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Blow Daddy

You seem to like wars, son.
Yes. I like to watch them on TV.
But real wars are fought outside the TV, son.
Really? How is that possible? What sort of a war is that?

Thereek-e-Televiban: A Short History

Thereeka-e-Televiban (TT) – also called the Cable TV-Mujahids- is a militant organization operating in the cities of Pakistan. It is a collection of various radical groups.

Mirror, Mirror

The electronic media in Indian and Pakistan is simply reflecting the paranoia and politics of a class of people that became an important economic plank in the economics of consumerism

The Correct Turn

Like most movements of the 20th Century that adopted what is called Political Islam as its calling card, the Kashmir militancy too collapsed under its own weight.

The Health and Medicinal Benefits of

Institute of Manic-Depression published the results of an epidemiological study indicating that Talk Show reduced the risk of sensibility in men and women by nearly sixty percent.

Boot Point

Party chief Altaf Hussain and the MQM Rabita Committee cancelled Liaquat's membership after accusing him of "spreading religious hatred through his TV shows"

Free to Breed

How come there is no "talk" on TV when a group of fanatics attack a concert, a painting exhibition, a "mixed function" at a college, or force the way the fanatics deem "correct?"

What Talibanization?

The moment I stepped out, my way was politely blocked by three young tableeghi jamaat recruits. "Aslaamulalaikum," said one of them in a swallowing Arabic accent. "Walaikum," said I.

Fissures in the Middle

Pakistan is at war. It is a conflict of ideas across the country and Pakistan’s bourgeoning middle-class is at the centre of it.

The Non-Existent Tourist’s Guide To Pakistan

The male-female ratio of the population is 50-50, even though, according to local traditions in the north, women do not exist. Only men and goats.

Local Liberal Dribble

I think it's time we start addressing irrationally-charged matters like religious fanaticism as a psychological issue rather than an intellectual or an ideological one.

The Wrong Mix

Refusing to ally with capitalist-democracies of the West and cautious about openly supporting the USSR/communism Islamic Socialists attempted to come up with a "third way."

Student Politics in Pakistan: A Profile

Student politics in Pakistan has had a history of mixed fortunes and shades. Though extremely tumultuous, it is also a history of rich democratic traditions.

Mass Difference: The Bhuttos and Civil Society

Populist, mass-oriented politics can effectively cancel out the two most prominent anti-populist strains in Pakistan i.e. the politico-religious and the elite-bourgeois.

The Good Monster: Musharraf's Cultural Legacy

A leader’s true legacy tends to be more accurately deciphered when studied through the effects his ideas and policies have had on the cultural mindset of the people.

From Immy to Irony

Lag gai na emergency! Whack! Shut up, Dimoo. So, Jimran, are you still at an undisclosed location at the Punjabi University?

Cholesterol Say Paak

I usually get my news by driving around the city. I see a look of uncertainty on the faces of the people, but no great movement.

Where's the news?

The so-called "movement against Musharraf" and the unfolding "democratic revolution" seems like a shrinking reality no bigger than a 26-inch TV screen.

News just in

BREAKING NEWS! According to highly informed sources, President Musharraf is planing to declare a state of emergency in the country.

Fox off!

What is sicker? State brutality or the brutality being turned into a sensational slide show by the channels to improve their ratings and attract viewrship?

Month of the Gun

I am 22 years old and quite a sight. I have a ’revolutionary beard,’ and my hair is long; I wear a Che cap and my malaangi bangles go kling klang whenever I move my hands and wrists.

The PG Hamid Talat Khan Show

Hello viewers, I am PG Hamid Talat Khan, with another episode of the PG Hamid Talat Khan Show, in which we talk to some of the country’s leading politicians and also take calls from our viewers.

Inzi Post-Bob: An Interview

... You are good Muslim. Here, have a Pepsi! ...

Raiwind IX

During a talk show hosted by former Pakistani cricket captain, Rameez Raja, Inzimam-ul-Haq suggested that along with the usual cricket training, cricketers should also be given “deeni taleem” (religious education).

The YouTube Baby

Even though it may have seemed an exciting prospect for many watching a young (bearded) man standing up to the most powerful person in the country, yes, but about what was he standing up for?

A Strike Against Strike

What is one reminded of when he or she sees things like unattended garbage dumps, blackened billboards, burning buses and broken windowpanes? Things more frequently witnessed during strikes.

Killing Darwin

“The Cold War ended 15 years ago. Young people do not shun capitalism and religion anymore to become communists!”

Excursions into dystopia

It is an irony that we have dozens and dozens of TV channels out there with pretty liberal programming policies, the whole concept (or ability?) of quality seems to have flown out the window.

Veil for vendetta

If countries and society can (and should!) heap scorn at swastika-wearing neo-Nazis, so should they at people trying to make religious statements with hijabs and crosses, especially at schools.

Sissy Fascists

“Now I get it! If this is how our pop stars are thinking, I find myself to be wasting my time asking them to use there art for social and political causes. Of course you will never use your star status to talk about the Hudood Ordinance, now would y

Conspiracy Theories: From the Mind to the Media

Many have come up trumps discovering a massive market hungry for the latest conspiracy theory. The result being, the tremendous commercial growth witnessed by FOX News Network, Al-jazeera and a number of Pakistani news channels and newspapers.

Filming the Prophet

Apart from tackling the political and religious fall-ins and fall-outs of making a film like “The Message,” Moustapha also had to pull off a convincing portrayal of the Prophet without ever being allowed to show him

Vital Signs: A Personal History

They were also influenced by an important turning point in the history of the troubled nation. Thousands of young Pakistanis thronged the streets dancing and waving flags, and with “Dil, Dil Pakistan” blaring out from car stereos and music sto

Be Counted

Assumptions regarding the “masses” in this regard are flawed. The liberals are underestimating and undermining popular sentiment, while the conservatives are constantly overriding popular beliefs

The Bubble Bursts

It took just two days of chaotic mob violence in Lahore and Peshawar to wipe away six years of a carefully constructed liberal cultural revolution … or was it just a façade?

Under the Influence

Millions of young Pakistanis who entered their teens during the Zia regime looked admiringly at the dynamic duo whose music helped them cope with the frustrating moral and reactionary idiosyncrasies of the dictatorship

The Fundo Chic?

It all seemed to begin with Ferhat Hashmi. After her, came a string of evangelists cashing in on what can now be called the ‘fundo chic’, opposite to what was once called the ‘radical chic’

Fractals

Babul was a priest as well. This time, space and place had many priests. But there was just one religion. But many factions and sects and heresies and so on and so forth

Catch 22 1/2

Conservatism was not only being used to appease certain sections of society, but were now actually being aired in policy-making political circles

Spirits and Sauces

“To be happy is psychotic?”
“Yes. In a world such as this, it sure is.” Saying this Khalil pulled out a massive .45 magnum from underneath his checkered, 100% cotton grunge shirt

Make Room, Make Room!

These days, especially in many developing countries of Asia, the hot words in advertising are “breaking the clutter” and “out of the box thinking.”

Rabid

Here We Go Again

I have yet to see a lot of Pakistanis marching in protest against these terrible jihadi outfits, like they do, against, say, women marathon runners, or supposed Christian blasphemers?

Music: Kofta Cola!

According to renowned professor of pop sociology, Ali Azmat, man is a social animal in a social circus and whose ultimate fate is to evolve into a Kofta!

Book: The Smoking Issue

A blistering attack against those who want to ban smoking in all public places.

The Ground Beneath Pakistan’s Feet

On the airwaves, a creeping battle of ideologies has already begun, bringing out into the open the political and ideological leanings of various large television channels.

A Whiter Shade of Green

If I have never written a single word against Musharaf then I have neither written a single word for Musharaf either. Until now. Right now.

The Aftergod

Lucifer, kneeling in front of God: And it will be done, my Lord. Detonates a massive anti-matter bomb: And away we go. God speed.

20 Worst Pakistani Pop Songs … ever!

There are two kinds of bad music. Bad music by pretty okay musicians (like the ones making this list), and bad music by equally bad musicians (like the ones that would require a separate, 200ft list for which I have no time or energy).

Sultan Mints

Yes, sir, she sure felt like living in a pornographic film. A film made by sex fanatics.

Music: Social Circus

Whose circus is it anyway?

Music: Here It My Way

Track that sound!

Music: King Of Self

From Peshawar ...

Gabriel’s Bike

Human beings are either the descendants or creations of aliens who landed on Earth millennia ago, and much of our culture was given to us by extraterrestrial visitors in the time of pre-history.

At the Inauguration of Hard Rock Café: Kabul

Welcome gentlemen & gentlemen and a few cows and goats of the terrible Taliban era, who after five horrible years of torture and repression have now been turned into what they were before they were turned into tortured cows & goats and that is, WO

The Holy Mind Blow

This new “liberal” lot. They have done more to give the mullahs the space to continue playing havoc with the country’s sociology and politics than the mullahs themselves!

Music: Post Chano Blues

Sour grapes & bad haircuts!

Psychemanica

I screamed inside. I played cool on the out. “I am the messiah,” said I. “I am.” “I.” My, my, what delusion. Since when was I reborn? Since he died. But what then when I die?

The God Pulp

“Cough! Cough!” Coughed the sofa. “Don’t insult my intellect.” “ What?” Said Kamran. “Screw that, man, let’s get stoned!”

Music: Junoon – 15 years Discography

Sour Fifften: A decade plus five of flip flop!

Socio-political History of Modern Pop Music in Pakistan

A complete chronology of influences on Pakistani Pop music and the rapid trend to being 'globalized'

Dystopia: After the cliché

Dystopia. The opposite of Utopia. Or a Utopia gone bad. An idea and vision of a perfect world getting lost when translated into concrete reality.

Music: Aadat

Ego works!

Should I stay or should I go?

They say channels like Indus Music and Musik are the two leading reasons behind the quantum growth of pop artists and bands seen in the last two years or so. Is this also why GEO is now planning to come up with its own music channel, AAG?

Gulp Fiction

Magazines I’d like to see: Paranoid 911, Talwaar Times, Cannibalism Today, HardOn

Books Every Globalized Pakistani & Indian Middleclass Youngster Must Own …

“I am absolutely, totally confused and proud of it!” Awwwwww. How very global.

Music: The Morning After

Pakistani rock, DIY.

Cactus Gas

Rajan. That’s what my alcoholic father used to scream every time the pathetic man wanted his trembling drags tensely inhaled from dry Gold Leaf fags.

The 20 Best Pakistani Pop Songs … ever!

Fuzon are still a new story and if they keep their egos intact and don’t fall early for the glitzy and amoral ways of corporate pop, they have a future that can only become bigger and better.

Last Rites: An Evening at a Pak/Indian Show-biz Award Ceremony

The ceremony begins. But no. First eighty-two TV commercials of the seventy-seven corporate companies that have sponsored and co-sponsored and co-co-sponsored and co-co-co-sponsored the ceremony. All awful, of course.

Stout!

They say God is the wisest. But why do this God appeal to the most exploitative and the most stupid, and the most sadistic, and the most idiotic.

Music: Maazi, Haal, Mustaqbul

What is progressive metal?

Music: A Compilation for the delusions, illusions & confusions of today’s youth

Don’t expect anything “awesome, dude!”

Cuts Both Ways

Did you see the way they chopped down all those wonderful old trees in front of the Karachi Marriot.

Graffiti Christ II: The Resurrection

“It’s a bomb, it’s a bomb,” shouted Khadija, all hysterical and tomato red.

Music: India Chalo!

Ali Azmat, was at the World Social Forum held recently in Mumbai

The Prophecies of Nosydamanus

Some say Nosy was the greatest seers since Nosterdamus. Some believe he was even greater than his European counterpart. Some say he was a highly evolved bicycle.

Music: Junaid Jamshed: Naats

Holy smoke & hot air!

Untitled

Boy, what was that awful sound? A bomb explosion somewhere in Karachi. Phew. Thank God. For a while I thought it was mom exploding because I had forgotten to record the 1865th episode of Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahoo Thi.

Music: Any

2004`s going to be a bore. Kick your Pick!

Music: Patriotic Pop Songs: A Compilation

Dude, where`s my anthem?

Music: Downloads/Demo

Where do they go from here?

Graffiti Christ

“Baysheram aurat! Shameless cow! Where’s your hijab?” he shouted.

Music: Vital Signs Discography

15 years ago, in a land tucked far, far away ...

Music: Mayfair Fusion Candy

Pakistani pop`s latest corporate-pop casualty!

The Third Pasture

The play land today, nothing more than an apolitical wasteland of aimless youth. A youth that refuse. Refuse to understand. Understand the political and economic forces driving them. Driving them towards professional and social aspirations and goals. Goal

Bravo!

The nazim barging into Ali Haider's flat... is this a trailer for a Ziaist future? We've had enough of trailers highlighting assorted Ziaist tendencies and Taliban whip-lash in the MMA ruled NWFP. So why should we in Karachi feel so 'liberal' and safe?

Music: Sampooran

Art at last!

Snarl!

This “religious” fashion show is going beyond the personal self. If countries and society can (and should!) heap scorn at swastika-wearing neo-Nazis, so should they at people trying to make religious statements with hijabs and crosses, especia

Music: Huka Pani

Mildly amusing.

Cynical 21st Century Psychobabble

Bharat: The burping sound made by right-wing Hindu patients of chronic indigestion. Example: “So, my dear friends, as I was saying … *BHARAT! * … excuse me.”

The 20 best local pop albums … ever!

The production and creative qualities of VS:2 have helped it to sound as modern as anything done with the help of far more advanced recording facilities today, even after twelve years when it was first released.

Music: Pakistan kay Cencorshuda Ganay

From MMA land ... Milk (for) Honey!

Acidity - Novellete Part III (final)

A novelette zigzagging along an addict’s (heroinchie’s) pathological observations of the bleak and absurd comedy of 21st century’s social and political neurosis

Music: Irtiqa

Pakistan`s first concept album?

Acidity - Novellete Part II

A novelette zigzagging along an addict’s (heroinchie’s) pathological observations of the bleak and absurd comedy of 21st century’s social and political neurosis

Acidity - Novellete Part I

A novelette zigzagging along an addict’s (heroinchie’s) pathological observations of the bleak and absurd comedy of 21st century’s social and political neurosis

The Directors’ Cut

the advent of all the ARYs, Geos, Indus Visions, IMs, Uni-Pluses and whatnot, has paved the way for a string of new directors/producers in Pakistani tele-plays. Most of these, however, have succumbed to the plastic-coated demands of churn-out television o

Music: Deewar

where does Junoon’s eagerly awaited new release belong in the sweepstakes of the premier Pakistani rock band’s long list of albums? A detailed review of the new Junoon album and past works

Music: Lagan & Aatish

Since both of them were Awaz ....

The Knee Count Issue

Maybe a cabbage is how you describe yourself. To tell you the truth, I really don’t give a damn. I don’t care why we are here. But I do care why I’m here and Madhuri Dixit there!

The Mental Animal & The Rib!

So, who is right? The agnostic scientists, or the above-mentioned religious beliefs? And we as ashraful makhlukat have the obligation to study and advance the positive aspects of knowledge

Music: Jaisey Chaho Jeeo

Najam Shiraz`s (big-selling) but contradictory, Jaisey Chahoo Jeeo

Said Noha, “Sponsor my Ark!”

It was well past midnight. Early enough for the creatures of the night to be fooled by the sudden pale brightness of the sky.

Frontier Baby Blues

When asked what he wants to be as a grown-up, 10-year-old Masood was candid: “Suicide bomber!”

Music: Suno Kay Hum Hain Jawan

The long-awaited album by Pakistan`s to 'Alternative Rock' act.

Cable-Unable

My jihad is against hypocrites!

Nadeem F Paracha

• Articles on Chowk: 107
• First article: May 13, 2003
• Latest article: Feb 21, 2009
• Times read on Chowk: 1418499