Moth’s Flame Doused by Wind

``Yeh tuG-O-daU, yeh talaatum, yeh taRRap kur Girnaa
Shamaa mein aag kahaan voh, jo hai purvaanay mein``.

Faizaa Hussain: The moth who fancied to be the flame.

---

Finally I steeled myself to read this. Moth and flame sagas I approach with some terpidition.

This was worth it especially the way the verses were interspersed. Your ``crazy`` i-logs are
a harbinger of great beginnings. You are indeed blessed with `it`.

``Ghum kee dunya rahay abaad shakeel
muflisee mein koi jageer tO hai``

Faizaji

I wanted to get this down before your article dissapears from the front page. I know that my flippancy may have come across as arrogance before, but I was making a serious point.

It reminded me of a discussion I followed recently about the nature of Arabic literature, in particular the language and consequent modes and tropes used by Arabic writers and poets. The debate basically revolved around whether demotic Arabic or classical Arabic should be employed in poetry and the novel. It is argued that the demotic and colloquial brings fresh perspectives and vantages into the world of Arabic literature; on the other hand the employment of classical Arabic connects the artist and readership with a whole trove of Arabic literary antecedents, as well as connecting across the whole Arabic peoples (because the demotic can be local and regional and not easily understood by Arabic speakers from certain countries.)

Well anyway, the Palestinian poet Mahmoud Darwish, in a piece called `On Poetry`, attacks the imagery and style of traditional Arabic poems as being innapropriate to the problems of a new age and talks about the jaded staleness of their conventions and imagery. He writes:

``The hour struck, Khayyam drank on/ and under the rhythm of his drugged songs/ we remained as poor as ever``

Now I realise that Darwish, as a Palestinian, speaks and makes reference to a social struggle, but the faultline of this discussion could be seen to be relevant on a purely aesthetic basis, on the need to create and interpret anew. That is relevant to what I said. I hope it made sense.

regards

Lacks clarity (due to the presentation and not due to the content) but it is a good effort.

Hello PunjabiZulu JI
Well when a female takes you to school, you refer to it as ``entertaining.`` This is quite interesting; male ego, what can one do:) Just kidding, and a pleasure to interact with you. Take care.

Hello Huma_mir Sahiba
Thanks for the kind words. I don`t revise my writings; I only write when I am in the mood and I feel whatever is written at that particular moment cannot be improved upon later. Last time I was asked to make changes to my story and I didnt, and it was published here. This time, the editor wrote the following
``faiza: but the presentation is awkward...some suggestions when re-wroking this: --print it out and see the `visual` lay out of the story --the paragraphing should be even --quotes to blend in more with the story --the last one...browning...think if it is a must... you may remove from the ending and put it or a shorter excerpt prioe to the story in the mast head --think `flow`..how does it flow --you have a nice ending...re think the ending...experiemnt with his walking away when he learns th eprotganoist is mute...don`t editorialize or elaborate and see how it comes through rgds, ed/leafy glade inn ``
I think this story was written in a state of delirium and though it wasnt that bad to begin with, I still went ahead and considered the editor`s suggestions. Part of the reason being, that I was desperate to have it published so ``someone`` would read it ;) When all else fails, comply with the authorities:) Take care.

Faiza - I like your writing style. Very gentle and flowing, like a quiet wave in the ocean.
Just out of curiosity, how many iterations did it take till the final script?

Faizaji,

Naaah. Even though Farzana`s post was entertaining and well written I stand by my assertion of the staleness of the whole hackneyed moth/flame metaphor. Looking forward to your next piece.

:-)

regards

Hello Fara Sahiba
Thanks for the comments. You are right, ``greener pastures`` are definitely out there, arent Boys great for pastime though;) And dont listen to your married friends and their halfwit spouses, I think they are just jealous of your independence.
Hopeyou don`t mind me taking this from your ilog, but so beautfiully written that I thought I preserve it on my board:
``a spark that kindled hope a few times. ended in a rush of flames. left a heap of ashes. a complete mess. somehow, the mess is all i have to commemorate. drunk on a concoction of those ashes, i dwindle now. my vision is not as blurred as my thoughts. and yet i fumble on these steps. steps i struggle to climb.`` Take care.

Hello Farzana Sahiba
You are not the writer of this piece but I think you replied to PunjabiZulu ji`s ``observations`` much better than I had. Thanks for the comments (no sarcasm intended whatsoever). I started writing since my Eng Professor (i luv you Dr. Gray) told me that I dont talk but definitely have what it takes to voice my thoughts through a pen:). After her, you and nooralain are the next persons who have instilled the desire in me to smear the pages with ink; I am not sure how but I know you the two of you have. So thanks for that and hopefully not now but in the years to come, I might develop my own writing style instead of relying on age old cliches. Take care:)

Hello Aftermath ji
And I am jealous that you so beautifully confined my 4 pg rambling into 7 lines. Thanks for the comments:), and plz visit more often:).

Hello Sadna Sahiba
Its a pleasure to see you revisit my board:) I occasionally lurk around those pakistan vs india boards and come across your rebuttals. Anyhow, you are correct, without trust, love cannot be established. Yes indeed good riddance, and hey my narrator has sedatives next to her keyboard, but they might just be there for the occasional insomnia that all of us experience and not necessarily for an eternal sleep that some weak souls succumb to. Plus life is too precious to be wasted in memory of some a****** :). Take care.

Hello PunjabiZulu Ji
Facetious:) Ok if you say so, but is that like a call for cease fire after getting whipped by Farzana Ji;) Anyhow, I know what you mean, this was indeed trite but it was written for someone (plus all those others) who proclaims to be a moth. Therefore, I had no choice but rely on moth/flame.
Thanks for interacting, look forward to see you on my next board. It wont be trite like this one, its actually more ``trashy`` :) thought i drop a hint:)

Hello Temporal Sahib
The significance of the email excerpt was basically to shun light upon the moth`s blind love. I felt like it was more effective to insert the actual words of the moth instead of having the narrator elaborate on it with her own words. The reader gets a first hand experience of the intoxicating words just like the narrator does upon opening the email. Plus I placed an emphasis from the beginning on the narrator`s written words rather than spoken words through emails. It`s all done to subtly elaborate on the muteness of the narrator.
I think it was in bad taste for me to submit two pieces that were more so written in the same writing style. I really dont confine myself to this style, it was really coincidental. Don`t worry, I wont let ``monotony`` kill my ``creativity.`` Thanks and take care.

t.,
{did not get the significance of (* New Message 1*) and (*smile*)}

as much as you are on the net, did you really not get the significance of that? : ) it is to illustrate their communication has been via messenger or email. and to me, it enhances or lends to the `muteness` or it is the `virtual` opposition of it, or both.

love,
ana

Faiza:

misty translucent probing of the physical and the metaphysical…too much on the table…lends to ambivalency…wonder if it was intentional or for effect…did not get the significance of (* New Message 1*) and (*smile*)…keep writing and as ana, fara and ferzi say there are not set ways to skin the cat:)…keep reading and experimenting…don’t get bogged down…monotony is the death of creativity…

rgds,

t

faizahussain#16
Did she love him?

As you rightly say, her muteness would not matter to a person who loved her truly unlike this pretentious guy.

My point is that her muteness was a part of herself, more than a little part, surely, which she probably didnot love and trust him enough to share when she was sharing so much ELSE of herself through her writing.

And doesn`t she talk of his `dwindling affection`, so probably she didnot really trust him, and she couldnot love without trusting, surely.

And she was A-1 right, he was untrustworthy. But if she didnot love him, good riddance and no need for the tablets:).

btw, you write well, do indeed keep writing.

faizahussain

Relax! I was being facetious and whenever I see that whole moth/flame image I just yawn. The banyan tree thing was also an example of petulant facetiousness on my behalf and was not aimed at you. Thanks for the explanation and calling me a pseudo-intellectual, that is the best compliment I have had in ages.

~~As disappointing as it may sound to PunjabiZulu Ji, I will definitely write/contribute more to Chowk~~

I will be overjoyed to read more of your stuff Faizaji.

:-)


regards and creative blessings

FarzanaVersey

Thank you for a lovely, funny, informative, cheeky and erudite post I really enjoyed reading it. I was just being facetious although I did have some serious points to make.

best wishes

:-)

I have to confess, im so very jealous of your writing skills, Faiza. Its amazing how wind and moth were but one. The wind that first raised the flame; the flame that knew its master; the flame that succumbed to its desire to obey and bow down and danced to love and new life; the wind, which flame only knew as a moth; moth that dies in its frenzy to be inseverable and the flame that cannot help but engulf its own love, its master; the moth which was but wind, wind that knows how to kindle and how to extinguish; it was not in winds nature to let go.......cruel but so satisfying!

Faiza please excuse my intervention, but PunjabiZulu has raised some relevant (though not necessarily right) points:

So PunjabiZulu, I am not the writer of the piece, but...

[Isn’t the whole moth-to-a-flame imagery/analogy/metaphor the most overused cliché in the history of sub-continental writing? Especially in Urdu poetry and Urdu poetry influenced stories?]

It is. Just as sharaab-shabaab, aansoon-muskaan, roti-kapda-makaan...but you will agree that the way Ghalib or Faiz used it would be vastly different from a contemporary poet, say someone like Gulzar or even a gender differentiation would be noticeable. I agree that one must try and avoid cliches, but there are innovative ways to use them and sometimes they are the most potent ways to express thoughts. And Western literature does use the candle in the wind stuff; Victorian literature had its defined parameters, as does Latin American writing. Life is a cliche...but we just got to lump it, eight week/eight year/eighty year old rotis and all...

[And while I am at it, why does every novel set in India or Pakistan have to mention a Banyan tree at least once? Have you ever read a single Desi novel that doesn’t have at least one goddamn banyan tree in it?? What the hell is so special about them??]

Gosh, in my one effort here on Chowk I completely forgot about it. I am a namak haraam...the banyan tree gives shade, it stands for wisdom (I da fool den!), every part of it means something (I don`t know what, so it cannot be a cliche). But, to get serious, writings set in New Work will use the Manhattan skyline, Hemingway liked to do his pugnacious act with bulls...these images often become the running themes and `theme songs` of the writers. And as you have been told the Banyan tree in this story was not in India or Pakistan, but Texas...so please ask for all the ranches to be burned...don`t touch the horses, though;)

[Fooking moths deserve to die.]

Why do all desi men insist on coitus interruptus??

[Chop down all banyan trees too.]

You said you would do it, so when you are done, do let me know. I want to write a story on dead banyan trees. I know you want to strangle me then, but most desi writers love to be strangled too;)

Regards,
F

Faiza: you write beautifully. cheers!

not being able to voice your handicap (even when he was leaving) was simply the best analogy for one`s constraints. but hey! there are greener pastures yet to be discovered! ; )

sobia: i second nooralain. there are more than a few methodical and standardised ways of writing a story. and you write very well.

Hello PunjabiZulu Ji
OH look who we have here, another pseudo-chowk intellectual ranting without even reading the article.
``I mean what’s so special about it, the moth goes to the flame and fooking dies and that’s it, why is it so damn recursive? That’s supposed to be profound and mind-blowing? It’s as stale as eight week old roti…"
The problem with you/ your ``observation`` is that you havent even read the piece and you are raving. Perhaps I should make a list of your misconceptions, it might allow you to comprehend the matter at hand since you definitely dont read paragraphs;)
1. The moth doesn`t ``fooking die`` in the flame
2. Hence, the theme is not ``recursive``
3. It`s not ``as stale as eight week old roti`` because my story had a twist in it; the moth is the wind that blows out the flame. Now go absorb this and if it still doesnt make sense to you, feel free to email me at
writetofaizah@hotmail.com
``And while I am at it, why does every novel set in India or Pakistan have to mention a Banyan tree at least once? Have you ever read a single Desi novel that doesn’t have at least one goddamn banyan tree in it?? What the hell is so special about them?? ``
Are you assuming that the story is set in India/Pakistan? Actually, its the Century Tree at University of Texas A&M (College Station) that served as the inspiration for the tree in the story:)
``I am perplexed and dazed and confused and enraged by these banalities.`` Yes you are right, I am perplexed and dazed and confused and enraged by these banalities myself... too many ignorant ppl posting their rantings without even reading the article.

Now moving on to those who actually read the story:)..
Hello Malik99 Ji
Thank you for your kind words, definitely not deserving of such high praise, but you made my day:)
Hello Babelicious Sahiba
Nice pic in your profile page:) Thanks for the praise. Someone nowdays is forcing me to be an optimist, and through that person, I think I might find that love indeed is all-embracing, or who knows I might just lose all faith in love...only time will tell.

Hello Sadna Sahiba
Its not that she hid her imperfection, its the fact that the pretentious moth proclaimed of his devotion without ever setting forth any terms and conditions. He declared the blindness of his love, and in presence of such blindness, does the ability to speak or not to speak really make a difference? Thanks for reading/commenting.

Hello SamanKhan Sahiba
Long time no see; I guess I have to make it to front page to interact with you:). I know I have written something good when you are left ``speechless`` :) I wish I had known the verses you included in your post earlier, I would have definitely made some room for them in my story. Thank you for reading/commenting. I was very sad to hear about the bride in your ilog; I hope and pray she can overcome this ordeal. Take care.

As disappointing as it may sound to PunjabiZulu Ji, I will definitely write/contribute more to Chowk.