Punch Drunk Love

Re: # 37
There are mainstream allopathic drugs that can be given without the knowledge of the patient to make him kick this habit . I know this because a close friend`s father was cured in this way, and now he and his family are leading a peaceful life.Alternative(Ayurvedic and homeopathic) medicine also claim to do this, but I am not sure about them.
All of us have got drunk in our student life and puked around,but I dont imagine myself behaving that way when I have kids and a wife; heck, not even now. As I mentioned before, a person who has the insensitivity to carry on at the cost of trauma to his family, would not stop till his liver stops functioning. If all else fails, the ``hool`` of leaving him is the correct decision.Let him realize what is on the line.
As far as medical support is concerned, let her contact someone in India or any other country. If the writer of this piece wants, I can find out what I can about that drug.

#35 by rahul_capri

Now that Zahra is gone for two months and hopefully is not within an earshot, let me admit a few things.
When we talk of professional help, counseling etc. we put the whole issue within our environments and we recommend solutions that work in the US or may be in the West where human relations have been studied and human behavior in different situations is documented. In Pakistan, perhaps India also, and most definitely in Saudi Arabia no per hour monsters exist. The best help she is going to get would be her own counsel or half baked opinions from her friends and family. The end result would be that she would remain stuck in the same situation until the guy finally gets tired of his stupid act.

I may sound a little a harsh but that is the reality, please tell me otherwise.
If this couple was in the US, I would have sent them for marriage counseling first.

Zahra, if you are still around. I too have picked up my jogging routine and hope to remain in good shape with little help from Sharbet e rooh afza! :) Have a good one! See you at NY Marathon!

Re: # 34

I am glad that you`ve clarified otherwise cayenne or temporal may have thought that you were talking to them :)

On a side note: Good to hear that you had a nice weekend. It was simply beautiful over here. Allergies are in the air, but this is a great time of the year to revisit running, walking for different causes and taking part in marathons. After I am done with the next two months of strenuous physical activity, I will take you up on your knowledge of the fine beverage(s).

Have a nice week.

Re: # 33
Alcoholics, binge drinkers, occasional drinkers and social drinkers show different behavior patterns and without extensive knowledge in this field, a novice would give the same advice as a person who knows but wouldn’t discuss it without complete info
I agree. But for that, the guy should agree to go to counselling and or medication. He may not be an alcoholic in a medical sense, but he has issues with alcohol.
OTOH, It may prove fruitful for the lady to visit a doctor to consult and discuss in detail, to be sure what kind of issues her husband is suffering from and if there is any medication that can be administered without his knowledge.

#33 for Zahra!

You missed the whole thing by yards and I am being defensive? Tum say to khuda he jitay! :)

The issue is not what remedial actions are to be suggested as this is much more complicated than some amateurs poking around for some answers. One thing I have on you in this matter as I have much more experience with people who drink regularly and I watch their behavior from close quarters whereas you may have one friend who suffers from low self esteem because of someone’s drinking habits. Many people suffer from low self esteem and these people are quick to blame others for their mental state.

Anyway, just one sample puts you in a disadvantaged position to even correctly understand the problem. Alcoholics, binge drinkers, occasional drinkers and social drinkers show different behavior patterns and without extensive knowledge in this field, a novice would give the same advice as a person who knows but wouldn’t discuss it without complete info-:)

“when you get an anesthesia for any small or big procedure, the anesthetist will question you on your drinking habits. There is a major contribution of alcohol in throwing off your mental balance, I guess :)”

That makes me smile too but to be prudent here; I would first ask an anesthetist for reasons behind the question. I actually know the answer as I asked one before she put me out but I would let you figure this out. Try some healthcare sites and you will be surprised at the answer you get. :)

Now nobody said that drinking is a good habit but certainly like many other things, if done in moderation, there is nothing wrong with it either. Many Heart patients drink with enthusiastic approval from their physicians.
I visit my doctor at least three or four times in a year and he has never said that I should give up drinking. Of course, if I have been knocking myself silly everyday, then his recommendation would change.

“I do have issues with the fact that the person is jeopardizing his health and you guys are taking it so lightly - kind of what`s the big deal.”

From the story above it seems that he is not drinking excessively or otherwise everyday and we (you, I, and others) really can’t make that determination. It may or may not be a big deal. With the scant information we have, one just have to flip a coin.
As I said before, IMO, this is just a story at this point as there is not enough information to even verify and vouch for her side of recounting.

Thanks for the sermon:)
This was a great weekend for me. Baseball is back and Ball Park is the place to be with the family!

Re: # 31
YOU AND YOUR KIND HAVE THE TENDENCY to advertise your concern for your own agendas
Yes, because of my belief in the long term effectiveness of the key idea(or my agenda), of equity. It is my belief, and I have already given my reasons for it.

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re:27:

follow your own advice to romair




.

Re: # 19. You assumed inaction as a contrary stand to your meaning of compromise. Not my point. The problem with compromise as I see is that- If it is unreasonable it will further skew the power relationship between the two of them.Hence the non desirable part.My defintion of a reasonable compromise is that the resultant situation should -
1- Be physically and mentally healthy for all the parties concerned.
Currently, it certainly is not. She does not object to his drinking as much as to his excessive drinking. She does not object to her keeping alcohol at home. But it is obvious that the guy does not know where to stop. This isnt a good excuse that you get drunk and sleep near the ATM because your wife objects to your drinking. This means that you are an alcoholic and you need counselling.
2-It should be okay for all the parties concerned according to the prevaling social norms. This is not an ideological but a resonable expectation considering the trauma to children.
I dont think the wife will have an issue if he can drink responsibly without puking and creating a scene. (Though it is easy to assume an external locus of control and say that he creates a scene because the wife is not sympathetic or that his kids should be educated on the benefits of alcohol.)
This is a valid compromise in which both parties give some lee-way.
She has only two choices if these two conditions arent met, submit to her fate and a disturbed childhood for her children (and then claim a victory of love when his liver stops functioning and he wants three regular meals a day) or give him the ultimatum that he will have to choose between being an alcoholic and his family. I think she has taken the right step.

OH MY GOD!!!.I didn`t realize , when i came upon this site that the citizens of pakistan are so complex and so devious!!!.We indians are such a boisterous, cantankerous and silly lot compared to paks.All this posturing over a couple`s marital problems.They should live in Mumbai for a month.They will get knocked back to their senses by their neighbors, if not their families.And i mean ``knocked`` quite literally.

Re: # 24

You need to a break from Chowk to refuel your observatory senses.

!

HP:

You are simply being defensive about the consumption of alcohol. Just like you Hamidm is following the same path in his own crooked way. Rather than focusing on the remedial actions, you guys wrote a passage or two justifying the consumption of alcohol and finally recommending professional help. Wow! How impressive! I am totally convinced!

During my regular visits to the physician`s office for an annual or semi-annual physical or any procedure, I have to fill out a form where there are some basic questions a physician likes to know about his patient`s health and daily life activities.

Two of the most common ones are listed below:

- ``Do you drink?``
and
- ``Do you smoke?``

So much so that when you get an anesthesia for any small or big procedure, the anesthetist will question you on your drinking habits. There is a major contribution of alcohol in throwing off your mental balance, I guess :) There are huge medical repercussions of drinking and smoking in women, in particular. I am hypersensitive about that. Not to say that people who never consumed hard liquor and soft tobacco do not run into medical issues. Contrary to that, red wine has its own healthy points.

I do have issues with the fact that the person is jeopardizing his health and you guys are taking it so lightly - kind of what`s the big deal. Also, I do not think that your posts reveal an open-minded guy who can easily accept when someone highlights any flaws in men. I am not sure why you become so touchy about that. On my end, I have my own sensitivities related to women`s issues but I would never be hesitant in criticizing where critique is due. It`s just a matter of approach and thought process, I guess.

Your ultimate (million dollar) advice is not different from what I have suggested in my 1st post - she needs to take her husband to consult a specialist (a psychiatrist first and then someone who can assist him with curbing his heartfelt desires). Probably, he is depressed. Being men, both you and Hamidm should know better. Do depressed men react like that? Guys, open up? Be honest!

Lastly, there is a point that you are missing here - the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia and its rules and regulations. That`s where the couple (probably, a Saudi Couple) will run into a lot of issues in even approaching a professional.

Times have changed. Web is being used to discuss real issues and not stupid stuff. This is not a board for teenagers. I understand that several websites whether medical or informational, have specialists who share their tips with the readers and writers day in and day out and Chowk is not an ezine addressing that purpose.

There is no harm in sharing your concerns and soliciting a perspective. This issue must be of real importance to the parties involved in the picture that Saman cared to post it here. Saman`s friend was not the person who posted this article. Her ego has been coming in her way to even discuss her personal life with her near and dear ones. This is clearly stated in the article. There is a lot of sensitivity involved here. It did not ask for your mockery and obnoxiousness. It required compassion. Ok.

Have a nice weekend!
(Sermon Over)

#23 by hamidm2 on April 24, 2005 8:04am PT
hp,

........ i hear you ........ just to put things in perspective, last december a sixpack of heiniken went for 1200, a pint of kingfisher (the ubiquitous indian beer) was 350......

......Just bought two bottles of kingfisher for Rs.53.00 each/750 ml .I am so grateful to our politician lot, all of them for beiing considerate to us.Contrary to popular perception, they DO care about the common man.Jai Hind.

there are too many incongruencies in this narration (or maybe we are becoming slightly immune to such tales)

alcoholism is a disease

don`t know if their are treatment sentres in occupied saudia

hp,

........ i hear you ........ just to put things in perspective, last december a sixpack of heiniken went for 1200, a pint of kingfisher (the ubiquitous indian beer) was 350, a fifth of red label was 3000 and black label was 8000 .......... no wonder people are drinking stuff that will make them go blind ! .......... the good news is that you can get almost anything delivered to your door wihin half an hour - unless when the national assembly is in session and the boys are partying in the their new digs !

........ as for alcoholism and drug abuse it is a serious problem in any society and has to be dealt with seriously .......... but prohibition and public flogging is not the solution ........