It's ME on Both Sides!

I get the feeling that social conditioning makes it acceptable for girls to be 'objectified'. My interaction with Pakistani girls (belonging to the educated middle and upper middle class) in my circle made me realise that girls were comfortable with the idea of being taken into marriage by a total stranger rather than chosing a life partner on their own. Most were convinced that they do not possess the insight their elders have when it comes to such decisions.

In my view, agreeing to such a trend is an acceptance of objectification of women because I do not see how a girl's nature is judged based on a few family visits and assesing the girl's background and the all importan looks. Its a rejection of the girl's individualism. Here the girls I have been in contact with chose to be objectified.

Which makes me wonder if it really is a deprivation. Such a feeling is subject to realisation. Although the article is trying to point out the sorry state, its not quite so if thats how they know and accept things to be.

But of course, I would stand by a society where the choice (even that of being objectified) is handed over to the women.

Asra
The similiar idea I expressed in my poetry that I wrote many years back in Urdu when i first read 'Taboo'( a research on 'heera mundi's life') And I just translated that in english after getting inspiration from a dialogue in a movie "Laga chunri mein daag". Your nice comparative narration endorsed the same idea. Every woman undestands it but because of conditioning of mind through ages they teach the same lessons of submissions to their young ones. With exceptions of few we generally get the security, the authority and identity by walking into the matrimony.
Nikhat Riaz

I wonder who annointed Zeemax as the head nigga in charge of Chowk. Ahmedmadani and Zeemax need to be frog-marched to Gitmo, that's where these ragheads belong.

Bibi authoress,

If you want to write explicit stories to make a point, check out Urstruly's on this site such as "That Whore" and "Secret Passages". You might learn some things.

http://www.chowk.com/articles/7278

http://www.chowk.com/articles/8 450

#41 Posted by asranadeem,

If you spit at the entire womanhood and it's dignity, you will be only spitting at your own face. You're no different than Asra Nomani.

I think you should propagate her manifesto openly without hiding behind inane stories of sexual innuendo while trying to sound like Saadat Hasan Manto.

Re: # 43
I read your story as is and found it absorbing. However, your reply in #43 begs a number of questions (since you brought it up), mind I still llike the story.

(a)What is the true value of the institution of marriage?
(b)Havent wemin always been objectified - you need to be attracted to them (at some level to procreate - else you leave things to you imagination and go about the business blindly (as our friend zeemax sayeth - I will not go into it - he is a chinese falsafa man) The same holds wemin as well. (ah yes, nb is the right and correct person to have a chat about this).

vengatramanan: No one likes being objectified or being treated as commodities. People who invite such behavior are usually the ones going out of their way to be people they are not, they might be following some crazy media hype or literary theory or social movement gone wrong.

Re: # 41 Asranadeem, give them a break. Both are trying to make a pass at you - one is trying to relive his teeange years(i.e zeemax mian), the other is trying to relive the days he spent in cyprus winking at the scantily clad girls on the beaches.

This is chowk's way of greeting a "woman"!

BTW a great piece of fiction...hope you write many more of these

nb:

There are a couple of things that this article highlights, some of them would include:
-The similarities between the lives of two women who belong to two very different sets of the society. Their raw emotions, life patterns, ambitions and expectations are the same.
-The fact that the institution of marriage has lost its true value and come down to practices which are equal to prostitution
-Objectification of women in our society.
-Social taboos
ETC.

snoresahib: Here you go:

-Heera Mandi = The red light area of Lahore, Shahi Muhala, is also called Heera Mandi by the locals. This translates to diamond market.
-Ladoo = A desi sweet.
-Kotha = A prostitutes home.
-Dalal = Pimp.
-Baray Admi = Rich men
-Molvi Sahib = A religious teacher.
-Lachay = Cotton Candy
-Duppatta = Scarf or veil
-Tawaif = A prostitute who also is a dancer
-Kanjari = Hooker
-Aadab-e-mehfil = Mannerism
-Phohar = Unskilled in domestic tasks
-Shareef = Honorable

zeemax and ahmedmadani: I don't believe in throwing stones in a puddle and splashing filth on myself or picking fights on baseless argumentations. Enjoy your ignorance. PEACE.

#38 Posted by MuntajibKhan on January 27, 2008 7:07:24 pm
"The birth of a female child is usually unwelcome one in the subcontinent. Parents favor the male child over the female one, and the girls usually have an inferiority complex due to this factor and are unable to achieve academic successes"

not in my case. a male child for me would have been unwelcome. thank goodness i have a daughter.

Asra that was sublime and brilliant...
I am out of words and short of expression to describe the piece you have written...
Women in our society are treaed like that....
wth subtle differences in all sections of the society....
in heera mandi or in that cursed middle class right wing environment...
The way you have "contrasted" the two apprently different but underneath startingly same set of affairs is astounding...
A very moving piece
simply brilliant

Asra,
It is sad and unfortunate that you had to go through what you had to go through. No one can change one thing in his life: his parents. It is sad that many parents go for sex determination tests and even feticide, if the fetus is a female one. The birth of a female child is usually unwelcome one in the subcontinent. Parents favor the male child over the female one, and the girls usually have an inferiority complex due to this factor and are unable to achieve academic successes. Even if they perform well in academics, most do not take jobs, preferring marital responsibilities over a paid job. Your description about events linked with woman’s physiology was very accurate, subtle and very daring and audacious. Your article was glut in substance, and very thoughtfully written and smacks of great feminine fortitude. May the almighty give you the courage to deal with disappointments and tragic events of the yore. Keep posting the good articles of yours. Kudos.

However, I'm still interested in "It's ME on Both Sides!"

What sides are these pray I ask?

Philo,

Human nature remains constant and immutable. you see...even the psychology of men(the desire to dominate) itself is the evidence of human nature...where have men got it from...off course by nature...are men something from outside nature?

Very interesting. No, men are as much part of nature as are women ... and Nature does not create anything out of a vacuum. This man/woman intrinsic nature which is different from the other is certainly an essential ingredient in the scheme of things, in the greater universe.