August 2003

Nice write up. Would like to see more.

Nicely written! So do you go to school in the US now?

I`m glad that a bunch of you have had similar experiences. What we live through everyday makes us what we are. I think it is ok to be confused. Everyone is, a few admit it. This piece is not intended to blame anyone like a few comments suggest, nor is it intended to reveal my lack of intellect- which by all means has room for growth. It is just a truthful weave of events that I think led me to where I am. Thanks for the encouragement Nadia, Syke, Kulharee, Stuka, Dost-mittar, kidbeegorilla and ally. Truly appreciate it.

And Satyamvada, nice of you to be so honest. However, I must encourage you to look at websites like www.devicefonts.co.uk and www.aiga.org, so that you understand the thought, talent and creativity that goes into a design profession.

Aruna.. it was a joy to read your article. A less talented writer could have turned this piece into a hoj-poj of unrelated thoughts and experiences. But you managed to keep things flowing very nicely.

As for those who think you are confused.. I would rather be continually exposed to new people and ideas that challenge me.. confuse me.. until I sort out through things myself. Rather than never leaving my cocoon.. which is what happens to many people who spend their entire lives in one place.

As for myself, I was born in Libya.. then moved to India, Pakistan, and finally to Canada.

Aruna,

This was a refreshing change from all the other samey style articles that go up on the front page. Forget what the nasties are saying here, they always say it.

At least you are thinking about things and trying to put them in perspective. In any case it was a lovely, light article that read better than most here.

The little baby pic is cute!

Take care
A

don`t fret, aruna, you`re not alone. every middle eastern expat i have come across resonates like you.

Hi Aruna:

Thanks for sharing your varied life experiences. I was unaware of the feelings of animosity among Indians, Arabs and Pakistanis living in the Gulf area. Most Indians who go there do so for making money only; in any case I do not think that these countries are willing to give citizenship to Indians even if they were born and lived there all their lives. Your experience in the US shows why Western countries are the best bet for anyone wanting to live outside his/her country and fortunate enough to be able to do so.

BTW is it true that Indian schools in Kuwait are required to blackout all references to Ram, Krishna or any other Hindu deities from their books?

Hey, great read. And yes, the complete freedom and integration in the states is awesome.

P.S. Pay no mind to the bile filled Tambis.

It seems to me that you are naive enough not to have any values.
You just dont have the self-confidence to stand up for anything,
since you dont have any values. You felt lonely because you others did not
understand jokes ? so did you try to understand theirs ?
You find it ok to eat similiar food to what americans eat in order to fit in
- but you complain about having to eat what other indians ate to fit in ?
It seems to me that the problem is with you yourself , but blame others. You are
more Paki than you realize :)

You work as a graphic-designer, so your colleages, I presume are not going to be
the most `intellectual` in any sense to understand societies and thinkiing.
Like Masanamuthu says, hopefully you will mature and find out that the basics that
your parents may have insisted will serve you wll in the long run. This happens
to most people - it will happen to you as well.

This is beautiful. I think no other region has messed up South Asian Desi kids as much as the Arabian Gulf. Indians expats and their kids coming from that region tend to be better adjusted, because India is a culturally rich nation with a big mix of cultural idiosyncrasies. Same cannot be said for Pakistanis living in/returning from the Gulf. They tend to be idiots with their heads firmly placed up in some Wahabi ideology with little or no regard for Pakistani culture or customs. I once almost wanted to beat the crap out of my friend in Lahore who came back from Saudi Arabia and refused to accompany me (and I am an Ahmadi) to Data Sahib (Patron Saint of Lahore) on the grounds that visiting his grave was a “Biddah” (whatever the fk that means). I think The Arab Gulf is a place where kids gets brainwashed into thinking like a camel. Aruna, I am so pleased to see that that region didn’t succeed in corrupting your mind.

I have experiences similar to those of Aruna, but from the other side - the parent`s side.

When I moved to Dubai my daughters were 9 and 6. Not knowing whether I would last in the Middle East, I put them in an Indian school which followed the ICSC syllabus. Hence all their friends, except the 3 daughters of our neighbour, an Iraqi with an English wife, were Indians. The school was segregated, and the syllabus completely Indian with Arabic thrown in (which my daughters learnt to read but not to speak - speaking Arabic was not required for getting good grades). They had to memorise meaningless information, e.g. the height of the Qutb Minar.

When my girls were 14 and 11, I moved to Muscat. There is no ICSC school in Muscat, and hence my wife and I decided to put them in an International school, which followed the IB programme.

There was a sea change in my girls thereafter. The kids in the school came from 43 different countries. My daughters went hiking in the wadis in a small group with a map, a compass, and a 14 Kg back-pack. My elder girl climbed Mt Kilimanjaro. My younger one went all over the Middle East playing football (soccer) for her school. They managed Fashion shows. They had sleepovers at our home.

The result was a total emancipation. Culturally, as above, bit also educationally. Nothing had to be memorised in school. The text-books were so interesting that I would read them myself. Every project required references from the Net.

This really balanced my daughters. They have grown into confident, ambitious, self-assured young women who take the world in their stride. My elder girl graduated from an Ivy League Univ and works in the US. The younger girl is studying in the same Univ.

I am NOT trying to say how great my girls are.

What I want to say is that education in a forward-looking environment brings out unexpected talents, skills, determination et al, in dimensions that one would never believe possible.

I have spent the best part of my earnings on education for my girls. I believe that is the best investment any parent can make. To illustrate, both my daughters were presented with the same choice :

- Do you want to go to this Ivy League college, which will cost me $ 200,000 over 4 years, or
- Would you like to go to a good college in Canada, which will cost me $ 50,000 over 4 years, and I will give you $ 150,000 when you graduate.

The answer from both was - the Ivy league college.

I don`t know if the choice is justified based on Net Present Value of Future Income etc. The point is : both my girls think that education creates value.

Hey Aruna..
I can relate to so much which you have said! I grew up with the same confused thought of why i wasnt allowed to stay for lunch at my non muslim mates houses. Loads of things which were so confusing then...unravelled with time...and now they just sound so silly!

i agree with what you say about our Parents thinkin ``Back Home`` is the best place in the world...and try to keep our lifes in accordance with what goes on there....its like they think , we will get some sort of reward from the people back there !Even though all i ever heard was ``Hey..how come you know how to read Quran..you come from England``!

Aruna:

I empathise with you. I blame your parents and your lack of intellect for your confused state.. It will come with experience. In the meantime live as you wish but stop taking life-decisions that might come and haunt you in the future.

But why is this piece titled August 2003?. is this going to be the first of many??

Dear Aruna:

Nice to know about you. You have such a penetrating style of composing so much variations in your life and at the same time made it conclusively elusive which make it part of life so real. It was pleasure reading it with great delight of your adaptation in mores of society and your eccentric natural behavior even when not accustomed.
Doesn’t this entire disposition fill a weave of shelving memoirs upon which we live and carry on.

Keep writing, you have a very unique approach to imitate.

You wrote somewhere:

``Eventually I learnt to leave my Kraft cheese at home, stop talking about Luke Perry, and dress up to look poorer.``

Just a question: Why was this behavior followed. If you ask it to yourself you will be exposed to many haunting questions. Do mixing with locals or desi population has something to change lifestyle or degrade it. Looking poorer and not being poorer seems as your integral solution to show sympathy with the divine crowd or that means something else.Hmmm

Second line of Second Last line of second last paragraph is either unchecked or left as a fluent mistake:
``I pray my but I do so in a church.``

Well you have given a very prudent picture of tri-ethnic cultures with most uncoincidal matches as a child.

Good luck for future.