i dont know.. wat to say

Thanks BeeJay and sorry for the delay.

I empathise with Xari and hope he is able to overcome the grief.

Suicide is one of the most challenging realities of our times but sadly still remains one of the least understood phenomena.People have tried to understand suicide from all possible angles i.e. medical,psychological,philosophical,religeous...so on and so forth.So far,the work of Emil Durkheim is regarded as the best ,who tried to understand suicide in sociological perspective.The condition named ``anomie``by him is fast becoming a global phenomenon.

One thing is sure,person who decides to end his/her life,does give lot of indications of the intention and if we are able to recognize the warning signs,it can be prevented and the best way is to make the person talk about it either with a friend,relative or more suitably a professional.Depression is responsible for almost half of the suicides and is a treatable condition.

In the present context,it is more important that the survivors including the author to overcome the grief and should not hesitate from taking professional help if they find it difficult to handle it themselves.Time does cure wounds but sometimes it leaves deep rooted scars which keep hurting directly or indirectly.

Re: # 21

Yeah!.I`m sure you know about depression.You ARE depressing and your depressing friend hanging around you went further into depression and killed himself.What a hoot!!.Go have a drink, get laid and get on with your life.Is there anything else in life besides getting drunk and getting laid?.I think not!!.Jai Hind.

errrr i dont remember the interract number nor the name of the person...but one guy said that suicide isnt affected by PEOPLE. well it is, and if you read philosphy...if you have EVER read and understood it, it can be quite depressing. and im sorry thats all im goinna say, bcs i joined here to submit and read articles not to start an orkut discussion. And Albert Camus or readings omething serious is not a ``FAD``, because the meaning is the thing thats important. You read books to think to know to imagine, not to start a FAD or LOOK COOL. and yes JAUN ELIA spelt his name like that and for your information he was a serious depressive, I know people who know him Personally. Yeah im talking abt the one married to Zahida Hina....anyhow, i really dont care whether people agree that a person is affected by philophiocal theories, but it happens. And i know a lot about depression, what the hell it is...

#19,

Mea culpa day!
I see Jon elia is spelled JAUN and not Juan here. Interseting spelling!

1.
Who was this “Juan Elia”? The one I know was an Urdu poet married(later divorced) to columnist Zahida Hina. His name was Jon or John Elia and NOT Vuaghn Elia. (Juan pronounced as Vaughn)
John or Jon Elia’s was not maniac depressive, as Faraz appeared to be so how Jon Elia’s poetry was a factor is Faraz’s suicide.

An aside. Jon Elia used to call his wife ``Behen``! Go figure!

2.
People still read Albert Camus? I thought that fad was over after the 70s when I read him and he was a SOB.

#16 thbuzz
Please read the material I write below and pay very close attention. Thanks.

[Faraz was in the philosphy department and yes he knew all about Camus and Sartre and Kafka and of course Neitzche, etc. His suicidal reasons were something perhaps another wouldnt understand,….]
Dear friend, please get it straight. Faraz’s condition was a PHYSICAL, organic condition! He needed REAL medicines to treat it. Suicide has nothing to do with how familiar one is with literary figures (if that were the case, probably 99 percent of chowk writers would be deader than a door nail). For the mind, a certain amount of depression can come and go (sometimes due to hormonal fluctuations, the way I understand it) but suicidal levels of depression represent a clear, MEDICAL malady which needs REAL medicine! Understanding Sartre has NOTHING to do with it!!!

[…i think it’s that person’s business to decide whether he wants to live or not, not anybody else’s.]
Wrong again! When a person is clinically depressed, he/she is incapable of making decisions in a rational manner, so he/she needs intervention – counseling and medication. PERIOD.

[But i sometimes feel angry at him, for ending his life in the way that he did, i feel angry when I’m sitting alone in my room, awake at 5 in the morning crying with depression and fear and guilt picturing his dead face, and how he must have felt. I feel so pissed that i want to kill him and slap him and abuse him.]
Like I explained to Xari, a certain amount of depression is normal and time is the only sure healer! After a couple of weeks, I think that it should have lessened. Since five months have already passed, if you feel that the intensity is still the same, I think you must try to address it by using other means – getting counseling, reading up (from the library) on the depressive condition, spending more time in other locations, spending less time alone, and also perhaps going ahead and doing something POSITIVE which can make you feel that you are doing SOMETHING useful (instead of just feeling sorry) – these are all possible ways to address the problem! (I think that interacting on this board on this issue is perhaps also a form of grief counseling.)

Paging Dr. LokRaj,…
My dear, please get your rear – into gear – right here, ON THE DOUBLE!!! (The Beej ain’t no medic!)

Our society, in general, does not take seriously such depression and the suicidal tendency that comes with it. We are not aware enough of the fact that every man has a different set of experiences, mindsets and ideas, and therefore a different way of looking at things. We should not neglect such lack of hope/self-esteem, particularly when it concerns the youth.

A healthy body gives better physical endurance and a healthy mind gives better psychological endurance. But the factors that lead to better psychological health do not exist in our social system, instead there is a general lack of self-esteem through out our society.

Re: # 15
Hey I dont think that its a very good idea to tell you publicly why Faraz`s parents highlighted this as a murder case. But the police files closed shut on the fact that it was a suicide after beggining the investigation taking into account that it was a murder. They had their own purposes, but if we (his freinds) were in their place we would have done it differently. That wasnt all, you see, his father did a lot of other lowdown things after Faraz died that caused everyone problems. You can say it changed lives in the way that they shouldnt have changed.
Faraz was in the philosphy department and yes he knew all about Camus and Sartre and Kafka and of course Neitzche, etc. His suicidal reasons were something perhaps another wouldnt understand, but anyway i think its that person;s business to decide whthere he wants to live or not, not anybody elses. No one WANTS to be born, people are born and they live with it all their lives, most of them never even questioning things. Well Faraz was one of those who did. And I also know that he would liked the world to shut up about his death and not make him into a celebrity like people usually do when others die. But i sometimes feel angry at him, for ending his life in the way that he did, i feel angry when im sitting alone in my room, awake at 5 in the morning crying with depression and fear nd guilt picturing his dead face, and how he must have felt. I feel so pissed that i want to kill him and slap him and abuse him. But he was desperate. Cant u feel his desepration, Xari, when he was smiling at you the last time he saw you, in this complascent manner coldly planning his own death. Jumping down when he was scared of heights.

Xari;

First of all, I would like to extend my sympathy to you. Losing a friend (especially at young age) is highly traumatic, of course. I’m sure that (depending on your own level of resilience) this may last for a while, but – you WILL recover, but only over time! The more important thing is to put things in perspective (a process you may have already started with this write-up), make the best of what is STILL available and take nothing for granted for the future. A couple of other advices appear below.

Notes:

[Faraz was a serious depressive. Many might think it is all rubbish of course, this depression business, ….]
As several others have already pointed out here, my understanding is that depression is a physical (organic) condition which can be controlled with medication. Unfortunately, many do not get the treatment. You should not in any way feel guilty for not having been able to prevent it. Miriamk #14 is right about the possible value of grief counseling, if available. Also, you may consider doing some positive deeds in memory of your late friend.

[Footnote: (Faraz’s case in the papers and in the media was highlighted to be a murder case, as his parents wanted. But that is not true.)]
I believe the parents are doing a disservice to the memory of their son by trying to hush up what appears to have been the underlying problem. After all, if the case were accurately highlighted, there is a chance that perhaps other young people in similar situation would seek out medical help, similar end results prevented, and something positive can still created out of this very tragic ending!!

xari:

This is indeed a sad and disturbing story. Clinical depression is a very serious affliction. South Asian culture dismisses this ailment all too casually. We have perfected pretense to a fine art. Death always leaves behind questions, mostly the unanswerable kind. I hope you find the solace you need. Perhaps some grief counseling might be in order. I hope you look into it.

diarox:

best friend?....worst enemy?

good reason?

no!

I wonder if you have ever read Albert Camus` essays on suicide. For him suicide is a true philosophical problem. Once we begin to see our lives as a repitition of set patterns all our actions and desires begin to feel meaningless. To Camus suicide is the decision of a conscious free thinking mind. To end life is to decide that it is not worth living and everything in it is meaningless. Its more of an awakening rather than the craziness of a mad man.

To me everyone who decides to end life must have a good reason for it. I dont think ending life is being ungrateful. If you are unhappy with life then you should be free to choose not to live it; the same as choosing not to be in a place because you dont like it or choosing not to wear a color you do not like. There are alot of people who think suicide is for cowards who cannot face life and seem to think that they are taking the easy way out. I believe otherwise. I think It takes alot of courage to even try to kill yourself.

Of course, there are people who do it to seek attention. But they tend to make a whole scene out of it and do not die obscure deaths...to be found later or perhaps never.

Being a Muslim I am supposed to believe that suicide is a great sin and there is no forgiveness. But being alive and here I know sometimes things get so hard for people that they suffocate and have no way out. They lose hope (another sin). But where would they get hope when everything around them goes wrong? When nothing ever gets better? Yes, you should pray to God seek His help. But, sometimes you feel forsaken and even God seems to be busy elsewhere.

Another thing Camus said was that sometimes a person may have too many troubles and then one day he might decide to die only because no one spoke a kind word to him that day and that is kind of like the last straw.

Anyone in love with Allama Jaun Elia is prone to depression and suicidal tendencies.

I am not surprised to know what happened to Faraz. Poor man!

Yes this is the answer to Elusive`s question: whether his parents tried to help him. Faraz was never understood proeprly by his parents. perhaps his father somehwat understood him. Yet even though faraz visited a psychiatrist, he wasnt satisfied with the progress. I couldnt have imagined him living for long. He couldnt live the life that people thought was ``normal``. He was alienated, more than many of us are. I wasnt surprised when he did this to himself. I was just shocked at the suddenness of it all....

May he rest in peace! Ameen!

Some peole are plain suicidal and when when that realisation dawns on a close friend/relative/etc, they should not leave him/her alone.it had to happen and so it did, and no one can bring Faraz back, but, i really want to know, if his parents ever contacted a psychiatrist when Faraz`s behaviour could not be comprehended by them? did they seek help?

People like Faraz need help which can be provided only by near & dear ones. As rightly said by another interactor he ought to be listened to...and never make the person feel neglected

Xari, did you ever `listen` to your `friend` faraz?.If not, then promise to do so to the next person you befriend.

Xari:

The story is painfully disturbing and I am not able to get the idea why Faraz acted like he didn`t belong to the circumstances. What was threatning him from which he tried so much to escape to death. A real haunting depression could be cured. I feel he was felt only not treated deeply tobe heeled. If there been personal losses then I think the family should keep an account of care to make him feel posses the harmony and expand his strengths.
From your description it appears him a sadist who confines his feeling to develop his innerself. And its not thoroughly clear of the background he belonged to, or what teased him the most, what social insecurites he couldn`t handle.

Your personal loss of a friend is very distressing and may be it had made no difference if you wrote the real loops of scorn which shattered his endurance.


mere Khudaa mujhe itanaa to mo`atabar kar de
mai.n jis makaan me.n rahataa huu.N us ko ghar kar de

ye raushanii ke ta`aqub me.n bhaagataa huaa din
jo thak gayaa hai to ab is ko muKhtasar kar de

mai.n zindagii kii duaa maa.Ngane lagaa huu.N bahut
jo ho sake to duaao.n ko beasar kar de

sitaaraa-e-saharii Duubane ko aayaa hai
zaraa ko_ii mere suuraj ko baa-Khabar kar de

qabiilaa vaar kamaane.n ka.Dakane vaalii hai.n
mere lahuu kii gavaahii mujhe niDar kar de

merii zamii.n meraa aaKhirii havaalaa hai
so mai.n rahuu.N na rahuu.N us ko baaravar kar de

mai.n apane Khvaab se kaT kar jiyuu.N to meraa Khudaa
ujaa.D de merii muTThii ko dar-ba-dar kar de

-Iftikhar Arif.

Hum tairay doast hain Faraz magar,
Yuun na uljhanoun main daal hamain...
-Ahmed Faraz

Sad story. Sorry to here about your friend. (For a long time whilst reading your essay I was under the false impression you were talking about Ahmed Faraz, the poet...)

Xari:

this is not a good piece of writing

the story is sad

manic and bi-polar disorder is a treatable and controllable sickness

rgds

t

Jaun Aliya:

ham to jaise yahaa.N ke the hii nahii.n


ham to jaise yahaa.N ke the hii nahii.n
dhuup the saayabaa.N ke the hii nahii.n

raaste kaaravaa.N ke saath rahe
marhale kaaravaa.N ke the hii nahii.n

ab hamaaraa makaan kis kaa hai
ham to apane makaa.N ke the hii nahii.n

in ko aa.Ndhi me.n hii bikharanaa thaa
baal-o-par yahaa.N ke the hii nahii.n

us galii ne ye sun ke sabr kiyaa
jaane vaale yahaa.N ke the hii nahii.n

ho terii Khaak-e-aastaa.N pe salaam
ham tere aastaa.N ke the hii nahii.n



Really really sad! :S

Growing up in the US, i had a misconceived notion that it was only westerners that were batty. Indians/south asians were more grounded is what i thought.Ever since my love affair with India and my subsequent moving here, i have changed my view.Indians/south asians are as screwed up as any other group of people.The difference is more than half of us hide our inadequacies and pretend.Some fall off the wagon.Faraz is one of them.I guess he didn`t listen to `advice` `cause we don`t advice.We lecture.We don`t listen.Did anyone listen to Faraz instead of trying to advice him?.