The King’s Gambit: Chapter 5 (The Diplomat)

We are all waiting omer!!!

Omer, any idea when you are going to finish the saga you started? For 1.5 years there have been no new episodes....

Rafique #62
Your last post again proves your obsession with the finality of your statement. Now it comes down to, because of personel comment 1, 2 and 3, I will not accept blabh blah blah.

Fine with me. You may write Jhumri Taliya in your next story. I have better things to do than teach you about Delhi.

temporal............60;........your points are well taken........what works in one case does not work in another.........what do you think the best approach should be for this story?............i am trying to concentrate on a factual background with fictional characters and plot and a lot of attention to detail..........

friend.......61;.........as i stated my first effort is to establish the sincere critics from the ones who are more interested in an emotional display or a personal attack........once that is done then it becomes easy to have a discussion with them........i think it is slowly becoming visible who falls in which category........you are not the first delhiiwalla to read these chapters..........i have changed quite a bit of the details before printing based on the inputs of other delhiwalla(s)......but if becomes difficult for me to consider your input sincere when it is prefixed with comments like,

``Otherwise this series just looks like just an extrapolation of Fieldmarshal`s monologues on Pak airforce.``

``I would have concluded that you have not attended your school from first till 10th grade (atleast history lessons), that you have never been outside your home, and have never seen Delhi. I would have concluded you to be one of the dumbest writer.``

.......i am looking for genunie non-patriotic non-personal critiques of what is written.........

#58 Temporal,
I am surprised at the resistance offered to Delhi facts presented by Delhiwalas. Most often than not outsiders are not aware of every nook and corner of a place. I would have expected author to just say ``thank you for information`` and move on. But unwillingness to accept the genuine feedback and talking of references, reviewers, consensus indefinitely just tells me that author somehow made it an prestige issue. And that leads me to believe that author had some motive when writing all making that point.
It would be much simpler, if author just writes the disclaimer at the top and proceeds with his story line.

Rafique #57,
Dear field marshal number 2, It is you who appears to be so attached to a gate that you made it a prestige issue not to budge from your line. As I wrote earlier, you can claim Jhumri Taliya to be India`s national spot. Just don`t say that you got consensus on that.
Anyway this discussion was of use as it gave an opportunity to judge where you are coming from and what will you be direction of your story line.

#59 by Rafique:

[... i find the most interesting fiction plays out in a background which is factual...]

...pls. read umberto eco`s thriller the name of the rose set around 1340s...what works for clancy won`t work for deighton... agree on attention to detail bit...but disagree on the its interpretation...

rgds,

..t

temporal........58;.........we have probably all read and written stories.........but none of us are expert critics......... i find the most interesting fiction plays out in a background which is factual........only keeping the characters and the plot fictional but the tools used by the characters the geo-political situations in which they are operating the military units they belong to the gali mohallas they walk through should be factual........even the subtleties and unthought of ironies should be accurate.......in such a situation attention to the minutest detail is the most important thing.......the color of a person`s eyes......the sharp turn in a road.....a historical landmark......the angle a sattelite is pointed in........this is clancy`s hallmark..........i have thanked the guys who provided the information but i don`t like moving on without having a good discussion about the details.......since i am going to change the second draft based on their comments hence their comments are more than a critique they are input to the story..........so i have to be sure they are accurate and not just emotional........that is the only way to get to the facts............in the same light your input and critique on the story not on how the replies are being discussed would be more helpful from my point of view...........

friend # 56:

...personally the ‘lahori gate’ is a brouhaha in a leaking styrofoam cup…

…Rafique is trying hard for this work of fiction to be faction … see his reasons in reply #54


….if i were doing this…i would thank the guys who commented and move on…unless Rafiique has relevant future uses in the plot for the lahori gate in his novel the energy spent on this is not worth the effort or aggravation…even a fictional Freedom Square (though there is an Azad Maidan in Bombay and Calcutta) would serve equally well…

rgds,

t

friend.......56; .........ok sahib.........you win........i have never seen someone so attached or detached to a gate........i will think about changing the text to not the most nationalistic spot but ``entrance to the most (maybe) nationalistic`` spot in India..........

Rafique # 54
you still didn`t write how you counted your consensus?

Now that temporal is on board, would you like get his judgement on what the consensus on this ``Lahore Gate`` was? Temporal?
That would give us some idea where Rafique is coming from.

#53,

t,
`aap kehtay haiN tau phir theek hi kehtay hoNgay`
regards.

temporal........53; i picked up some syntax errors in this chapter.....so i will look into that some more.......

...........the aim is to separate the sincere knowledgeable constructive critiques from the emotional patriotic ones..........the plot has already been established by Umair and myself.....the aim here is to get the details correct and to see people`s reaction to the story.......i do not believe in ignoring anyone`s critique........it is too easy to do so and to move on..........since people have taken the time to read the chapter they deserve an answer or a return question or an explanation to their comment.........it gives the critic the chance to establish their credentials............and me an opportunity to judge where they are coming from.......

Pankaj..........50; ............``It was on the ramparts of the Lahore Gate, in mid-August 1947, that India`s first Hindu ruler in eight hundred years, Prime Minister Pandit Jawaharlal Nehru uttered the now famous words``...........

..............five hundred and twenty years of confirmed Muslim rule (we both agree)..........eighty years of debatable rule between Hindus Muslims and Christians.(we both agree could go either way)......and two hundred years of Christian British rule (we both agree) = 800 years......... => first Hindu ruler in 800 years.......

friend........49; ...........OK.........I requested you to tell me what I should use..........so what would you like the words replaced with.........if you provide a good alternative i will consider it............otherwise i must keep what i wrote and will just take the word, ``most`` out........

#42 by Banjaara:

...as another one who has perhaps even less knowledge your assertions in this post are smack on the nail`s head...except for this...

[...you come into the open garden,on your right would be Naubat Khana,now converted into a museum,...]

...i thought naubat khana/museum building is on the left...

rgds,

t


________________________________________________________

based on reading comments thus far

ps: helpful hint to the author/s of this story...take the comments..graciously thank the commentators and move on...don`t be defensive...focus on the forrest, take comments on trees under advisement...this will perhaps enable you to focus better on the plot and characters and not get bogged down on minor details...also please proof read carefully...

Pankaj #50
Janaab Rafique ke saath koi argument nahin chalne wala. He is from Pakistan Army where whatever army says is gospel truth. I now understand his consensus counting
One Pakistani soldier = 10 indians
And we were only five votes against Rafique`s ten.

Rafique# 48
Aren`t we getting touchy. you are a perfect duplicate of field marshal

``a place that the Indian Prime Minster stands close to independence day for some unknown reason``.......... Which one do you prefer?.......... ;) `` would be fine with me. When are you chaning it?

And do show me how you counted consensus?