Psychology of Men's Honour and Women's Sexuality

You have interviewed a great many immigrants and it seems the main suffering of men is that of guilt.The women and girls mostly bear the brunt of violence.Just wouldn’ t help comparing the picture to here-Pakistan.Particularly because you have strongly suggested professional help to be sought by these victims.Putting men’ s honor and women’ sexuality to the issue of a patient’ s needs, whether the patient be a man or a woman-frankly raises one’ s hackles. Of course the patient is adequately covered by lack of inhibition resulting from all that pain and despair.but this perspective gets blown up out of proportion by people belonging to the human (without the letter e in the end) species who happen to be his friends, family, acquaintances.Also it is a matter of shame,that the professional workers of our mental health institutions play to the gallery…and put the patient to disadvantage and his near ones to the eminent position of honor for the men in the family and matters of sexuality for the women at the same time.

Institutions for Mental Health ought to be Empowered to receive those cases that turn up all on their own.It may be that the abnormally behaving person,who is dreadfully frightened too, maybe someone who is terribly mentally upset.He may have been chased all the way, from the roads, herded and "shoo-ed"into the Mental Health precincts .Just because he is alone, does not mean that he would be physically thrown out into the streets.I did say EMPOWERED.
The institution would relieve his fright and anxiety ,treat him, keep him, diagnose him, rehabilitate him and place him in good care.The other type of mentally challenged person, coming to the MH institution, is the one brought by someone, who is a complete stranger to him.The EMPOWERED Authority should accept the mentally upset individual for care and treatment and make things as smooth as possible for the person who brought him.If you are that 'paranoid' about the person, who you might fancy to be an 'abandon-er'.Then get his moniker photographed, his thumbprint taken, get the equipment installed which compares the prints with NADRA id cards.Get all his bio-data, verify them, get all Biometrics to surround him like an MRI machine .But let him go ASAP without harrassing him.
The third type of a person who can arrive alone at a MH reception center is the intellectual, and educated one.The one who is stressed out, mentally upset ,thinks his 'neurotic' s/are going too far, and he needs a psychoanalyst.Such people frequently do consult at and visit MH institution without hitch and are not ashamed of it.If they come in the middle of the night extremely panicky, looking "incoherent", that is no reason for you to turn them down.If you turn down such a literate case then I would say you have been empoWERED for nothing.Remember such cases might seek legal cover because they are handling court cases, property matters, family financial matters.
Another type of a case who can turn up alone in any part of the institution , is one who may have been earlier discharged from it.Maybe the psychotherapists who used to treat him have left for their private practice or for abroad.Maybe some of the staff may still remember him, but is on some other duty shift or vacation .Treat the loner, as a patient, treat him as a human bein' who has given you the honor of being chosen to help him in his time of need.Treat him with dignity.It is your job.I would recommend tailor made course on humanistic psychotherapy for the entire staff of a MH unit, before they start their professional work.

Re: # 110 majmi00

Thanks for pointing out #64 and its response #65. Yes, I did read those and did notice that Dr Sohail prefers qualitative analysis over quantitative when it comes to human "psychology" ... That is his prerogative and its fine by me, because I do not consider psychotherapy as much more than just another endeavour to understand, a very complex Mandelbrotian system (the human mental processes) by using a simplistic reductionist approach. It has the same probability of success as does looking for a black cat in a pitch dark coal cellar, blindfolded. You may not see the cat, BUT IF it is there, you might hear it meow, if it choses to.

My allusion, however, was towards a "sociological" phenomenon, ie, correlation of divorce rate with upwards mobility and/or financial independence amongst relatively younger desi women.

...SR

Re: # 119
Dear Ras...can you be more specific and elaborate on your comments. for me they are too vague. being a writer you are aware that message given should be the same as message reveived otherwise in the words of faiz
wo baat saray fasanay main jis ka zikr na tha
wo baat un ko bohut nagawaar ghuzri hay
sincerely sohail

Some good suggestions here.

It will take another generation and hopefully

a more integrated picture will emerge.


Ras

I think you are absolutely on the right footing regarding principle's of life as dictated by Islam. Actually if we looked at principle's of life in other great religions of the world they would pretty much be in harmony with each other.

Although I don't want to editorialize what the author has written, however I may suggest that he is speaking to the cultural differences, where east meets west.

May Allah give us the serenity to accept things which cannot be changed; Give us courage to change things which must be changed; And the wisdom to distinguish one from the other. Ameen!

The rest of nasah's ramblings are unitelligible and difficult to decipher.

"Now coming back to your original question whether pre-marital sex is a sin. In my humble opinion it is an absolute sin yet we as a humans, full of errors and short comings,are not in a position to pass a decree upon two willing humans. Only Allah is all knowing and merciful and the final judge of our actions."

youdoseem to be open minded -- but if you bring male Allah into sex -- the sex will remain a catholic sin -- and dishonorable sex will continue to deserve honor killing.

"Only Allah is (NOT) all knowing and merciful and (NOT) the final judge of our actions." -- It is YOU who has to be "knowing and merciful to yourself" -- and YOU are "the final judge of YOUR action" -- whether you need to go or not go to a HIV clinic.

I am quite amazed and amused that so many people including esteemed psuchiatrists (presumably) seem to hold The Rule Book on what the relationship between an INDIVIDUAL woman and an INDIVIDUAL man should be, could be, must be! All relationships are fraught with joys, sometimes incredible pain, initimacy and tenderness. All of this is in the private realm and each relationship is unique, a product of the buffettings of the history of the individuals and their shared dreams for life. The decisions are theirs alone and there is no such thing as "divorce is bad" or "pre marital sex is wrong". Sex is nothing but an eloquent, accessible language to express that most fleeting and magnificient of human emotions, love and who are we to questions it expression or lack of it? In absence of sex, love exists and is expressed in just as myriad , if not as dramatic a manner.Ultimately, it is the quotidian aspects of life and living that threatens to kill or rejuvenates a relationship between man and woman. Tried agreeing who would do the dishes and see love disappear instantly?! See? I told you :-))

First of all let's not be fixated on pre/post marital text. The gist of the article speaks eloquently about the cultural/religious differences found between the east and west and ways to ease the growing tensions arising from them. It is ironic that we Muslim's are so pre-occupied with an "activity" that is as short-lived as the "three" lettered word.

Now coming back to your original question whether pre-marital sex is a sin. In my humble opinion it is an absolute sin yet we as a humans, full of errors and short comings,are not in a position to pass a decree upon two willing humans. Only Allah is all knowing and merciful and the final judge of our actions.

I hope my attempt at answering your question was worth the effort.

May Allah forgive us all for snatching the authority of judgment from him.

Re: # 103
dear nature lover...psychiatrists are human too...needing support in the time of crisis....are you thinking of becoming one? smiles...sohail

"If any of you were wondering why I use the tone I do in my posts,"(masadi)

masadi saab -- nobody is wondering -- just calm down.

Kulharee writes "Masadi dude, you got it all wrong, "

I got it perfectly well what the pervert was getting at, there is no logical connection between females considering me attractive and myself considering me attractive, and no connection whatsoever between how attractive a person considers himself and masturbation.

By the way I am redflagging both your posts, I know you are in with the chowk staff an illicit relationship so you wont be banned but both your posts, the first in which you call me a "mofo" and the second which presents a fiction of the crusader's creation through which they attack a figment of their imagination regarding the prophet, are both against chowk guidelines....

Masadi, speaking of divorce, can a 6 year old girl divorce her 55 year old hubby in Islam?

SR #100:

Thought you were smart … reason for disappointment is something that you wrote: Maybe Dr. Sohail is able to lay his hands on quantitative sociological data that describes this phenomenon

See what Khurram wrote in #64 … How valid is this methodology? Does it have limitations? How does it compare to the methods of sociologists?

Now look at Dr. Sohail’s response to it in #65 … the second school that Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung and many other psychologists belong they pick one case or a few cases and analyze their behaviours, thought patterns and conflicts and give their analysis or impressions. …. now this is a theory you can agree or disagree

SR: See for yourself how good is chowk doctor and still your hopes are high for something meaningful that he does not have. Go back to see what he thinks is “theory” … he is clueless about what to call a theory and what to call just a ‘conjecture’ … his essay should have told you his level of psychologic and social expertise :)

But don’t mind … you are still the smart one on chowk other than masadi who always sounds uptight but man!! … He is good on scientific method.

Masadi dude, you got it all wrong, what Hamid Sahib was insinuating that when you masturbate, you must think that you are really pretty hot. He wasn’t implying that you don’t do it more than you do. By the way, you are the dumbest mofo here, with little intelligence and a total lack of self esteem. If you had any self esteem, you wouldn’t be so negative or bitter all the time. There still is a chance to learn from people like Hamid Sahib and not be so negative all the time. Are you really so dumb or do you have to make a concerted effort to come across as one? Please let us know. Thanks and god bless.

nasah writes "Divorce is the most civilized way to say goodbye to a dysfunctional relationship -- "

No, divorce signifies a breakdown/end to marriage. Why so many marriages are breaking down in the West tells us that the institution of marriage and family is in jeapordy. If divorce though liberally allowed (as in Muslim marriage practices that are not marred by Hindu customs) but was still rare we can guage the health of the institution through that, and the Muslim family is relatively healthier, as a whole, than the Western family in tatters...

Hamid #105, I am redflagging your post which is nothing but your convuluted logic (women thinking that I am attractive has absolutely no logical connection to the second part you made up) trying to poke fun based on contrived nonsense, against another poster having nothing to do with his post.