The Horse and The Zebra

#56 Posted by rafi_aamer
:) :) :)
Jubb Uun kay sarkaari-bistar per laitay huay dil kaa haal kahaiN gey aap, toa aakhir kuchh toa sohbat ka asar hogaa naa?

P.S: and I am glad you kept the community-standards in mind..and mad charas a means to mutual understanding.

P.S.S: The test of a good story is in its delivery & its acceptance. You have done well. If I had said this earlier, I would have closed all doors. thanks for being a good sport.

#52 Posted by echoboom on July 16, 2007 8:12:57 am
to tis sura#2 descended`` on Rafi-Aamer from the the resident Shrink

Ghalib, sareer-e-khaama nawai-e-"Sohail" hai? :)

#54 Posted by rafi_aamer

Well the inordinate resurrection of the mummies certainly would let one to wonder about that.

Hope you don't feel hurt by the innocent aspersion.

Minhaj, ana, thearsalanarshad, TahirQazi, Kulharee

Thank you for your kind words and encouragement.

Kulharee,

That's a perfect alternative ending :) One that hardly requires any change in the rest of the story.

echoboom,

Your explanation in your identical posts #49, #51 and #52 needs an explanation. Sura #2 descended on me from, presumably, Dr. Sohail?

Rafi Aamer

wow!! I loved it. Very nicely told without the fancy analysis and descriptions. The character of Shazi is fascinating. And the story teller's voice is rationale but there are hints of hurt and emotional involvement which made the story mysterious and meaningful.

The way the mummies are being resurrected right in the glaring gaze of the Giza Sphinx is truly remarkable.

After all, the Dalmatians, from the Colonized & cantomentized minds, might not have earned the stripes yet, but can they be trusted not to lose their spots?

P.S: Explanation:just see how many dead interactors have been brought back to life to give credence to tis sura#2 descended`` on Rafi-Aamer from the the resident Shrink who has now shrunk & shriveled into ignominy of being Dr.Ooon Pooon.

Unflinching IDOLISM..indeed!

Re: # 49
echoboom..it looks better HERE!
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The Horse and The Zebra
Posted by echoboom Jul 15, 2007 12:46 pm
The way the mummies are being resurrected right in the glaring gaze of the Giza Sphinx is truly remarkable.

After all, the Dalmatians, from the Colonized & cantomentized minds, might not have earned the stripes yet, but can they be trusted not to lose their spots?

P.S: Explanation:just see how many dead interactors have been brought back to life to give credence to tis sura#2 descended`` on Rafi-Aamer from the the resident Shrink who has now shrunk & shriveled into ignominy of being Dr.Ooon Pooon.

Unflinching IDOLISM..indeed!

Rafi,

I would have commented on this in my earlier post, if time had permitted to read the entire story, but this is a rather good piece of work. I was dreading something much worse had happened to Shazi, but even if some readers think this might be cliched, and even if this does remind me of an hour long PTV drama, or what I have read of Raja Gidh, I know this happens in families, in our communities. And so it is not surprising that some of us can relate to various aspects of this.

burpinder #45

Thank you for replying so graciously to my post, especially since I wasn`t certain of my own graciousness when I asked. :)

Arre, in using ``real`` writer, you`ve opened up quite the box there. Who is a ``real`` writer? Is it only one who writes according to certain peoples` standards, and gets published? Someone only an ``elite`` group of people decides on? I don`t know, I think Rafi is already a real writer, or well on his way to becoming one, and all writers, real, virtual, or imaginary hopefully do have other avenues open to them, including this one!

Agli vari tikker! :)

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A beautuful piece of work. What i liked most about the article is that pieces of it some how related to me and my friends. Everyone i presume and especially me have gone or are going through the emotional turmoil that was experienced in this artcile. Only fate will determine whether we end up being Zebras or the Horses.

Dear Rafi:

Great read. Fairly long story but it sure keeps the reader interested to the end, which happens to be the climax also and ties the opening with the end.

Writing in first person narrative is one of the trusted but difficult techniques for in story-telling, if somebody knows how to weave the fabric of story in a non-linear fashion like life (Who said life was linear, anyways!). Of course, you have managed this style well without allowing `self-centeredness` of first person that can plague story-tellers. .... Congratulations.

Superb. I almost had an unfaithful affair with this long short story.. I was expecting for an ending where Shazi comes out of the closet to expresses his attraction to Rafi.

Very nice piece of work Rafi Aamer.

Re: # 44

ana, while I agree with your contention that chowk is a good platform for subcontinental folks to express our ideas, nevertheless it also could serve another useful purpose- viz separate the genuinely talented from the rest of us wannabe `writers`.

I have not read Rafi`s other pieces on chowk but this story leads me to believe that if he wanted to make it as a ``real`` writer (as opposed to a chowkie, with no disrespect meant, since I belong to that category myself!), there may be other avenues open to him :)

burpinder #29

Could you please explain to writers who write literary pieces (or even the political ones) why writing for Chowk is a waste of time? Yeah we have the gaali galoch and the supercilliousness and all, but still this is a platform available for all of us to express our ideas, no?

If they are wasting their time here on Chowk then why are we wasting our time here as well?

Folks,

Thank you! Thank you very much indeed for your praise, criticism, suggestions and feedback. Its extremely gratifying to know that you liked my effort.

Regards,

Rafi Aamer

Rafi-

A brilliant story.

I love the bookending of the story with the horses and zebra comparison.

Most importantly though, underneath the complexity of relationships, I really loved the insights you offered on ``the betrayals``. How we are eager to please and not dissapoint. How we cage ourselves and rid ourselves of individuality and its freedom. When the protaganist agrees with his wife that yes Shazi is indeed crazy, he is infact turning against his own friend to please his wife. And furthermore, perhaps, he is turning against his own desires, his own beliefs, to conform, and to not dissapoint.

Very well written. It also indicates deep thought and self-analysis. Knowing yourself.

-thinking