August 2003

aruna,
i thunks that educated middle-classindian girls (women) somehow feel an inexplicable sense of ``freedom`` after coming to the US. boys (men) dont seem to feel the same. why do you think that is (if you agree with it)?

Re: # 43
Thanks for answering :-)

Re: # 40
Hi Harimau-

I can see why you`d think that I wanted to convert to blend in. That wasn`t the case. I just find churches more peaceful than temples. I like my holy surroundings to be private. I get that privacy in a corner pew at 3 pm in the afternoons...

A

Re: # 42

I guess it has a lot to do with my friends, and the fact that I never believed I had the drive to come this far. I always wonder what it was that pushes me. It has a lot to do with my family life, years of observation (Abudhabi, compared to India, is pretty lonely socially- you tend to observe), and well, random thoughts. Thanks for asking!

Aruna

Aruna, this was a nice read. Just wondering, how often do you think about your childhood experiences and how they have shaped you viz a viz the situations you come across in your adult life? Are there any specific incidents which trigger this walk down memory lane?

Re: # 40

why are you so upset that she prays in a church?

Aruna wrote [I pray my but I do so in a church.]

Why? Can`t you haul your butt off to a Hindu temple? Or do you want to ``blend in``?

People like you are better off converting to another religion and not try to recall your upbringing.

I am only surprised that you don`t go to a mosque to pray, having ``inbibed`` Islamic culture in Arabia, but I guess they won`t let you in without a hijab.

Aruna,

This was wonderful. Thank you.

Aruna,

This was wonderful. Thank you.

Sweet and honest- enjoyed reading it!

#35

man, I bet you remind her of her father right now :)

Aruna wrote:
``While the temple question sounds very noble, it says nothing about the person`s values. Everyone has values....``
You are being evasive here...
Sute everyone has values ...osama-bin-laden has his values, jinnah had his values
and Mahatma Gandhi had his values. Even a MTV rap artist has his own values. The
question is what are thos values what do you do with those values ?
How are those values translated into action ?
Ask your supposed ``best-friend`` if she/he will be as accomodative as
you in praying ? - that answer will indeed say a lot about the values of your ``friend``.

What you have said till now, shows that you are just a ``retrospective`` whiner.
About spitting in US - go listen to AM Talk radio - you will know.
Let us see who will support you when you are down. Maybe you should lose your
job for a few months to know who will stand by you.
You have been in the US 2 years and you know diddly squat about the US or
anyting else that is intellectual and substantial.
For your parents who tried to do their best for you - you trivialize and mock them on
trivialities. That shows your values.

If you are smart ( i do think that with effort *even you* can improve yourself) - you
will be grateful for the efforts of your parents and go thank them. If you are like the
usual mediocrity, you will wait to be in your middle age to realize the values that
your parents tried to teach you and how you messed up. If you are a dumbo, you will
spend the rest of your life, writing this kind of drivel and accusing your parents.
The choice is yours finally.

Good luck with your onward journey. I am glad you are free to explore your horizons and not have to be boxed into any fixed notion of identity.

It sounds like your parents did what they could, but that you didn`t have access to resources that might have smoothed your path. It is too bad there aren;t books and
discussion groups for young people in your situation.

I know several families where the daughters were ``sent`` to India at some stage in their education. In every case there were severe challenges as a result.

At a minimum your note will raise awareness of the fact that following traditional models for family life while otherwise pursuing no-holds-barred capitalism may lead to a lot of confusion.

Re: # 30:

Aruna:

I don`t want to sound condescending.. But your replies show that you are still confused.. Don`t take it in the bad sense...

Coming to the United States has not made me American. It has merely given me the opportunity to step out of my religious and cultural beliefs and brave the world to find out what else it has to offer. It has also given me the freedom to weigh all my options and choose a lifestyle that preserves my cultural conservatism, but intellectual and religious freedom.


You don`t have to come to the US to gain intellectual/religious freedoms. Maybe certain households in India are very strict and conservative, but not all. You can step out of your religious and cultural beliefs even within India. There is no ``blasphemy`` law to kill you. The reason why you think US has given you the freedom is because you came to the US at the right age where you have begun to assert your independence. It could have as well happened in India..

Re: # 18

My reply was just based on the fact that you blamed my intellect on my career choices.

Everyone`s parents do a certain bit of damage to them, unknowingly of course. Some of us retaliate by making an effort to be different from them- like if your mom worries too much, chances are that you don`t ever want to be like that, and hence are different. I wasn`t blaming mine. Blame only happens when you believe that you`re doomed for good because of something someone did. I was just stating the facts that I thought have led me to think the way I do.

I am by no means cool, nor am i trying to be. I think I left that attempt at high school where it belongs.

While the temple question sounds very noble, it says nothing about the person`s values. Everyone has values- I was just trying to strike common grounds with the people of my age- which at that time was very difficult, because there weren`t many common grounds. Again- this was a retrospective piece. You learn different ways to make friends as you grow older.

And lastly- language!

aruna

Re: # 16

hey! Glad to know you went to St.Jo`s too. I was in Kuwait until 1990 however. but i did join that school from the 6th through the 9th grade.