What will I teach my daughter?

# 86: Thank you Pardesi sahib for clarifying. I was thinking the same thing Now Hamidm2 is a clear case of misplaced password, the one Hamidm had in his mind around last month and can not now remember where he put it.

# 77: Dulla sahib, I apologise for mentioning your post on looks. I know you were just ribbing azmat.

#80 pardesi2

Amazing! In addition to our chowk handles, our views on daughters are also very close :).

Welcome aboard.

bo knows diddly !

.......... i have been reading all this with some amusement - a well meaning, but rather ignorant discussion among people who, like me, obviously don`t know what they are talking about ......... and i have actually tried to raise two daughters !

......... ``abu, you don`t know anything !``, that`s what my twelve year old said yesterday as she categorically told me that she was not going to take her jacket to girl scout camp - it seems that it is against eighth grade fashion doctrine to wear a jacket in october ......... ``but it is cold up north and you will freeze your back as you sit around the bonfire``......... ``no! i am not a geek and i will have my moosejaw sweatshirt on and three layers``.......... it seems that moosejaw and layering is in with the eighth grade this year - as she said, ``abu knows diddly``

........and then my older one comes home for the weekend and declares she is an atheist !....... personally, i was more concerned about the ``indie`` haircut which i don`t understand .......... i don`t understand atheism either, but it seems to be a lot less important - a purple strand of hair that keeps flopping into your eyes is a lot more immediate and urgent problem, specially when when you don`t understand the music that generates the haute coiffure......... i understand betrand russel, but i have no idea what the kings of leon are saying .........like they say, ``abu knows diddly`` .........

......... but with ramzan around the corner, mrs hamidm is getting into her annual religious frenzy and is quite concerned is about this lack of faith ......... for some unknown reason she holds me responsible for this disrespect for organized religion in our household even though i ``fasted`` on jumatul wida last year and my younger daughter has promised to fast on the weekends if she can replace her mini with the nano i-pod .........god works in wonderous ways !........... but to appease the mother i said, ``beta, you can`t be an atheist until you understand what it is all about - one sophomore class in comparative religion doesn`t qualify you as an atheist``...........i was trying to be helpful, but mrs hamidm gave me that look - i get that look from all three of them .......why? ........ because, ``abu knows diddly`` ........

........... so azmat mian, you are not going to teach your daughter anything because, as rummy said, ``even though you know what you know, and you may know what you don`t know, but you don`t know what you don`t know``.......... but, even more importantly, ``abu knows diddly`` ...........................

congrats.. but you dont need to make such complicated plans..

the environments that your girl has opportunities to experience are more important than what you tell her. For example if you feel that she should be exposed to other cultures and religions, you should set an example.. its that simple. How you behave at home, interact with your wife and child matters more than what you say to her on these matters. Her involvment in sports and other activities will count for more. Will she able to have friends from other backgrounds?

I havent seen hamidm on this thread.. he can certainly give his 2 bits

I agree with Pardesi that daughters are great.. Fathers can form deep bonds with daughters. It is their choice. Treat them like individuals with a mind and spirit of their own and with affection; you will reap the rewards for as long as you live.

Re: # 71

scouty,

Hai Allah....you STILL have a crush on that bihari-butthead?

Re: # 71

scouty,

Hai Allah....you STILL have a crush on that bihari-butthead?

Re: # 78

nhk-ji,

That is, by far, the wisest post I have read on this thread..

Azmat - Your article leaves much to be desired, but fellow chowkers have already performed a postmortem and so it is needless to elaborate. Instead I will congratulate you on having a daughter!

Most people are too thick-headed to realise what a BLESSING daughters are. Their love for the parents is more deep-rooted and intense than the sons. They are more sensitive, kind and considerate to their parents when they are old as compared to the sons who despite receiving all the attention and resources are more likely to turn their backs to the parents. One should not create stereotypes, but I`ve witnessed plenty of examples to justify this observation.

Of cource, the unknown factor is how this new generation grows up to become, given that they face the dilemma of somewhat contradictory signals from their parents/culture on side and their surroundings and media on the other. However as they say ceterus paribus (all things equal), girls are better for the parents than boys!

Azmat - Your article leaves much to be desired, but fellow chowkers have already performed a postmortem and so it is needless to elaborate. Instead I will congratulate you on having a daughter!

Most people are too thick-headed to realise what a BLESSING daughters are. Their love for the parents is more deep-rooted and intense than the sons. They are more sensitive, kind and considerate to their parents when they are old as compared to the sons who despite receiving all the attention and resources are more likely to turn their backs to the parents. One should not create stereotypes, but I`ve witnessed plenty of examples to justify this observation.

Of cource, the unknown factor is how this new generation grows up to become, given that they face the dilemma of somewhat contradictory signals from their parents/culture on side and their surroundings and media on the other. However as they say ceterus paribus (all things equal), girls are better for the parents than boys!

Azmat

Do not get disheartened by the comments. There are million others who harbour same thoughts. And the Chowkies are as brutally upfront with their views as yopu have expressed here. But a re-adjustment in views is certainly required.

Just let the little girl be a little girl. Let her tear newspapers. Get fascinated by the ants and the cat. Let her demolish small towers of blocks. Let her pluck flowers and mess up her clothes.

Let her find her own faith in her own time - and at an appropriate age.

For now, just enjoy her innocence & childhood which is a fleeting phenomenon. Rest assured that you will be involved with her problems even after her marriage.

So relax and let her enjoy her childhood.

best wishes

nhk

Azmat, I apologize for jumping the gun on you regarding the looks.

The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.

Henry Ward Beecher

Re: # 74

Hello All, thank you for the feedback. I appreciate it. The level of your generosity is clearly evident by your posts. I am sure Aziz Mian is rolling in his grave LHAO. He is my favorite Qawal. I wont take seriously any negative comments, I know it is not personal. My muslim brothers and sisters are a little harsh on me. Perhaps it is because I am asking a difficult rhetorical question. I want to know what it is to be a good muslim? My answer is that it has nothing to do with how many times you pray or how much you fast or give zakat. Or how many times you have gone to Haj. Or even if you read or memorize and understand the Quran. These are all selfish rituals that you perform for your own salvation. It has nothing to do with how kind you are towards your fellow human beings. What you contribute to your community, either in thought or deed. All the rituals aside, what is important are your relationships. I think that God will send straight to hell all the muslims who prayed five times a day fasted for thirty days and performed Haj and gave Zakat, if in their relationships with other human beings they were not generous and kind. Furthermore, if you are incapable of understanding this idea, that is serious and very sad.
What I have noticed from your responses thus far and I am generalizing; this idea is easier to accept for Sikhs or Hindus or Christians or any other religion. And Muslims want to stick to ``read the Quran`` do your duty to god, go and pray, and yes stick to the rituals of Namaz and Roza because if you take that away what else will they have left?

Azmat Hussain

Yawn,....that was one boring read. I think you need to go and help your wife change baby`s stinky diaper instead of sitting infront of the computer and writing this boring article....jiska na koi sir hai na pair. I have two little monkeys of my own and i just hope that one day they grow up to be humans.

Re: # 72 raw

good point.....

The answer to the question ``What will I teach my daughter?`` is -

Just let her be..... she will be just fine... Force-feeding ``cultural`` bullsh!t may actually back-fure....

Hafiz Hussain Sahib : i like the candor and sincerity in your writing i.e., if the act of writing could be deemed an exercise in sincerity.

On Muslim Feminists(an oxymoron dont you think?): i think we all should wish them goodluck in their negotiations pertaining to certain unsavory facts about Islam.

I personally think assigning kids religous identities and forcefeeding them silly dogmas is a cruelty. Just like a kid is not supposed to be a Republican, Democrat or Libertarian Kid, they shouldnt be given religous tags either until they growup and decide for themselves.

On a lighter note, woody allen said something like when a woman have a baby and decides to become a jew again, she doesnt become your average jew she becomes jewish with a vengeance. :-) source: Deconstructing Harry.



oh and Congrats on having a baby!
cheers.