Anarkali

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Re: # 24

I think whatever needed to be suggested was very clearly stated. Are we missing anything? If we are then you can email me on zjamshed@msn.com with your question since I do not have your email address.

Re: # 20 Thanks it was very helpful. :-) email me...

Re: # 22

Oh, I forgot the little emoticon - :). It should have been inserted somewhere in my post # 22. Koi Baat Naheen.

Re: # 21

Raw_Dust:

I am glad you have any eye for profundity. Do you have any recommendations for the ignorants? Once you provide me with yours, I will return the favor in kind. How`s that?

ZahraJ:
your comment about Taj was soooo profound. no kidding. i figure, seeming-yuppies can only have a pregorative to ignorance.

Re: # 19

Asif:

There is no such job so you will have to consider this as a hobby.

On a serious note: You should try to find a local publisher who will publish your works.

By the way, during my recent short trip to Pakistan, I visited the Waris Shah Academy. It seemed quite haunted during the hot summer evening. My sister in law in her wisdom was bent upon visiting the Hiran Minar during this time of the year and we decided to stop by and pay our respects to the sweet poet, resting in peace. In fact, it`s an old belief that if you visit the Hiran Minar and do not pay your respects at the mausoleum of Waris Shah then it`s considered being disrespectful toward the late poet.

While the car kept on honking, I was busy in grabbing a few booklets to promote the sales of the booksellers. I usually skim through these booklets and then present them to my American Friends as a unique gift. But everytime I send these out, I feel that there is a lot of room for improvement in these translated booklets. They do not do justice to the message. I think if you truly want to ``make a difference`` then you need to look into refining the translation of these booklets (bulleh shah`s kafian, works of mian mohammed buksh, baba farid`s words of wisdom and several others). Since you are more into myticism and follow the sufi poets and their poetry and stories quite diligently, I think you should devote your energies in producing some fine work out of the fine and long lasting efforts.

With due respect to Imtiaz Ali Taj, this drama was well and good for one time reading. Who would like to read that again? I guess someone performing the part of Salim and Anarkali and Zillae` Subhani. I`ve just skimmed through this play and will never bother to step near this piece of literature. I guess personal prerogative. My remarks are not geared toward your translation. They are simply targetted toward the khandanae` mughlia`s fiascos and waste of time stuff.

Hope that was helpful :)

Re: # 18

Zahra :-)
I often have thought I`d love to have a job as a full time translator of Urdu and Farsi texts but I don`t know if such a job exists!

x

Re: # 17

Asif: At the time I was writing my post, I had ``Jaa`mae` Jamshed`` right in front of me therefore I could see that you will do well in art/drama.

On a serious note, it was just an off the cuff remark. Anyone who invests that much time in translating a drama must get involved in it. You could have written a white paper on the latest and greatest happenings in bio-med or tech whatever your major is. Also, I dislike the flowery language and convoluted buk buk in this play. Mughals were famous for many things except for stating things simply. I think Bahadur Shah Zafar (the late poet) was the only one who wrote simple poetry.

Re: # 15
Dear Zahra, what do you mean by `I should contemplate on art/drama in real life?` I don`t get you there...

please elucidate.

:-)

i love the ornamentation of the khaandaan i mughliyya

[Sanober was trained not only as a dancer but in all the arts & crafts military or civil as well. Muslim society were not tainted & tarnished by the backward & uncouth British.]

boomboom...
... a dancer under moghals is respectable yet a dancer under the brits is tarnished...?

Naqshbandi:

I think I have seen this play during my high school days. Personally, I am not a fan of mughals and their fiascos. Nothing is simply stated. Everything has ornaments around it. I think you should contemplate on art/drama in real life. I am sure you will have a ball.

asif:

come on, you should know by now;)

the only submissions that get incessant hits and posts are those that mention these trigger words kashmir, hindu, muslim, india, pakistan, jinnah, gandhi, yasser`s obsession, veeresh`s intransigence, ...

here is a test if you do not believe me...

pen something...even incomprehensible gibberish will do (chowk editors pls. forgive me...this is just to drive a point ...am not actually urging him to do it;)...with the following titles and see the hits soar:

* Pork Eating Wine Guzzling Fathers
* Old Man Sleeping Naked With Nieces
* The Drinking Days of the Allama
* Frustrated Allama & His Four Marriages
* Sex and the Prime Minister (you can chose any period and almost any Indian or Pakistani PM)

HP sahib; I did toy with the idea of using archaic forms of English for this but then I decided against this for the reason that it would put off many people. Also, I chose to translate literal wherever possible since the greatness of Taj`s play lies in its high-falutin` language and by being literal I wished to convey some of that.

Raw_Dust: you`re welcome.

I`m actually a bit disappointed with the small number of responses!

I neither am an expert in Urdu nor write good English. I hesitated to write on this board but I certainly feel that a good translation becomes bad when you do literal translation.

I don’t wanna take things away from Asif and appreciate his effort but here are a few things that I noticed and I feel there is another way to translate them.
So here is my version of a few dialogs.

1.
“Dilaram (whispering to Salim): Prince of the World will you not also reward this dance?”

The prince of the world appears to be the translation of Shahzada-e-Alam. But Alam is not world, it is universe so the correct version should be “the prince of the universe” and that provides the correct reference of the endearment. I think the term of endearment that Akber used mostly was Jaan-e Alam and not Shahzada-e- alam. Alam could be a reference to the personal universe like in my Universe. Since I have not read the play in Urdu, I could be wrong here.

So this dialog should read as:

“The Life of my universe, would you please honor the rendition!” (or the art or the artist)

2.
“Salim (standing up at once): Shadow of God! With your permission, I too would like to reward this dance.”

Zill-e ilahi is not exactly “Shadow of God”. It is a little trickier than that. It would have been better to just use “My Lord” here
My take.

“My Lord, with high regards and I bow to your consent, I present the artist my gratitude.”

3.
“Akbar: Shekhu you have stolen the very words from my mouth!”
My version:
Akber: Shekhu, How nice! You took those words away from me!”

Some more later…Kill me if you want...