The Funeral of Aunti Ummid

In my humble opinion, the premise of the article had been good, as was the execution, but reading on the Net becomes a bit tedious, particularly when one has to scroll down this much. More reader freindly should be a writer`s style on the Net.

............. i hate to be impolite, but this piece is utter nonsense and another pathetically contrived attempt at being clever ...... this is no allegory shallegory - it is nonsense ......... i lok at it his way - if someone like me with twenty years of formal education cannot understand what the heck is going on, it has to be drivel .............

Yildrim....
I would not advise you to state your intent in writing the piece...at least not until after I`ve read it!!!! Seriously though...even if writers do state the intent, thought, idea that led them to write something...readers may not necessarily find it helpful in their criticism (at least the criticism that isn`t cursory like `rubbish` or piece of ----). There could be a number of dialogues going on here. Of course it`s entirely up to you, but since you did ask...I wouldn`t advise it.
keep writing
~n~

good story.
write more.

Dear All:

I just wanted to thank all of you for your insights and intriguing readings. I apologize for using the word ``rationcination.`` =]

Would it be advisable for me to post my intent in what I`ve written?

I also agree with those who`ve stated that its long-winded.

peace.

Immigration, culture shock, conflict of old world values vs. new ones, being torn between the two, succumbing to the lure of the new and rejection of the old, purging the nostalgic within, turning away from the roots, yet unable to embrace the new. Guilt, remorse and anger followed by refusal to total submission of the new and reassertion of self.

Or so I think. Whew....!!! Too serious and deep for this late in the evening.

A tad long-winded, but well done. (I had to look up Webster`s for `ratiocination`. :)

...SR

Ameer welcome to chowk. Great piece of writing- it is slightly overcooked but it shows the talent you have. Looking forward to another one soon.

FJ,

Poor dear.

Anyway, to get back to your point, an allegory is defined as the representation of abstract ideas or principals by characters, figures or events in narrative form. So dude, you got the floor-do tell; what in your opinion does each character stand for?

Also, can anyone explain the byline?

Ever so peskily,
S

Saminashah - will you ever learn to just SHUT UP woman? Someone who can use the word ``ratiocination`` in an allegory definitely knows more than you about the pathological reasoning behind his characters. Will you ever just pack it in? I`ve been watching your priggy pedantic on maneuvers just about everything someone`s ever written. You`re such a show-off it`s sickening.

ZafarA

I believe the song you`re thinking of is one by Bananarama. Can`t remember if it`s actually called ``venus`` or something else, but the lines go

I`m your Venus, I`m your fire, my desire
etc. etc. etc.

Zafarla,

Remember Bananarama`s version? ``She`s got it! Yeah baby, she`s got it! I`m your Venus, I`m your fire, its your desire!`` was the chorus, thus placing the responsibility and accountability of lust onto the luster....I dont know...I get a perverse thrill out of it-ever hear the Pips solemnly intone ``A superstar, but he didn`t get far!`` in Midnight Train to Georgia, or ``Funkytown``? Its too much to resist!

I expect Hamidm2 to jump in anytime....and Hamid Sahib, do tell me that Aunty Ummid`s big crime according to Adam was not moving from the mahal of One Parent Family Matriarchy to the `burbs (land of Biriyana, isolated pockets for the believers of the Jewish/Hindu/West Alliance....good goddess, does a greater crime exist?

re ZafarA #9:

The song actually exists. And if I am not mistaken it was by Bananarama....not a bad song actually.....

later
-sac

Ameer welcome,

One of the most ``off the wall`` writings to appear on CHOWK to date.

Certainly is an interesting read but it does remind me of a time here in

the US during the 60`s and 70`s when chemical ``foreign substances``

were very much available for individual experimentation and murdered

many hopes.

Great imagination!

Ras

Original.

Though curiously the description of Adam sounds like someone I know.

I wonder... if Adam means humanity what are you hinting at?

I liked the short story that was not so short. I liked the hidden story within the story. I want more. Please post.

p.s.
Hopefully there is no correlation between Venus`s status and her skin color. Though Africa was named after Aphrodite...

Reply Saminasha #7

For some reason this appalling song from the 70s/80s came into my mind, which had the line ``...and Venus was her name...`` I think it went on to say ``baby she`s got it``.

Am I imagining this, or does such a song actually exist? Anybody?


Ameer Afraid - some of the descriptions in your piece were quite immediate and powerful. IMHO you might want to work those and back off from editorialising (plus there`s a lot of detail re: plot, he walked, he dug, he turned, etc.) - but what do I know? Anyway, welcome to chowk and best regards.

Interesting.

Ciao