Fate

I like it`

Time is the best teacher among all the teachers.

Travelling gives us education better than any institution.

In front of FATE no Plans Work.

Pray, We all ( humans) have good FATE.

I, who travelled, studied, worked, lived in many counties in last 12 years( 1988-2000 ).

Dr Ali Imran

Email: drpublichealth@hotmail.com

Fate is nothing, but a conspiracy of conditions around you. Therefore, millions of people born under the same zodiac sign have different fate. Only those who organise themselves and have the resources and capacity to organise themselves, may live happily. Otherwise like tens of millions of people we live the way others want us to live. And that is fate (JABR: compulsion). Fight it out! Aging is not a curse. It is a natural phenomenon. Live a life of a martyr and be happy when you die.

Beautiful.

You have the gift of eloquence.

Masha-Allah.

sad...very sad and haunting... and how very true... such is fate ...:(

Anita

Thanks for the clarification. I re-read your poem keeping in mind that by place you dont mean geographical location as much as the psychological state of being abused (I think). That certainly makes the poem more rich in meaning, and also an even sadder one.

Thank you everyone for taking the time to comment.

Most Pakistani women who are victims of domestic violence have little control over their destiny. They have no means of making an independent living and supporting their children, and no support from their own families. Even if they do run away, they are accused of zina and thrown in jail. Just read the latest Human Rights Commission of Pakistan report on women in jail.

Blaming fate, of course, is just a proxy for accepting the status quo.

Fozia, you are a popular lady back home in my household.

T. Ahmed:

``What kind of a place would it be where one ``would not want to go?`` I have yet to find a place under the sun, on any continent, that was less than fully exciting.``

I was refering to places where one is tortured/beaten/ridiculed etc

Anita

Anita,

It is only fate if one deems it so. Those who have had the courage to break the shackles that Society, Creed or Religion places on individuals, realize that there is a life beyond. Frequently it is too beautiful and meaningful to sacrifice on the altar of despair.

I pray for your friend. Please tell her this is not ordained.

Anita:

BEAUTIFUL!!!

there`s one thing though that i want to touch upon,

``

You endure life for the sake of your children -

Its a worthy sacrifice, you say

``

now I got a real problem with this....no, not talking about your friend in question here, since I don`t know of her situation, but what the hell do women think when they say IT`S FOR MY CHILDREN!!!

Do they really believe they r helping their kids by staying with men who r abusive??? Don`t these women realize that the abuse is not just towards them but towards the kids as well, if not physical then certainly mental! Do they actually think their kids will be benefited by having the ``complete family`` where parents got no respect for each other let alone love(!) How can they not understand that such ``complete families`` coupled with their ``sacrifice for the sake of children`` result in nothing but a state of paranoia for the kids. Or is it that seems to be the most convenient excuse for their own timidness, the ``children``!!!

ANITA,

After knowing you through posts,& as you said 10 years stint in Boston??you knew very well where you were going unlike the bride that goes to Pakistan for the first time!

Raja ram mohon roy,in India fought against SATI & suceeded in abolishing it.So no more poetry or genes science against cousin marriage DO SOMTHING for no one from your majority readers (in the west)are able ,willing or available to alleviate your PAIN!

ANITA,

After knowing you through posts,& as you said 10 years stint in Boston??you knew very well where you were going unlike the bride that goes to Pakistan for the first time!

Raja ram mohon roy,in India fought against SATI & suceeded in abolishing it.So no more poetry or genes science against cousin marriage DO SOMTHING for no one from you majority readers (in the west)are able willing or available to alleviate your PAIN!

Anita,



If only thou and she could with fate conspire,

To grasp this sorry scheme of things entire,

Would you not shatter it to bits,and then;

-Remould it,nearer to the heart`s desire?

(with apologies to OK)

Touch of good old Omer Khayyam`s lament about fate in your verses.But fate is really meaning -less for those who learn to shape their own destiny.When will our women-folk,the bearers and raisers of our future generations learn to project this view.

Perhaps you will do so.Some call it fate.I hope you don`t?

Never-the-less,good poetry.And thanks

thank god something other that the futile politics of our land! good job anita. good to see you after so long and i hope that you will keep the stuff coming. i`m really really sick of so much stuff about the coup. please... more creative stuff like this chowk staff!!

What kind of a place would it be where one ``would not want to go?`` I have yet to find a place under the sun, on any continent, that was less than fully exciting.

I dont know about your friend (who seems stuck with a wife abuser), but I dont think things can be so bad in your case. Check out the free things in life, the stars, the clouds, living things (including that most interesting of God`s creation on this planet, humans, and all their weird antics). Then write a poem to chowk on that.

Very well written Anita.
But is it really fate to be accepted?
By the way ``They`` are wrong.

Ras

Finally! Some new stuff on chowk that is not related to the coup. I was a bit fatigued on that topic!

Anita,

A very sad touching poem. Nice to see contributions from you again after a long time.

This is kinda off the topic, but I know one of your sisters...

Re: temporal

I agree that there a lot of desi couples who just while away the time together. I noticed that very few actually spend quality time together. In fact it`s better if they spend as little time together as possible.

However would these same couples describe themselves as unhappy? Probably not. This isn`t just because they are hiding it. It`s because they think that this is what ``happiness`` in a marriage is supposed to be. The only place for ``Ishq`` is in movies, poems or in our fantasies.

It`s unfortunate that so many desis are conditioned to this type of thinking.

However it`s with this mindset that whenever the odd ``love marriage`` does occur, people assume they must be happy all the time. And if things go wrong it`s because ``love marriages`` in general are bad.

Regards,

Fozia

Anita:

Welcome back. The joy is diluted, you know. Will be real nice if that better/worse half shows up here too. (He failed to respond to my last few emails---tch, tch...!)
One more personal note and then the poem----I know you guys have been busy but take a moment to bring us up to date. You have the address.

Now the poem.

In one sense what you wrote is nothing new. From the first century Hejirah on, the Jabriyahs and the Qad`riyahs have been indulging in what seems a never ending debate. Free Will vs. Ordained. And I suppose this debate will only end with some big bang.

Now, specifically with reference to your friend. Overlooking the suggestions of physical abuse, which are serious in themselves, as we look around we find so many examples where our friends or their lives took a wrong turn. It must be in our blood to blame fate. Is it? Or do we not exercise our choices?

I think some do, some don`t. Saima Imran/Sarwar exercised her choice and became immortal in my books. Your friend X did not. (Yes, I fully realise that in Pakistan, X could not exercise all her rights, zaalim samaaj, family, children, lack of resources, financial independence etc. inhibit available choices.) She compromised. Or acquisced at least. Either way it is sad for her and for gender equality.

Now, thinking of possibly more serious psychological scars. I have observed that most desi couples just ----- for lack of a better word---- while away time together----I mean they are there and they are not there---- children, house/s car/s are there but the real love the Ishq factor is AWOL, missing---in milder cases they give the outward impression of being `happy` together--- and in more serious cases, even the first time visitor can cut the tension in the air with a knife. They continue to live together---compromise, choice, resignation, acquiscence-----or fate, as you say. It need not be that way. They do not work out their differences.

Some of the keys to quality long term relationships are equality, respect, understanding, and continuous brewing of that hard to wrestle Ishq Factor. Fate, you say?
Hard work, says I.

love

love,

t