Dear Allah

``You do know that you were sent here to serve me`` said Nawab.
``What`s that?``, replied I wondering where this conversation was leading upto.
``I meant that your sole reason for existing is to serve me``.
``Ha! Fat chance, now do you want the chicken or beef for dinner?`` said I rummaging through the tins of dog food.
``I kind of bored eating that brand, did you get that organic steak I had asked for?``
``Well I was sort of hoping to serve it on the weekend. Don`t give me that look. OK! OK! Just give me ten minutes, I`ll get it ready for you``.
``Good boy! Now you get that dinner ready, I need to chat with the poet``.
``Chat? Are you racking up the mobile bill with your SMS chats again?``
``No! I am using the internet these days``.
``So still using the `Snoop Doggy Dog` nom-de-plume while chatting with the poet. Heh! Heh! Got any more ditties to share? Ha ha``.
``Obviously you havn`t evolved sufficiently to have an appreciation of poetry and other fine arts. Hopefully your cooking skills will improve too. Just remember not to overcook the steak like the last time. And while you are at it make some Ratatouille as a side dish, I need to increase my veggie intake``.
``Sometimes I think all I ever do is cook for you``.
``Well I did say your purpose in life is to look after me``.
``Hah! Thats what you think, by the way I got that Lassie DVD collection that you had asked for``.
``Good! Does it have all the special features?``
``I think so. Does it matter. Alright I`ll check``.
``Good boy, just keeping adding to your good karma. I am keeping a count for you``.
``Yeah sure and you have a direct line to God I`ll bet``.
``Well Mrs. schmidt is drawing the blinds these days``.
``Who the hell is Mrs Schmidt and why is she drawing the blinds? Oh! That reminds me `Do you know how to make a Venetian blind`, get it `Venetian Blinds`?``.
``I do and remember when your karma is counted and totalled we won`t hold your jokes against you``.
``Ok Dog Bhagwan jee anything else we can do improve?``
``Scarcasm will get you nowhere. Now tell me, kids listening to you these days?``
``Yeah! You noticed that too - no whining and crying - just as if God`s been listening to my prayers``.
``Well being the ultimate and most powerful one has its benefits at times``.
``So you think I should pray harder for that Ferrari too?``
``Just get the dinner served on time``.
``Here I am talking of God ji and Dog ji wants to be fed. Its ready now, here you go dinner is served``.
``As I said you do know that you were sent here to serve me``.

Urstruly,

If you agree to work with me, we could grant temporal one of his wishes.
You could talk to mr schmidt … and I could have a word with mrs temporal …

re: khamkhwa # 39

Beg your pardon? Is there an argument hidden somewhere in that? :)

Re: # 39

...only ralph...errr kaalchakra knows best...;)

Shobig_sifar

Since everything is `perhaps` and `may be,` you shouldn`t be too sure you are receiving signals from God. May be it is somebody else sending you your signs and signals.

You wouldn`t want to be deluded, would you?

shobig_sifar:
you are not trying to play Jesus here .. are you? and even that with only one wink?

you`r welcome.

Re: # 45 Perhaps He is more prone to `sign` language, and may be I tend to have an ardour to decipher the same...

raw #46 here`s a return thanks, for being sane enuf to add `i figure`....;)
peace

shobig_sifar:
let me give you a straight and simple answer without these winks and self-serving bull crap people write in the name of being i-dunno-what. I doNot believe in any God. I am an Agnostic And i figure, the probability of any kind of god/God existing is the pretty much the same as the probability of Bangladesh reuniting with Pakistan.
Now, go back to your winks and witticisms - i must say it is a very very cute act.

many thanks.

shobig_sifar

How do you know about these things that the rest of us do not know? Just talked to your God?

Re: # 42 Kaal, luckily `our` God is not scared of spreading his private number around. ;)
peace

so big:

my last post here.

if god indeed is so humble to have invited mr. t. to write to him, then mr. t`s assertion that ``he`` (god) is not interested is a rather arrogant one in my humble opinion. i mean he is no job here. (and i mean ``job`` from the old testament lest you should fail to comprehend again)

but that is exactly the problem with us insaan log: our arrogance. and chowk is case in point.

peace and blessings to you as well. jeetay raho.
ana

So many people here have God`s private number, it`s positively scary.

Re: # 40 Thanks for the clarification, I indeed have lost quite a few senses over the last few years. :)

[someone should have pointed out to mr. t. that the god he claims to believe in doesn`t need rambling emails either]
what if that God Himself is humble enough to invite Mr T to ask and even to complain...in verb or in black and white? What ailes us....?
on that `a` bit, I thought `han, bolo, kia hai` served the purpose better....afterall...it`s hard to distinguish on the basis of merely one out of the 26 alphabets. No?
peace

so big sifar:

i think we`re all bloody confused here. that IS the point. so why pps about ``confused paisans`` who aren`t just confused but have disagreed vehemently with what the writer has to say?

oh and this writer isn`t ``repetitive`` or ``preachy`` in the least bit. LOL. (no sour grapes, just a ``clearer`` observation that i made a while back)

oh, and thanks for pointing out how i should sign my ``name``. i really didn`t think it was that big of a deal. but then it serves me right for making an appearance and commenting on something that isn`t really that big of a deal!

remember that line from U2`s ``bullet the blue sky`` : ``well the god i believe in isn`t short of cash mister.`` someone should have pointed out to mr. t. that the god he claims to believe in doesn`t need rambling emails either. but different strokes for different folks and all that. . .

regards.

p.s. perhaps you have lost your sense of ``comprehension`` if you`re going to use apprehension instead of comprehension. :) (``must needs be`` is an older usage, in english prose and poetry for ``must be`` or ``is necessary``. the rest of the sentence is easy enough to comprehend, and needs no reviewing on my part)

re: t bhai # 22,

As I once told you, you underestimate yourself.

You are a good, honest man. You are a person of solid integrity. You must also be a great neighbor, and a cherished friend to people of all religious affiliations.

But you subscribe to a deceptive and extremely harmful ideology. You do that because you do not understand it.

Re: # 36 [the writer of this piece and more than a few pakistanis drowning in denial must needs be the bearers of goodness and truth.]
does that need rephrasing/reviewing, or have I lost my sense of apprehension??
p.s If raw_dust is not confused, the God he belives/disbelieves in, surely is. ;)
p.p.s technically and rationally speaking, an `n` and an `a` would take approximately the same amount of time, or perhaps even lesser, in typing down as would a `.` :)
regards

Re: # 29 sure unkil T, banda-i-nacheez hazir hai, here u go..

ik aur dariyaa kaa saamnaa thaa Munir mujh ko
maiN aik dariyaa ke paar utraa to maiN ne dekhaa

:)

if raw dust is a confused paisan, goodness, the writer of this piece and more than a few pakistanis drowning in denial must needs be the bearers of goodness and truth.

puhleeeze. . . . .!

a thousand and one LOL`s and winks. . .
a.

hehe, I found this bit really funny as well as profound...
[…can you fix these bloodying muslims? please? i mean yes your world is overpopulated and your muslim followers look at condoms with suspicion…]

and this one is quite poignant...
[…in qur`an you explicitly gave men and women rights…rights some 500 years before magna carta…deemed by many to be the corner stone of constitutional law…]

and for this part...
[* have trouble sleeping at nights...then watch cable news, get more disturbed…come to chowk and write bad poetry...(it is late a night right now)]
all I have, rather Ghalib has, to say
maut ka aik din mu`ay`yan hai
neend kyuN raat bhar nahiN aati
sab umr-i-rafta ka qusoor hai unkil T, jawani tau bey-maya beeT gayee ;)

lve and regards

Temporal, just read this. Funny but sad at the same time. Or was that just my reaction?

hamidm sahib -- please dont toheen-ofy poetry by calling this drivel poetry -- it`s not `bad poetry` it`s just BAD

bj-- temporal is not clairvoyant -- i was referring to dost mittar -- not temporal

temporal,
great stuff!!! keep the good ones coming.
best,
rumpus

Dear Allah, Help us.Do we need more people who ``think`` they ``know`` what ``you`` think and do??.Like we don`t have enough Mullahs around.We have to deal with the likes of these.....

Hamidm #26:

Allah, Bhagwan Yehuwah, Eeshwar, Rab stay above the fray``

...........now that is what i call gross negligence and abdication of responsibility !...


listen bud…for a number of reasons ….select any one you like or make up your own:

* having created this world and sent prophets and flashlights, He has moved on
* He is not interested in what goes on in this world
* He has a strict policy of non-interference….(recall your free will diatribes/interacts?)
* He has confidence in our ability to sink or swim
* (insert your own reasons)

it is my honest belief that the mess on earth is our responsibility…we inherited, created, added to the evolving mess…it is incumbent on us to solve our mess…hence my belief that they are above the fray

you are partly right…it is this poet in TO…but it is also the millions of unpoets all over…michigan, tora bora, kathmandu, nasik, kunya kumari, havelian, akhoRa, qom, hijaz, darfur, and other places…

we are in charge of this mess…and masters of our destiny…

and bro, did you get it right, He is uninterested in this mess…we better smell the proverbial attar

rgds

t


ps: re: the emails...you know as well as i do He favours other languages;)

pps: raw-dust is a confused paisan...he thinks he has crossed the fence...but like munir niazi reminisced in a poem ...when he crossed one river he was faced with another...Banjara or Shobig Sifar am sure can come up with the right couplet;)

raw,

........... no, i am not really surprised that man continues to believe in the big spirit in the sky inspite of all the evidence to the contrary - after all what are our choices ?.......... if you didn`t believe in some obviously incompetent deity what would you gain ?......... at the very least, if you pin your faith on this..... this .... this abomination in heaven you have hope ..... hope that when you die you will get to rest your sorry behind in elysian valleys and have your way with forty houris or peachy boys (if that`s your preference) ...........

............ and it would be okay if he was part of the solution - unfortunately, as we can all see, he is part of the problem .......... it is really sad to see nice guys like temporal wasting their time by sending e-mails to such charlatans ..........

hamidm: #26
are you really surprised?.. i mean are you really? or is that a trick i am seeing in the hamidm-ian narrative? :-)

t,

``Allah, Bhagwan Yehuwah, Eeshwar, Rab stay above the fray``

...........now that is what i call gross negligence and abdication of responsibility !.......... how can you continue to believe in these yahoos who ``stay above the fray`` like impotent eunuchs instead of the omnipotent gods that they claim to be .......... so who is in charge of temporall affairs ? ........... a poet in toronto ?

........... sometimes i feel like planting my boot in a nimazee`s beind as he debases himself before a god who obviously doesn`t care ...............

#23 Harimau:

T-bhai’s intentions are benign. You must take that into account, before trying to trap him into words (his own or those of others)! Your fire-power probably better belongs on an adjacent board – where you could address the likes of Dr. Sifjal!

(Unlike you) I can not speak for “we Hindus”, but personally I have no problem with a “Muslim” Bhagwan, as long as such a Bhagwan does not require one to wear a label of any kind – including the Muslim label.

By the way, a (belated) happy “father’s day” greeting from the Janitor! [WINK] (What do you mean, you didn’t know? Of course, you knew! Don’t act so surprised now! (Mrs. H. is not going to be devastated!))

harimou#23

coffee?

Allah, Bhagwan Yehuwah, Eeshwar, Rab stay above the fray:)

Ref temporal #22

[....but this practice of sending rhetoric-laden emails to non Muslims about the goodness of Islam is so utterly devoid of logic that it borders on being deliberately and calculatedly deceptive.

..hunh...what emails?...if you mean this email ...it is clearly addressed to Allah...]

It was also addressed to Bhagwan@rediff.mail. We Horrible Hindus haven`t acknowledged Bhagwan to be a Muslim yet.

On the other hand, he might be slyly referring to the possibility that Allah might have decided to be above all religions and so He Himself is not a Muslim. ;-)

Now, would that thought be blasphemous? Would the Resident Mullahs of Chowk let me know?

kaalchakra saheb #20:

let me do a Bee Jay on this post before he jumps into the fray... consider this...it gives the impression that you are talking from both sides of your mouth....so ...your turn...be honest and lay it on me!..honestly, truly, clearly and unequivocally!

evidence:

At-bhai is totally honest man, and we can`t question his integrity..
if you mean this sincerely...than you cannot if-but this and write what follows in...

B:.but this practice of sending rhetoric-laden emails to non Muslims about the goodness of Islam is so utterly devoid of logic that it borders on being deliberately and calculatedly deceptive.

..hunh...what emails?...if you mean this email ...it is clearly addressed to Allah...

and

i cannot be honest and calculatedly deceptive so ...your turn...be honest and lay it on me!..honestly, truly, clearly and unequivocally!

rgds

t

good news(BeeJay)/bad news (miriam):

first the good news...finally the beasts are stirring...not!...heartening to note from one who frequenly proclaims from this perch that he is against the loss of a single civilian life at the hands of a civilian, a state or an organisation....and is known to invite others of the endangered species known as the human race to join him in this declaration...

joint statement from canadian imams

arjunm is slipping in his diligence or he is only a bad news bear;)

TORONTO (CP) - More than 120 Islamic religious leaders from across Canada issued a declaration Thursday denouncing acts of terrorism as a ``perversion`` of their faith and challenged Muslims to confront extremism.
``Anyone who claims to be a Muslim and participates in any way in the taking of innocent life is betraying the very spirit and letter of Islam,`` said the statement, which was read aloud by Imam Ahmad Kutty of the Islamic Institute of Toronto at the downtown Masjid mosque.

The declaration was organized by the Canadian Council on American-Islamic Relations (CAIR-CAN) and signed by imams representing Muslim communities across the country. It was intended as a response to the first London bombings July 7, but in a terrible twist of fate wound up being made public on another day of violence in the city.

``We categorically and unequivocally reject such acts. We will confront and challenge the extremist mindset that produces this perversion of our faith,`` said Kutty, who read the declaration to the media and about 50 male worshippers who stayed to listen after performing their midday prayers.

``It is our religious duty as imams to confront this evil,`` Kutty told reporters after his statement.

``It is our duty to preach against all kinds of extremism. . .and educate people (on) what Islam really means.``

and the bad news miriam: the sales of condoms have not gone up...appreciably...more ground work needed...volunteers? NGOs?

BeeJay

t-bhai is totally honest man, and we can`t question his integrity...but this practice of sending rhetoric-laden emails to non Muslims about the goodness of Islam is so utterly devoid of logic that it borders on being deliberately and calculatedly deceptive.

#15 – Tempo-bhai

[your are not reading carefully my dear waston...you have been mentioned here...i don’t want to name names here… ...;)]
I must admit I have completely missed the feeble and febrile connection to the Beej that you may have implied, unless you are referring to the U.S. and using me as a proxy. Next time, I recommend not being so “dip-poem-atic”. It’s okay to hit people on the head with your honest thoughts! (Those “winkies” just do not work for some of us!)

And while I’m at it, here is one more thing.

[yaar Allah Mian can you send emails to Secretary Homeland Insecurity, Director of CIA and FBI and Britain`s MI5, Mossad, CSIS, RCMP and Putin`s FSB advising them all not to mix up these ducking suicide members with Islam?]
Be honest, Tempo-bhai, no e-mail is needed; since NOBODY (except for the suicide bombers and their supporters) mixes up those bombers with the religion of Islam (many of those intended e-mailees have already expressly said so). However, denying the obvious fact that there is a significantly strong number of Muslims worldwide (and quite a few on this web site, although many have suddenly found it more pragmatic to either go “dormant” or “sweeten” their tunes (talk about courage!)) who actually believe in both the causes and the methods used by these individuals – is patently dishonest; a practice widely accepted and condoned and perhaps expected (even to oneself) in the South Asian subcontinent, but it’s not going to wash with Uncle Sam!! Pure and simple!

….and your muslim followers look at condoms with suspicion…

muslims, condoms, aur suspicion- i think allah mian has assigned this doozy to the patron saint of lost causes. but last i heard he was seen making a run for it in the dead of night. so, it’s all up to you now t. best of luck.

miriam

temporal,


...... allah mian asked me to forward this message to you (he and i have been talking a lot lately and i am going to announce my prophethood as soon as urstruly and sattar settle their differences on the other board - i don`t want to cause further schisms in the ummah )

......... but anyway, allah mian asks you to stick to writing bad poetry, and if mrs t wants you to do the dishes then you should do them without complaining - it is all part of the grand design ........ he says that he is really upset about people who are trying to upset his apple cart by trying to do things that are not part of his plan ...... he is a little confused by all the confusion and chaos on earth, because he is omnipotent and can do whatever he wants and yet ......... and yet stuff that he never intended to happen, happens .......he knows that shit happens, but it is not supposed to happen to him ........ he thinks that iblees has stolen his giddar singhi and is in cahoots with that rascal gabriel to take over kingdom come ........ it is all very confusing for an old man who is on a diet of prunes and peyote ............ and he is looking at me to fix tis big mess so that he can turn his attention to other regions of other universes ..............

........... he sends his regards to mrs t and asks the chowk readership to forgive him for inflicting you and other poets on them ........ he also apologizes for creating osama bin laden but says that he has little control over what happens in hijaz ........

p.s i don`t know if i want to work for a man who obviously doesn`t know what he is doing

cayenne #5:
can i finish my flying lessons first?

Nadia #6:
dekho shayad aap ki sunn lay Woh

ajeya # 7:
yes, bhagwan knows best;)

dost-mittar #8:
app kub tashreef la rahay haiN...kuch logoN ko bulana hay;)

omar# 9:
tum jaldi say editor bun jao aur tumharay quintuplets hoN!

BeeJay: 11: vagabond # 12: burpinder # 13 and kaalchakra # 14:
d`roost farmaya!

rgds

t

Raw-dust # 1:

have no desire to pick up pebbles any time soon;)

Miss_nadia # 2:

hunh?

BeeJay # 3:

your are not reading carefully my dear waston...you have been mentioned here...i don’t want to name names here… ...;)

Raka #4:

cyber jhappi! aur jai, jindabad and zindabad...aur aap kay mun`h maiN ghee-shakar!

t

``so may your tribe increase!``

I surely hope not!! One g2s is ok, too many will be a disaster.

temporal,

you were a goody-two-shoes before this article and now thanks to this, will remain one ever after!

well, i can live with the g2s types much better than the suicide bomber types, so may your tribe increase!

not much literary merit, I guess, but one has to appreciate the sentiment.

tempo,

Happy coincidence since just the other day I too was petitioning God. And know what, God is actually a Goddess. That`s correct; Allah is She :)

#9, #10 Omar:

I think T must be getting divine signals of some kind already! Otherwise how could he pre-read your question and provide the following answer for you (even before you asked it)?!

[Footnote: Allah is not humour impaired...to test veracity of this statement look in the mirror...however should one of you find yourself in this predicament s/he is requested to wash mouth with listerine and take suitable religious or irreligious remedies...chowk nor this writer will assume any responsibilities should this have a undesired effect on you.]

And the following afterthought – there is rubbish and then there is “rubbish” – there are at least some people on this site who (based on what I have observed in some of the interacts) will take his kind of “rubbish” any day compared to the other kind, including (what they claim) comes from you! (I take no positions, myself. However, I did notice that T can handle criticism a lot better than you can – and over the longer haul, too!)

for the record, my previous post was written and submitted before the post by chowk`s other in-house baba (#8) appeared here

there is rubbish and then there is rubbish -- will chowk ever rid itself of these babas?

temporal:

Does the contract, nikahnama, allow you to transfer dishwashing to unwarned-about guests?

Enjoyed this peace. Too much truth in this humour!

[… from gmail: “Your mail could not be delivered. Addressee does not have an email account. Check your addressee’s address.”

…from hotmail: “Your mail could not be delivered. The Addressee`s box is full and cannot accept more mail.”

...rediff: “Bhagwan does not accept unsolicited mails from Muslims.” ]


Bhagwan seems to be the only one giving you the straight answers.

Temporal....ye packed your bags yet??.They`re comin` for you.It`s only a matter of time.Crying yerself hoarse singin` O`Kaneda ain`t gonna help.Remember, i warned ya.

Tempster,
Now Allah has said ` Maango jo mangna hai `....pur is ka mutbul yeh bhi nahi hai kai bhookoN ki tarha baith jao...yeh bi dai do...vo bhi dai do.....

and about shik lumbur pundrah...
I think for once the suicide bombers should blow up all the china/glassware factories...na plates hoN gi naa dhoNee paraiN geeN....

Raka ` Paper Plates Zindabad ! Plastic chumchoN ki JAI ` Posh !

Tempo bhai-sahib:

I looked very hard for my name in there, but could not find it mentioned! All three of us are shattered (the Janitor, the Lion, and the detective). For sure, I was expecting that I will at least make an “honorable mention” among the various ills of the world. Well, in order to be fair to hamidm and the rest of the crowds in there – let me provide here the postscript that you definitely should have included:

PS:

Dear Allah,

I wanted to save the most difficult problem till the end, so here it is – please help me and the rest of the chowkies deal with this character BeeJay. (And in view of the complexity of this problem, we don’t mind if you take extra time!)

(1) May this character (in all its manifestations) attain the wisdom that he occasionally displays – but on a permanent basis!

(2) May this character (in all its manifestations) display the same objectivity that he has occasionally demonstrated on issues – but on all issues!

(3) May this character (in all its manifestations) display the same compassion that he has demonstrated toward some underdogs – but to all underdogs!

(4) May this character (in all its manifestations) develop a high level of humility consistent with his admittedly very faulty and limited level of knowledge and experience of the “real” world!

(5) May this character (in all its manifestations) stop misusing your given power of words to get carried away and to end up hurting fellow human beings (one lady author, in particular) – and so not have to feel remorseful afterwards!

Thank you, Allah, for dealing with this tough cookie – this hard “seed” to crack!

huh?

you forgot the real address:

al-Laath@sufyaantech.com

and if that doesnt work then her estranged sister al-Manaath@sufyaantech.com (may her secret be sanctified!) should do the trick. Uzzah been proclaimed dead by some german madman long time back so dont go there.. come to think of maybe she had been the real thing, all along.

---

Note: this post is not for the humor impaired so you know, blah blah.... :-)