Close Encounter

Re: # 14

you are wicked !

Romair #15, {``We will have to wait for part 2 to find out. Actually, I hope we never find out....... ``}

Romair,
Buddy, thanks for quickly negating the Part 2 ``death wish.`` There are certain theorems that we should all live by:
You don`t tug on Superman`s cape,
You don`t pull the mask off the Ol Lone Ranger.
And you don`t hope for Part 2 from the Incredible Imposter. :)

Thanks,
Salim

#16, {``you are wicked !``}

Hamidm Sahib,

Salim ko isliye mara ke jeena jaanta tha woh
Apne dushmanoN ka khun pina janta tha woh

Yeh basti, uff! yeh basti jisko Chowkistan kehte heN
JahaN ban ban ke hakim ``liberal`` haiwaan rehte heN

JahaN ka jailkhaana mujahidoN se bharta jata he
JahaN par parchame jhoot-o-faraib sansanata he

Yeh basti, uff yeh basti jisko Chowkistan kehte heN

#11, Now we can lynch the notorious Faraibi. :)
Salim

I don`t know why people are so critical of this important literary piece. This has to be the best short short stroy i have ever read on this site. (this site has really high standards or why would I visit this place every day now-or may be it is my desire to read some junk...)

People need to look beyond boulder and fort collins to really appreciate this story. First boulder is not the most beautiful town of the US. it is probably one of the better town but our people have a habit of putting everything on the moon. (or moon them...take your pick)

What I find interesting is that Jamil was not able to say hi(``Jamil had uttered `Hi` to his friend Jack, the ever lurking air marshals nabbed him`` ) but he said it in the paragraph above(`Hi Jack,` he said) so which statement is correct? And what about that “ever lurking” air marshal? I did not know that they lurk so blatantly…

My purpose here is not to highlight some errors like other people are doing but I am trying to write a ``tanqeed`` which should be as good as the short short story itself. (I think I am succeeding!)
If people find my critique below par then a case can be made that the story is below par too as my tanqeed and the story have about the equal literary merits.

So please refrain from looking at the story on other than the literary merits….

PS. If you can read the story twice, you will pass the literary class in any NYC university…
Thanks folks…

#10 by kaurasach on August 29, 2005 9:29am PT


Boulder is one of the best towns in the US if not the best.


Beautiful view of the rockies....

The air marshalls are a joke....they couldn`t find their own dicks if they had the GPS co-ordinates....If you`ve ever flown into Reagan national airport, you`ll know exactly what i`m talking about....

For people who`re not US citizens, carry a color copy of your green card with you at all times...if these morons can`t bust you for anything else, they`ll hassle you about that...

Kauray,

Most of the Desiz living in Boulder were Napliz when I was there visiting my friends int he early 90z. Is this still the case?

hiader

Not anymore. Sikhs (residents and citizens) have moved in large numbers from west and east coasts. South Indians (work visa) for IT work now outnumber N Indians (mainly sikhs who are mostly business owners).

I live in a suburb that hardly had any Indian 5 yrs back. Two days back I was biking around a lake. Every bench, and tennis court was hoarded by an Indian. Yesterday these buxom ``lalis`` were playing frisbee in Sari and Ghagra with their spindly legged men in bright attire. I fell off the bike laughing.

Nepalese are few - mostly work in sikh owned restaurants. They have tried to run their own - failed miserably. The only success story is this Nepali guy - whose name escapes me - he owns several business in Boulder including a program to take students over to Nepal. they also own that `Budha` shops.

Metro Denver has changed a LOT in the last decade - u wont recognize the growth. Thankflly, Boulder has put an end to its growth - so the charm is preserved. - most growth is in satellite towns around boulder

Mr. Soulat #20, {``If people find my critique below par then a case can be made that the story is below par too``}

Dear Rear Admiral Soulat, :)

You have succeeded beyond all expectations. I found your ``tanqeed`` to be far more interesting and certainly more entertaining and humorouos than the ``story`` itself. You have pointed out two more incredible instances of lack of both substance and truth. A curtailed ``Hi`` and an elongated ``Hi, Jack`` are indeed two very different utterances. In fact, the latter was presumably the ``HA! HA!`` punch-line of the joke. Had this been an effort of a Slovenian slob giving us his version of his native village`s humor, we could always blame it on translation. Unfortunately, in this case, the story (or lack of it!) would be even more painful in Urdu. Perhaps, if someone dared to narrate this one in Punjabi, which makes almost anything sound funnier, we could salvage some humor and prevent the public stoning of the fraudulent writer. :)
I apologize for cutting too much slack for this errant ex-poet.
Salim

Re: # 11

“bigger problem is that the story has no substance at all, and is rather trivial”

That’s a very generous critique of a story which is without a sur or a paiyr, not to mention the misplaced non-fiction location (you figured the one who advices others to google...and is usually the first one to cast a stone...yes, yes, we know, he’s without a sin...would have at least gotten his facts right before submitting it for publication)...and the scene of interrogation...let me first stop laughing...okay...I can’t...hehehehe...

Calling this story mediocre writing is like calling Saudi Arabia an enlightened country...yes, I know, Saudi Arabia is an enlightened country to some people!

What was that? Oh, yeah...

--gender equivalent: your fly is open
--aasaan urdu: aapkay matkay main paani nahiN hay
--shaeri main: aaNkh jo kuch daikhti hay lab pay aa sakhta nahiN
--classical: the emperor has no clothes...

#13, {``#13 by temporal on August 29, 2005 9:46am PT
Romair:
yes i was careless...apologise
will ask chowk to fix this error in this piece of fiction``}

Folks,
Please notice the very defensive attempt at contrition. He uses the word ``careless,`` as in ``Oh, I tripped on my untied shoelaces! How careless of me!`` What utter lack of accountability! Anyone who doesn`t know beans about Ft. Collins and Boulder, or for that matter the names of renowned institutions of learning, and yet feels compelled, for no other reason than to be boring and obnoxious, to fabricate a fictional flop, must be put out of his misery.

He goes on to state that he will ``ask chowk to fix this error.`` Once again, this spineless and fraudulent ``writer`` is looking to Chowk Momma to tip the balance in his favor. Unable to debate, relying on one-sided censorship to succeed, this pusillanimous pundit of perfidy, wants Chowk Staff to ``fix the error`` or rather ``erase the hard evidence of his incomparable incompetence.``

I say revoke his poetic and prose licenses, BOTH of `em!

Salim

#24 by mannu404

Since it’s Mary Poppins’ Day today, all I can say about your post is: Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!

Why are you hogging this board and making this story seem like an extremely likeable destination. Cut the writer some slack, after all, it is his first attempt like mine at tanqeed.

#25, Godot, {``and is usually the first one to cast a stone...yes, yes, we know, he’s without a sin...would have at least gotten his facts right before submitting it for publication)...``}

My friend, let me give you muchos kudos for calling a spade a spade, even though you could have termed it a f***ing shovel. Very polite and humane of you, dost.

Now in concert with your line of phrases that may fit the self-sanctimonious ``I can`t do no wrong`` writer:

His elevator doesn`t go all the way up.
He has not been playing with a full deck for a long long time.
Do as he says, don`t do as he does.

Salim

Mr. Soulat #27, {``Since it’s Mary Poppins’ Day today, all I can say about your post is: Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!
Why are you hogging this board and making this story seem like an extremely likeable destination. Cut the writer some slack, after all, it is his first attempt like mine at tanqeed. ``}

OK, OK, just for you Admiral. :) I, too, believe in due process.

So, first we try him, then we hang him. :)

Salim

Re: # 28

Salim

Add to the list...this “whirling Darwesh” is:

--Holier than thou
--Rides a high horse
--Deep as a bathtub
--Profound as Larry, Curly, and Moe combined

temporal # I don`t mean to rub it in, but I think you may have done yourself irrepairable damage, through this story. It falls under the category of, ``It is better to keep quiet and have people think one is stupid, then to open one`s mouth and remove all doubt.``

The one or two girls that dared to date me in college may not have been Angelina Jolies, but I can recognize a babe if I see her in a magazine. Similarly, while I cannot write, I can read. The above two factoids are true for all desis on this site.......

So you may have permanently destroyed your career as the resident Chowk literary critic.

A piece of advice that has worked well for me (and for you): stick with poetry. Nobody knows what the hell is good or bad poetry. Hence it is very difficult to critique. Even if it is terrible, half the readers will appreciate it; either because they cannot understand it. Or because they want to appear to be literally intellectual. You will get quite a few, ``flowing, yet subtle``s, ``timid but romantically tasteful``s, ``colorful and gorgeously intimate``s, i.e. the reader had no clue about what they read, but wanted to act like they did.

Prose is far too straightforward for such round-about critiques. It is too easy to pick bad prose........

P.S. commas; always use commas, within sentences.......at least that is what the drill sargent told us when we used to line-up for morning parades.......